


When everything falls apart, I will still be yours

by imokipromise



Series: They don’t make glass slippers [1]
Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: (g)i-dle - Freeform, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, High School, Smut, Teen AU, so many gays, very depressing but i swear there’s cute stuff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 100,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26492089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imokipromise/pseuds/imokipromise
Summary: What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.Or,Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.Chapters are named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Series: They don’t make glass slippers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111580
Comments: 298
Kudos: 520





	1. What my body knows

**Author's Note:**

> Eng:  
> For spanish speakers, there is a translated version on WATTPAD with the same name. The translator is yuyeoncuties (on wattpad).
> 
> Sp:  
> Para la gente que hablan español, esta un version traslado con el mismo nombre en WATTPAD.  
> El traductor se llama yuyeoncuties.

*

Soojin’s eyes shot open as the alarm rang loudly from her nightstand. She felt her eyes sting. Two hours really wasn’t enough, she knew that. But she’d rather live her last summer day to the fullest, than regret not doing it a week later. At least that’s what she’s supposed to be thinking.  
Her hands were shaky as she with them brought her phone to her face, to be greeted with a morning message from her boyfriend and an angry text from her cousin, who also happened to be her ride to school that would be arriving in...10 minutes? Oh, god.

Soojin quickly stood up and threw clothes out of her wardrobe, saw shirts she hadn’t seen in years and jeans she hadn’t worn since eight grade. But then she stumbled upon a red t-shirt, that would for sure show a bit of her cleavage, and she didn’t have to think twice before putting it on. On her floor, just by the pile of dirty clothes, and beside her desk full off used papers and old pens, laid a pair of light-blue loose jeans, and she put them on, but not without falling down to the white carpet. Her head pounded as she met the ground, but she had no time to pout. She quickly stood up and moved to the mirror. Red lipstick. Done.

Just as she’d swept the makeup over her lips the last time, she heard the honking from outside. Quickly, she grabbed a hoodie that was too big for her, because it wasn’t hers, and a bag that already was prepped with everything she’d need. Including the lipstick she just put on. And a brush.

“Goodbye honey!” her mother said as Soojin ran passed the dining room where her mom, her thirteen-year-old sister, her two baby- half siblings and her new stepdad were eating.  
She rolled her eyes without giving them a word.

The unrealistically green lawn was newly clipped as she ran over it from the big, white house. It put colour to her white shoes, which wasn’t something she really appreciated, but she didn’t really have time to care.

“Will you ever be in time?” her cousin asked from the drivers seat with a, for her, annoyed tone.

She was much like Soojin wearing a red t-shirt, but didn’t dare to show off her curves. Her brown hair was clipped back on both sides, showing off her remarkable face.

“I’m guessing Hui didn’t let you go last night.” the pink haired passenger said from the seat beside the cousin, as the driver drove off. “That guy really has no finish line.”

“We were... at a party-“ Soojin explained, completely out of breath from her sprint.

“Hey! And you didn’t invite us?” the cousin, Miyeon, pouted.

“- with the dance team.”

“Oh, then it’s better that we didn’t come.” Minnie said and placed her hand on Miyeon’s thigh.  
Miyeon looked up at Minnie and blushed when she looked back.

Soojin rolled her eyes from the backseat, but couldn’t help but smile. They really were so lovesick, these two.  
When the car stopped again, a small, blonde woman hopped in. She wore an oversized hoodie and a pair of cargo pants, just like she had all summer, even though the sun shined high and warm.  
If Soojin had a bad morning temper, then there were no words to describe Jeon Soyeon. She had her hood over her head and headphones in her ears, blasting music she probably wrote herself.

“You look inviting, as always.” Miyeon greeted her and quickly drove off.  
Soyeon simply gave her a glare before picking up her phone and started working in the same music-editing program she always used.

*  
*  
*

“No smoking, no drinking and no snogging.” Mr. Song jokingly said, in their first language, from the couch where he watched the morning news.

”No dad.” Yuqi faked annoyance before kissing his cheek.

“That goes for you too Shuhua.”

“I know. See you tonight.” she said as she put on her converse.

Yuqi quickly put on her black Dr. Martens and blew a kiss to her mom who already had started working in the kitchen.

“Good luck on your first day!” the older man shouted after them as they left the house.

Yuqi looked down at the outfits both of them had chosen to wear, one with a flannel, the other one with a self-customised sweatshirt, and both of them with loose-fitting second-hand-bought trousers.

“Shit, why can’t we ever look straight.” she sighed, but didn’t try to hide the smile on her lips.

They walked down the stairs of the house, passing the old hammock and the broken set of chairs, Yuqi already started getting hot under her blue shirt.  
Shuhua was smart enough to wear a tank top under her unbuttoned flannel, but that would be too much shown skin for Yuqi.

They quickly made their way to the new, big building, but didn’t dare to walk inside yet. Instead, they studied the student covering the parking lot. It was unusual to them that students at their school could drive, but it seemed like the opposite here as most of them got out of big, shiny cars.  
Most students ignored the each other, but when four girls got out of a black Range Rover, it seemed like everyone stopped around them. All eyes suddenly landed on a tall, foreign-looking girl wearing high waisted black jeans and a white top, holding the hand of another tall girl, flipping her hair around for everyone to see, and beside her a short haired girl with a hoodie on her arm, showing off more of herself than probably was allowed. Behind them walked a smaller girl with a hood covering her head and her hands in her pockets. She was short, but everyone still seemed to back away as she passed them.

“Oh my god...” Shuhua said a little too loud as the group passed them.

It made Yuqi cover her mouth, which luckily limited the attention they got from the four girls. But the last girl, the scariest of them, turned her head and pierced her eyes into Yuqi’s. But she didn’t walk towards them to fight, or cuss them out, like Yuqi expected. She simply winked. Let me refrase, she strangely winked. Yuqi turned her head in disbelief that the wink actually was to her, but there was no one behind her.

When they had passed them, Shuhua could finally let out her breath.

“I think I have a crush.” she said, without even realising she did.

In her head flew pictures of the short-haired, how her eyes looked like ‘i-don’t-give-a-fuck’, the mole under one of them only increasing the image. And how her red lips perfectly matched her tight shirt, where-... Yeah, Shuhua definitely had a crush.

“Drop it Shu.” Yuqi broke her bubble. “They’re far too cool for us.”

Yuqi pulled Shuhua inside the building, and got both of their schedules. They had the exact same classes, at the exact same times. Only, Shuhua had a theatre class when she had music composing, mostly because Yuqi sucked at acting, and she didn’t feel like joining a choir at this school too.

“Should we act like we don’t know each other so we don’t have to be those weird chinese girls again?” Yuqi asked as they studied their papers.

“Yeah, totally.” Shuhua quickly answered.

*  
*  
*

“Hi, I’m yuqi and this is my best friend Shuhua.”

“Hello.” Shuhua greeted.

The young boy in front of them smiled awkwardly before moving away from them, without introducing himself, or saying a single word at all. Yuqi facepalmed in her head, and Shuhua did it outwardly.

“We’ll try again in college.” Yuqi said between her teeth.

Their teacher opened the door just as Shuhua was about to give up and ‘go to the toilet’, but Yuqi shoved her inside the classroom. They sat down beside each other near the windows, not in the furthers back, but not in the front. A neutral spot, so the thought. Apparently everyone was thinking the same thing, so people looked angrily at them as they passed to sit closest to the teachers desk.

“This will be a long day.” Yuqi muttered before turning her attention to the thin, middle aged man, that called himself their home room teacher.

*  
*  
*

They had two more classes before the worst time of the day. When their faith in this school really would be decided. It was a game of life or death, and the two freshmen would definitely die if they didn’t up themselves soon. You guessed it, lunchtime.  
Yuqi and Shuhua had their trays with whatever that brown substance was supposed to be, as they studied their options. They could sit between the people that looked like they were doing maths of some sort, or the one looking like they were doing crack of some sort, but none of those tables really called for them. The students that were just as scared as the two chinese speakers had already filled up the other tables, meaning there was only one option left. On the sides of the red table sat three girls, two almost on top of each other on one side, and one man-spreading on the other. On top of the table sat the fourth girl, with her legs crossed as she spoke passionately about something.

“So I threw her into the container.” was the first thing the two young girls heard as they sat down on the end of the table, not giving eye contact to the older.

“What the fuck Soyeon?” Minnie said loudly, and furrowed her eyebrows worriedly.

Shuhua noticed the girls becoming quiet, and after a single whisper, she felt a tap on her shoulder.  
It was the one girl from the parking lot who held the foreign girl’s hand.

“Hello.” she smiled invitingly. “My name is Miyeon.”

“Shuhua”. the girl quietly said, and Yuqi followed with her own name.

“Our friend Soyeon here,” Miyeon gestured to the crossed legged girl on top of the table, “she noticed you outside before.”

Yuqi’s eyes met her, who intensively looked back at her. A chill sent up her back until she quickly looked away.  
Shuhua tried to signal for Yuqi to touch her moist mess of a lunch, but the name caught her attention.

“I’m Minnie, and this one is Soojin.” Minnie said and reached her hand forward to shake both of the freshmen’s hands.

Soojin, the one Shuhua already had a crush on, kept her gaze on her plate in front of her, where a piece of pizza was placed.

“She’s the popular one, so you’ll probably hear her name around the halls”. Soojin’s cheeks turned red.

“It seems like all of you are.” Yuqi said and met the gaze of the small girl again.

“Not really.” Miyeon said. “We’re ‘different’... whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

“Soojin though,” Minnie said, “she has a boyfriend, so she’s ‘normal’.”

Yuqi looked over at Shuhua with those words, but her face hadn’t changed at all. Shuhua’s eyes were locked on the red-lipped girl, studying her face, and sometimes lowering her gaze even more. But when Yuqi caught her, she harshly kicked her under the table.

“Ouch!” Shuhua said and winced, making all ten eyes land on her as she smiled awkwardly. “Um... bug.”

Their eyes were wide as they looked at her, but everyone seemed to forget the happening soon as they shifted their attention to the boy approaching them. Maybe it was just Shuhua’s wishful thinking, but it seemed like Soojin’s gaze was locked on her a little longer than the others’, until the boy leaned down and pressed his lips against her hair.

“Hey baby.” he said with a lazy voice and placed his lip on hers. “Why don’t you ever come sit with the rest of us instead of these emos?” 

He gestured towards a table where multiple people in blue tracksuits, like his own, laughed with each other.

“Good morning to you too, Hui”. Minnie faked a smile.

“You know I like you guys.” he teased.

His eyes met the pair of clueless ones, his eyes lingering on Shuhua’s who stared at him angrily.

“Seems like you have two new friends.” he said and reached his hand forward, starting with Yuqi who shook it.

“My name is Hui, I’m the leader of the dance team. But more importantly, Soojin’s boyfriend.” he happily explained as he bluntly shook Shuhua’s hand too.

Yuqi thought he seemed like one of those guys who takes care of his younger siblings and loved his grandma more than anything.

“We’re having auditions next week, so if any of you want to join, feel free to come.” and with that, he walked off, after kissing Soojin’s cheek, which made the girl blush more than she already was.

“I wonder if he does the laundry too.” Soyeon, who seemed to be grossed out, said.

Soojin hit her leg harder than she probably intended, but that didn’t make her apologies. Soyeon laughed as the girl got offended, and Yuqi tried hard not to join her.

The bell suddenly rung, causing chaos in the cafeteria from everyone throwing their trays and plates to the already tired lunch-lady.  
Yuqi hurriedly stood up, making Shuhua follow her moves. But they noticed that none of the other girls did.

“Are we skipping or not?” Soyeon asked, but Soojin stood up with her half eaten pizza.

“You know I can’t, or I won’t be allowed on the competition”.

“Yeah yeah, you go.” Soyeon said and waved for Soojin to leave them, which the girl did.

“I can’t get detention on the first day, my dad will kill me.” Miyeon said and rushed off too.

“I guess it’s just you and me then, foreigner.”

“I don’t even get surprised anymore, really.” Minnie, the foreigner, laughed.

That fact wouldn’t slip either Shuhua’s or Yuqi’s mind, as both of them wondered if maybe she was from one of their countries, but her name really didn’t make it seem like it. Shuhua made a mental note to ask Yuqi about it later, when they were away from the four eyes staring at them. 

Yuqi watched the two, as to ask if they were allowed to leave. And when Minnie smiled at them, they took it as their cue. But Soyeon made sure to lock eyes with Yuqi again before she was able to run off. Then the two freshmen hurried away with their backpacks on their backs.”

“Well, she is cute.” Minnie said as she watched them.  
“...so?” she turned her attention to Soyeon.

“I want her.”

*  
*  
*

“I swear to you! She was staring at me!” Yuqi said enthusiastically in the hall as they walked towards their newly received lockers, wanting nothing more than to run out the building as the first day finally was over.

“You’re just dreaming.” Shuhua answered with a broken tongue, making her pause between most words.

“I’m not!”

“Like you said, they’re too cool for us.” Shuhua said in a bittersweet way. “There’s no chance she’s... she’s interested.” Shuhua switched to her fist language when she couldn’t think of the word in Korean, making Yuqi switch entirely too.

“I’m not saying she’s interested in me.” she said desperately, waving with her hands in the air like she waving to the entire world at once. “I’m just saying that she was staring at me. And you could hear what she did to that person, she threw them down in a dumpster! I’m scared, man.”

“Calm down.” Shuhua said and put her hand over Yuqi’s to pull them down. “She’s not some kind of maniac.”

“You don’t know that.”

They didn’t need more attention than they already had, so when Shuhua succeeded in bringing Yuqi’s hands down, she quickly opened her lockers, threw both of their books into hers and sighted loudly. 

“The others seem nice, okay?” Shuhua said and looked into the eyes of her best friend. “And they’re the only people who’ve tried to talk to us today, so they’re the best chance we have at surviving at this school.”

Yuqi joined Shuhua’s sighing, and rolled her eyes behind the back of the slightly younger girl when they started walking out.

”I like you better in Korean.” she muttered to herself.

*  
*  
*

Soyeon stood behind the stairs of the school entrance, waiting for her ticket home to come get her. She held a cigarette between two of her fingers, as she rested her hooded back against the wall. Her eyes were watching the freshmen leaving the school, specifically a particular light-brunette girl walking beside a shorter, more black-headed girl. They seemed like they were arguing, the big hand movements and loud voices gave it away. Although Yuqi’s voice seemed like it could cause an earthquake, Soyeon couldn’t hear a single word.

“Soyeon!”

Soyeon suddenly saw Minnie snapping her fingers right in front of her eyes. She had a grin on her face, parts of her bunny-teeth showing.  
Soyeon simply rolled her eyes and took a deep inhale with the cigarette between her lips.

“It’s not even lit.” Minnie said and rested her back beside Soyeon.

“I know.”

They stood for a couple of minutes, just staring into the open field of shaking children, and Soyeon remembered how she was the exact opposite. She stroked into the school like she owned the place, and showing she did so my getting into a fight in the cafeteria on the first day. The two older girls pulled her away, while Soojin stood on the side completely cold-faced.  
That thought made her think of something.

“Where’s the driver and her cousin?” Soyeon asked, drawing circles with her left boot.

“Miyeon went to get Soojin from the gym.” Minnie said between a breath. “Apparently she’s been there all afternoon.”

“Workaholic.” 

“Same goes for you.” Minnie said and pointed to the headphones almost falling out of her pockets. “How long have you been working on that anyways?”

“I’m making a playlist.” Soyeon scoffed, digging her most precious belonging into her hoodie.

“Oooh.” Minnie teased and poked her shoulder. “You haven’t made one in a long time. Must be for someone special.”

Soyeon rolled her eyes and inhaled once again.

“I’d say it’s for that Yuqi girl, but you’re not that quick are you?”

“Shut up.”

No, it wasn’t for that Yuqi girl. Minnie knew Soyeon’s relationship with playlists. ‘You can’t make a playlist to whoever’ and ‘playlists have to mean something’. But she wondered who it could be for then. Soyeon didn’t exactly have the best relationship with her parents, which Minnie knew even if Soyeon never talked about it. And she didn’t have many friends. And she for sure didn’t have a partner. Who’s left?

“Can I hear it sometime?” Minnie asked, wanting more of an explanation than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

“Maybe.” and that was enough for Minnie.

She moved her arm to around Soyeon, and squeezed her tightly to herself. The younger girl scoffed, but she couldn’t hide her smile, and she didn’t pull away.  
With one hand in her pocket, Minnie grabbed the unlit cigarette with the other, and put it between her lips. She brought up a lighter with her earlier pocket-covered hand, and flickered it on. Soyeon studied as she took the poison into her lungs, and breathed out together with the smoke. The older girl offered, but Soyeon declined by bringing her hand up as to say ‘stop’, and Minnie took another inhale.

“I thought you said you quit?” Miyeon said sharply from the stairs where she was walking down with the dancer.

“Shit.” Minnie muttered and quickly threw it down to the ground and covered it with her sneaker.

“And now you’re throwing trash on the ground too?” Miyeon teased.

Minnie rolled her eyes, picked it up and threw it in the nearby bin with a faked smile pointed towards Miyeon.

“Good.” Miyeon said with a content face. “Let’s go.”

They sat down in their usual spots in the car. Miyeon in the driver seat, Soojin and Soyeon in the backseat and Minnie as shotgun. And Soyeon did her usual complaints.

“Why does Minnie always get the front seat?” she asked in a faked, hurt voice.

“Cause she loves me.” Minnie answered grinning.

“That’s debatable.” Miyeon joked, followed with her own laugh and Minnie hitting her shoulder.

*  
*  
*

When Miyeon had done her duties, she only had herself to get home. Everyone else lived relatively close, all of them in grand buildings with green lawns and someone welcoming them home. Miyeon had none of that.

She made her way up on the driveway that wasn’t really a driveway, just a place on their lawn where her dad years ago had decided to park his car. Her feet sunk down as they met the ground, and a brown substance covered half of them. The morning newspaper was still laying outside the door, and that’s when Miyeon knew that it was a bad day.  
With a shaky hand she carefully opened the door, and became relieved when she didn’t hear a sound. She quietly took a few steps inside, just to see the living room, and the sight was her queue to leave.

She walked back to the car in a hurry. She felt her chest raising painfully, and how her fingers were shaking on her hands. This had happened too many times already, but it seemed to never become easier.  
Miyeon, as usual, didn’t call until she was a few minutes away from the house.

”Yeah?” Miyeon heard Minnie’s voice and the sound of a piano in the background.

“Can I come over?” the slightly older girl said, still having a shaky breath.

“Yeah, of course.” Minnie’s voice was shaking too. “Did he do anything?”

“No.”

“Good.” Minnie calmed herself. “Hurry.”

Miyeon’s foot pressed down harder on the pedal as she hung up with her girlfriend. The drive was only about fifteen minutes, but it felt like an eternity.  
She instantly became happier when she spotted her love waiting in the doorway. 

“Hi.” she said and wrapped her arms around Miyeon. “Are you alright?”

The older girl simply nodded, digging her head into Minnie’s neck. It was starting to become cold and dark outside, a sign that it probably was time for them to get inside.  
Minnie placed a kiss on her head before getting them both into the warmth. Miyeon heard the strings of a guitar play as someone hummed along to it.

“They’ve been doing this since I got home.” Minnie complained. “So annoying, really.”

The humming became louder and louder as the rhythm picked up in speed. A boy’s voice filled up the entire house, until it quit rabidly. Two guys’ laugher spread instead, continuing even when Minnie and Miyeon entered the kitchen.

“Hi.” Miyeon said to the two, larger, muscular, very handsome guys sitting on the kitchen counter.

“You’re sleeping here again?” Minnie’s brother Mic asked after his laughter had ended.

“You never get tired you two, really.” Mac, the twin, joined after finishing as well.

Minnie rolled her eyes at her brothers and gave them a warning look.

“I’m not saying it’s bad!” Mac brought up his hands defensively. “It’s good that my sister gets some. She needs to ease her nerves anyways...”

“Shut up!” Minnie shouted and hit the back of his head.

“Ouch!”

“I was going to ask you if you wanted pizza, but I’m not going to now.” Minnie said and dragged Miyeon after her.

They hurried up the carpet-covered stairs, almost not making a sound, and Miyeon was the first to enter Minnie’s room.  
It was soft and light, much different from the girl. The pillows on her bed were white, and the walls were a very pale pink. Miyeon had spent probably more nights in this room than her own during the summer, so falling down flat on the bed didn’t feel strange anymore.  
The shorter girl saw the taller but younger girl’s notes by her piano, the book still being opened and ready to be played.

“Keep the door open!” Mic shouted, followed by laughter.

“Shut up!” Minnie grunted and shut the door loudly. “They literally never shut up.”

Minnie groaned and laid down beside Miyeon. They stared up at the roof where the outlines of stars were visible. Those luminous ones everyone had when they were kids. Her room really didn’t resemble her, but it hadn’t been renovated in years, so Miyeon assumed this was somewhat what younger Minnie looked like.

“Are you okay Miyeonnie?” Minnie asked.

She rolled over to be closer to the girl, to give her all of the love she needed. Minnie placed a leg over hers, and an arm on her chest as she placed her head down on the hand that was just under Miyeon’s right collarbone. Miyeon felt her breath against her skin. It made small bumps appear on her body.

When the older girl didn’t answer, Minnie placed a kiss on her neck before moving her head slightly to look up at her. She had her brows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut, and the Thai could see the tears threatening to fall.

“Are you sure he didn’t do anything?”

“He was passed out.” Miyeon’s weak voice said.

Minnie kept looking at her. There were now a few drops on her cheeks, and the older had her forehead wrinkled. The corners of her mouth were tilted down, as she breathed between the two thin lines of lips. She pressed out the air, producing a kind of wheezing sound.

“I’m so sorry.” the younger said and planted kisses all over Miyeon’s cheek. “You don’t deserve this.”

Miyeon let the salty water stream down, while Minnie hugged her tightly and put her lips on Miyeon’s cheeks repeated times. She was met with the wet substance, but she didn’t really care.

“I love you.” Minnie said between the last two kisses.

She moved up to sit with her back against the wall, and scooted Miyeon up with her. The older dug herself into Minnie’s side and let the tears meet her shirt, that soon was stained. Still, Minnie didn’t really care.

*


	2. Is not a lie, it’s not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

Soojin 1:1

*

”And once again, you’re late.” Miyeon said from the front seat.  
Minnie wasn’t there, so Soojin guessed it was Tuesday. ”Do I have to start waking you up too?” 

The younger girl fell down in the backseat, still exhausted from an intense night of sleeping.  
The bags under her eyes were smaller than yesterday, luckily. But they were still very much there. She felt how her eyes stung underneath the burning sun.  
Almost ritually, she brought up her phone to her face which made her remember a particular conversation she had last night.

“I’m seeing my dad this afternoon, so you don’t have to wait for me after school.” Soojin said, ignoring her cousin’s angry state.

“Oh, okay.” Miyeon said, knowing well of Soojin’s relationship with her father through her own mother, and therefore changing her tone. “Are you gonna sleep there too?”

“I’d rather die.”

The wheels softly ran over the streets as they rolled away to the next stop. The little blonde was already waiting in the driveway outside the huge, modern mansion. The sun glimmered in all the big glass windows.

“You’re late.” she simply said, and sat down beside the reason.

“Blame my cousin.” Miyeon said, and rolled off again. 

The last stop was a studio, one only a couple of minutes away from the school. It was a tall building, ‘Cube’ written on the front.  
Out of it, strutted a happy girl with a coffee in one hand and loose papers in the other.

“Hello.” she happily said and sat down in the front seat, kissing Miyeon’s cheek before she fell back completely.

“How was your lesson?” Miyeon asked, eyeing the notes in her hand.

“It was good.” Minnie said, wrapping the seatbelt around her. “Miss Lee left early though so I worked on the song most of it.”

Minnie turned around and eyed the bad- tempered girl in the backseat.

“Soyeon, I think you’ll really like the melody. Maybe you’d like to write some lyrics to it?”

The youngest grunted, but Minnie took it as a positive reply.

*  
*  
*

School wasn’t really Soojin’s thing. She only went to classes so that she could compete with her team, which principal Kim restrained her from doing last term. Simply because she’d been found with Hui in one of the bathroom stalls. It wasn’t even her fault, but the pair decided to split the penalty.

“Are you with us, miss Soe?” the teacher hit his book hardly on her bench.

Soojin’s cheeks turned red as all eyes in the classroom landed on her, but she couldn’t let the other students know she was internally boiling up.  
She nodded once and then leaned back in her seat, almost laying down on it as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Soyeon eyed her with a smirk, and persuaded to do the same motion. She leaned into Soojin’s side and whispered something Soojin wasn’t able to hear, but their teacher sure was.

“You may leave my classroom, Miss Jeon.” he sharply said with a stern look.  
If Soojin was the attacked, she would instantly turn red and wouldn’t be able to hide it this time.  
But it was her best friend who was attacked, and that particular friend had stopped caring when she first took a step into the school building.

“Nice.” she said with a smile and shot up from her seat.  
She grabbed her bag that was hanging from her desk and put on her hood. “Nice class Mr.” she said before getting out the door.

Mr sighed and looked down at the floor. His eyes met Soojin as his head slowly moved from right to left.

“Teach her some manners, Soe.” he said. “If you’re able to get her to sit through my classes this semester without leaving a comment, I’ll raise your grade.”  
Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. 

But Soojin still nodded politely, and then eyed the girls on her side while rolling her eyes.  
They giggled slightly.

*  
*  
*

“Sorry, but that’s not going to happen.” Soyeon said from the girl’s toilet.

“I know. Don’t worry about it.”

Soyeon took up another cigarette from her bag, that was located on the sink.  
The small, blonde girl was seated in the window, with both feet up while resting her back against the wall. She was looking out at the freshmen walking around the parking lot like scared sheep.  
Soojin studied the cigarette between Soyeon’s slim fingers, while sitting beside her but resting her back against the glass and letting her legs dangle down.

“I’m meeting dad tonight.” Soojin said, looking away from Soyeon.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna...”

“Tell him?” Soyeon nodded. “No. If he found out that mom has not one but two new babies with a new guy, he’ll go crazy.”

Silence filled the room as someone hurried out of one of the stalls. She had long, black hair that reflected the sun and skin pale enough to be a vampire. But Soojin knew those didn’t exist outside of movies like Twilight. But although she couldn’t see the face, the girl was familiar in some way. Something about how she moved.

“Hey!” Soyeon seemed to have thought the same thing as she called for the girl.

The freshman looked up from the sink, her hands wet from the running water. Oh yeah, Soojin for sure remembered her. It was the one girl who stared at her during lunch yesterday.

“You’re friends with that cute one.” Soyeon said, openly wording her thoughts.  
“Shuhua, is it?”

“Yeah.” Shuhua said and looked at the two of them. 

She let her eyes linger extra long on Soojin. And that was definitely something the korean noticed, but she would never speak about it.

“Join us for lunch today again, I want to get to know you better.” Soyeon said, and smiled.

She was so tiny yet so intimidating. 

“Okay.” Shuhua said before nodding and quickly walking out of the room.

On her way out, she walked into someone at the door.

“Hey, it’s you!” Soojin heard the Thai say which was followed with a couple of sentences Soojin couldn’t hear.

Minnie walked into the white room with Miyeon in her hand, and furrowed her eyebrows as soon as she saw the other two. She sighed and walked up to the sink with Miyeon, and jumped up on it with the help of her hands.

“Why are you so sulky?” Soyeon asked.

“Came here to make out?” Soojin added with a smirk.

They didn’t deny it, because it was true. Soojin didn’t need anyone to tell her that.

“We met Shuhua at the door.” Miyeon cleared her throat.

Shuhua was an unusual name. Soojin had never heard it before. And when she thought about it, Shuhua did have some kind of accent when she spoke the few words. Where was the girl from?

“She said you invited her to lunch.” Miyeon continued.

“I did.” Soyeon answered.

“It’s totally because of Yuqi, right?” Minnie asked with a grin.

“Uh-huh.” Soyeon answered. “She’s cute and I want her. No, screw that. I need her.”

“Woah, she’s like a child.” Soojin said and signalled for Soyeon to stop with her hands.

“She’s a year younger than us.” Soyeon shot back.

“It’s just a little romance. Soyeon don’t have the guts to sleep with her anyways.” Minnie said.  
Well, that was bad.

Soon, Soyeon was standing in front of Minnie’s seated body with a fist up in the air, ready to punch any second.  
Miyeon acted as protection for the both of them, with her body squeezed between them. Soojin simply laughed.

“You,” Miyeon pointed you Soyeon, “back off!” she said. “And you,” she shifted her finger to Minnie, “shut up!”

Miyeon wasn’t ever scary, except for when she had to scold her youngers.  
Soyeon backed away with her hands in the air and Minnie closed her mouth. 

“Sorry, mom.” Soyeon joked with a grin and Miyeon rolled her eyes.

“How will I even survive another year...”

*  
*  
*

Soojin walked into the cafeteria with Soyeon beside her. She felt the eyes fall on them, but she was too used to it to care anymore.  
By a table in a corner sat her team, everyone in blue tracksuits, and staring back at her was her boyfriend. She could barely believe it herself, but it was true. And it had been true all summer, and the school year before that. Speaking of, it was their one year anniversary soon and Soojin had no idea what to get.  
He waved at her to come, so she excused herself from Soyeon to quickly chat with him.

“Hey baby.” he said and stood up from his seat.

He wrapped his arm around her cheeks and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She kissed him back. Barely.

“You wanna hang out after school?” he asked and brushed his thumb over her skin.

“I can’t. I’m busy.” she answered and tried to give a smile saying just that.

“It’s okay. What are you gonna do?”

“I-“ she started. “I’m going shopping. With Soyeon.”

He shrugged and moved away his hand.

“Sure.” he mouthed and sat back down.

Oh, what did she do now? Why are boyfriends so complicated?  
She put down her tray and put her hands on Hui’s shoulders, before leaning down and pressing her lips back on his. She let her tongue brush over his, before she pulled away. It was one of those kisses the other students would talk about for the rest of the week, but Soojin didn’t really care.

“I’ll come over tonight.” she quickly said and he smirked back at her before looking at the guy beside him.

She turned around and was just about to leave when she felt a hand a little too low on her waist. Hui smiled invitingly at her, and showed with his hand the empty seat in front of him. Soojin’s eyes went between him and the seat as she tried to come up with an excuse.

“Soojin!” she’d never been happier Minnie was born. “Get over here!”

“Sorry.” Soojin excused herself and tuned around with a sigh. 

There was already five people by the table once she sat down next to Soyeon. The two freshman sat face to face on separate sides of the table, and Soyeon was turned almost 180 degrees away from Soojin.

“Where are you from?” Soyeon asked, as if she’d asked multiple questions before that.

She probably had.

“Beijing.” Yuqi answered and shifted her gaze to Shuhua. “And she’s from Taiwan.”

That makes sense. Soojin shoved the food into her mouth, and saw Miyeon following her movements. Soyeon had already eaten up, but left all the vegetables of course. It seemed like Yuqi hasn’t gotten much time to eat, as she constantly was answering Soyeon’s rapid fire questions. And Shuhua quietly put spoonful after spoonful into her mouth, while eyeing Soojin.  
The older girl turned the slighted shade of red, she could feel it herself, but she would never speak about it.

“So you speak Chinese?” Minnie asked.

“Yeah. It’s our first language.” Yuqi answered and Shuhua agreed with a nod.

“I’m trying to learn Chinese!” she exclaimed happily. “My grandparents are chinese.”

“Minnie speaks Thai, English and Japanese too.” Miyeon praised her girlfriend.

“I don’t speak J-“

“Woah, you’re like a genius!” Shuhua said amazed.

“No, I’m really not. I am Thai, first of all, so knowing Thai kinda comes with it.” she stated.

“I knew you were a foreigner!” Yuqi said too loud for Soojin’s liking.

Now more eyes than what usually was on them, was on them.

“I- Thanks?” Minnie said but it sounded more like a question. “There’s not really a lot of us here, so welcome to the club, the both of you.”

It seemed like Shuhua hadn’t quite picked up on the conversation, as she looked at Yuqi for a reaction. And when Yuqi thanked, Shuhua smiled politely.

There was something about Shuhua that intrigued Soojin. She was so mysterious. Her face was perfectly shaped, and her body too. Not that Soojin had thought about it. Definitely not.

“Are you two dating?” Soyeon asked.

Oh god.

“Us two?” Yuqi said shocked and pointed between herself and Shuhua.

“Uh-huh.”

“God, no.” Yuqi said with a face of disgust.

“Ew.” Shuhua seemed to have followed this conversation.

“No, we’re like sisters.” Yuqi said and Shuhua agreed once again.

Soyeon smiled widely, of course. The girl was free for her to take, who wouldn’t smile?

“But you two are dating?” Yuqi asked, sounding very certain of her words.

“Yup.” Minnie said and the two smiled at each other.

Soojin noticed how Miyeon offered Minnie her plate, but the girl said ‘no thanks’ with a single squeeze of her eyes. They could talk without even talking. Soojin for sure couldn’t do that with Hui. Would she ever be able to do that with anyone?

*  
*  
*

“You’re boyfriend’s a prick.” Soyeon said as she walked up to Soojin who was by her locker.

“What did he do?” Soojin asked, trying to sound like she cared.

“He offered to help me with maths.” Soyeon said. “Like he’s some kind of genius. I’m completely sure I have better grades than him.”

“You do.” Soojin mindlessly said. “But he was just trying to be nice.”

“So?” Soyeon said. “He should know by now not to talk to me.”

“You’re my best friend and he’s my boyfriend. Of course he’s gonna try to talk to you.” she shut her locker and the two of them started walking out of the school.

“Tell your boyfriend” she put emphasis on the third word, “to leave me alone.”

“Do it yourself.” Soojin said and took a deep breath while Soyeon scoffed.

“I’ll try to be nicer to him.” Soyeon said after a sigh. “But it’s just so hard when he thinks he’s so much better than everyone.”

It was true.  
Soojin smiled at her for a second before spotting the two lovebirds by the side of Miyeon’s dad’s car. Miyeon was pressed up against it while Minnie caressed her with her mouth.  
Sometimes Soojin wondered what it would be like to have that, but those thoughts were always quickly shut out.

“Get a room.” Soyeon groaned and quickly sat down in the backseat. 

“We’re just hugging.” Miyeon said red faced.

“Say that to everyone staring at you.” Soojin, who hadn’t missed the many eyes their way, said.

“Good luck today, Soojin.” Soyeon said before shutting the car door and diving into her headphones.

“We’ll see you tomorrow.” Minnie said and got in as well.

That left only the two blood related.  
There was some kind of silence, but not the awkward one. It was just quiet, the kind Soojin liked.

“You know you can always talk to me, right?” Miyeon broke the silence and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m your favourite cousin after all.”

“You’re my only cousin.” Soojin answered.

“That means I can’t be your favourite?” Miyeon smiled at her before pulling in for a hug. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Soojin said and squeezed just a little tighter.

Miyeon pulled away and was just about to get into her car when Soojin stopped her.

“Miyeon.” she said.

“Yeah?”

“Same goes for you.” Soojin said and Miyeon nodded with a smile on her lips.

Then she drove off.

*  
*  
*

The building was tall and grey, and too far out of town for anyone she knows to see her. Luckily.  
There were multiple windows at each level, the biggest ones on the first floor. 

As she walked trough the doors, she instantly got hit with the old, rusty smell. The same one that was in her basement at home. She saw a couple of people seated by the exit, some of them crying. There was a kid in one corner, holding on to a clean, probably new, teddybear for dear life as his dad tried to drag him out.

“How can I help you?” the receptionist asked which caught Soojin’s attention.

That is a new face.

“I have a scheduled meeting with Seo Jae.”

The receptionist had glasses bigger than her entire face, and huge bags hanging from them. She looked like she didn’t want to be there at all.

”And you are?”

”His daughter.” she answered clearly.

“Age?”

“Sixteen.”

She clicked on a couple of keys before sighing and looking up at Soojin.

“Room eight, he’ll be there in a minute.”

She thanked her with a bow and walked off into the long corridor. There were rooms on both sides of her, and numbers on each door. She’d probably been in all of them by now.  
One and two, three and four. Five and six, seven and...

“Soojin.” her dad spoke.

There was a guard in the room, wearing blue clothes which made her father’s orange stand out even more.

“Hey dad.” she said and he rushed to hug her.

She accepted it by squeezing him back. If there was no one else in the room, just the two of them, Soojin didn’t think she would be able to hold her tears back. But now there was a man closely watching them, and he had a baton attached to his belt.

Jae motioned for Soojin to sit down on the opposite side of the table as he sat on. The metal chair was hard and cold, just like the feeling of the room.

“Tell me, how are you? How is mom? And Yejin?” he asked and held her hands over the table.

“They’re good. We’re all good.” she said quickly. “I started my second year in high school.”

“Right, you did. How is it going? How are your grades?”

“Average.”

“Average is good enough.” he said and squeezed her smaller hands. “Going there every morning is good enough, darling.”

His face had grown wrinkles, more than last time she saw him. His entire forehead was covered and several appeared around his eyes when he smiled. But his eyes were sparkling the same way they did before. It scared Soojin.

“Just a few more years, and then we’ll all be together again.” he said, smiling his way into her heart.

Soojin cleared her throat.

“Dad...” she started and looked into those chocolate brown eyes of his. “Yejin barely even remembers you and mom...”

“It’s okay, darling.” he said and squeezed once again. “I will fix everything. I promise.”

You can’t fix something that’s already broken.

“Okay dad.” she said and squeezed back.

*  
*  
*

Her limps were tired when she got off the bus. Seeing her father always took too much physiological strength, but the way there and back took the physical. It was dark outside already. She had for sure missed diner.  
But she wasn’t going home anyways so it didn’t matter.

“Hey Miyeon, I need a ride.” she said, holding the phone against her ear.

“Now?” Miyeon asked, her voice was raspy.

“Yeah.” she started to shiver as the cold air hit her. “I’m in the centrum.”

“Where am I driving you? You’re mom will go mad if you come home now.”

“To Hui.” 

“Okay. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Fifteen? Oh, she’s at Minnie’s.

“Thanks.”

She waited by a streetlight, and tried not to give eye contact to any man walking or driving passed her. The more time she waited, the more worried she got. A young girl like her, alone, in the dark. It wasn’t good at all.  
She finally got to breath properly when she saw the black car rolling up to her side, and Miyeon’s warm gaze met her when she got in.

“Hello.” she said happily, but Soojin could hear just how tired she was.

“Sorry about calling you this late.” she excused herself, the same excuse she’d said so many times before.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t sleeping anyways.” Miyeon said and they rolled away from the centrum. “How was it?”

“Like it always is.” Soojin said while looking out the window at the empty road ahead of them. “He held my hands and told me that everything is going to be fine, and I just sat there as if I believed him.”

“Well,” Miyeon said and turned to the side with the vehicle, “maybe he speaks some truth.”

“When has he ever told the truth?”

Miyeon had no answer cause there was no answer. As far as Soojin could remember, he’d never told her the truth. Not to anyone.

“I think it’s good that you keep seeing him.”

“You do?” Soojin asked in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Miyeon turned her head to Soojin. “He really needs you. You’re the only one he has left. And I think you really need him too.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah.” the older said and turned her head back to the road. “Speaking of someone who really needs you, your sister called me earlier. I think she was crying.”

And then it hit Soojin. How could she be so stupid? How could she be just like her dad?  
She closed her eyes and cussed herself out in her mind.

“She had a performance today.” Soojin said, now remembering all the calls from her mom and sister that she had ignored. “I promised to come.”

She hit her hand against the roof of the car.

“I’m such a bad sister.” she voiced angrily.

“No, you’re not.”

“I am. I barely even know the names of my new siblings, and I just lied my oldest straight to her face.” she could feel her tears starting to form at the mention of her sister.

“Hey!” Miyeon raised her voice. “Who slept by your sisters side every night all those years ago to protect her? Who hugged her to sleep every night when when your dad got sentenced? Who stayed by her side when your mom forced you to choose sides, even though you chose different ones?”

“But that’s different. That’s so long ago.” Soojin said, as a tear spilled down her face.

“You’re still the same Soojin.” Miyeon said. “This is nothing you can’t do anything about.”

Soojin dried her tear.

“Do you still want to go to your boyfriend?”

“No.” Soojin was quick to say.

“So I’m driving you home?”

“No. Just, keep going. We’re almost there anyways.”

Miyeon turned towards her with a glare on her face.

“I’m not gonna drop you off there if you don’t want to be there.” Miyeon declared.

“I promised to be there tonight.” Soojin said, and Miyeon rolled her eyes.

Soojin never knew why everyone seemed to do that as soon as Hui came up in a conversation. She knew Soyeon didn’t like him, and it was useless trying to fix that, but the older two? They seemed like people who would like Hui. If not Minnie, then Miyeon at least. She didn’t seem to dislike him when they talked, but Miyeon was quite polite so...

When they pulled up by his house, Soojin was on the phone with him, telling him to meet her at the door. Knocking at this hour would be far too scary.

“See you tomorrow.” Soojin said as she stepped out.

“Yeah, yeah. Get some hours of sleep, okay? You really need it.” she said and Soojin answered with a hurried smile.

She walked up the stone steps to his house, and as in clue he opened the door just as she got to it.

“Hey, baby.” he said and planted kisses on her cheeks. “My parents are asleep.”

He smirked, and she tried to hide the yawn that was escaping her mouth.

*


	3. A lie, I tell you it is not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Slight mention of sickness and death.

Yuqi 1:1

*

Inside the multiple bedroom house, where only three of them actually were bedrooms, a young, curly haired girl grunted. She’d felt a bit dizzy when she stood up from her bed, and that had resulted in her face-planting on the floor. 

“Honey, are you okay?” her mother asked in the sweetest voice, but she couldn’t hide the tint of worry.

“Ye-Yeah.” Yuqi stumbled on her words. “I just fell, but I’m fine.”

“Okay...” the woman mumbled in disbelief and walked away.

Yuqi brought her hands up to her head, which felt like it would explode any minute. She also felt a pain in her stomach, probably because she was hungry, but she had no appetite. That was something she never could tell her family though. Her parents would worry sick and Shuhua... Yuqi didn’t even know what Shuhua would do.  
Last time, Shuhua stayed with her at the hospital all week. She never walked out once. The bags under her eyes got too big for Shuhua to hold her eyes open, but she still couldn’t sleep a second.

“Yuqi we need to leave in five minutes!” Shuhua shouted as she ran down the hallway, probably back and forth to the bathroom.

“Yeah, yeah...” Yuqi answered and fought through the pain to stand up.

Shit, she should definitely do something about this.

With shaky legs, she got up and was able to get dressed without meeting the floor again.  
Her dad was watching the morning news, and her mom read the newspaper right beside him with a hand around his arm.

“Good morning.” she said and entered the cozy living room.

The couch was brown, and the armchair too. They made the blue cushions stand out well with the beige walls. Yuqi loved her new home, but she loved that they’d brought with them the same furniture the most.

“Morning, angel.” her father said, but kept his eyes on the screen. “Shuhua is already waiting outside.”

Yuqi grunted and quickly walked to the front door, where her bag and shoes already were ready. She fumbled her shoes on.

“Take a fruit with you, Yuqi.” her mom’s honey voice said.

“I’m not hungry, I’ll just wait until lunch.” she said, but felt the growl from her stomach. “Love you.”

She hurriedly went out the door and threw the backpack over her shoulder, and was instantly met with a glaring Shuhua.

“I told you in five minutes. It hasn’t been five minutes.” Shuhua said angrily and started walking off the driveway, down the rode.

“Like if you’re never late.” Yuqi grunted and threw her arm over Shuhua’s shoulder to bring her closer. “Cool kids are always late.”

Shuhua laughed, and soon Yuqi joined her. They were anything but cool kids. They hadn’t been cool since that one time Yuqi received a sweater from her mom that she’d gotten in the US. The nine-year-olds gathered around Yuqi who tried to make up what it was like in the states, while Shuhua rolled her eyes.

“Yesterday, when I met them in the bathroom-“

“Yeah?” Yuqi instantly knew who she referred to.

“I heard them talk before I got out. Soojin and Soyeon.” Shuhua said, looking at Yuqi as she did so.

“What were they talking about?” Yuqi asked as her legs moved over the concrete beside Shuhua.

She didn’t know why, but she was weirdly interested in their conversation.

“Soojin’s p-parents.” Shuhua said the last word rather quickly. “I think one of them left, at least it sounds like it. But Soyeon didn’t seem excited when Soojin said that she was meeting her... d-dad.”

“No?”

“No. She was kinda like-“ she said and then pointed at her face where she pouted and Yuqi saw how her shoulders moved up and down quickly. “like this.”

“Huh... weird.” Yuqi mouthed. “I guess you’ll have to find out more.”

“We have to.”

“No, no. She’s your crush, not mine.” Yuqi said and it was followed by Shuhua’s whine.

“But you’re my best friend!” Shuhua complained.

“So? That doesn’t make me obligated to spy on your crush.”

“Please?” the Taiwanese asked and brought her hands up to her chest while intertwining them. “Pretty please?”

Shuhua was pouting, and Yuqi knew she wouldn’t be able to say no.  
She scoffed and rolled her eyes, before hitting Shuhua harshly on the arm.

“I’ll help you.” Yuqi said. “But then you have to make sure that little one doesn’t kill me in the meantime.”

Shuhua thanked her with a smile and bumped their shoulders together. She started mumbling a song Yuqi hadn’t heard before, it was probably Taiwanese.

“By the way,” Shuhua said and smirked, “Soyeon called you cute.”

Well, she wasn’t the first one.  
Yuqi looked at her best friend and then forward with a slight grin on her face, that she was happy Shuhua didn’t catch.  
She felt how her head started spinning and how her eyes started growing black stains, so she grabbed Shuhua’s arm and let the younger hold her up.  
The Taiwanese looked over at her with furrowed eyebrows, while putting her hand on Yuqi’s.

“Are you okay?” Shuhua asked, only sincerity in her voice.

“Yeah.” Yuqi answered answered quickly while picking the corners of her mouth up, and she tried to focus on Shuhua’s face.

Yuqi never liked lying, but sometimes it was necessary. This time Yuqi thought is was more than necessary.  
But Shuhua was good at catching her lies. No, not good. She was a master.

“When’s your next checkup?” Shuhua asked, showing to Yuqi that she hadn’t believed her.

“Next Tuesday.” Yuqi said, trying to sound like she didn’t understand what Shuhua meant.

“Good.” Shuhua said and squeezed her hand.

*  
*  
*

Mr. Lee was going through an historical event that apparently was very important. And Yuqi agreed that it was, but that didn’t make it interesting. Besides, all those men only made her angry. How could they intrude countries and then decide that it was their own?  
Shuhua didn’t seem to think it was interesting either, as she was half asleep while resting her head in her hand.

“What was your name again miss?” the teacher asked, and all eyes went to Yuqi.

“Um... Song Yuqi”. she said, voice shaking.

Was she about to her detention? Or expelled? Or laughed at?

“Do you know why it was Europe who got to explore unknown places, miss Song?” he asked, his pen pointing towards the map on the projected screen.

“Well,” Yuqi thought, she for sure hadn’t heard the teacher tell her this, “there could be multiple reasons behind it. For example, most of Asia didn’t really need to trade with other continents, so they didn’t need to travel to new countries to be able to.” she said, and the teacher looked content, but she wasn’t done. “But I think your wording was a bit wrong, Mr. They didn’t explore ‘unknown places’, they overtook someone else’s lands.”

The classroom was quiet. Most students probably hadn’t cared to listen, Shuhua was for sure one of them as she was completely out.  
But some other moved their gazes between the teacher and Yuqi, while smiling amused.

“Very well.” the teacher said after some consideration. “Indeed, miss Song.”

And Yuqi was happy with her answer and she smiled to herself.  
She had a tendency to be a little too proud of herself, especially when it came to school. But Yuqi believed it was better than not being proud at all.  
Besides, if she were to have less time than other people, she had to live it as she wanted to. Otherwise it would just be time wasted.

*  
*  
*

Saying the school was big was an understatement, it was huge. Yuqi felt smaller than she already was when she walked the halls, and it didn’t help that almost everyone were taller than her.  
Beside her were the walls covered with lockers and different posters, and some shelves with school trophies. Yuqi couldn’t help but lay her eyes on the ones for academic studies, and she knew she had to be the reason for at least one more of those before she graduated.

The classroom she had on her paper was a large number, so she knew it was going to be the furthest away from her safety of best friend as it could get, cause the auditorium was the lowest number on the entire school, if you didn’t count the principal’s office and the toilets.

Having good memory was Yuqi’s pride. One of the many, at least.

When she finally saw the opened door, she also recognised a small figure standing in front of it. She had short, blonde hair and even though she had the hood over her head, Yuqi knew the face. It was the scary girl from the cafeteria. Soyeon, was her name. But Yuqi didn’t want to acknowledge that she’d remembered it.  
She was going to ignore the shortie, but then they locked eyes and Yuqi’s plan was destroyed.

“Hey, Woogie.” she said, forming her mouth to get out the most round ‘O’ she could.

“Yuqi.” Yuqi corrected quietly and stood beside her.

“Whatever... Woogie.” Soyeon said with a grin. “You’re in this class?”

Yuqi nodded and noticed how Soyeon smiled at her while taking off her hood. She saw earphones in Soyeon’s ears, that quickly were ripped out as well. 

“Fun.” Soyeon said, and Yuqi thought it was sarcastic at first but the older girl’s smile said otherwise. “Minnie took it last year, and she said it was the best class she’s taken.”

Yuqi nodded. Why was she awkward? She was never this awkward.

“You seem a little tense.” Soyeon smirked. “You don’t have to be scared of me. I don’t punch people I like.”

As if that would calm her. Suddenly, all the people around them became visible for Yuqi. Every single eye in the hall were laid on the two of them, and Yuqi wondered if it was because of Soyeon or because she was talking to Soyeon.  
Soyeon seemed to noticed to, cause she soon raised her voice.

“Stop staring, shitholes.” she scoffed and all eyes quickly left them.

Yuqi noticed how some people backed away, while she felt Soyeon getting closer to her.

“I’m sorry about them.” Soyeon said. “Hanging out with me kinda means you’ll have to get used to it.”

They weren’t hanging out. Yuqi would never hang out with someone who could kill her any second, or someone who would kill anyone at all for that matter.

“Are they afraid of you?” Yuqi managed to ask.

“Good question.” Soyeon said and moved her shoulders. “It’s kinda funny. Everyone looks up to Soojin, has a crush on Miyeon, wants to be Minnie and me... I guess they’re scared, like you said.”

“Why are they scared?” Yuqi got bolder with everything Soyeon said, but the teacher interrupted them.

He welcomed the students inside, and Soyeon was quick to sit down in the back of the classroom. Yuqi looked between her options, that for some reason were pretty open. She made eye contact with at least three students, who all offered the place beside them, but Yuqi knew none of them. Her safest option was Soyeon, she didn’t want the girl to become angry at her anyways.  
As she scooted down next to the girl, she felt a breath on her ear.

“Seems like you’re becoming one of us.” Soyeon whispered, while gesturing to everyone in the class who was intently looking at the two of them.

Yuqi hoped for dear god that they looked at her because they wanted to be her, like in Minnie’s case, or because they wanted her, like it was for Miyeon. Even if they looked up to her would be better than if they were scared of her.  
But either way, maybe all of it was better than being a weirdo like she’d been at her last school.

*  
*  
*

“Guess who’s in my class.” Shuhua said angrily as she met up with Yuqi.

“I don’t know. Guess who’s in mine.” Yuqi smiled, but she tried to hide it.

“Soyeon.” Shuhua said, without even having to consider it.

“How’d you know?” Yuqi asked.

“Hui told me...” oh, Shuhua was jealous.

Yuqi giggled.

“I’m guessing you had a bad class?”

“No, I didn’t. And that’s the worst part. The teacher is amazing, the students are amazing. Even Hui is amazing. He’s so funny and he’s so good at acting. I can’t compete against him.” Shuhua said all in one go as they walked towards the cafeteria.

“Oh.” Yuqi said. “Maybe you should just ignore it then.”

Shuhua’s steps were heavy beside Yuqi’s, and Yuqi hadn’t failed to notice. She saw the pout on Shuhua’s face and how she fiddled with her hands.

“You’re not in love, are you?” Yuqi asked, worried because it could very well be true.

Shuhua had a long history of failed girlfriends whereof all were love at first sight, at least from Shuhua’s side. But never before has she fallen in love with someone who was taken, especially not someone with a boyfriend.

Shuhua’s eyes searched around the room, as to look at everything else than Yuqi, and that’s when Yuqi got her answer.

“Shuhua, it’s been two days!” Yuqi complained.

“But she’s so amazing!”

“You don’t even know her!”

“I will get to know her!”

“Know who?” a voice behind them made the two jump, as they turned around to Soyeon’s face, and Soojin’s a bit further away.

“No one!” the two freshmen said at the same time, and Yuqi noticed how Soyeon looked back at Soojin who shrugged.

Soyeon smelled like mint, and like cigarettes. But there was something behind it that smelled like... like safety.  
Oh god.

“You smell like smoke.” Shuhua was quick to say, and Yuqi didn’t blame her.

These kinds of stuff had a special place in Shuhua’s heart, one that she wouldn’t open up to anyone outside the Song- household.

“I’m sorry.” Soyeon said, but she didn’t sound sorry. “I tend to stand on Minnie’s left side, and that’s always the way the smoke decided to fly.” 

Yuqi noticed how Soyeon always talked like she was quoting a song, but she hadn’t heard any songs like the words she said.

“I don’t smoke myself, don’t worry.” she said. “But if you ever want some, hook me up for the cigarettes and Minnie for the lighter.”

Soyeon was quickly shoved to the side, but not without a complaint.

“Or not.” Soyeon said under her breath while rubbing her arm.

*  
*  
*

It seemed like Soyeon was following Yuqi today, because even when the best friends stacked their books into their lockers, Soyeon walked up to them. But this time with all her friends behind her.

“Do you need a ride home?” she asked, and it startled both Shuhua and Yuqi.

“I... no thanks. We live barely ten minutes away.” Yuqi said with a crooked smile.

“Are you sure?” Miyeon said from behind Soyeon. “I would happily drive you. Even if it’s just ten minutes.”

“We’re good.” Yuqi said. 

“Shuhua?” Soojin, to everyone’s surprise, asked.

But Shuhua was too caught of guard to form any korean words at all. Her eyes were locked on the red-lipped girl and Yuqi could see her mouth wanting to say something, but it just didn’t.

“We live together.” Yuqi explained, and Soojin nodded at the same time as Shuhua. “Thank you though.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow.” Soyeon said while staring at Yuqi.

She let her eyes slid down a couple of times before she smirked to herself, and Yuqi turned hot under her glare.

“Bye bye.” Miyeon said and walked away with everyone.

Behind the closed entry-door, Yuqi could hear how Soyeon was being scolded, probably because of her playing eyes.

“Okay, either she really, really wants to kill you-“ Shuhua started in Chinese and closed her locker, “or she’s really, really into you.”

“I don’t k-“

“You could literally see the hunger in her eyes.” Shuhua smirked. “And she’s not bad looking at all. I’d go for it if I was you.”

“Okay, okay.” Yuqi said and closed her own locker. “I think we should calm down a bit. Even if she’d liked me, I wouldn’t be able to date her. She scares the shit out of me.”

Shuhua shrugged but kept her grin.

“Speaking of, she knows your name.” Yuqi said and Shuhua’s teasing smile turned into a happy one. “And she looked at you like she wanted to take you home.”

“You’re just making that up.” Shuhua’s steps started moving out of the school, and Yuqi followed her. “We’ve already gotten over this. She has a boyfriend and I don’t have a chance as long as they’re together.”

“Whatever.” Yuqi said. “We have two years, and you’re usually able to wait.”

“I know.” Shuhua said. “I’ll wait.”

Yuqi looked over at Shuhua with a grin and put an arm around her shoulder like she’d done this morning.

“You’re so in love.” Yuqi giggled while Shuhua brushed her arm off but couldn’t hide the smile she had plastered on her face.

“I know...” Shuhua sighed. “But you still have to help me find out if she likes girls.”

“I’ll be on it.” Yuqi said, cause she’d done it so many times before that it wasn’t a challenge anymore.

*  
*  
*

Yuqi’s pen moved over the notes she’d written down earlier in her classes while she tried to memorise everything she’d been taught today. Everything from Columbus, to what chords works with what, to some stupid math problems she solved within a minute.

She felt that piercing pain in her head again, while she saw her sight slowly disappear. Yuqi had to place both her hands on her desk in order to hold herself up. She closed her eyes harshly and tried to get back to her senses, and only managed to do so a couple of minutes later.

She took several deep breaths before ripping off her shirt and studied herself in the mirror. She looked like she’d always done, but she still moved her hands over her skin to find anything unusual, like the doctors had done on her for years. Luckily, she couldn’t find anything and the areas didn’t get that burning feeling, meaning she was healthy. At least outwardly.

But she knew something was wrong, and she was pretty sure what it was. But she couldn’t tell her family, it would make them worry sick. And it would made her parents spend every last penny they had. She already owed them so much.

A tear started building up in her eye, but she told herself not to cry and sat back down by her desk. Studying some more couldn’t hurt. Even though she already knew everything, at least she told herself she did.

*


	4. It’s nothing short of truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made you wait long, so here’s an extra long chapter with a lot of mimin, cause who doesn’t love mimin?
> 
> Also, I’m sure Minnie’s parents are good people, I’m sure all of their parents are. This is only fiction.
> 
> Warnings: slight mention of an eating disorder, use of offensive word.

Minnie 1:1

*

The beeping finally got to Minnie when she rolled to the side to press her phone screen once again. She didn’t know how many times she’d shushed it already, but her mind hadn’t woken up until this minute.  
She quickly got up from her bed, and didn’t care to mind how her head spun when she stood up. The growling from her belly did not face her either.

With a sigh, she got up from the safety beneath her covers, that had the hint of Miyeon baked within, and walked up to her white dressing table where pink powder and nylon nail polish had stained the white colour. She pressed the various brushes against her skin, and didn’t stop until the bags where gone and every single mark was covered.

Minnie took a moment to look at herself in the mirror, for the first time this morning. She saw the pink walls gleaming behind her, and the light from the makeup mirror didn’t help to damp it.  
Sometimes, she wondered how that girl who used to live in her was doing. Was she working hard and like her parents wanted her to? Did she get grades to brag about and scholarships from various great schools? Minnie would never know.

*  
*  
*

“You’re not gonna eat?” Mic said, and signalled for the breakfast on the large kitchen counter he’d prepared for his siblings.

Minnie gave him a faint smile before running over to the table and grabbing one of his homemade pancakes.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be late.” she rushed to the door and was soon after out on her lawn, where someone she didn’t know the name of just had evened the grass out.

Miyeon’s car was there when she got to it, but it seemed like she’d just stopped, cause her arms were still on the steering wheel.

“Hey.” she said and leaned over to press her lips on Miyeon’s.

“Good morning.” Miyeon said back.

In what felt like a matter of seconds, the younger two filled the backseat with their colourful morning personalities. Soyeon had earphones in her ears and her eyes closed while her fingers drummed along to her, probably, self-produced beat. The hood was covering her head, so Minnie couldn’t tell if she had her eyes closed or not. But she got her answer when she pressed the pancake against Soyeon’s lower lip, to which the girl, without giving as much as a glance, grabbed it and finished it in just a couple of bites.  
Soojin hadn’t let out a sound since the grunting when she hit her head against the roof. That was until-

“Soyeon tried to make the kids smoke yesterday.” Soojin said from her place in the backseat, but she didn’t let her eyes move her phone.

“The kids?” Minnie asked.

Last time Minnie checked, “the kids” were Minnie and Miyeon’s code name for the two younger girls, but not something they shared with the two.

“Shuhua and Yuqi.” Miyeon explained while looking tentatively at the road in front of her. “We’ve collectively decided that those are our kids and we have to protect them at all costs.”

Minnie smiled by her girlfriends words and just couldn’t help but tease her.

“Oh?” Minnie said. “Seems like you’re a mother of five now, congratulations!”

Soojin made a little giggle from the backseat while Minnie could physically feel Miyeon rolling her eyes, so Minnie chuckled to herself. She placed her hand on Miyeon’s thigh and squeezed it before laughing some more.

*  
*  
*

“It says... add the... salt? This doesn’t look right...” Miyeon studied the cup of liquid she’d formed, while Minnie studied her.

Minnie had early noticed that when Miyeon was focused, she scrunched her nose and furrowed her eyebrows in a way the Thai couldn’t explain other than adorable. And this chemistry class wasn’t an exception. Miyeon read the paper over and over and tried adding some more of the liquids and the powder, but nothing seemed to happen in their glass-cup.

“Look! It’s supposed to react!” Miyeon pointed at another pair’s bubbling goblet. “Why isn’t it reacting?”

Miyeon plastered a pout on her lips, and Minnie, who’d rested her head in her hands since the class started, lifted her chin up to catch the pout with her own lips. It has to be fast of course. They had a, in Minnie’s words, perverted teacher watching over his back, and several classmates already mesmerised by the two.

“You’re so cute, do you know that?” Minnie asked and put her thumb along Miyeon’s chin.

“You’re supposed to help me!” the older girl complained and forcefully took away her hand. “Help me!”

“Okay, okay.” Minnie chuckled and studied her girlfriend for just a couple of seconds more, before she grabbed the paper from her hand. “Did you add everything?”

“Yes.” Miyeon pouted.

“Did you add the right amount?”

“Yes.” she started looking angry, and it made her even cuter in Minnie’s opinion.

“Well then, I have no clue how to fix it.” Minnie giggled and put down the paper.

“Hey!” Miyeon complained. “I’m never pairing up with you in chemistry again!”

“That’s okay.” Minnie’s smile turned into a mischievous one. “We have enough chemistry every night already, we don’t need more.”

And Miyeon rolled her eyes before focusing back on her project, with a smirking Minnie beside her. The younger girl managed to make eye contact with their teacher, and apparently, to him, that was a sign they needed help, so he walked over to them and stood on Miyeon’s side.

“Are you having problems, ladies?” Minnie was just about to decline his help when Miyeon basically screamed for him to fix it.

As he explained to a focused Miyeon, Minnie couldn’t help but catch how his eyes lingered on the older a little longer than Minnie appreciated. His wrinkles almost made the lobes invisible, but the student saw how he stared at Miyeon’s features, even down to her lips once. Maybe it was just Minnie’s imagination, but either way, she didn’t like it at all. 

“We got it.” she absently said, while showing with her hand for him to leave.

Miyeon shifted her head back to Minnie, and gave her a confused expression before turning back to the teacher. She probably smiled, telling him to leave, because he left only seconds later. Miyeon turned back to Minnie, now with eyebrows even more furrowed while crossing her arms over her chest.

“Now show me how you ‘got this’.” the older demanded while Minnie looked at her with a blank face.

Oh no. She’s angry. Why am I always making her angry? Am I really that bad?  
Minnie’s conversation in her mind was cut short when the bell saved her. She sighed too loudly for her liking before she cleaned away everything from their table. It was the least she could to for her (chemistry) partner.

*  
*  
*

Minnie let the smoke infiltrate her lungs as she breathed in deeply, before exhaling some of the chemicals. Soyeon studied her movements from where she stood with her own death wish, but unlit. They were both resting their backs against the red brick wall, from their meeting place behind the stairs. Soojin sat on a stone (which she’d cleaned with the sleeve of Hui’s hoodie before sitting down) with her head buried in her phone.

Minnie sighed when she remembered the class before, how Miyeon had rolled her eyes in Minnie’s direction many times. And how the younger left her alone for their next class, without giving more than a crocked smile.  
She sighed again when she wanted the younger two to react and ask her what was up, but none of them did. So she tried again, and again, until Soojin shot up her head with a glare.

“What?” she asked angrily.

Seems like she had a bad morning.

“Me and Miyeon are fighting.” Minnie said before an inhale.

She noticed how the younger two shared a look before Soyeon moved her head back and forth. Soojin scoffed before answering.

“So?”

“What do you mean ‘so’?” Minnie asked, a little irritated but mostly hurt, which she realised the other two could tell by the way she pouted and squeezed her eyebrows. “My heart is hurting.”

“You fight at least five times a week, and you always make up within an hour.” it was Soyeon’s turn to join the conversation.

“Just go and make out with her and everything will be fine.” Soojin chuckled and Soyeon joined her.

Minnie rolled her eyes before throwing her cigarette to the ground and mashing it with her foot. Soojin was quick to bury her head in her phone again after a ‘ting’. The oldest girl noticed how the dancers thumbs moved over the screen before looking out in to nothing while she bit her teeth together, and then dived back in. Soyeon put back the hood on her head and put the cigarette back into her bag.

“We better get going.” Soyeon said. ”I don’t want another year with the coach hating me.”

Soojin stood up from her seat, still with her head in her phone.

“See you at lunch.” Soyeon said and put her hand on Soojin’s back so the girl wouldn’t walk into something on their way to the gym.

Minnie took another deep breath, without anything but clean air this time. She felt the burning feeling her throat while taking in the oxygen. The girl coughed once, twice before laughing to herself and leaving her place at the wall.  
Their class had probably ended now, and she had a mission to attend.

The fishnet stockings were sticky against her legs as she with quick moves closed up to Miyeon. Their classroom was just by the entry, so it wasn’t hard to find the black-haired beauty in the sea of students. They all separated for Minnie to walk through, of course, and the ones who had circled around Miyeon left as soon as they saw the glaring Thai. 

“You’re slow.” was the first thing Miyeon said when she came close enough to hear her.

Good, she’s not that mad.

Minnie quickened up to her and pressed her back against the lockers with full force, before pressing their faces together.

“Sorry.” Minnie said grinningly before taking Miyeon’s lips in hers. 

She let her hands cradle Miyeon’s cheeks while her tongue brushed against her lips, and just when she was going to press it forward, Miyeon pulled away with her hands on Minnie’s hips.

“You taste of smoke.” she whispered against Minnie’s lips.

“Sorry.” Minnie repeated.

“You’re gonna stop, or I won’t kiss you anymore.” the older girl demanded sharply.

Minnie nodded before leaning in again, only to be stopped by Miyeon’s cheek.

“Let’s go to the restroom.” Miyeon whispered before grabbing Minnie’s hand.

*  
*  
*

The pair walked hand in hand to the school’s bathroom. Miyeon placed herself in front of the sink, while she studied the little bits of her nail polish that was left. Minnie walked between the stalls to make sure no one was there, and grinned happily when she couldn’t find a single pair of feet.

“If Soyeon really is as into Yuqi as we think,” Miyeon suddenly said, “what should we do about it?”

“I don’t know.” Minnie walked up to her and wrapped her arms around Miyeon’s waist, which caused Miyeon to put hers around the other girl’s neck. “Let’s just let them be and figure it out on their own.”

“What if Yuqi doesn’t feel the same?” Minnie rubbed her fingers on the older girl’s waist. “We don’t even know if she’s gay.”

“Soyeon may be a hidden sensitive, but she’s not a little kid. She’ll be able to take it.” Minnie reassured.

“But what if-“ Miyeon’s words were cut off by Minnie’s lips on hers.

Until Minnie pulled away not even second later.

“Let’s not talk about them right now.” she said with her breaths. “Let’s not talk at all.”

They met lips again after Miyeon’s slight nod, and it didn’t take long until Minnie deepened it with her tongue. As they tasted each other, the older girl lifted herself up on the sink, and Minnie quickly placed herself in the open gap between Miyeon’s legs. Her hands placed on each of the korean’s thighs, while said girl placed hers around Minnie’s neck. 

Miyeon started grinding up and down slightly, which made Minnie pull her even closer. When the older girl eventually pulled away, Minnie’s arms held her tight, which made Miyeon let out a little laugh.

“I think it’s time for lunch.” Miyeon said while heavily breathing in and out, with a grin spread across her face.

“No, let’s stay here.” Minnie said and tried to lean in again but was stopped by Miyeon’s hand.

“We’ll continue tonight.” the older girl whispered and placed a chaste kiss on Minnie’s lips, before pushing the girl away and jumping down.

She turned around to check herself in the mirror, and quickly fixed her hair. Miyeon turned around to Minnie to wipe away some chapstick from her shin, and then did the same for herself.

“Yeah...” Minnie mumbled.

She thought Miyeon looked the prettiest when she was flushed from a make out session. When her hair was tangly and her lips red and plump. She couldn’t help but place a hand on Miyeon’s side, owning a faint smile from the other girl while she fixed herself in the mirror. Minnie squeezed her slightly while she studied her girlfriend.

How could one person be this perfect?

Suddenly the lips were back on Minnie’s, but only long enough for Minnie to register what was happening, then they disappeared again.

“You’re staring babe.” Miyeon said and squeezed her cheek.

“You’re gorgeous.” Minnie was mesmerised and long gone in her thoughts.

“Stop it.”

“I’m only telling the truth.”

Minnie noticed how Miyeon lowered her head and let her eyes twitch. Then she looked up with a sincere smile.

“Let’s go.” she said and grabbed Minnie’s arm.

*  
*  
*

When the two arrived in the cafeteria, Minnie noticed the freshmen placed at their table with a tray of food in front of them. The taiwanese spoke about something in Chinese, while the other girl laughed loudly. Minnie understood a couple of words, all thanks to her grandparents and language studies. But not understanding a word at all would probably be less confusing.

“My shirt... circles... spinach... hat! The devil... cute...”

Yeah, Minnie needed to focus more on learning her languages, she was sure at least half of those were wrong.

Once the two sat down, Shuhua and Yuqi smiled at them while Shuhua finished her story. The freshmen sat closer to the older girls than they had the days prior, but there was still a fair distance between them.

They’ve only known them for two days, of course they’re not comfortable around them yet. Minnie’s eyes moved from ‘the kids’ down to her plate. She had a small portion of lettuce, one tomato and two potato wedges, that would be less than a half if you combined them.  
She tried to stop herself from counting the numbers, but it was impossible. And she wanted to know too. No, she didn’t. Yes, she did. She was desperate to know.

“You’re wrong!” Soyeon said loudly while sitting down across from Miyeon, and Soojin sat down beside her with a sigh.

“What’s going on here?” Miyeon asked.

Minnie didn’t fail to notice how Yuqi tensed up as soon as she heard the little blonde, and how Shuhua smirked at her. Maybe Miyeon didn’t have to worry about Soyeon’s wish. 

“Our philosophy teacher asked if it’s possible to live a normal life and never lie,” Soyeon started, “and Soojin said that it’s fully possible. I don’t agree.”

“You don’t have to agree, that’s just my opinion.” Soojin stated bluntly.

“But you’re wrong!” Soyeon was frustrated, you could easily tell by her face.

When Soyeon got frustrated, she made a kind of half smile, but it was always clearly visible that she tightened ger jaw, like if she was trying to capture the words that were flowing out of her mouth.

“You basically lie your way through your life, it’s just human. Humans have to lie!” Soyeon protested and punched the table which made the cafeteria look even more at them then they already were. “It’s programmed in our brains!”

“Calm down, Soyeon.” Miyeon tried to say but it only got her madder.

“Just admit that I’m right!” she shouted loudly and stood up from her seat while glaring at Soojin.

Minnie noticed how both freshmen flinched beside, and how Soojin didn’t care about them or the fact that she was about to get beaten up by Soyeon. Well, not beaten up. Soyeon wouldn’t punch people she likes. But at least yelled at and shut out for the rest of the year.

“Jeon Soyeon you’re gonna sit back down and shut up right now!” Miyeon shouted while pointing at her face. “Before I make you wish you’d never opened your mouth.”

Soyeon gulped, red-faced and quietly sat down. Minnie looked around the room where every single eye were staring right at them, and she mounted a faint ‘nothing to see here’ before turning back around.

“I’m right though...” Soyeon mumbled to herself but everyone heard her.

Before there could be more yelling, and more shaking from the youngest two, Minnie decided to change subject.

“Do you guys want to hang out this weekend?” she asked, and Miyeon’s frown turned into a smile.

“Of course!” she said in her normal, high-pitched voice, as if nothing just had happened.

“Sure.” Soyeon, who’s frown too had started to fade away, along with the redness of her face, said.

Soojin nodded from beside her. Minnie looked over to the two others, who seemed confused by how fast their subjects were changing. And how they’d been fighting less than a minute ago, and now they talked like they always did.

“What about you two?” Soyeon asked, and Minnie saw how the two jumped just by her voice.

They would surely not want to be seen with them ever again after that scene.

“I- uh...” Yuqi started but Shuhua was quick to cut her off.

“Yes!” she said excitedly.

They must’ve forgotten that Minnie understood some Chinese, cause suddenly they were having a quiet conversation.

“... get to know her.” Shuhua whispered and Yuqi rolled her eyes before nodding.

“Yeah, we’re free.” Yuqi added.

And who of them where this ‘her’? Minnie already had a good guess.

*  
*  
*

Minnie brought the keys to the lock, and looked back at Miyeon’s black car driving away as she did so. The girl was going home to do some business, probably study. But they would meet later tonight, Minnie would make sure of it. And if not Minnie, Miyeon would.

The door opened with a click. The Thai was met with the sound of a vacuum cleaner, and loud pop-music from her own country. It shined on the white table in the middle of the front room. In the middle were not the usual, half dead flowers. There was a brand new bouquet of red roses. And one would be able to reflect themselves in the white tiles. 

She made her way through the broad corridor, straight forward to the kitchen. Mic was scrubbing the sink, not noticing Minnie was entering.

“Why are you cleaning?” Minnie asked, while placing herself by the kitchen counter.

She got no answer. When she asked again, Mac made a quick move to turn around and took out the earphones from his ears. She couldn’t blame him, Mac didn’t exactly have the best music taste. Not according to his siblings at least.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were home.” he smiled.

“I just got here.” Minnie explained. “Why are you cleaning?”

“Mom and dad are coming home tonight, didn’t you know?” he asked but continued scrubbing the cloth against the metal.

Wait, what?

“I thought they wouldn’t be home before next week?” Minnie questioned and first now noticed that the vacuum was turned off.

“There’s an event they need to attend, apparently. They’re going back to Thailand on Monday though.”

“An event?”

“Yeah. I think it’s your friend’s parents. Jeon?” he asked, and Minnie gulped.

Events weren’t just something her parents went on to chat with fake friends. It was big parties with drinks and snacks, and a lot of young boys her parents tried to match her with. She hadn’t told Miyeon, of course. Speaking of-

“Miyeon’s coming tonight though?” she fiddled with her hands in her lap.

”Tell her not to then.” Mac entered the room. “You two could use some time apart.”

Minnie rolled her eyes before standing up from the counter. She watched Mic turn back to his job, while Mac sat down on her chair and grabbed an apple.

“Don’t tell them anything, okay?” Minnie said, having her head back to them.

“Of course not, baby sis.” Mic said.

“We may be annoying but we’re not evil.” Mac added.

Minnie chuckled for herself before exiting the room. As she made her way up the stairs, she heard quiet mumbling before a loud shout.

“You need to tell them sooner or later though, unless you want them to marry you away to some awfully rich man.” it was Mac’s voice.

“Believe me,” Minnie sighed, “they’re already trying.”

*  
*  
*

About two hours of scrubbing, mopping and taking several rounds around the house to make sure everything was in place, and then some clinking on Minnie’s piano, the siblings stood ready by the door as the car pulled up.

Mic and Mac both had newly washed jeans, with a polo shirt in red and blue, and their hair drained in hair wax. Minnie’s usual oversized jeans were switched to a pair of black, tight ones. The only pair she owned. She’d put her hair up in a ponytail, and made sure that her bangs were even, and finished it off with a white blouse. On her neck hang a golden neckless with a pink heart in the middle.

Minnie’s heart was beating hardly when she saw the pair of black, high heels next to the brown loafers come closer. She felt her head banging and the blood in her body was just about to rush out, before the expensive shoes stayed right in front of them.

“Hello kids.” their father said sharply while studying their postures.

Minnie didn’t fail to notice how his eyes lingered longer on her.

“Hello.” Mic said, while Minnie and Mac just smiled politely.

Their mother let out a sigh before wrapping her arms around the three of them at the same time, squeezing them tightly against her trained body covered with a fine beige dress.

“I’ve missed you terribly.” she whispered while all of them could hear.

Then it was their father’s time to greet them with a hug, which he did quite stiffly, especially with his sons.

“I’m hoping you’ve all been good.” he said afterwards.

“Are these new?” their mother squealed as she watched the red roses at the table by the entrance. “They smell lovely.”

Minnie’s heart continued beating as if it would leave her body, until she was in her girlfriend’s arms a couple of hours later. They were standing just by the door, and Minnie knew it was dangerous. But her nerves were killing her, she needed her safe heaven.

“Are you okay, Minnie?” Miyeon asked against her neck and hugged her just a little closer.

“Yeah.”

“You seem a bit tense.”

“I’m just... nervous. You know how my parents are.” Minnie said into her neck.

“Mi- Nicha.” she heard from behind her.

It was Mac.

“Father says you should get back in now.” he said before leaving, and Minnie sighed before letting go of her girlfriend, that would only be her friend for the night.

Not only was Minnie tense when they were walking towards the dining room, Miyeon was looking like she would throw up any minute.  
It’s not the first time Miyeon meets her parents, but it’s just as nerve-wrecking every single time.

“Ah, Miyeon darling.” the Yontararak mother said while putting her hands on the sides of Miyeon’s face. “As beautiful as always.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Miyeon answered.

Although not being trained for it like Minnie, Soyeon and Soojin, Miyeon sure knew how to be polite.  
She lowered her body to the woman, before moving her gaze to the big man.

“How nice of your friend to join us.” he said in his dark voice, and Miyeon lowered her body to him too before sitting down by the table.

Yeah, ‘friend’... right...

They were all served with homemade food from their mother, and all started eating when the father had allowed it. Minnie stared at her food.

“How are your studies going, Miyeon?” the woman asked. 

The siblings all shifted as the subject was brought up, but Miyeon only smiled at the parents.

“They’re going well, ma’am. Thank you.” she said, and put some rice in her mouth.

“How about you, Nicha?” the man asked, and Minnie was going to choke on her water, but restrained herself because that would only lead to scolding.

“Good.” she answered shortly, but she could tell on their faces how they weren’t happy with her answer. “I- uhm... we got an assignment returned a couple of days ago.”

“What did you get?”

“An A+, of course.” she lied.

“Good girl.” her father said proudly.

What an awful sentence. Those two words together should never be used for anyone else than a tiny dog.

“We will go to a celebration on saturday evening, and I want you all to look more than presentable. There will be a lot of young adults there, and I think it’s time for you all to look for some steady partners. Especially you, Nicha.” their father let out sternly.

Minnie could feel how Miyeon tensed beside her, but she couldn’t look. That would be too suspicious.  
She could also feel her cheeks building up redness. Talking about your future with a man, in front of your girlfriend, was not the most pleasant thing.

“You will never look better than you do now. You want to find a man who likes your looks, don’t you?” he said.

‘Man’...

“Of course, father.” she said between her teeth.

“She is only seventeen.” Mac cut in, which owned a glare from their father.

“Don’t you want her to graduate first?” Mic had to save them once again.

“She will graduate, then marry, and then her husband will be smart enough to chose the right path for her.” he said, and took a big sip of his red wine. “Many of my colleagues have attractive sons. I’m sure you will find at least one that can meet your desires.”

If her desires really were what he wanted to please, then a man surely wouldn’t do it.  
She noticed how Miyeon beside her was frowning like she’d witnessed a crime, and how her hands held tightly to the chopsticks. So tightly that her knuckles were white.

“Do you have a boyfriend Miyeon?” Minnie’s mother asked, not noticing her angry state.

“No, ma’am. I won’t ever.” she said, and Minnie tensed up beside her.

Both Mic and Mac did as well.

“And why is that?” the oldest man asked while drinking his red wine.

Time stopped in the room, and Minnie could hear her heartbeat. Her head was tilted down, looking at the food she’d only moved around on her plate.  
She didn’t want to look up, not when she knew her world would be crashing down in a matter of seconds.

“I’ll be too busy trying to balance taking care of my father and my work.” Miyeon said with a faked smile.

How could Minnie ever think she would confess, without having talked to Minnie first?  
But to say that Minnie was relieved was an understatement.

“That’s right.” the woman said in a tone that showed she just remembered about him. “How is he now-“

“You will not let that hold you back. Once you find a husband, your father will understand if you focus more on your own family.” the father said while finishing his glass.

Miyeon didn’t talk back to him, because it was never allowed. He was always right, that’s just how it was.

*  
*  
*

The two girls went to bed right after dinner, with the excuse that they had a long school day tomorrow and they needed to have the energy for it. After saying goodnight to everyone, and getting themselves ready, Minnie closed the door behind her and Miyeon. 

The slightly older girl eyed the mattress that was placed on the floor, neatly bedded with white sheets.

“You won’t be sleeping there.” Minnie said once she’d noticed how Miyeon had stopped.

“Your parents really don’t sense anything between us. They deserve a prize, just for that.” Miyeon said and flopped down on the comfortable bed.

“They can’t imagine their sweet little pink princess being a dyke.” she said and fell down next to Miyeon.

They climbed down under the covers, and wrapped their arms around each other. Minnie’s head was on Miyeon’s chest, while their hands rested on each other’s backs. Minnie felt safe hearing her breath, and it was moments like these that she would savour forever.

“Will you ever tell them?” Miyeon asked, mind somewhere else.

“I’ll have to.” Minnie said quietly. “I just... I think it’s better if I have a steady income before I do so, so that I’ll be able to buy an apartment when they throw me out.”

“You can stay with me.” Miyeon said, and Minnie knew she wasn’t lying or just saying it because she had to.

She was sure Miyeon meant it with her entire heart. And Minnie fell even more hopelessly in love with her right there, so she could do nothing else than squeeze her tighter.

“I know.” Minnie whispered.

Minnie closed her eyes and gave her entire weight to Miyeon. The older girl started playing with her hair, while the younger slowly was falling asleep.

“I need to talk about something.” Miyeon said, and that sentence could freak out anyone who received it.

It didn’t fail with Minnie either. She quickly shot up while her mind was going everywhere from ‘she’ll break up with me’ to ‘she’s dying’. Miyeon sat up slightly, while Minnie placed herself on her knees.

“Your dad said he wants you to meet someone at the party.” Miyeon said quietly.

Is that it?

“I won’t-“

“I know you won’t find anyone. But I’ve also known your dad long enough and heard enough about him to know that he won’t be happy with that. He’s gonna make you choose someone, I know it.” Miyeon said with the corners of her mouth tilted towards the floor.

“Well, then I’ll put him in place.” Minnie said, but both of them knew that never would happen.

“You won’t do that.” Miyeon said.

There was a silence that filled the room. Because Miyeon was right. Minnie would have to find someone Saturday night, someone to show up to her parents.

“And then you’re gonna get married and have kids. What will happen to us?” Miyeon trailed off.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Minnie said and put her hand on Miyeon’s cheek. “Slow down. We’re just seventeen.”

“Your dad didn’t seem to care.”

“He said I could graduate first, so I have two years to tell them.” Minnie said and squeezed the skin her hand was holding. “Nothing’s gonna happen to us. We won’t break up until we decide to break up. And that will hopefully never happen.”

She leaned in to the worried Miyeon and pecked her lips, before laying down again, but letting Miyeon lay on her this time.

“I love you far too much to let my stupid dad get between us.” Minnie said, and Miyeon answered by digging her head into the Thai’s neck.

Minnie snuggled Miyeon just a little bit closer, while her mind went on into their secret thoughts. But she was sure to dismiss them, cause this was a moment she needed to remember. She needed to remember the feeling of her soulmate digging herself deeper and deeper into Minnie’s heart.

*


	5. And nothing larger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mention and consumption of alcohol, mention of disease, mention of death, mention of drugs, mention of slight abuse.

Soyeon 1:1

*

No, that’s not right.

Soyeon moved the mouse over her computer and clicked on another set of beats she just had composed.

That’s not right either.

She clicked on yet another one, but it still wasn’t right.  
Sometimes she wondered if it was even worth it? To make a playlist for someone that never even would hear it? 

Making a playlist wasn’t just clicking on a couple of songs on spotify and grouping them under a title like ‘chill hours’ or ‘feelings’. Making a playlist for Soyeon meant starting from the beginning, from the first word, the first note. Giving life to a new story, without any interruption of something ‘half-good’. Every single line had to mean something, at least that’s what Soyeon was aiming for. 

She was just about to throw the new track away when she heard the buzzing from her phone, which made her realise that her ride would be there in ten minutes. 

She walked up out of her own studio- which she’d stolen from her father, who hadn’t used it in at least ten years- that led right out to the home bio. Sometimes Soyeon could only laugh pathetically about how rich her parents were.  
The girl walked up the carpet-covered stairs, which led into the hallway, and at the end was the big, wooden door. Without making as much as a beep, Soyeon opened it and then carefully closed it behind her. She didn’t want to wake the monster up.

As she’d guessed, there was no black car by the road outside her big mansion. That girl was never on time. But who could blame her, she had two night-owls to wait for. 

*  
*  
*

What if she switched the G for an F, would that sound better? Or maybe if she made it all an octave higher? Maybe it needed a little touch of falsetto? Or maybe she was just tired of hearing her own voice... She could really use a change. But she couldn’t ask Minnie, or Miyeon who she’d recently learned (through Minnie) had a good voice. And Soojin would never agree to it, not that Soyeon knew if she was good or not. She’d always stuck to dancing, and maybe that was because of a reason.

“What did I just say, miss Jeon?” the teacher suddenly asked, hands on her desk as his coffee-scented breath invaded her privacy.

Why was she never left alone during his classes?

“I don’t know, Mr.” she answered with an annoyed grin.

Soojin looked over at her with a blank expression, like always. She knew that Soojin would scream at her, if she only cared enough.  
Don’t get it wrong, they did care about each other. And somewhere deep down, in their own twisted ways, they even loved each other. But school wasn’t important to any of the girls, because Soyeon passed with good grades no matter if she listened or not, and Soojin couldn’t seem to get anything above a ‘C’ even she she listened and took notes all throughout the lecture. 

Therefore, Soojin didn’t care to give her a warning look, or even an angry gaze. She just let Soyeon argue with the teacher, and gave her a small smile once Soyeon was sent out of the classroom.

The small blonde strutted down the halls, with her backpack hanging over her shoulder, as she looked into the windows to the classrooms. Maybe, just maybe, would her eyes meet a certain chinese. 

Well, that didn’t happen. Instead, she saw Minnie scribbling black dots onto Miyeon’s sketchbook, that already was filled with well-drawn faces, sceneries and everything else Miyeon was met with on a daily basis. The older girl was taking notes in her other book, and occasionally looked over to Minnie’s drawing.

Soyeon tried to get any kind of attention from the two, maybe for company out by the stairs or maybe just for an annoyed glance. She got what she wanted when the bored Minnie started looking around the room, and saw her very dear skipping-buddy by the door.

Soyeon saw how Minnie raised her hand, said something probably along the lines of “am I allowed to use the restroom”, got a nod from the teacher, an angry stare form Miyeon, and then left her seat on the desk. Her boots traveled over the floor to the door, and the second she’d closed it, she wrapped her arm over Soyeon’s shoulders.

“What brings our little baby here?” she smirked and started pulling them towards the door.

Ugh.

Soyeon eyed Minnie, which caused the girl to laugh. The rest of the way was quiet, it wasn’t until Soyeon had taken out her cigarette, that she opened her mouth.

”You’re not having one?” Soyeon asked and brought the stick to her lips.

“Sadly not.” she looked between Soyeon and the cigarette in her hand. ”Miyeon gave me the worst threat yet yesterday. She said she won’t kiss me if I continue.”

“Ouch, that’s harsh.” Soyeon chuckled. “I guess you’ll have to quit then.”

“I guess so.” Minnie answered.

After a minute of just standing there in comfortable silence, they heard the bell ring, which meant it was time for lunch. Soyeon saw how Minnie shifted when the younger brought it up, so she decided to maybe stay where they were a little longer.

That didn’t last long, because soon a bolting Miyeon walked through the doors. Her face was in her angry state, which made Minnie immediately turn on her defensive mode.

“Nicha Yontararak!” Soyeon almost forgot that was her real name.

“I didn’t even do it!” Minnie shouted back as Miyeon hurried down the stairs, and then pushed her against the wall.

Soyeon backed away a few steps, and watched as Miyeon’s nostrils flickered before she let go of Minnie.

“See?” the desperate thai said, and Miyeon rolled her eyes before giving her a peck.

And just like that, everything was back in order.

With the oldest hand in hand, Soyeon followed them to the cafeteria. Soojin stood right outside as they got there, her eyes glued to her phone.

They stood in the line, Soyeon was last like always. Somewhere deep in her thinking, she lost the other three as she still tried to figure out how she would be able to grab the meet without vegetables coming along.  
It was when she heard the words behind her that her mind left the food.

“You can’t even speak properly!” the voice teased.

It was a boy, probably freshman. But he was taller than Soyeon, so she couldn’t see who he was talking to.

“Shut up.” she heard a deep voice talk back to him.

She immediately knew who the voice belonged to.

“And that’s your little bodyguard?” he giggled. “Go back to China, both of you.”

“Hey!” Soyeon shouted, which caused him to turn around.

He probably didn’t know of Soyeon’s rumours, because his grin was still wide when their eyes met.

“Yeah?” he asked.

Without any more words, Soyeon made her hand to a fist and let it meet his nose. His head shot back and his eyes started watering, but then he looked back as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Who do you think you are?” he asked, and Soyeon smirked.

She punched him once again, and again, and didn’t stop until he was down on the ground. He got a few good punches as well, many enough for Soyeon’s lip to start bleeding, but anyone could see she had the advantage.

After a good minute, she felt two hands on her arms, and she was pulled back into a slight embrace. She felt the thai’s arm hold her strongly, while Miyeon studied the wounds on her face, and Soojin placed herself between the earlier fighters. On the other hand was Hui, who’d pulled the boy back. He struggled out of Hui’s hold, and glared at Soyeon.

“Don’t come near me again!” he shouted, and Minnie had to squeeze tighter to hold her answer back.

When the fuzz had gone down, and the six girls had made it to the table, the eyes in the cafeteria were still on them.

Soojin tried to clean the blood of off Soyeon’s face, while the others ate. Two more uncomfortably than the others.

“This is really deep.” Soojin said as she eyed the lips.

“Why did you do it, anyways?” Miyeon asked.

For Woogi, and Shuhua of course. That’s what she wanted to answer, but instead, she looked over at the two who looked back at her. She couldn’t tell what either of them were feeling, but it seemed like they didn’t care. But it was impossible that they didn’t, so she settled for it being the both girls didn’t want to think about it.

“I was just annoyed.” Soyeon explained.

Miyeon shook her head together with Soojin, and Minnie looked around the table. Luckily, she brought the attention to herself.

“About tonight, we can’t stay at my house.” Minnie said to break the silence. “Your parents are holding a gathering apparently, so my parents are home.” she looked at Soyeon.

“Shit, that explains all the food they’ve been ordering for days.” Soyeon said.

“So, Soojin then?” Miyeon asked.

Soyeon hadn’t failed to notice how the two younger held their mouths shut.

“Do you want to hear babies screaming all night long?” Soojin questioned.

“Better that than conservative parents.” Minnie said.

“Or a drunk dad.” Miyeon shot in.

“What about Soyeon’s?” Minnie asked. “Your house is the biggest anyways.”

“I think a party at my house will have preparations since early in the morning, but if you want to be woken up around four, then sure.” Soyeon said, and tapped the tissue on her lip.

“Yuqi and Shuhua then.” Soojin said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Shuhua’s eyes went from Soojin to Yuqi, and they shared an unreadable moment before Yuqi answered.

“I... uhm... sure.” she said, and Soyeon smiled to herself. “Just, disclaimer, my parents are very keen on hygiene and stuff like that... don’t smoke or smell of it when you come over or you won’t be let in.”

What’s up with these girls and smoking?

“Don’t worry, she’s quitting.” Miyeon said and wrapped her arm around Minnie.

“What about alcohol?” Soyeon asked.

She saw how the two talked quietly again, before Yuqi looked back at them.

“I guess that should be fine. Just don’t let them know.” she said and smiled, but Shuhua rolled her eyes behind her.

“It’s settled then.” Miyeon said.

Soyeon couldn’t help but think of what Yuqi’s room looked like. Maybe it was pink and cute like her, or blue and cool like she wanted people to see her. Maybe she had an instrument in there, she’s in music production so that wouldn’t be unthinkable. Maybe she and Shuhua shares a room? Why do they live together anyways? Maybe she’ll find out tonight.

*  
*  
*

At seven thirty, the four oldest girls stood outside the doors of the address Yuqi gave them. It was a nice house with old windows and a friendly doormat below their feet. Miyeon was the one who knocked, and it didn’t take long until the happy girl opened the door.

“Hi!” she said, maybe a little too loud.

Miyeon greeted her with a hug, and the rest of them smiled before they were let in. Shuhua came walking down the stairs with puffy cheeks and eyes far away. She must’ve been sleeping, Soyeon thought. But she looked so cute.

Not as cute as the brunette in front of her, who was showing them where to hang off their jackets.

The alcohol clinked a little in the bag Minnie was holding, which made them all look up at each other with worried faces.

“My parents aren’t home yet.” Yuqi said, which immediately made them calm down.

The two girls showed the rest around. The living room was cozy, as well as the rest of the house. Not what any of them were used to. When they walked up the stairs, Soyeon noticed pictures hanging on the wall. Most of them had Yuqi, some of them taken at different locations in what looked like another country. A couple of them were her baby pictures taken in front of one of South Korea’s most famous malls. She must’ve lived here for a while.

She saw some pictures of Shuhua too, most of them taken recently. But there were some of the two girls when they were younger, maybe around ten. They had their arms around each other and wide smiles on their faces.

“Shu?” Soyeon said as they walked over the carpet-covered floor and smiled to herself with the nickname.

The youngest girl turned around and gave Soyeon a questioning look.

“Are you adopted?” Soyeon asked, remembering the girls had introduced themselves as friends and not sisters.

“Not yet.” Shuhua smiled.

Yuqi opened the door to Shuhua’s bedroom too. It was nice and clean. There were polaroid pictures on the blue walls, that all displayed herself with or without someone. On her bookshelf was a picture with hearts and angels around it. There was a happy couple on it, with what looked like a Shuhua around the same age that she was in those pictures with Yuqi. Ah, it clicked.

Soyeon noticed how all girls had seen the picture, and how Shuhua looked at them as if she was saying ‘I’m okay’. Miyeon squeezed her shoulder before Yuqi led them out and into her own room.

Unlike Shuhua, her room had lots of stuff everywhere. Her bed, as well as her dresser, was buried in teddy bears. What was weird was that most of them looked the exact same, like those cheap ones you got from the hospital when you were younger.  
As Soyeon had imagined, there was a guitar by the corner of her room. It’s strings looked a bit untouched, but hey, it was still an instrument. Soyeon could make a songwriter out of her.

Yuqi happily showed off her furniture, before they heard the door open downstairs.

A man shouted something in a language Soyeon couldn’t understand, but she was smart enough to figure out that it was Yuqi’s father. Both Yuqi and Shuhua answered shortly, before Yuqi let out a longer blur of words.  
Soyeon noticed how focused Minnie was, probably to understand what they were saying.

Another sentence came, then one in a language she could understand. 

“It’s my dad.” Yuqi clarified.

She grabbed the bag from Minnie and placed it inside her wardrobe, as footsteps came closer and closer to them. Until, a quite big man with a beard and shaved head look at them from the doorway.

“Hello.” he said with a slight accent, similar to the one Shuhua had but a lot heavier.

He brought forward his hand, and let every girl shake it as he looked at them with a wide smile. He had those kind of eyes that would make anyone comfortable within seconds, the same ones Yuqi had.

“What’s your names?” he asked, looking between his family and the strangers.

“This is Minnie, Miyeon, Soyeon and Soojin.” Shuhua said, and the girls smiled as they heard their names.

“It’s very nice to meet you, sir.” Minnie said politely in the family’s first language.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” he said back and showed a surprised expression. “Are you chinese?”

It took Minnie a second to translate his words into her language, but then she answered shortly.

“No, my grandparents.” she said, looking slightly unsure. “I don’t speak a lot.”

“Enough to get by it seems.” he said and Minnie smiled at him.

This exchange of words were of course not understood by Soyeon, or the rest of the Koreans.

“What do you guys say about pizza?” he asked, Yuqi glared at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll leave you alone to your girl-stuff.”

He smirked and turned around.

“What do you say, a couple of margaritas?” he asked, already taking out his phone.

“Sounds good.” Miyeon answered politely and then the man left with a smile.

Yuqi turned back to them with an awkward smile, before Shuhua wrapped her arm around her shoulder so she smiled vaguely.

“Why do you have all these teddies?” Soyeon asked, picking up a pink one.

“I...uhm...it’s...” all girls noticed how she shifted uncomfortably. “Someone gifted them to me.” she settled for saying.

“Every single one?” Soyeon asked.

“Whoa, secret admirer much?” Minnie chuckled.

“Let’s do something fun.” Shuhua interrupted.

They all looked around at each other, Minnie with a mischievous smile that the other three oldest already rolled their eyes at.

“Finish my sentence!” she said.

“No, we won’t let you use that as an excuse to flirt with Miyeon.” Soyeon complained.

“Not again!” Soojin added.

“Fine, no flirting then.” she pouted before sitting down on the covered bed. “Play with me?”

Miyeon agreed to her after an exchange of looks, Soojin after a sigh and Soyeon after she figured that maybe, maybe she would get a chance with Yuqi.  
Miyeon sat down on the bed beside Minnie, while the others fell down where they were.

“Should we play like we normally do, or just start without it?” Minnie asked.

“Let’s wait until after dinner.” Miyeon said, being the oldest one.

“What is this game exactly?” Yuqi asked.

Oh, right. They were new.

“It’s a game where someone starts off a sentence, and you have to finish it.” Minnie quickly explained. “Like this; Miyeon, right now, you want to...”

“Squeezed those little cuties until they can’t breath.” Miyeon spoke her mind out, and everyone knew who she was referring to.

“Hey!” Minnie protested, but when Miyeon placed her hand of Minnie’s leg everything seemed fine again. “You get it?”

“I think so.” Yuqi said and Shuhua nodded.

“I’ll start.” Soyeon said, already staring at Yuqi so the girl would know she was the target.

Soyeon noticed how Yuqi turned around more than once, pushed the door even though it already was shut, and then turned back.

“Woogi, the person who gave you all of those teddy bears was...” she said smugly.

“Someone I don’t remember the name of.” Yuqi started off, Soyeon could see how the stress rose to her cheeks. “A woman called Dr. Kim, and then later a Dr. Park. The latest one was from Dr. Park.”

“From the hospital?” Miyeon asked, now all girls had furrowed eyebrows.

“That wasn’t an unfinished sentence!” Shuhua complained, and Miyeon begged pardon. “My turn.” 

She was a little eager, but Soyeon’s eyes still lingered on the girl keeping her eyes on the floor.

“That’s not how it works.” Soojin said. “It’s Yuqi’s turn.”

Shuhua’s face became the slightest shade of red, as the girl beside her opened her mouth.

“Um... Minnie. The reason you know so many languages is...”

“I’m just talented, I guess.” Minnie said, cocky as always.

“Only truth is allowed!” Miyeon complained which owned a glare from Minnie.

“My parents taught me Thai, Japanese and English, so that I could be ‘a treasure for more countries’.” Minnie said the last part trying to resemble her mother’s voice. “Chinese is because of my grandparents, and Korean is because I live here.”

Her answer wasn’t understood by either Shuhua or Yuqi, so they looked from each other back to Minnie. Soyeon just sighed. There were almost no people she hated more than Minnie’s parents. Almost.

“My turn.” Minnie said. “Soojin, I keep going out with Hui because...”

“I like him?” Soojin said, looking annoyed as always.

“We said no lies.” Miyeon teased.

“It’s not a lie.” Soojin said in a low tone.

“If you say so.” Minnie said.

“Shuhua, I’ll ask you now.” Soojin said, wanting to change the subject. “The picture in your room portrays...”

“My p-p-parents.” she stuttered.

Soyeon saw how Yuqi patted her back.

“I guess... Miyeon.” Shuhua said, then sat quiet for a long while. “I don’t know...”

“As anything you want to know, I’m an open book.” Miyeon said.

“You said earlier that your dad was an alcoholic,” she started, everyone was surprised she’d picked up on that. “Your dad’s...what’s the word...”

“Drinking habits.” Yuqi said.

“Yes, those. They make you...”

“...sick.” Soyeon saw how Miyeon struggled for the word until she settled.

The room went silent, and everyone noted the mood change.

“I’m sorry I asked.” Shuhua said and looked down. “I ruined the mood.”

“No, no, no!” all girls were quick to say, protecting their new baby from sadness.

“It’s okay. I said you could ask anything.” Miyeon smiled. “I guess it’s my turn then, Soyeon. You’re making a playlist for...”

“It’s a secret.” Soyeon was quick to say.

“A playlist?” Yuqi asked.

“Yeah. Soyeon makes a bunch of songs and puts them together in a playlist.” Miyeon explained.

“She only does them for people she really cares about. Soojin has gotten one, we haven’t though.” Minnie said, everyone could see the pout she was trying to hide.

“That’s really cool.” Yuqi said, and Soyeon shyly smiled at her. “I didn’t know you wrote?”

“She’s the best.” Soojin said. “She’s a genius.”

“I- I don’t doubt it.” Yuqi said.

If Soyeon hadn’t been so embarrassed, she would’ve noticed the smirk Shuhua gave to Yuqi. But she kept her gaze to the ground and occasionally looked up.

“Your turn, Soyeon.” Shuhua said.

”Okay. You moved to Korea when you were..., Woogi.”

“First time five, second time when we were twelve. I lived in China before five, Taiwan between nine and twelve.” Yuqi said, and Shuhua agreed with a nod. “Soojin, the person you want to marry is a...”

“A? As in ‘a millionaire’ or what?” Soojin asked, and furrowed her eyebrows.

“As in a man or woman.” Yuqi said, she was turning red.

The girls all smiled, this had been a question she’d avoided too many times. Shuhua looked down at the floor, while Yuqi carefully studied the older.

“Oh... I don’t care.” Soojin said. “I guess... either works fine.”

“Aw, I knew you were one of us.” Miyeon said and reached out for her hair which Soojin quickly moved away from.

“Look, our baby is all grown up.” Minnie fake cried.

“Shut up.” Soojin muttered. “Yuqi, the reason you asked is because...”

“I- uh... I know someone who might have a slightly huge fucking crush on you.” Yuqi said, getting bolder the longer time they spent together.

“Oh, there’s many of those.” Minnie complained. “All lesbians want Miyeon, everyone else wants Soojin.”

Miyeon hit her arms and Soojin blushed.

“This one’s a girl.” Yuqi said, and Soojin smiled but kept her eyes down.

Could it be Yuqi? Please no. Soyeon can’t live with being on the sidelines, not again.

“Let’s keep going.” Soojin said.

“Right.” Yuqi said. “Soyeon, the reason you fight with people is...”

“‘Cause they’re rude.” Soyeon said simply. “If someone’s rude, they deserve to be hit.”

“She also has a remarkably bad temper.” Miyeon put in.

“Miyeon, you hate me because...”

“I don’t hate you! You’re my little, aggressive baby. How could I hate you?” Miyeon crossed her arms.

“Fine. But you don’t ever call me little again.” Soyeon said.

“Everyone,” Miyeon started but was cut off.

“Is that even allowed?”

“my first kiss was...One at a time, please.”

Minnie was first in line. 

“With Miyeon.” she answered and they looked at each other.

“We said no flirting!” Soojin said.

“We also said to tell the truth, deal with it.” Minnie said.

“Soyeon.”

“Sloppy.” Soyeon chose and smirked, she knew which sounds the others would make, and she got just those.

“With Shu.” Yuqi said, and they looked at each other.

“Isn’t that basically incest?”

“We were nine!” Shuhua defended. 

“Your first real kiss.”

“With a boy, Lucas.” Yuqi said, which caused Soyeon to sigh.

Maybe she was straight?

“Hasn’t happened yet.” Shuhua said, keeping her stone face even when Minnie gasped.

“Soojin.”

“Ugh, you already know this. With Hui, by my locker.” Soojin said, tired of having told the story too many times. 

“Oh yeah, that was a real kiss.” Miyeon smirked.

“Stop it or I will kill you.” Soojin threatened.

“Speaking of the boy, he hasn’t texted you anytime recently. Did his possessiveness disappear over the night?” Minnie asked.

“He’s not possessive.” Soojin said and brought up her phone. 

Her finger at started moving rapidly at the screen.

“Yeah? What did he text you then?”

Soojin sighed before reading out loud:

“Baby were are you? I’ve called you several times. Why aren’t you picking up? Who are you with? Call me baby.” Soojin read.

“And how many times did he call?” Soyeon asked.

“Just... five.” Soojin said, sounding a bit ashamed.

“He’s possessive.” Miyeon concluded.

“He’s not.” Soojin protested.

“No? Let’s ask the new addition to the group. Shu, do you think he’s possessive?”

Shuhua looked up from the ground and around at the girls.  
Hui definitely was possessive, no one could be blind to that. Except his girlfriend.

“Maybe a bit.” Shuhua answered.

Right answer. 

“Yuqi?”

“Definitely.” she said quickly.

Soojin rolled her eyes before her phone let out a ‘ding’. She studied her screen and seemed to read something over and over again, until she stood up from the ground.

“I need to call him, I’ll be back soon.” Soojin said and exited the room.

“Poor little child”. Miyeon said. “You know, ever since they started dating he was like this. Always has to see where she is, what she’s doing, who she’s with. He’s even showed up at each of our houses several times.”

“She’s not gonna break up with him?” Shuhua asked.

“Probably not.” Miyeon said.

“I don’t think she realises it’s wrong.” Minnie said. “I don’t think he does either. I mean, the line between caring and being possessive is quite hard to find.”

“Whatever it is, they need to break up.” Shuhua said.

“They sure do, but we don’t have any say in that.” Miyeon said.

Five pizzas and several jokes later, the girls were back on Yuqi’s floor, now covered in pillows and blankets. They were all dressed in their pyjamas, and Soyeon couldn’t help but think how cute Yuqi looked in hers with giraffes on it. Said girl walked to the closet, after making sure the door was closed, and took out the bag Minnie bought from her brothers.

“Having a hangover tomorrow won’t be any good. I have to find a husband tomorrow, kids.” Minnie joked and opened a bottle of beer that she instantly took a big sip of.

“They’re doing it again?” Soojin asked.

“Again? They never stopped.” Minnie said and drank again. “You see, my parents want me to marry someone rich and handsome, while I’m still pretty. My dad says I’ll marry just after I graduate, so finding someone for me is their number one activity right now.”

“They wanna marry you away?” Yuqi asked.

“That’s so wrong.” Shuhua said. 

“Yup. They want me to be wealthy, as if their money isn’t enough.” Minnie scoffed.

“It’s tradition in her family.” Miyeon added and took a sip herself. “Her mom was married away, her daughters will be married away.”

“What will you do to stop them?” Yuqi asked.

“Run away, when I have the money.” Minnie said.

They passed a bottle of soju between them all.

“What will you do until then?” Soyeon asked.

They’d all known this situation was going on. Soyeon and Soojin had seen it at every gathering their parents did, and Miyeon had heard it directly from Minnie. But it wasn’t something she really talked about with anyone, and they couldn’t blame her.

“Act proper and good and lovely.” she said. “And straight.”

Miyeon rested her head on her shoulder. They were so in love those two, that Soyeon believed anyone could see it. Why not Minnie’s parents?

“Okay... does anyone else want to share their home life, now that mine is out there?” Minnie said, taking several more sips.

“I’ll go.” Miyeon said and took a deep breath. “My dad’s an alcoholic, as all of you know. I come home every afternoon, hoping to see him somewhere else than on the couch. He’s almost always on the couch.”

They all gave her sympathetic looks. This was also quite known to the group. It wasn’t something she shared either, but it’d been dropped here and there. It was just right that the two new got to know, even if they’d only known each other for...less than a week? Okay, maybe they were a little quick in on the sad stuff. But it was something that corrupted their lives, meaning it was important. Friends know important stuff about each other, that much Soyeon knew.

“After my mom disappeared, everything went bad. He quit his job, and lived of my grandma’s money. He buys alcohol with our savings. He’s not a bad man. He’s not a bad dad. He is just... lost.” Miyeon finished, she’d grabbed Soojin’s hand during her talk.

“Miyeon’s mom didn’t just leave. It’s all because of my parents.” Soojin said.

“Don’t blame them.” Miyeon added. “I still love my aunt.”

“But it is their fault. Your mom would never have gotten the drugs if mom hadn’t given them to her.” 

Soojin wasn’t one to really explain stuff. She didn’t want to share her feelings, but that was her way of doing so. All could see she was sad and mad. How much she cared. Soyeon saw how Shuhua and Yuqi drank a couple of sips, Yuqi several more than Shuhua. It looked like they were preparing theirselves, and Soyeon decided to help them along the way.

“How about you Shu?” Soyeon asked. 

“If you want to tell.” Miyeon added.

The girl took a big sip, passed the bottle to Soojin and started.

“They died when I was ten. A car crash, the doctors said.” she started. “I was with Yuqi, at some...”

“Resort.” Yuqi added.

“Yeah. Well, Yuqi’s parents got the call from my grandpa, and then we rushed to the hospital. They were already...”

Soyeon saw her eyes starting to tear up, although she tried to hide it by lowering her head, and Yuqi immediately put her arm around her. The rest of the girls looked around at each other. Soojin placed a hand on her shoulder, and when she started rubbing, that’s when the tears started spilling. For a moment, she was silent. The entire room was silent. Until, she tilted her head upwards.

“They wanted to put me up for foster care, but Yuqi’s parents brought me in. When her mom got an offer here, I followed them. Now they’re my family.” she said, as Yuqi squeezed her a little tighter. “So... that’s my story.”

Soojin reached the drink to her, and she took it without saying anything. She gulped down the drink, and finished what was left of the bottle. Minnie gave her another one.

“Next one?” she said, breath smelling of soju.

“I’ve got one.” Yuqi said. “But it’s not about my family.”

“Just say it.”

“I’m sick.” Yuqi said.

Soyeon couldn’t say she was very surprised. In a way, she knew it was coming. They’d gotten too many clues today. Still, silence filled in the room.

“Chronic granulomatous disease, or CGD.” she said. “It makes me sick easily, and when I get sick, there’s a big possibility I die. With other words, my immune system is fucked up. I take two pills a day, and shots every month.”

“So the teddy bears...” Minnie mumbled.

“They’re from some of my visits.” Yuqi said.

“What happens when you get sick?” Soyeon asked.

“If I cough or sneeze, I’m put in the hospital for a week. If I throw up, they put me on drugs.”

“If you get really, really sick?”

There was no answer. They didn’t need one.

“How long...” Miyeon started.

“How long will I live? They don’t know.” Yuqi said.

“If she gets something the doctors can’t heal, she’ll be gone in an instant.” Shuhua said, almost like a warning to the girls. “That’s why smoking, even breathing in smoke, is a big risk.”

“I’m so sorry.” Minnie said.

“You didn’t know.” Yuqi said.

“And you’ve stopped now, haven’t you?” Miyeon added.

Minnie nodded and put her head in the crook of Miyeon’s neck.  
They all stayed silent for some time, all taking in the information, and the alcohol. Then, Soyeon did the boldest thing so far.

She stood up from her seat, and walked over to the sick girl on the other side of the circle. Without saying anything, she sat down behind her and wrapped her arms around her. She felt how Yuqi’s body fell in her hold, which only made her squeezed tighter. Soon, there was an arm on her side, and another one on the other. Two more bodies joined the hug. 

It wasn’t just for Yuqi anymore. It was for all of them. It was for all their horrible lives, their horrible past. For every horrible thing that would happen tomorrow, and the day after that. For the horrible future they would have, whether is was with each other or not.  
That night, it felt like the girls had known each other longer than they could remember, but they met five days ago.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well... you weren’t prepared for that, were you?


	6. My past lodges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: sexual abuse (only imagined by one of the characters), disease, suicide, smut. mention of alcohol on and drugs.

*

When the girls fell asleep last night, they were still living in an alcoholic blur. Some more than others. They weren’t entirely sure just what had happened after their conversation, but Soyeon was sure it in some way involved music. If they danced, sang or just listened to it, she couldn’t be sure of, but she could still feel the melody pumping through her body.

Something else she didn’t know, was how she ended up in Yuqi’s arms. The younger girl was still sound asleep beside her, holding her safely against her chest. Maybe they fell asleep like this, or maybe it just happened during the night. But Soyeon had no plans to move away. She tried to calm her breathing that had grown rapid since she woke up, and tried to stay as still as possible.

Shuhua watched them from her place on the other side of the chinese. She saw how Soyeon blushed and smiled happily, and how Yuqi held her tight. Something came clear to her right there. Soyeon didn’t want to beat her up, like the chinese had thought. No, Soyeon wanted her in an entirely different way. Should she tell her best friend? 

Beside Shuhua laid Minnie, and Miyeon on top of her girlfriend. Their breathing matched, as Minnie’s hand slowly moved through Miyeon’s hair. The older girl nuzzled even closer, as Minnie shifted to make herself more comfortable.

Slowly, Shuhua sat up from her bedding. Without barely noticing herself, her eyes went to the woken girl on Soyeon’s side. Her head was turned away, but Shuhua saw the phone she was holding in her hands. She was texting someone, and Shuhua already knew who.

Did it hurt her? Yes, to a degree. But she was more worried then sad, although she didn’t quite know why. The conversation last night, about how Soojin should dump him, probably played a part in it. But she knew there was more to her worry, than the fact that Hui was controlling.

Soojin heard the sound of the duvet rustling and the pillows moving behind her, which made her turn around to meet the youngest’s eyes. Shuhua had puffy eyes and a confused gaze. She couldn’t be explained as anything else than adorable, but Soojin would keep that to herself of course. Instead, she smiled vaguely before turning back around, and continued answering all of Hui’s messages.

It was only half past nine in the morning, but he had already asked her to come over more than three times. Soojin explained each time that she couldn’t, that she was hanging out with her friends and she couldn’t just leave without saying anything. 

When he asked the fifth time, Soojin finally closed her phone down. She sighed, and turned back to Shuhua who still sat up. 

Her eyes were fixated on nothing particular at all, and her body slowly swayed from side to side.

“I...” Soojin said but cleared her throat once she realised her morning voice’s presence. “I need to go.” 

Shuhua looked at her confused, before slightly nodding.

Soojin carefully got up from her place, but no matter how cautious she was, she still managed to walk over Minnie’s foot in her tired state.

“Ouch!” the thai said loudly, without opening her eyes.

Miyeon hushed her before kissing her neck, making the both of them drift back to sleep.

The sudden noise, and the movements above her as Soojin walked out and into the bathroom, made Yuqi wake up. She felt someone in her arms, and just guessed that it was her housemate. But that was weird. They never slept as closely as that.  
Yuqi opened her eyes, and saw blonde hair spread across the pillow beside hers. The girl’s body was pressed against her, and Yuqi would be joking if she said that didn’t do anything to her. Maybe a little too much. 

Scared of her own reaction, Yuqi quickly pulled the smaller away, which startled Soyeon to say the least. The chinese’s face was glowing red, as she quickly hurried out the room. 

Shuhua met Soyeon’s surprised eyes for a second, before giving her a smirk. Soyeon looked at her, she didn’t have control over how much her eyes widened. 

“Why are you... What’s with that look?” Soyeon asked, voice low and raspy. 

Shuhua simply shrugged, and got up herself.  
That left Soyeon alone with the two love birds, who had started nibbling on each other’s lips. Miyeon was still pressed against Minnie, while her mouth had captured Minnie’s lower one. She lightly sucked on it, and let her tongue move around. The thai squeezed her closer, and they stayed like that until Soyeon threw a pillow at them.

“Get a room!” she said annoyed, and after one last kiss, the two pulled away from each other.

“You seem to be in a bad mood.” Miyeon commented, which of course only annoyed Soyeon even more.

She rolled her eyes, and decided to go find her security. The one person she could be quiet around, without being bombed with questions. The person who was just the same kind of morning-person as her. Soe Soojin.

Miyeon and Minnie were left alone with only each other. They let their tired bodies wake up against each other.

“Are you hungover?” Miyeon asked.

“Only a little bit.” Minnie answered and kissed the top of her head. “You?”

“Barely.” Miyeon answered. “Should we tell them what happened yesterday?”

Minnie fell quiet for a bit, before sighing and pulling Miyeon’s face up to look at her.

“I’d want to say it myself, wouldn’t you?” Minnie asked, which Miyeon nodded to. “We should let them figure it out on their own.”

Out in the hallway, Soyeon peeked her head through every door, before she found the taiwanese together with the chinese in the younger’s girls room. Both of them were changing. Yuqi was turned around, displaying her bear back, but Soyeon knew she’d hate herself for staring in the future, so she continued down the hall.  
Once she got to the room Yuqi had introduced as a bathroom, Soyeon knocked lightly.

“Soojin, are you in there?” she asked.

After only a couple of seconds, the door opened to a Soojin with half-done makeup. She let Soyeon enter, before closing the door again.  
Soyeon sat down on the top of the toilet, and shot up her knees to her chest.

“Are you going anywhere?” Soyeon asked after some time.

“Yeah.” Soojin mumbled.

Soyeon didn’t need to ask where, considering how perfectly she was doing her makeup. And how she only had a small number of people she could go to this early. That number being one.

“You sure?” Soyeon asked.

Soojin must be feeling at least a little bit of the hangover she was having, if not more considering the girl was completely gone by the end of the night.  
Soojin left her gaze from the lipstick she was applying, and met her own eyes in the mirror. Her breathing became heavy for a short second, and she just knew Soyeon had noticed. She looked down into the sink, before nodding slightly.

“Yeah.” she answered.

*  
*  
*

After a morning of complaints about headaches, the two oldest had gotten out of the house. Soyeon went with them, but she decided to walk to get the alcohol-scent off her clothes. 

Minnie and Miyeon stayed quiet in the car, they both were tired from the hectic night. Dancing, singing, some acting and a kiss on top of that- yeah, totally too much for one night. Not to talk about all the bottles they finished.

The thai’s hand was resting on Miyeon’s leg, gently squeezing the skin. The driver saw how Minnie kept her gaze on the uncovered neck and collarbone on the side of her, while the squeezing became a slight bit harder and higher. Those morning kisses must’ve done something to Miyeon’s girlfriend.

Minnie’s hand carefully rose higher and higher up Miyeon’s leg, they even got to her inner thigh, before the older girl chuckled.

“Minnie.” Miyeon teasingly said, frowning as she did so.

“Yeah?” Minnie said, stopped but kept her hand where it was.

“Are you in some kind of mood?” Miyeon grinned.

“Yeah.” Minnie answered, now getting hopeful, causing her to smile herself.

“Okay.” Miyeon said, and focused back on the road.

“Is that a ‘yes’?” Minnie asked, starting to squeeze the leg again.

“Minnie, I’m driving.” Miyeon, smiling widely as she did so.

“You could pull over.”

“Not today, Min.” she brought her hand up to Minnie’s chin and squeezed it lightly for a second.

“But we haven’t done it in a week!” she complained. “I’m getting impatient over here.”

“Then you can prepare yourself for something great tomorrow.” the older girl smirked.

Minnie looked pleadingly at her for a second, before realising it wouldn’t work at all. She lowered her hand, slowly, hoping that maybe it would trigger something. But Miyeon kept her teasing smile on the street ahead of her.

The younger shifted in her seat, and turned her head to the other side so that she couldn’t look at the skin that was open for anyone to see.

“Are you mad?” Miyeon asked, looking at her girlfriend, still having that smile.

“No, just really horny.” Minnie answered looking back at Miyeon.

The older grinned with her teeth, then leaned in to press her lips against Minnie’s. It was a quick peck, before the younger pushed Miyeon away.

“Eyes on the road, miss.” she teasingly said.

Miyeon kept driving quietly, and kept feeling the eyes staring at her. She could fall apart under those eyes, only if she wasn’t driving.

“I love you.” Minnie said.

It was random confessions like that that made Miyeon’s heart skip a little too many beats. Her smile grew inhumanly wide, but she was still playing a role, so she had to keep acting.

“I know.” she teased. “And that little cave of yours does too.”

“Hey!” Minnie complained. “You can’t reject me and then start teasing me! That’s not how it works here!”

“No?”

“No.”

“Okay then.” the korean said. “Don’t worry, I will give both of my lovers just what they need.”

“Ugh.” Minnie complained and rolled her eyes, but definitely not out of annoyance. “You cannot be like that. I’m gonna go crazy.”

“Okay, okay.” Miyeon chuckled. “How about...I come over tonight, after the party?”

“Yes, please.” Minnie begged, and Miyeon chuckled once again.

*  
*  
*

Soojin felt herself being pressed against the mattress over and over, while her lipstick smudged more and more with every minute. So much for all the effort she put into it. Hui’s sweaty body slid across hers, slamming into her together with his sighs.

He wasn’t rough at all, he was gentle and kind. He always asked what she wanted, if she was okay. Until he got to his last couple of seconds, when he could do nothing else than pound deeper and deeper into her. 

Then, like every other time, his entire body tensed up, before he fell flat on her with a growl. She let him rest against her chest, still being deep inside her.  
He drooled against her skin, while his smelly body corrupted hers. He was heavy, and quite muscular. Other girls would be mesmerised seeing him, especially during summer when he took his shirt of while playing soccer. Soojin was never mesmerised. But she was jealous each and every time.

“I love you baby.” oh yeah, the after-sex-love-confession, how she loved those.

With another grunt he pulled out of her, and pressed their lips together in a wet kiss, capturing Soojin’s tongue. Hui was never the best at kissing. He always put his tongue too deep, which made it hard for Soojin not to gag. But the gentle kisses, he was good at those. The ones where their lips only played a little with each other. Those made her feel appreciated, which was a feeling she loved. This wasn’t one of those.

After five minutes or so, he finally lifted himself up from her. Soojin could throw up when she saw the body part he so proudly swayed around in front of her. The thought that it had been inside her, it almost made her faint right there and then.

“I’m gonna go take a shower, join me?” he said, holding out his hand towards her.

Soojin, who had covered herself with his sheets, looked at his hand for a minute, before carefully getting up herself. He watched her every move, of course. The girl had noticed how he always studied her, and let his eyes linger on his favourite part of her.  
Once she’d gotten up from the bed, and grabbed his hand, he just stared at her, up and down. His hand found her chest, and she wasn’t surprised when he squeezed her a tad bit too hard.

“You’re so beautiful.” he said and bent down to kiss her neck.

“How about that shower, yeah?” Soojin asked, trying to keep herself from throwing up, or fainting, or both.

“Of course. What my queen wants, my queen gets.”

He lead her to the bathroom, where another round started, until they both were clean enough for Soojin to leave.

They walked through his big house, passed his sister who was playing with a doll as they did so.

“Jinnie!” she exclaimed happily and went for Soojin’s legs.

“Hey Yuyu.”

Downstairs sat Hui’s rich dad sat in his armchair and lowered his glasses once he saw the teens.

“Oh, I didn’t hear you enter, Soojin.” he said sharply, but that was just his normal tone.

“You were on the phone, sir.” Soojin answered, feeling small under his watch. 

“Very well.” he answered. “Are you heading home?”

Soojin nodded.

”The Jeons are holding a gathering, are you planning on joining us there?”

“I sadly have to watch my siblings, sir.” she answered.

“Huh.” he said and studied her for a second, before bringing up his newspaper again. “She’s a pretty and kind girl, son. You better keep her around.”

Hui rolled his eyes at his dad, but still answered with a grin.

“I can’t see why I wouldn’t.” he said.

Soojin put her shoes on quickly, before Hui pulled her into his hold once again. He squeezed her tightly, maybe a little too tightly, but she simply let him.

Then, he pulled her chin up with his hand, and pressed their lips together in one of those kisses Soojin didn’t hate. 

“Come over tonight, when your parents get home.” he said, and pleaded with his eyes.

“I don’t know.” she said. “I’ve got a project I need to work on and Soyeon wanted to-“

He kissed her again, longer and deeper.

“Pretty please?” he said with puppy eyes. “Am I not good enough for you anymore?”

He meant it as a joke, of course. At least she hoped he did.  
But the fact the the statement frightened her, made Soojin give in with another kiss.

“I’ll text you when I’m outside.” she said, and he smiled happily at his victory.

*  
*  
*

Soyeon had walked around in circles outside her house, not wanting to go in before she really needed to. She knew the guests would be arriving in no more than ten minutes, but it was still too much time. But she needed to get ready, unless...

The safest way was to sneak in by the basement door, which always was left unlocked. She quietly opened and closed the door, sneaked up the stairs and hurried until she was on the second floor. Quietly, she closed the door, grabbed a dress her mom had laid on her bed, and sneaked into the bathroom.

After a minute of two, she heard knocks on the bathroom door. She tensed up and felt herself starting to sweat away the deodorant she just applied, until a voice was heard.

“Your mother says to be down in two minutes, Soyeon.” a man, her dad, said in a raspy voice.

He sounded tired, like always. There were no emotions left in his voice. No happiness, no sadness, nothing. It was just plain and boring.

“Okay.” Soyeon answered, and fixed her hair in the mirror.

To say her mother hated her short, blonde hair was an understatement. Jeon Boyoung resented that yellow blob of hair. But Soyeon didn’t care about what her mother liked or didn’t like, nor anymore. At least, that’s what Soyeon told herself.

She heard the doorbell ringing, so she ran down the stairs to the hallway, where her parents waited for her. Her dad was short and skinny, not particularly good looking at all. His cheeks were flappy and his nose crooked, but he was rich so it was okay. And her mom, she was tall, fit and just like every woman wanted to be. Her red heals only made her even taller. Her hair was long and black, and her skin pale like a baby. Soyeon knew her mom was beautiful, but it was very hard seeing that picture when she knew her true side.

Together, with fake-smiles plastered across their faces, they opened the doors to men and women in tuxedos and dresses, and children in colourful blouses and freshly cleaned, white shirts. They were all given a glass with some kind of liquid when they entered, the kids’ drinks were pink. It was not her parents or herself who gave them out, of course. That was the ‘helpers’ job, a term her mother so cleverly came up with.

They welcomed people for at least ten minutes, until Soyeon say the Yontararaks enter through the door. Finally, she thought.

Her parents were dressed in the most expensive clothes they owned, in order to impress the hosts. And they’d dressed their sons in matching tuxedos, and their daughter in a dress that was too tight, too short and that showed off too much cleavage. Of course her shoulders were bare as well. The more skin, the better.

“Mr. Yontararak, nice to see you after such a long time.” Soyeon heard her father welcome.

“Ah, Mali, welcome dear.” Boyoung said and wrapped the Yontararak mother up in a fake hug.

At the same time, Minnie leaned down from her heels to hug Soyeon, who’d hid a pair of sneakers under her long, blue dress. Soyeon noticed how Mic and Mac placed themselves protectively behind Minnie, in order to cover her up. She silently thanked them, but she knew they wanted to cover her just as much as Soyeon did.

”Meet me in your bathroom when everyone’s here.” Minnie whispered into her ear, and Soyeon nodded as response.

“Miss Nicha, you’re looking more like a woman every time I see you.” Soyeon’s mom said and hugged her too. “I heard your father has big plans for you today.”

The woman winked at her, and Soyeon gagged quietly. She caught eye contact with the two brothers, who looked just as disturbed.

“You two looking handsome as always.” Boyoung said to the two young-adults. “Better find some girlfriends before you start getting ideas about your own sister.”

Boyoung started laughing that witch-laugh of hers, that made you wonder just when she would squeeze her brain out. Soyeon’s father, being the loyal husband he was, joined her hysterical laugh. Mr. Yontararak smiled politely, before getting himself and his family further into the house.

Oh, how Soyeon hated her mom.

After another ten minutes, her mother decided that those who weren’t there already were late, and would therefore not be let in. The Soes were luckily they made it just in time. Or was it Yang now? Soyeon hadn’t kept up. It wasn’t Soojin’s favourite subject anyways. There wasn’t a lot she actually liked to talk about.

Like Minnie had told her to, Soyeon walked up the stairs to her bathroom, and was met with a crying Minnie on the lid of her toilet.

Soyeon wasn’t the best comforter, but she’d learned from all of Minnie’s crying sessions that the only thing she wanted was to be held safely. So it was just that Soyeon did.  
She wrapped her exposed arms around Minnie’s shoulders and rested her head on Minnie’s. A couple of minutes later the crying eased down. Soyeon pulled away and grabbed some wipes from the side and started cleaning of the smudged mascara from Minnie’s face.

“I hate him.” Minnie said with a gulp in the throat.

“I know.” Soyeon answered.

“I hate him.” Minnie repeated. “I love her so much, why can’t he just see that? Why does he have to marry me off to someone like himself?”

“I don’t know.” Soyeon answered.

“I just wanna be with her. I’d do anything to be able to hold her right now.” Minnie complained hopelessly. “But here I am, being presented to men like a prostitute.”

“This world sucks, Minnie. We’ve always known that.” Soyeon said, focusing on a part under her left eye that didn’t want to wipe off.

“Can’t it just... not suck? For a minute?” she asked, then they both reacted to knocking on the door.

“Nicha, are you in there?” a man’s voice said.

Minnie sighed deeply, and Soyeon quickly cleaned off the last bit, before Minnie bit her lip and answered.

“Yes, father.” she said.

“You have to come with me down there, Nicha.” he said sternly.

“I’m coming, father.” she said, gave Soyeon a faint smile before opening the door and walking out. 

Soyeon couldn’t even explain how much Miyeon would hate this. She would be jealous as hell, of course. Jealous of all the men Mr. Yontararak was about to present her girlfriend to. She would be protective, and make sure none of the men could look at her, old nor young. But most of all would she hate how easily it was to manipulate wonderful girls like Minnie in a rich world like this one. She would completely, utterly hate it. And Soyeon, well, she hated it too. But Soyeon couldn’t say anything, because she was a victim to it herself.

*  
*  
*

Miyeon hadn’t driven home after dropping Minnie off. Well, she did at first. But she saw the newspaper by the door, so she turned the car around.

First, she’d driven to the mall, but she never went inside. There was nothing in there she would afford anyways. Then, she headed for the local cafe, but she stayed in the car. Those lattes were an entire months budget. In the end, she ended up at the park.

Ah, sweet, free park. There were swings, slides and other fun constructions. Miyeon went for one of the swings, but simply sat down and played with her feet in the sand. 

She tried to keep her mind off Minnie, but it wasn’t working at all. The only thing she saw before her was her sweet, lovely, amazing girlfriend being pressed against a wall while a hairy, sweaty so-called man tried to please her. Miyeon couldn’t stand the way she heard him grunt and pound, while her pure Minnie whimpered out her tears.

It was an ugly thought, too ugly. Miyeon’s eyes filled with tears, many of which were wiped away with her own hand. She decided to switch of the parts of her brain that Minnie consumed, which was almost everything.  
Instead, Yuqi came to her mind. She was sick, they’d learned yesterday. Poor, little girl. No one deserved something like that. And Shuhua, whose parents left her too early. It reminded her of her mother. Well, at least Miyeon had her father. Although he already was pretty much gone too.  
Maybe her and Shuhua had more in common than she thought at first.

Miyeon wondered what Soyeon and Soojin were doing at this minute. Well, Soyeon was at the gathering. Hopefully she protected Minnie- Ah, her Minnie-brain was back. 

What if someone was hitting at her just at this minute? That was highly likely. Miyeon hated how likely it was.

*  
*  
*

“So you’re a Junior, huh?” the man said.

He was older than her brothers, breath smelling of alcohol. He’d even tried to hide it with cologne and mouthwash.

“Yes, sir.” she answered politely, and looked to her father who gave a disapproving look. 

Just like that, he’d walked away from her. The next one came up to her. Well, he was sent off too, and the next one. Then, came someone looking younger.  
He shook her father’s hand first, then kissed hers. Minnie noticed how her fathers eyes lit up for a second.

“Nicha Yontararak, is it?” he asked politely.

He smelled a sweet scent, one Minnie didn’t want to punch away from her. Not yet, at least. He was fairly handsome, with black hair, a sharp chin and nice eyes. Maybe Minnie could fake with him?

“That’s right, sir.” she said.

“Ah, please, call me Taejeon.” he said, making Minnie smile. “If that is okay with you, sir?”

The Yontararak father nodded approvingly before Taejeon looked back at Minnie.

“My father has told me quite a lot about you.” Taejeon. “He said you were pretty, but you’re beautiful.”

At that comment, Minnie couldn’t help but blush. Who wouldn’t?

“Thank you, s-Taejeon.” Minnie said.

“Nicha- can I call you Nicha?” Minnie nodded. “Nicha, would you like to dance with me?”

Minnie looked over to her dad, who seemed to study the young man, before gesturing towards the dance floor.

Soyeon saw from afar how the boy led her best friend out, and placed his hands on her waist. She placed hers on his shoulders. It was weird seeing Minnie like this. Whenever she and Miyeon danced or held each other, Minnie was the one to grab the waist. She was the one to lead, never the one to follow. But this (straight) world required that of her.  
The blonde girl took a sip from her drink, and watched her friend closely. Mic and Mac stood beside her, and watched just as closely.

“I heard you’re still in high school?” he said to Minnie, who nodded. “Senior?”

“Junior.” she corrected.

“Ah.” he exclaimed. “Two years, huh?”

She nodded.

“I could work with that.” he said, and pulled her a little closer. “I’m a senior myself.”

“At what school?”

“Oh, just some boring private school. Just me and a hundred other boys.” he said, chuckling weakly. “Everyday is filled with piano and golf.”

“You play the piano?” Minnie asked, suddenly a little more interested.

“Barely. I’m better with the guitar, but that’s not a requirement at my school, so I don’t get to brag about it.”

“I play the piano.” Minnie said.

“You do? Do you sing as well?” he asked, smiling from one corner to the other.

“Only a little bit.” Minnie answered.

“You have to sing for me sometime then.” he said, Minnie barely noticed the smirk.

She nodded shyly before smiling herself.  
Yeah, she could totally fake with him.

“Jeon Soyeon, fancy to see you here.” Hui plastered his smile and walked up to the short girl.

“I literally live here, Hui.” Soyeon answered.

Both Mic and Mac looked down at him, waiting for the shorter boy to notice them.

“Whatever.” Hui said and stood beside her. “Who are your life-guards?” 

“I’m Mic, this is Mac. Yontararak.” Mic said, voice lower than normal.

“Oh-“ Hui said, startled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. I’m Lee Hoe-taek, or Hui. It’s nice to meet you.”

He shook their hands before turning back his attention to Soyeon.

“You’re here just to watch the pretty girls dance?” Hui joked, making Soyeon hit his arm.

“Shut up!” she said.

“Sorry, sorry.” he said, but he didn’t look sorry at all. “Jeon Soyeon, would you like to dance with me then?”

“I’d rather die.” Soyeon brushed him off.

“Ouch.” Hui faked being hurt. “It’s okay. I danced with your best friend enough this morning. She probably can’t walk anymore.”

He had a smirk on his face, and it took Soyeon everything she had not to hit him. Hui wasn’t mean, he was just stupid. Him and Soyeon had a relationship that only was built on them teasing each other, and he liked to bring up Soojin in every conversation, because it was the only thing he knew he really could upset her with. Just like she brought up every insecurity she’d ever seen him display. 

“You’re a prick, Hui.” Soyeon said.

“Yeah, and Soojin sure as hell likes it.” he smirked even wider.

“Yeah, right.” Soyeon said under her breath, but soon realised her slip of tongue, and was glad he didn’t catch it.

“What do you say about the dance?”

“I already said no.” Soyeon said.

“You sure? Cause everyone here is gonna suspect something unless you dance with at least one sweet boy?” Hui said.

And he was right. He was totally right. She rolled her eyes before following him out on the dance floor, making sure to walk as close to Minnie as she could.  
When his hands touched her waist, she flinched which made him jump as well.

“It’s okay, it’s just me.” he said and tried again, Soyeon rolled her eyes but didn’t flinch this time.

Soyeon was glad she was able to catch a couple of things Minnie and the charming, young man said. Minnie even laughed a couple of times. It was safe to say he seemed pretty okay, but she still hasn’t studied him enough.

*  
*  
*

Quietly, Soojin put her youngest sister down in her nursery. She’d tried to put her to sleep for the last half-hour, and now finally we’re both babies asleep.

Soojin carefully closed the door behind her once she’d exited, and walked down the hall. She knocked on a white door, and was met with a high voice.

“Come in.” Yejin said, voice weak and unsteady.

Soojin walked into the pink room. The room was dark, with only the night sky displayed on the roof, and a pink night lamp by Yejin’s side. The twelve-years-old held a book in her hands.  
Her body was small, bony. Under her eyes were blue circles, and no eyelashes to protect her eyes from dirt. Neither were there eyebrows colouring her forehead, other than the ones Soojin had painted there herself. And on her head was a pink piece of fabric, a pink that matched perfectly with her pink walls.

“How’s is the dizziness?” Soojin asked, laying down beside her little sister.

“Better.” Yejin answered. “But it’s still there.”

Soojin wrapped her arms around Yejin’s little body, careful not to crush her. She placed her head on her little sister’s shoulder.

“What are you reading?” Soojin asked.

“‘The fault in our stars’.” Yejin answered.

“You know there’s a sex scene in there, right?” Soojin smirked.

“Says the girl who read ‘Fifty shades of gray’.”

“I didn’t read it!”

“But you bought it.”

“I wanted to see what it was about.” she wanted to see if she was turned on by it... she wasn’t.

“Whatever.” Yejin said, absentmindedly.

“Why are you reading such a depressing book anyways?” Soojin asked.

“It’s not depressing! It’s about people like me who still were able to find love. That’s beautiful.” the younger sister answered. “It’s a beautiful book which just happens to make you depressed for a week or two.”

“Mhm.” Soojin’s big sister mode was now officially turned on. “Do you have someone you love?”

Soojin, like the annoying sister she was, made kissing noises with her mouth after her sentence, making Yejin roll her eyes.

“Ugh!” she complained. “I barely get out of my room, of course I don’t have anyone.”

“Well, I don’t don’t know if you’ve heard you middle-aged-woman, but there’s this thing called ‘internet’.” Soojin joked. “It’s quite useful, you should try it out.”

“I don’t think you’ll see me loving someone before you do.” Yejin said.

“Wha- I’ve got Hui.” Soojin said, now pulling away a little to look at her face.

“You don’t love Hui, Soojin.” Yejin said.

“How do you know?”

“You don’t smile when he texts you.” Yejin simply answered. “If you loved him, you would smile when he texts you.”

Yejin left it at that, and Soojin did too. There was so much more to be said, but Soojin was too scared to enter that conversation. Instead, she got up from the bed and reached her hand forwards.

“It’s time for bed now, little girl.” Soojin said, grabbing the book from her sister.

“I’m already in bed.” Yejin said, laying down.

“You know what I mean.” Soojin said.

She was about to lean down and kiss her sister’s forehead, once she got a text. Without thinking, she brought it up to her face. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened.

“See, you’re not smiling.” Yejin commented.

“It’s Miyeon.” Soojin said.

“What? What is it?” Yejin sat up on her elbows.

*  
*  
*

Once it already was dark, Miyeon decided to head home. She’d gotten all of her feelings out, and was just ready to rest at home for a bit until Minnie texted her. 

The drive was nice, dark and quiet. Not a single person was out on the roads, which was nice for Miyeon. She didn’t have to think of the stop signs, or speeding tickets.

She got home safe and sound, and walked up to the door where the newspaper still laid. Unlocking the door, she brought the newspaper in with her and placed it on the table by the door. She silently took off her shoes, and started walking into the house. Once she got to the living room, her father wasn’t there like he usually was. He wasn’t passed out on the couch by cans of liquor and white powder, or laughing at the TV with a beer in his hand.

“Dad?” Miyeon carefully said.

Nighter was he in the kitchen that hadn’t been cleaned for over a year. But his uneaten cereal were still on the table. He wasn’t in the hallway, or in the bathroom either.

“Dad?” Miyeon asked again, a little louder. 

Then, she decided to open the bedroom door that hadn’t been opened since her mom left. She hesitated for a second. It gave her a weird feeling, like whatever was behind the door was something she wasn’t supposed to see. But she had to find her dad, so she opened the door.

Miyeon fell back on the floor, hands brought up to her face. Her eyes were wide and already blurry, as her mouth let out noises she didn’t even know existed. 

What was before her, was a man, too tired of his life. And when you’re too tired of you’re life, there’s only one option left.

With shaking hands she took up her phone, and wrote out a message that she sent to her cousin, she didn’t care if there were any spelling mistakes. Then, she fell to the floor, unconscious.

*  
*  
*

“Hello?” Yejin asked. “What did she say?”

Soojin took a deep breath, and studied her text. Did she read it wrong? She must’ve read it wrong?

“Soojin!”

“She said,” Soojin started, voice shaking as she was talking, “‘Dad is hanging from the ceiling.’”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sure their parents are all amazing, this is just fiction. and i know hui is a good person, i’m sorry for writing him this way, bit it fits the storyline. again, this is just fiction.
> 
> WARNINGS: mentions of drugs and alcohol, suicide.


	7. In my marrow, and if

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: just a very sad miyeon

*

The ride to Soojin’s house was quiet. Her mom and her husband were dressed in expensive clothes, finished off with jewellery costing more than Miyeon’s entire house.

The older cousin rested her head on Soojin’s shoulder, as her eyes looked into the distance. Soojin brushed her hand over Miyeon’s back. Back and forth, over and over. The older girl didn’t feel it.

The streets behind them were lit up, as they walked into the big family-house. The lights were off, but Mr. Yang turned on the little light on the side table, before locking to door behind him.

Miyeon was lead up the stairs, and then put down on Soojin’s bed. She didn’t need the girl to tell her to snuggle in under the covers, before she was covered from her toes to shoulders. It was warm and nice, and smelled of her cousin. Miyeon loved her bed.

“I texted Minnie, she hasn’t answered yet though.” Soojin said, but Miyeon didn’t answer.

Miyeon heard her just fine, she just wasn’t listening. It didn’t feel important to her. How does anything feel important after witnessing something like that?

“Miyeon, honey.” said her aunt. “I’ve made you tea.”

Quietly, Miyeon grabbed the cup, and started drinking without noticing if it was too hot. She chugged down almost the entire drink, before Ms. Yang, earlier Seo, took the cup back and left it on Soojin’s desk. 

Soojin snuggled up against Miyeon’s side. She put an arm around her and Miyeon’s head into her neck, while she waited for the older to doze off.

She felt how her phone vibrated over and over again in her pocket, but she didn’t care to answer. Miyeon was far more important than her craving boyfriend. 

*  
*  
*

“You like maths, huh?” Taejeon asked.

They were standing out on the patio, he’d given her his jacket to cover her shoulders. The night air hit her uncovered legs, but she enjoyed the conversation too much to end it.

“Yeah, the one and only subject I actually like.” Minnie chuckled out. “Well, besides English.”

“Are you good at it then?” he asked, showing of that charming smile of his.

“I don’t know.” she shyly said and scratched her neck. 

“I bet you are.” he smiled. “Tell me about your friends.”

Minnie had grown to learn that he liked to give her the spotlight, asking questions out of nowhere to make her feel important. She couldn’t say she didn’t like it, because that would be a lie. She loved how he seemed interested in her life, in her. All his attention was on her.

“What do you want to know?” she asked him, as he scooted a little closer so their arms touched.

“Just tell me about them. Say whatever you want.” he said.

“Well... you know Soyeon, the daughter of the hosts. She’s special but so, so caring. Then we have her best friend, Soojin. Soojin’s a little quiet but so nice when you get to know her. And Soojin’s cousin, Miyeon. She’s...” Minnie started, but cut herself off.

In no words was she able to describe her girlfriend. She was more than Minnie ever would be able to put in words, more than any words at all. She was just... Miyeon.

“And we’ve befriended two new girls. Yuqi, who is an energetic little kid, and Shuhua, the loud, spirited, always-jumping-around pill of our group.” Minnie said with a smile. “We only just met, but I know they’ll fit in just fine.”

“They seem like good people.” he joined her smile.

He moved even closer, close enough that he could see the goosebumps spreading across her arms.

“Are you cold?” he asked and held out his hands.

It didn’t take long for Minnie to understand he wanted to share some of his warmth with her, so she placed her hands in his. He rubbed them against each other, breathed some hot air onto them, and kept rubbing. He looked focused as he warmed her, almost as if he was trying to make a fire out of sticks. His brows furrowed slightly, while he bit down on his jaw.

She would be lying if she said she didn’t find him attractive, but she wasn’t exactly attracted to him. But that was not because of him, of course. So far, he seemed amazing. Gentle, kind, thoughtful. There was nothing more Minnie could wish for, except that he wasn’t a woman and he wasn’t her Miyeon.

“I’ve been thinking during the night.” he said after some time, and Minnie nodded for him to continue. “I would love to continue this, you and me.”

Minnie’s heart started pounding. Of course he wanted to, and of course she had to agree. Otherwise her father would suspect something, not to speak about the other rich men she’d have to meet. Maybe Taejeon was her best way out of this?  
She could act with him. He was too nice to try anything she didn’t agree to, so she was safest off with him.

“But I have to say something before we do.” he said, and Minnie nodded. “I know about your dad’s plans, to marry you off to someone rich. I get that this isn’t anything you wanted at all.”

Minnie looked down to the ground and hit her lower lip.

“This isn’t what I wanted either. My dad made me come here, made me charm you.” he looked down too. “We’re in the same boat, you and I.”

“Are we?” Minnie asked.

“I’m gay.” he dropped, stopping his breathing as he did so.

Oh. She should’ve seen this coming.

“You are?” she asked, not knowing what else to do.

“And I know you are too.” he said. “You and Miyeon are famous around my school. Don’t ask me what they’re saying, but there’s a lot of rumours going around.”

Of course there is. Minnie rolled her eyes.

“But the reason I brought it up, is to give you an offer.” he nervously fiddled with her hands. “I like you. I’m sure I could’ve fallen in love with you, if I only swayed that way. And I think we look pretty good together.”

“What are you saying?”

“Your dad would be happy, my dad would be happy.” he said, and brought her hands up to his lips. “Date me, or whatever it would be called.”

He kissed her knuckles, making Minnie answer with laugh.

“Okay, I’ll ‘date’ you.” she said. “But only when my dad is watching, okay?”

“Of course. I mean, you’re beautiful and all, but I’m one hundred precent gay.” he chuckled.

“I guess we are in the same boat.” Minnie said and smiled back.

They kept talking, laughing and joking for the next hour, until Minnie was taken home by her father. The conversation on the way there was interesting, but Minnie only told the truth. She said how nice he was, how well they got along and how they decided to meet again. Her father was happy. Well, his wicked version of happy. 

Minnie fell asleep satisfied that night. She completely forgot the plans she had with her girlfriend, but it was okay. Because they had the rest of their lives together, Minnie found that hope tonight.

The next day, her mother walked into her room, while she was still sleeping, and kissed her goodbye.

It was only when Minnie woke up hours later that she realised they’d gone back. She sighed happily, and brought her phone to her face for the first time since early yesterday.

Minnie stopped in her tracks when she saw the message from Soojin. Never, ever in her life did she think she would read that kind of message. But she didn’t let it stop her.

Hurriedly she put on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. She left her hair untouched, and pulled the hood over her head. Her brothers were probably still sleeping when she made it out of the house.

Soojin lived pretty close to her, it was only a five minute walk. But those five minutes felt like an eternity this day. If she’d known about the text, she’d been holding Miyeon in her arms right now. But she was too stupid to open her phone even once.

She quickly walked up the driveway, passed the green lawn, and hurriedly knocked on the door.  
She wasn’t surprised when it was the man of the house that opened. Her sweaty, messy state must’ve surprised her, because his eyes widened right when he saw her.

“Nicha, what brings you here?” he asked, eyeing her up and down.

“Miyeon.” she was able to get out between her breaths.

“I see.” he said, walking out of the house and closed the door behind him. “You see, Miyeon is in a bad state right now. I don’t think-“

“She wants to see me”. Minnie said.

“I don’t know-“

“I promise.” Minnie begged with her eyes.

He seemed to think for a second, studied her eyes. Then, he opened the door, walked in himself and motioned for Minnie to follow him. He was shocked at how quickly Minnie took off her shoes and ran up the stairs.

Minnie’s heart pounded loudly, her forehead was sweaty. She almost fell when she reached for the bedroom door, but then she turned the knob and walked into the room.

Soojin had black walls, making the room darker than it already would be. Her curtains were still hiding the two from the outside, but the sun managed to shine through. It made a line, right on Soojin’s bed. There laid the two, huddled up together in their deep slumber.

Minnie won back her breath before laying down beside Miyeon. The older girl immediately felt her presence, and pressed her body against the thai. Minnie put her arms around Miyeon and protectively held her tight. Miyeon’s head had fallen on her chest, and she noticed how her nostrils moved rapidly. Only ten minutes later, Minnie drifted back to sleep.

*  
*  
*

“Yuqi!” Shuhua screamed at her door.

“What?!” Yuqi answered back, mad because she was woken up, woken up because a crazy teenager was screaming for her.

“Where’s my phone?!” Shuhua pounded madly at her bedroom door.

Yuqi grunted before turning around and pressed a pillow against her ear. She tried to squeeze her eyes shut, but that only caused her head to hurt more. No, she wasn’t still hangover. This was something else.

“Yuqi!” the chinese felt herself shake from side to side, by the hard grip of Shuhua. “Where is my phone?!”

“I don’t have your fucking phone!” Yuqi shouted back, suddenly sat up rapidly which made Shuhua back away.

“I had it in here yesterday!” Shuhua complained and started digging through Yuqi’s sheets.

The older girl kicked with her feet, to make Shuhua back of. But Shuhua was determined to find her little machine, she she ignored every time Yuqi’s foot met her arms.

“Ah!” she exclaimed and lifted up her phone from Yuqi’s bed. “Found it.”

She had a smug smile on her lips that made Yuqi even more annoyed. As Shuhua walked out, Yuqi threw multiple pillows, plushies and everything she could grab, after her.

The taiwanese walked down the stairs, and entered the kitchen where the old man sat. The newspaper was lifted up to his face, but he still managed to see Shuhua coming.

“Is she up yet?” he said in that warm, honey-tone of his.

“Does this answer your question?” Shuhua asked, showing the red marks on her arms.

He studied her arms, then switched his attention back to his newspaper.

“You better wash some cold water over that, honey.” Yuqi’s mom entered the room and squeezed Shuhua’s shoulder. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s fine.” Shuhua answered and grabbed an apple.

There was a moment when the family quietly did their morning routines, all sitting down by the table while enjoying the silence.

“Ah!” the man exclaimed happily after some minutes and reached for something on the counter. “This came in this morning.”

He showed her a paper, and she didn’t have to think twice what it was. With a wide smile, she looked up at her soon-to-be parents.

“Better sign it before we change our minds.” he joked with a smile.

She hurriedly stood up and went to hug the two of them, before lending a pen and quickly writing down her name. She smiled at the two again, hugged them, before running up to disturb her soon-to-be sister some more.

*  
*  
*

When Miyeon woke up, she felt the soft familiar skin against her cheek. The sweet scent infiltrated her lungs. And she felt those safe hands wrapped around her, so there was nothing else she could do than cry.

Minnie felt the drops hitting her chest, and immediately squeezed tighter.

“I’m here Miyeonie.” Minnie said, massaging her scalp.

The thai held her against herself, kissed the top of her head repeatedly while Miyeon sobbed into her chest. Not once did she think to pull away.

“Don’t- don’t leave.” Miyeon sobbed.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Minnie answered and kissed her head.

“Me. Don’t leave me. Not you too.”

Minnie took in the words like it was some sort of proposal, maybe it was. She brought her hand to Miyeon’s tear stained cheek, and held it there. Miyeon’s trembling hand landed on top of hers.

“I’m not gonna leave you.” Minnie whispered with more sincerity than she’d ever used before. “I’m not ever gonna leave you.”

Soojin was out calling Soyeon, who came over in an instant. She left her notebook open on her desk, but that didn’t matter at all.

With her she brought goodies, that she presented to Miyeon. The oldest girl had red, puffy, teary eyes as she saw the chocolate in front of her. She instantly started eating it while resting against Minnie’s chest, like she was the youngest of the group. Minnie’s hand petted the back of her hair meanwhile, making Miyeon fall even deeper into her chest.

“Okay, so this one has coconut filling.” Soyeon said and presented some to Miyeon, who instantly took it and started chewing on it.

The girls looked at her expectantly, but she just kept her stone face.

“What about this one? It’s peanut-butter.” Soojin said, reaching the chocolate to her.

Still, no reaction.

“Okay strawberry, I’m rooting for you.” Minnie said to her chocolate as she put it into Miyeon’s mouth.

The girl chewed for a couple of seconds, before the corners of her mouth lifted slightly. Soyeon’s head shot back as she grunted, while Minnie jumped up to celebrate her win.

“Okay, zero-zero-three to Minnie.” Soojin commented.

“New round.” Soyeon demanded.

“You sure? You’ll only lose again, are you prepared for that?” Minnie teased and sat down again.

“She’s biased!” Soyeon accused, and Miyeon just shrugged with the tiniest smile.

“Yeah? I see nothing wrong in that.” Minnie said while carefully putting her arm around Miyeon, who instantly snuggled into her neck.

“Maybe it’s time for a break.” Soojin said as she noticed how Miyeon’s somewhat happy expression turned into a frown.

Minnie seemed to notice too, because soon she was back in her comforting girlfriend role. She scooted back, so that their backs could rest against the end of the bed, while Soojin scooted to the other side of her and Soyeon grabbed her hand from the front.

“I hate him.” Miyeon mouthed against Minnie. “I hate her too, but I hate him the most.”

Soyeon squeezed Miyeon’s hand, but Miyeon rapidly took it out of her hold, was able to swaddle out of Soojin, and hit Minnie’s chest, all happening in a single second.

Minnie was so startled that she hadn’t reacted until both Soyeon and Soojin held her girlfriend down, while she sobbed hysterically.

“I hate him!” she repeated, louder and louder every time.

Both of the younger girls looked frightened around the room, as they held Miyeon’s uncontrollable arms in place. Soyeon, who never, ever cried had tears in her eyes while Soojin, who never showed any emotion at all, breathing hastily with widened eyes.

“I hate him!” Miyeon screamed once again, followed with a growl from deep within her.

”I know.” Minnie said and moved forwards.

She reached her hands towards Miyeon’s face, and cupped it while staring into her eyes.

“I hate him...” Miyeon muttered.

“I know.” Minnie answered and burried her head back in the crook of her neck where she knew Miyeon felt safe.

Minnie motioned for Soojin and Soyeon to let go of her, which they reluctantly did. Miyeon’s arms fell back around Minnie, and the younger’s arm did the same.

“I loved him.” Miyeon whispered.

“I know.” Minnie said.

*  
*  
*

”Tell me about the upcoming week.” mommy Song said while putting some noodles into her mouth.

”We’ve got a test on wednesday, and an essay that’s due on like... friday?” Yuqi said.

“Are you prepared?” the dad asked.

“Not yet, but I’m getting there.” Yuqi said, and Shuhua agreed with a nod.

“Yuqi, your checkup is on Tuesday.” Shuhua reminded the entire family, who all nodded.

“And we need to buy your new medicine this week too.” the woman said, putting more noodles in her mouth.

“How about we do something this week? To celebrate, huh?” the man said, bringing out his hands as he did so. “We still haven’t been to the arcade, have we?”

“Oh!” Yuqi exclaimed happily. “I’m gonna beat your ass, dad!”

“You can try, son, but I highly doubt it.”

Suddenly, there were in a staring competition. Mr. Song held his eyes open for as long as he could, even when Yuqi didn’t admit to her defeat. Then, he challenged Shuhua, which was his worst choice yet. She had only just started when his eyes started to spit tears, causing him to close his eyes and rub continuously. Shuhua, Yuqi and Mrs. Song all cheered for the winner, and booed for the looser.

Then they helped clean off the table, before Yuqi and Shuhua hid themselves in Yuqi’s room. 

“I want to text her.” Yuqi randomly blurted out.

“Text who?” Shuhua brought her phone down from her face so she could watch the girl on the desk.

“Soyeon, duh.” Yuqi said and scribbled down some words into her book.

“Aw!” Shuhua teased and climbed out of the bed. “Aw!” she said again and squeezed Yuqi’s cheeks. “Is little miss Song in love?”

Shuhua pouted her lip at the last word, making it rounder and longer than Yuqi would’ve appreciated.

“Shut up.” Yuqi complained. “I just want to text her. There doesn’t have to be any feelings involved for me to text her.”

“Yuqi. Yuqi, Yuqi, Yuqi...” Shuhua said and placed her hand on Yuqi’s shoulder. “You text two people, and I’m not even one of them. If you’re gonna text someone, you either want money, medication or... Soyeon won’t give you the first two.”

“What’s ‘or’ supposed to mean?” Yuqi wondered loudly. “I just want to see how she’s doing.”

“Mhm.” Shuhua said before sitting back down on the bed.

“What? Is that weird?” Yuqi asked.

“No, not weird.”

“What is it then?”

“Well, judging by how she stayed in your arms yesterday, even though she was clearly awake, I think you texting her will give her false expectations.” Shuhua explained, as wise as she was.

“What kind of expectations?” Yuqi asked, turning her entire body to Shuhua.

“False ones.” she fiddled with her phone.

“What if... what if they’re not entirely false?” Yuqi carefully asked, to herself at the same time as to Shuhua.

“So you are in love with her?” Shuhua threw down her phone and had a wide grin.

“Not in love, just... curious. I wanna see what she’s about.” Yuqi said, thinking of the girl.

“Okay, then I definitely think you should text her.” Shuhua sat up from her position and crossed her legs. “Cause she’s into you, I promise you that.”

“Are you sure? What if she doesn’t answer?” 

“Then you text again.”

“And what if she doesn’t answer then either?”

“Then her phone is broken or something. She wouldn’t miss a chance to talk to you.” Shuhua said with a clear tone.

“How are you so sure?” Yuqi asked.

“Cause I’ve seen how she looks at you, Yuqiqi. She’d date you right there and then if you weren’t so uptight.”

“I’m not uptight!”

“That’s beside the point. Just text her, you coward.”

Yuqi was not a coward! She was not!  
She brought up the phone from the desk, and started swiping through her contacts. Luckily, it took awhile to get down to ‘So’, but then she saw the name. ‘Jeon Soyeon (school)’ she’d put her as. She reminded herself to take away ‘(school)’.

She clicked on the contact, and was met with the realisation that she’d never done this before. She didn’t know how to start, how to continue. She didn’t even know how to finish it off! Swallowing her pride, she turned back to Shuhua.

“What do I write?” she whined.

“I don’t know.” Shuhua absentmindedly said.

“You don’t know?”

“I’ve never done this before.” Shuhua said, and once again put down her phone.

“Shuhua!”

“Why are you mad?” the girl chuckled.

“What do I do?” she brought her hands up to her head and massaged her temples.

“Just say ‘hey’ or whatever.” Shuhua said. “Don’t sound too excited, and not too much ‘oh I’m trying to play cool to impress you’.”

Yuqi hands were almost shaking as she wrote down the characters. She erased them, wrote new ones, erased them too, and returned to the original before she pressed on the screen.

“Why did you make me do this?!” Yuqi shouted angrily. “You’ve made me destroy everything!”

“Hey, chill.” Shuhua said. “I barely did anything. Has she answered already? Why are you so upset?”

“No, she hasn’t! It’s been a minute and she hasn’t even checked it! She hates me!”

“A minute? Yuqi you’ve got to be kidding me.” Shuhua rolled her eyes. “Maybe wait another twenty-nine minutes until you loose your shit?”

*  
*  
*

Miyeon had once again fallen asleep, with a frown on her face. Minnie held her against herself, while the three munched down on the chocolate that was left. Miyeon was right, strawberry was the best one.

”And then we danced.” Minnie said.

“You did?” Soojin asked surprised.

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t reject him. My dad was right there.” Minnie said. 

“And then they sneaked out on the patio.” Soyeon smirked.

“Minnie-“ Soojin started complaining and looked down on the sleeping Miyeon.

“Yup. That’s where he told me he’s gay.”

“Oh.” Minnie and Soyeon both chuckled at Soojin’s reply. “I mean, it’s great but... he won’t marry you then.”

“Exactly.” Minnie said. “We’ll just act all couple-y and cute until we get the chance to escape.”

“Huh.” Soojin said. “Seems like a good plan.”

“Yeah, now I just have to convince my dad.” Minnie said. “And keep her out of it all.” Minnie motioned from Miyeon who now had laid her entire weight in Minnie’s arms.

“Keeping your girlfriend out of your faked love life will be hard.” Soyeon said.

“I know.”

As Minnie answered, Soyeon felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She brought it up and smiled when she read the name.

“What got you so happy?” Minnie asked.

With a foolish smile, Soyeon turned the phone around, and awaited the reactions from Minnie and Soojin as they read the text.

Soojin’s eyes lit up a bit, while Minnie gasped, almost loud enough for Miyeon to wake up. It was just a simple ‘hey, how are you’ but it was enough for Soyeon to turn into a giggly mess.

The far too happy girl answered quickly, and the other two knew they’d lost her when she fell to the floor with her phone in her hands. Her fingers kept moving over the screen, while Minnie and Soojin got into their own conversation.

“I’m glad you texted me yesterday, although I didn’t see it until this morning.” Minnie said, and looked down at the sleeping girl.

How she could’ve slept through everything, was a mystery. But she was the Cho Miyeon who could sleep through an earthquake, so it was normal for her.

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle this.” Soojin answered, and also looked down at her cousin.

“I’m glad you thought of me.”

“Minnie... you’re her favourite person in the entire world, of course I thought of you.” Soojin said, her lips forming into a faint smile.

“I’m not sure about favourite. She loves you too, JinJin.” Minnie said.

“Sure, and she loves that gay mess too, but she loves you.” Soojin put emphasis on the last two words. “Just look at her now. No one else than you would be able to make her this calm just by being there.”

That must’ve been the longest sentence Soojin ever has said. But she wasn’t done yet.

“She was shaking all night, but then you came, and her entire body relaxed.”

Minnie looked down at Miyeon’s beautiful face, and smiled as she saw her eyelids move. That meant she was dreaming herself away from this awful world. The thai girl leaned down and pressed her lips against the top of Miyeon’s head.

“Guys!” Soyeon said too loudly, making Miyeon wake up.

“What?” she woke up saying in a raspy voice.

“Oh, I’m sorry Miyeonie.” Soyeon excused herself but then continued. “But I kinda sent Woogi a risky text, I asked if she wanted to hang out with me alone, and she said yes!” 

“That’s amazing!” Minnie said happily.

“Too loud...” Miyeon, who just had woken up, complained.

“I’m sorry.” Minnie said and kissed her forehead.

“She asked to hang out on tuesday, to study for a test.” Soyeon smirked.

“Okay, keep in mind that her ‘study’ might actually mean study.” Soojin said.

“Whatever, let me be happy.” Soyeon said.

“I’m happy for you.” Miyeon’s weak voice said before she sat up on her own.

Her head was hurting from all the crying, and her eyes stung.

“Where’s the chocolate?” she asked, and Soojin gave her the bar they’d saved.

It was mint but Miyeon ate it anyways. She pressed the small squares into her mouth, and let the sugar melt against her tongue. It ran down her throat. She’d never tasted anything better in her life.

“Was it good?” Minnie asked after she’d watched her girlfriend savour that bar like it was something every angel in heaven came together to create.

Miyeon nodded, and started looking for another bar. Soojin handed her a new one, and another one after that. Minnie watched her getting the small amount of happiness those bits of chocolate could give her. And the lovestruck Soyeon rolled around the floor with the biggest smile she’d ever shown while texting a certain Chinese girl.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve got two assignments that are supposed to be done next week... so i guess you have a lot of updates looking forward to this week.
> 
> question of the chapter:
> 
> why do you think miyeon punched minnie like that?


	8. I wanted a transplant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

*

The stars glimmered on the sky, while the street lights lit up the road in front of two. 

It was exactly ten weeks since Miyeon’s dad passed, and it hadn’t been an easy time for any of them. Soojin was pulled in two directions, the one she wanted to be in which was to cuddle Miyeon, and the one her boyfriend wanted her to be in which was to cuddle him. Shuhua and Yuqi were kept out of it, until Yuqi stepped up and complained that there was something they weren’t telling them. Miyeon hadn’t been to school for weeks, and Minnie always rushed away from them. Soyeon broke the silence, which made the two shut up immediately. 

It was exactly ten weeks since Miyeon’s dad passed, and exactly one night until she would go back to school. That, she celebrated with a mental breakdown in Minnie’s arms, with Soojin pressing candy into her month every now and then. Shuhua was there too, probably. Yuqi had left her off there a couple of hours ago, and Shuhua wasn’t one to go home alone. She was probably cracking a couple of jokes, then hiding in Soojin’s side when they didn’t work. Soojin and Shuhua had formed... a special relationship. Shuhua was ever so clingy, and Soojin was complaining, but everyone could see she liked it.

Yuqi smiled when she remembered how happy Shuhua had been that afternoon. She came home with a wide grin and threw herself on Yuqi’s bed, and told the story about how Soojin let her hold her hand (under the table) at lunch. Yuqi had heard the story, and she’d been there when it happened, but Shuhua told it over and over again. Then the hand-holding turned into leaning on the shoulder, which then turned into hugs. Now, everyone would think they were whatever Shuhua wanted them to be... if Soojin just didn’t have a boyfriend.

“Why are you grinning?” Soyeon asked by Yuqi’s side, as she swirled her tongue around her lollipop.

She looked awfully intimidating, but so, so cute. Her eyes were glaring at Yuqi, with a certain playfulness Yuqi saw more and more by each day. She knew the glare soon would turn into a teasing comment.

“I was just thinking about these past weeks.” Yuqi answered honestly, and put her own lollipop back into her mouth.

The sugar had become cold from wind, but it tasted just as good nonetheless. Cherry melted over her tongue, as she looked down to the moving ground.

“Yeah?” Soyeon asked. “What is it that makes you so happy?”

“A lot of stuff.” Yuqi grinned.

“Like what?”

“You’d like to know? Then I won’t tell you.” Yuqi teased.

“Hey!” Soyeon complained and put a hand on Yuqi’s arm which made the younger stop and stare at Soyeon.

Yuqi grinned widely, while Soyeon glared at her. Their eye contact didn’t break, and there was a slight second where Yuqi thought she would be tackled down to the ground. But then, Soyeon’s eyes changed. There was a one-eighty switch in her energy. From being on the verge to shout from her lungs, to being inches away from melting into pile. And all of it was because of Yuqi.

Yuqi saw how Soyeon’s face turned a slight shade of red, and couldn’t stop herself from blushing as well. The both of them turned around at the same time, and kept walking down the road to Soojin’s house. 

There was a bag swaying in one of Soyeon’s hands, and Yuqi didn’t fail to notice when the older switched which hand was holding it. But the korean kept her hand to herself, only letting it brush over the back of Yuqi’s from time to time.

The younger smiled to herself, and let out a sigh as she did so.

“What?” Soyeon asked, furrowing her eyebrows at the chinese.

“Nothing...” Yuqi said, a little too high pitched for the secretive girl.

Soyeon rolled her eyes and decided that her hand wasn’t for Yuqi to hold. Not when she acted like that and had secrets. But the other girl chuckled and let her eyes glimmer as she looked at Soyeon.

“You’re so annoying.” Soyeon stated and crossed her arms.

“But you still like me.”

Yuqi brought her hands to Soyeon’s crossed ones, and struggled a bit to let them loose. Soyeon was working against her, pressing her arms together with all the power she had, but Yuqi still managed to loosen her hold. Then, the younger let her arm slip around Soyeon’s, and intertwined their hands with a squeeze.

Once again, Soyeon’s cheeks became hot. She tried to keep her gaze away by looking in the other direction, where grand houses were lit up. In some of the windows she could see the reflections of the TV, but most of them were just on an art piece, a chandelier or a bookshelf stuffed with old books. 

Soyeon liked Soojin’s street. Unlike around her, the houses were actually lived in. They all had character by being painted in different shades of white, gray, light blue and some were even yellow. And they all had at least one window lit. On Soyeon’s street, the houses were all newly-painted in white, with big windows that didn’t give off any character at all, because on the inside of those windows were just a white wall and a rug here and there.  
Soyeon knew she was one of the lucky few who got to live in a house like that, and she hated herself for complaining about it. But she still longed for at least one of those paintings hung up at her house, but that would never happen.

In the way Soyeon’s eyes were glued to the houses, Yuqi did the same. She loved these houses, but she thought they had too little character. They were all a neutral colour, all with green lawns and the same decor. Sure, they were big and grand and truly beautiful with all the panels and details, but she would choose her own house over these anytime. Painted in a red colour, her house coloured the streets. The other houses were green, blue, pink and so many other colours. There was often kids running on the front yard of each house, playing with each other like they were siblings. The parents didn’t care too much if they destroyed the lawn, they were kids anyways. And what the kids loved to do, was to play on the old hammock placed on the Songs’ grounds. They didn’t have a heart to throw it away when they moved in, since the kids liked it so much when the previous owners allowed them to play with it. 

Once again, Yuqi found herself drift off into thoughts. Something she seemed to do a lot these days. But thoughts were good, they let her get away from the constant headache that was her reality.

She hadn’t even realised she was outside the white mansion, until Soyeon pressed the doorbell.

A man, who Yuqi had learned was Soojin’s step dad, or with Soyeon’s words, ‘that one person that sleeps with her mom’.

He always looked tired, usually held one of the two babies. He sighed before backing away, letting the two teenagers into his house. He didn’t even care to stay and help them with their shoes or jackets. They’d been there the majority of the week the last two and half months, he knew they knew what to do with their stuff.

Soyeon and Yuqi made their way up the stairs, through the hallway and stopping in front of a door.

“I’ll just say hi.” Yuqi said to Soyeon who nodded and kept walking to the next door.

Yuqi knocked on the bedroom door, and got a faint answer from the body on the bed.  
The chinese was met with a bright smile when she walked into the room. The girl was even paler now, with her veins shining through her skin. Her eyes were nearly bloodshot, and always watery. But she was beautiful anyhow, the little amount of her that actually was. 

“How’s my favourite sicko?” Yuqi said, something that would only pass without concerned looks if it was the two of them. 

“Woogi!” Yejin said, voice cracking as she did so.

Yuqi loved how she had picked up on Soyeon’s nickname for her. It meant the older girl was talking about her.

“I thought you weren’t coming today”. Yejin stated. “I found a new movie on Netflix.” 

The little girl scooted to the side of her bed and left some place for Yuqi. It had become a routine since Yuqi first met the girl and decided to take her under her wing. They had a bond not a single soul would miss, the two of them. Yejin was sick, and no one was sure how long she would live. Yuqi was sick, and no one knew how long she would live. It was nice for the both of them to have someone to relate to.

“I’m actually here for Miyeon today.” Yuqi said and walked to Yejin’s bed. ”But I’ll come back later this week, and then we can watch the movie.”

She brushed her fingers over Yejin’s cheek. The younger girl sighed, and then nodded. 

In the next room, Soyeon had walked in to her four friends on the bed. Miyeon was in the middle, eyes dry and puffy, but she still gave Soyeon her genuine smile. Minnie was by her side, pressing in a piece of chocolate into her mouth as she tried to explain just why that piece was the best. Soojin was resting her head against the wall on the other side of Miyeon, and Shuhua pressed herself against Soojin’s side while laughing wildly at Minnie’s weirdness. 

“...and it’s perfectly tempered.”

“Yeah, because you’ve been holding it for the past hour.” Miyeon said to Minnie, but smiled at Soyeon. “How did the date go?”

Soyeon blushed at the sudden bluntness, and held her finger in front of her mouth.

“Sh! She’s just in Yejin’s room!” Soyeon said, and Miyeon smiled while shaking her head. “I’m not even sure she knows it was... one of those.”

Shuhua scoffed from her place. All eyes went to her as she began to panic the slightest bit.

“What?” Soyeon asked sharply.

“Nothing.” Shuhua said quickly and buried her head in Soojin’s neck, so that she didn’t have to look at them.

Soyeon shook her head. The two sisters were way too much alike, it wasn’t even funny.

“How did the ‘one of those’ go?” Soojin then asked, trying to get the eyes of the girl who was clinging to her side.

“It went well.” she sat down by the foot of the bed. “We held hands.”

Soyeon’s crush on Yuqi was well known in the group. Well known around the school, even. Soyeon knew it, Yuqi knew it. It wasn’t like she was trying to hide it either. The problem was just the one person she wasn’t hiding her feelings from. Because Yuqi had never said anything that could even hint that she liked the smaller girl more than a friend, and therefore Soyeon couldn’t be as bold as she wanted to.

“You did?” Minnie asked. “That was a first, right?”

“Yeah.” Soyeon smiled to herself.

“What’s up people, I’m here to take the baby home.” their calmness was interrupted by Yuqi’s loud voice, and immediately turned into everything else than calm.

“Yuqi, you’re the baby.” Minnie commented, brave coming from her.

“Take me home then.” Yuqi said, while trying to pull Shuhua away from Soojin. 

“I’m sleeping here.” Minnie said.

“I’ll come with you.” Soojin said. “Hui asked me to come over anyways.”

Suddenly it was easier for Yuqi to pull Shuhua away. Shuhua landed next to Yuqi, looking like she’d been laying down for the last years. She had a stone face, but Yuqi kept her hand on Shuhua’s side just in case.

“I’ll go too.” Soyeon said. “Let the lovers have some alone time.”

She raised from the bed together with Soojin, while the two left watched them with a grin.

“So it’s not just another chance to drool over your girlfriend?” Minnie teased.

“For the love of god!” Yuqi exclaimed. “We’re not together!”

“Mhm.” Minnie kept her grinning face.

“Come on, let’s get going.” Soojin, the only sane one, said.

They left the room after some goodbyes, and good lucks for Miyeon. The four girls went downstairs, and Soojin hurried them to put their shoes and jackets on. But the girl’s mission was soon failed, when her mother walked into the room.

“Where are you going?” she asked, concerned but trying not to sound like it.

Everyone could read through her facade.

“They’re going home, I’m going to Hui.” Soojin said quickly and pulled her shoe on her foot. 

The others were already dressed and halfway out the door.

“Again?” her mother asked.

Her eyes had huge bags under them, and the wrinkles were visible on her beautiful face. She’d owned one wrinkle for when her husband went to prison, another one from when her daughter was diagnosed... they just kept coming and coming. 

“Yeah. So what?” Soojin asked, sassy as ever.

“Don’t you want to spend some time with your siblings? With me?”

Even though that question hit her like ten bullets at the same time, she wouldn’t let the emotions show on her face. Her mother had lost the privilege to see her emotions long ago.

“I’ve been talking to Yejin about this ‘Hui’.” the mom started and Soojin’s eyes immediately became focused on her face.

What was she about to say?

Shuhua’s eyes also perked up at the mention of the name, and Yuqi reminded her with a slap on the arm. 

“She’s worried, Soojin.”

Soojin felt her eyebrows twitching and her jaw clenching. Of course her sister had talked about it with their mom that she was ever so loyal to.  
In a heartbeat, Soojin turned around and was out the door.

“I’ll be home sometime tomorrow.” Soojin said, closing the door behind her.

She’d almost forgotten her friends waiting for her. All staring, but with so different emotions. Soyeon gave her that one smile that showed just how much she cared, the one she rarely gave to anyone else. Yuqi... Soojin wasn’t very good at reading Yuqi just yet. She hadn’t spent too much time with her. But Shuhua, Shuhua looked stone-faced. Almost mad. Her jaw was clenched, like Soojin’s was before. And her eyebrows were a little lower on her face than they usually were.

“Let’s go.” Soojin said, shoving herself between them.

*  
*  
*

Minnie gave Miyeon’s hand the tiniest squeeze, before leaning in to kiss her cheek. They’d been laying in the same position the entire day, with Minnie pressed against Miyeon’s side, holding her protectively.

Minnie had nearly forgotten her own problems she was dealing with. But her parents hadn’t been home since that weekend, so there wasn’t too much to worry about at the moment. All she’d cared about was Miyeon.  
Miyeon had been the only thing on her mind for the last ten weeks. She always rushed away when Miyeon sent her a text or phone call, always made sure to be there for Miyeon to lean on when she needed it. She loved being able to make Miyeon feel a bit better, but she knew the girl would need time. Loosing a parent was probably one of the worst things out there, and now she’d lost two in four years. 

And Minnie was stern on giving her girlfriend all time she needed to grief, but she would lie if she said she didn’t miss Miyeon’s kisses and touches. The way their bodies would melt into each other, like they were the only thing that mattered. Yeah, Minnie missed those intimate moments.  
But gentle kisses on her face would have to be enough for now.

As if Miyeon read Minnie’s mind, which wouldn’t surprise anyone if she actually did, the older girl turned her face around to look at Minnie in the eyes. She tightened her lips, before opening her mouth.

“I know you want to have sex.” Miyeon said, causing Minnie to immediately blush and shake her head.

“No, no-“

“Minnie, we haven’t slept in three months. You can usually only last a few days.” and if Minnie wasn’t red enough earlier, she surely was now. “I want you too.”

She brushed her hand over Minnie’s defined jaw, and stared deeply into her eyes.

“I’m sensing a ‘but’.” Minnie said.

“But-“ Miyeon started with the smallest smile. “-I’m not quite ready yet.”

Minnie nodded slowly.

“I fully understand, I promise. I’ll wait.” Minnie said and squeezed her harder.

“You could... be with someone else for a while.” Miyeon suggested quietly.

“What?”

“I mean, if you want to destress or something... I know that’s like...the only way for you-“

“Shut up.” Minnie said firmly. “Shut up right now.”

She pulled away her hand from Miyeon’s body and sat herself up on the bed, followed by Miyeon who did the same. 

“Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that.”

Miyeon noticed how Minnie had her mad-face on. Which was unusual when it was just the two of them. In their fights, Miyeon was the mad one while Minnie only teased her with grin. She was very rarely mad, at least having the madness aimed at Miyeon.

“I’m not gonna be with anyone else. Ever. How could you even think-“

There was a moment Minnie looked like she almost was about to blow up, before she lowered her head and rubbed her eyes with her hands. She took a couple of deep breaths, before looking back up again.

“I love you, and only you. Okay?”

Miyeon brought her hand back to Minnie’s jaw as she smiled fondly. Minnie’s gaze quickly turned confused when Miyeon leaned in, but it changed as soon as the older pouted her lips and closed her eyes. Minnie thought she was taken to heaven when Miyeon’s soft lips touched her for the first time in so long.

Once Miyeon pulled away, Minnie chased after the lips. She slowly opened her eyes when she realised she wouldn’t reach them. 

But to her surprise, Miyeon had laid down on the bed and held out her arms for Minnie, who instantly fell down between them. Miyeon pecked Minnie once again, and then captured their lips together. 

Minnie didn’t want to cross any lines, so she never asked for dominance like she usually did. She just let their lips play together in a nice rhythm, and once again did anything to make Miyeon feel better. If that meant stopping before she was satisfied, so be it.

*  
*  
*

Hui’s tired and sweaty body was once again pressed against Soojin. He was breathing heavily on her, while his hand played with her skin in a way he thought she loved. She didn’t love it one bit. 

He had stayed between her legs, because he loved the feeling with her around him. For Soojin, it hurt and felt nothing else than weird. But she never told him, or showed the slightest bit of discomfort. She even encouraged him with sounds.  
How would he know they were fake?

Once his hand found its way to her chest, Soojin realised that he had regained a bit of his energy. 

“I love you.” he said and squeezed her skin. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

He placed kisses over the skin under his head between each word. Sloppy ones, luckily not those that would leave marks.

“I love feeling you. I love tasting you. I love you.” he went in for another kiss, but this time she was sure it would leave a mark.

She tried to pull her neck away, but that only caused her entire body to move, and she knew she’d chosen the wrong move when he moaned. For half a second, she’d forgotten he was inside her, but now it came rushing back to her.

“You want a round two, baby?” he asked, grinning against her skin. “Let me rest a little more, okay? The big guy is still pretty tired.”

Ugh.

He must’ve thought she was really turned on, because he started squeezing her breast like it was his to take. But his kisses on her skin stopped, so at least she accomplished something. 

“How is Miyeon?” he asked.

It was definitely not the right moment for anything like that. Soojin would prefer to stay quiet altogether, but that wasn’t how it worked with her boyfriend.

“Better, she’s coming back.” she answered.

“And the others? How are those two kids? U... something and... Shuhua?” he asked, like if he was interested.

Well, they weren’t kids, was the first thing she wanted to tell him. But she could only wish she’d been able to do that without sounding like she cared too much.

“Okay.” she answered instead.

“I love that you message me so much these days.”

Ah, here it came.

“You know? Before I kinda felt like I was the only one holding this relationship together, but now you’ve started to help me a bit more.” he leaned in for a kiss, like he just had made her the happiest on earth. “A king needs his queen, you know. To rule his kingdom or whatever.”

He kissed her.

“Don’t I?” he asked, but Soojin stayed quiet.

He had a tendency to come to his own conclusions when she wasn’t answering him, which was often. 

“Baby?” didn’t seem like she would get out of this one.

“Of course.” she said, trying to sound like her soul hadn’t stayed at home beside Miyeon.

“When we have kids, I’m going to make you the happiest mommy on earth” he stated, smirking while eyeing her.

Only just now did he pull out with a grunt, only to hover over her while sliding further down her body.

“I’m going to put baby after baby into you,” he kissed her belly, “and watch as you raise the most handsome little boys and prettiest little girls.”

Oh, didn’t that sound just like best future ever.

“It’s you and me, baby.” Hui said and kissed her belly repeatedly. “Just you, and me,” he lowered himself even more before he placed his head between her legs, “and this sweet little body of yours.”

*  
*  
*

Minnie was looking through her phone with Miyeon half asleep on her shoulder. She wasn’t doing anything in particular, just swiping through her apps. Until, a message came up on her screen. ‘Taejeon’. It wasn’t the first time he texted her. They’d become quite good friends over the time, and she would often come into comedic conversations with him over text. This time was no different.

Minnie was giggling at a message he sent with a cow dressed as a carrot, an inside joke between the two of them. Miyeon slowly raised her head as her entire brain had been shaking because of the laughter.

“What are you doing?” Miyeon asked, suspicious at just how happy her girlfriend looked.

“Texting Taejeon.” she said, still on her high.

“Taejeon? Who is she?” Miyeon suddenly shifted a little too aggressively as she tried to look at Minnie’s screen.

Minnie looked up from her phone and grinned.

“He is the guy my dad matched me with.”

“What?” 

Miyeon knew it would happen, it was inevitable. But now, when there actually was someone in the picture, it all became even more real. Miyeon grew worried, above all else. They’d known each other for what... ten weeks now? Without Miyeon knowing about it?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, sounding a little more down than she’d hoped.

“I didn’t want to make you feel even worse.” Minnie said. “But there’s nothing to be worried about, okay?”

“Minnie...” Miyeon complained with a high voice. “What if he falls in love with you? What if you fall in love with him? What-“

“Miyeon.” Minnie smiled. “I’m gay. He’s gay. Two gays only work together if they’re the same sex, right?”

For a second, Miyeon had to take in Minnie’s words. Had she heard them right? She sure hoped so. But that didn’t stop the rush of irritation that hit her.

Miyeon grabbed the pillow behind her and started hitting Minnie with it.

“Ugh!” she let out. “You could’ve started with that!”

Miyeon stopped hitting her when she saw how entertained Minnie looked.

“It’s not funny.” she pouted. “I nearly had a heart attack!”

“I literally just declared my love for you an hour ago.” Minnie said as her glimmering eyes met Miyeon’s glaring ones. 

“You’re mine.” Miyeon said angrily.

Minnie thought the way Miyeon fell against her while wrapping her arms around her with that pout on her lips was adorable.

“I’m yours.” Minnie answered with a giggle.

“Me and you.”

“Me and you.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> question of the chapter:  
> what are your thoughts on hui? why is he the way he is? is there something deeper or is he just ‘that’ man?
> 
> we love parallels, don’t we?


	9. There’d be no match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> What’s wrong with Soyeon?
> 
> well, now every single conflict in this fic has officially joined the chat, say hello to soyeon’s.
> 
> no warnings to this chapter (that doesn’t mean it’s not a rollercoaster tho)

*

The girls decided to walk today. One, because Miyeon’s car was at her house and none of them felt like taking that roundabout way. Two, because Miyeon hadn’t driven for too long and Soyeon was far too scared to sit down in a car with her. It would ruin their dramatic entrance a bit, but that was okay. The group had been walking without Miyeon these weeks anyways, and still gotten just as much attention. If not more, followed with questions were Miyeon was.

They’d been able to meet up with the youngest two today, which was unusual because of their different schedules. The only one they missed was Soojin, who currently sat in her boyfriend’s car, surrounded by her entire dance team. She had nothing against them, but she didn’t particularly like them either. She’d much rather be half-asleep in her cousin’s backseat right now.

“Soojin, wanna come?” she suddenly heard her name, and immediately reacted.

“What?” she asked and turned her head to the dancer who called for her.

“The party?” she said.

Soojin gave her a look of confusion, and drifted her eyes to Hui who smiled at her like she was a hopeless child. He put his hand on her thigh and squeezed a little to hard.

“Have you been listening baby?” he smiled that charming smile everyone else melted if they saw. “There’s a party tomorrow night, and you have to come.”

Soojin didn’t hate parties. She loved music and she loved dancing. She didn’t hate getting too drunk to think either. But she only enjoyed it if her friends were there. The ones that actually would take care of her when she got too drunk, instead of those who made her drink even more.

“Can I invite my friends?” Soojin asked Hui.

“Sure.” Hui said with a squeeze.

“But keep the weirdo out please.” the same girl said.

“Shut up! Let her take whoever she wants. Soyeon’s actually pretty fun.” Hui said.

The thing she liked with Hui was that he always stood up for her. But he was also the one to put her in those situations, so wasn’t he obligated to?

“Pretty fun? She almost smashed my head in the wall the other week. She’s a maniac.” another guy in the car said.

Soojin tensed up, and Hui could definitely feel it.

“Maniac or not, she’s my girlfriend’s best friend. If my Soojin wants her there, she’s gonna be there.” Hui threatened. “Got it?”

Well, he tried.

*  
*  
*

The five girls entered the school’s parking lot, and already there were the eyes their way.

Miyeon’s body tensed, causing Minnie to put her arm around her waist, as they walked towards the building.  
Soyeon, as usual, had her head covered with a hood, but this time she wasn’t alone behind the others. She had two freshmen by her side, one slightly bumping into her while they walked.

Yuqi loved the attention she was getting. She was pretty famous around the school already, starting from the fight in the cafeteria. Then, people got to know how social she was, and rumours started spreading about her around the school. Most of them included Soyeon, which just made her an even hotter topic. Her beautiful chinese friend, which people came to call Shuhua even though they were wrong, had also become a well known face. None of them were as popular as the first four, but they’d only been in the group for a few months. 

Shuhua didn’t seem to care too much if people stared at them, she just ignored their eyes, gave away a smile here and there, and kept tugging on Soojin’s arm. Soojin’s arm wasn’t here right now, so it was switched to Yuqi’s. 

“I don’t remember it being like this.” Miyeon said.

“Like what?” Minnie asked.

“Everyone just... staring.”

“Oh.” Minnie had barely noticed it, but now that Miyeon pointed it out, she saw it clearly.

Everyone outside the school was looking their way, pointing at them and whispering to each other. Most of them looked like there was a spell put on them, but some of them had evil eyes. Most of those landed on Soyeon, but some on the pair at the front, and some on the new foreigners. 

“Don’t mind them, Miyeonie.” Minnie said and pulled her a little closer. 

“Does anyone know when Soojin will get here?” Soyeon asked her group.

“No idea.” Miyeon answered. 

Like magic, Soojin plopped out of the dance leader’s car. She wore the same clothes as yesterday, but looked as stunning as always. The group followed her to the entrance. It wasn’t her intention, of course, but Hui followed her and everyone followed Hui. 

Like that, the two most famous groups in the school stood face to face. The girls on the dance team gave away dirty looks, while the guys stood either staring ahead of them, or just blank-faced. The classical high school drama.

Soojin was left between the two groups, but not very long as Soyeon grabbed her arm. 

“Come on, we’ve got class.” she said and the girl group left the others at the door.

“Woah.” Yuqi exclaimed once they were far away in the halls. “That was like the ‘Battle of the bastards’!”

“The what?” Minnie asked.

“‘Battle of the bastards’. It’s from ‘Game of thrones’.” Yuqi explained.

“Interesting. See you at lunch.” Minnie said as she and Miyeon disappeared into their classroom. 

She had entirely ignored Yuqi’s time to fangirl, just like the rest of them. 

“Rude.” Yuqi commented.

“Whatever, let’s go.” Soyeon said as she continued pulling Soojin to their classroom.

“So annoying...” Yuqi muttered. “You still like me, right?”

“Me?” Shuhua questioned, surprised that the attention was back on her. “Hm... let me think about it.”

Yuqi hit her shoulder, before the bell rang which made them hurry away to their first class.

*  
*  
*

First class passed, as well as second and third. Miyeon couldn’t remember much of what the teachers had said, and Minnie wasn’t to much help. When lunch came around, the only thing Miyeon had learnt was how many stars fit on one piece of paper.

“So... how many?” Yuqi asked as the two sat down, owning a glare.

“I don’t know, Yuqi.” Miyeon glared at the two who now had moved closer to them, than at the end of the table like before.

“But you said you-“

“It’s okay, Miyeon.” Shuhua said. “It is getting better.”

Although the grammar was a slight bit off and her accent was strong, the oldest girl’s eyes lingered on her for a moment. Miyeon’s frown melted, like if she was watching a baby laugh for the first time. And then she smiled, in a way that made Shuhua immediately blush and lower her shin.

Minnie noticed, of course. Her eyes were always on Miyeon. So, like any other girlfriend would, she frowned. After a second or two, Miyeon noticed her. 

“Okay...I’m sensing some weird ass tension right now-“ Yuqi started while Miyeon smiled at Minnie.

“Look where the traitor decided to sit.” Soyeon cut her off as she sat down by their table.

“The traitor?” Miyeon asked.

“Our dear Soojin.” Soyeon had a frown on her face and a glare in her eyes.

The other girls’ eyes drifted to Soojin, who played with her food surrounded by the dance group. She looked bored, uninterested. Hui had his arm around her. He leaned into her ear after some moments, and probably whispered something gross. 

“Get her back then, if you’re so in love with her.” Yuqi said, grinning while she did so.

Soyeon grunted in response.

“I’ll get her.” Shuhua said and stood up before anyone could say anything.

Confidentially she moved over to the table with all the blue tracksuits. She didn’t care about the eyes looking at her, or how the team stared at her without any kind of expression. 

“JinJin.” she said loudly in a high pitched voice.

Soojin looked up from her plate, and met Shuhua’s gaze. Shuhua just knew she was begging to be taken away from them, from Hui. 

“Hey Shuhua.” Hui said, with a charming smile on his face.

“Hi.” Shuhua answered with the same kind of smile, but quickly drifted her eyes back to Soojin. “Miyeon needs you.” she lied.

Shuhua saw how Soojin leaned forward a bit to watch the girls over at the table, who all were watching tentatively. 

“I think Soojin’s good here.” Hui answered for her.

“Miyeon needs you... If you want to.” Shuhua repeated.

“Miyeon’s had months with her, I’m sure she’ll be fine this one lunch.” Hui’s smile had turned a little more crocked, but just as wide.

“She’s hurt.” Shuhua glared at the guy.

“She’s doing fine.”

“You’re stupid.”

“What did you call me?” Hui suddenly shot up from his seat. “Say it again. What did you call me?”

“Hui...” Soojin said behind him while slowly standing up.

“Stupid.” Shuhua said, only inches from Hui’s face.

He tightened his jaw as hardly as he stared at her. His fists were already clenched, but Shuhua didn’t back away.  
All eyes in the cafeteria were at them. Seems like the new chinese girl always got into fights.

“Is he gonna punch her?” Yuqi asked.

“I’ll stop him.” Soyeon stood up from her seat but Miyeon’s hand pulled her down.

Shuhua felt Hui’s breath against her skin. It was unsteady, like she’d expected. After a single blink, he’d moved away and sat down by the table.

“She’s staying.” he said under his breath, frowning madly.

Soojin was still standing at her place, eyes glued on Shuhua.

“If you want to.” Shuhua offered her hand to Soojin.

Hui glared at Soojin, who looked between him and Shuhua. Her boyfriend wasn’t looking at her, but she could still see the face he was making. She’d have to make it up to him later. But Shuhua... she was smiling. But too widely, just enough for Soojin to understand that she had her own choice. 

And for a moment, it seemed like Soojin’s body was moving on its own. She slowly walked away from her seat, and grabbed her plate when she’d gotten up. With her free hand, she grabbed Shuhua’s.

Behind her, Hui scoffed. Yeah, she’d sure have to make it up to him. But for now, she was focused on Shuhua’s soft hand in hers. For the first time, she couldn’t hide her blush.

Soojin sat down beside Soyeon by the table, and Shuhua flopped back down by her lunch.

“You good?” Yuqi asked.

“Yeah.” Shuhua said.

She had a smile on her face. A happy one, not a proud one.

“I was sure one of you were going to die. I just didn’t know who.” Soyeon said, causing them to chuckle. “Next time, I’ll be by your side Shu. Don’t worry.”

Soojin’s head was once again buried in her food, but this time she was smiling.

*  
*  
*

A couple of hours later, they were standing under the stairs. Soyeon held an unlit cigarette between her fingers, and if it wasn’t for Miyeon’s eyes piercing into her, Minnie would’ve grabbed that cigarette.

Soojin was seated on the stone, Shuhua standing beside her. They were having a quiet conversation, however that went considering Shuhua’s Korean and Soojin’s quietness.

Yuqi was standing in front of the couple, and tried to bribe the older to buy her a milkshake after school. The oldest would say yes in a heartbeat, considering Yuqi’s cuteness, but her girlfriend stopped her several times.

“Hey, Song Yuqi!” Yuqi suddenly heard her name being called in Chinese.

She turned around and saw a guy with short brown hair, and big brown eyes. His lips were fuller than other peoples, and that’s the exact thing that gave him away.

“Lucas?” she questioned, and that got Soyeon’s attention.

He walked towards them, while Yuqi walked towards him. Like they met yesterday, their arms wrapped around each other. It wasn’t until Shuhua disturbed them to say ‘hi’ herself that they let go.

“What are you doing here?” Yuqi asked.

“I transferred. Just this term though.” he answered, smiling widely. 

Soyeon, being as careless as always, walked up to them.

“Is she jealous?” Miyeon asked from the wall.

“Soyeon.” Soyeon said and reached her hand towards him with fast movements.

“Definitely.” Minnie answered Miyeon’s earlier question.

He said something in a language only he, Yuqi and Shuhua could understand. And not being able to understand made Soyeon frustrated, so she did the only natural thing which was glaring at him.

Still, he bowed slightly, before shaking Soyeon’s hand.

The three, mostly Yuqi and Lucas, kept talking for several minutes. Seemed like Shuhua was pretty quiet in her first language too, except for when she was screaming or complaining. But it didn’t seem like that kind of conversation.

After some time, Shuhua’s hand moved to Lucas’ shoulder, and she squeezed it. Then she walked back to Soojin, and wrapped her arms around her from behind. Soojin shifted slightly, but she didn’t push Shuhua away. 

When Soyeon turned her attention back to Lucas and Yuqi, they were hugging tightly. Lucas’ eyes were squeezed shut, while the corners of his mouth tilted downwards. He’d buried his head in her hair, while she only squeezed him tighter.

Soyeon backed away. Even though she wanted to bring Yuqi into her arms instead, as far away from this guy as possible. Their moment just felt too intimate. If Shuhua, who clearly knew him since before, had left them alone, Soyeon definitely should too. 

So she placed herself by Minnie’s side, and felt the older’s eyes on her.

Minnie grinned at first, but then with a tug from Miyeon, decided to be the older friend she should be. She placed an arm around Soyeon’s shoulder, who had furrowed eyebrows.

“She likes you, don’t worry.” Minnie whispered.

“He was her first kiss.” Soyeon said.

“That doesn’t have to mean anything.”

After what felt like an eternity to Soyeon, the two pulled away. Instead, they stared at each other. Lucas’ lips’ corners had started tilting up the slightest bit, as Yuqi moved her thumb over his cheek.

Soojin heard mumbling, and decided for the first time to look up. She saw how all her friends’ eyes were landed in front of them, so she turned her head to see. And there was the mumbling girl, with a boy’s head in her hands as he nodded slightly from time to time. She could almost see how he was holding the lump in his throat steady. But she didn’t care too much, since he was just a stranger. What Soojin did care about, was her best friend wrapped in Minnie’s arm.

Soyeon looked everything else than happy. Soojin had grown to learn that when Soyeon was feeling something, it was unusual for anyone to know what. But for the dancer, it wasn’t as hard as it seemed for others. And knowing her friend’s feelings at the moment, she needed to do something. And above her, was just the answer.

“What’s happening over there, ShuShu?” Soojin asked.

“Um... talking.” Shuhua answered, her accent stronger than usual.

“Yeah, we can see that.” Soyeon scoffed while rolling her eyes. “What are they talking about?”

Shuhua flinched before looking at her Chinese speaking friends. Now, Lucas was back in her arms, this time with a tear rolling down his cheek. She felt such pity for him, that she couldn’t keep herself from holding Soojin just a little tighter.

The older girl noticed how her chest was being pressed, and how her shoulders involuntarily moved upwards.

“Shuhua?” she asked.

“H-...um... s-...life.” Shuhua stuttered.

It took the girls a while to figure out the single word Shuhua forced out. Soyeon wondered if she made her accent stronger on purpose. 

Shuhua shifted uncomfortably, while the other girls looked at her with wrinkles on their foreheads. Minnie had one eyebrow raised, as she started walking towards the Taiwanese girl.

“Shuhua,” she said with an accent that wasn’t anything close to Korean, “what are they talking about?”

Minnie spoke that language the others couldn’t understand, Chinese. She wasn’t the best, but she still knew enough to get around.

Shuhua backed away, but Soojin held her hands in place. Suddenly, it became an interrogation. Why they didn’t wait for Yuqi to come back and tell them, they didn’t know. But they needed answers, for Soyeon’s sake. 

So Minnie put on her most intimidating face, narrowing her eyes and somehow made them darker. She tilted her head forward the slightest bit, but it was enough for Shuhua to feel herself shrink.

Shuhua gulped, before biting the skin on the inside of her cheek.

“I’m not telling you.” Shuhua answered in Chinese.

“Why?” Minnie asked, she’d been able to catch the majority of the sounds.

“Cause it’s not my thing to tell.” 

Well, fair enough. Minnie’s face brightened and the tiniest dimple appeared on her cheek. She brought her hand to Shuhua’s shin, and brushed over it before turning around again.

“She says she’s not telling.” Minnie said, causing Soyeon and Soojin to sigh deeply.

Miyeon switched places with Minnie, and stood by Shuhua’s side. She placed her arm around Shuhua’s and interlaced their fingers. Minnie glared, but she wouldn’t admit it. Instead of having to look at those two, she moved her gaze to the side.

“It was really fun watching you all play detectives,” Miyeon said definitely sarcastically, “but next time, maybe don’t make our child scared out of her life.”

“I’m not a child.” Shuhua complained, her accent noticeably fainter than before.

“Neither are those.” Minnie said, gesturing to the baby of the group, and the guy she’d been talking to for the last couple of minutes.

Soyeon but down on her teeth so hardly, that she was sure they were gonna fall out. But who could blame her, when the girl she’d been trying to charm for the last months had a boy’s lips on her cheek. And they didn’t seem to be moving away anytime soon.

Soyeon pulled away from the wall and started almost sprinting towards the boy, but she was stopped mid-air by two big hands holding her back.

“Not now, Soyeon.” the owner of the hands said. “He’s crying.”

Minnie pulled Soyeon tightly to her body, and wrapped her arms around Soyeon’s waist, while she pushed them back to the brick wall.

“She’s mine.” Soyeon said, determined as always.

“Not yet.” Minnie reminded. “And she won’t be if you’re gonna do what you’re thinking of doing.”

Soyeon fought in Minnie’s arms, until she didn’t. Soyeon wasn’t strong, but she had a big will. But Minnie was strong, so much stronger than Soyeon had ever been. She was able to hold Soyeon back, when she couldn’t hold herself.

Once Minnie felt Soyeon’s force go away, she turned around and wrapped Soyeon in a hug.

“I’m not gonna let her take anything else away.” Soyeon muttered.

“She’s not here, Soyeon.” Minnie whispered. “She’s not here, and Soojin is right there.”

Soyeon looked up from Minnie’s chest to the girls staring at her. She was right, Soojin was sitting right there smiling back at Soyeon. 

As Soojin smiled, Shuhua looked like she’d just seen a ghost. 

“What’s with her?” Shuhua asked Miyeon, not meaning to sound rude but it came out that way since her favourite person just was about to get attacked by her.

“Nothing.” Miyeon said a patted her shoulder.

“There has to be something.” Shuhua argued.

“Everyone... has their own problems.” Miyeon squeezed her tighter.

“She’s gonna take her away.” Soyeon whispered.

“No one is taking anyone away, okay?” Minnie answered. “Soyeon... don’t do this. It’s Miyeon’s first day back.”

“What’s happening here?” Yuqi asked, looking at the separated group.

Soyeon quickly pulled away from Minnie, with her eyes halfway closed. Minnie looked at her worriedly, and then to Miyeon who reassured her with a slight smile. Soojin’s face had once again fallen into a stoned one.

“Nothing.” Soyeon said and walked towards Yuqi.

Minnie got the impulse to hold her back again, but she stopped herself. Soyeon doesn’t hit anyone she likes. And she likes Yuqi. A lot.

Like Minnie’s brain had told her, the punch was a hug. Soyeon’s small arms wrapped around Yuqi, who narrowed her eyes at the rest of the girls around.

Lucas was long gone, but Soyeon still made sure to hold her close. It was a faint whisper, but Yuqi still heard it.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Soyeon said.

If Yuqi was one of those people who could tell what Soyeon was feeling, she’d been able to say that Soyeon was desperate. The way her voice was a little quieter, how the consonant were defined on lips, those were the clues. But Yuqi didn’t know what to look for.

“No?” she said, like it was obvious he wasn’t.

“Are you sure?” Soyeon squeezed her tighter.

“I think I would know if I had a boyfriend.” Yuqi chuckled.

“I want to go out with you.”

“So suddenly?”

“On a date. Please?”

“Did you do something to her?” Yuqi asked the others.

She was smiling, but it disappeared as soon as she saw Shuhua’s worried gaze. 

“Woogi.” Soyeon said, rubbing her head on Yuqi’s shoulder. “Please.”

Not taking her eyes away from Shuhua, Yuqi answered quietly.

“Okay.” she said. “We’ll go out on a date.

*  
*  
*

Night rolled around, and Miyeon was back at Minnie’s house after a long time. She loved that house, so much more than her own. But she didn’t have an excuse to spend every day there anymore, because she had the comfy warmth she’d always wanted at Soojin’s house. But her Minnie wasn’t there.

Her Minnie was currently taking small, slow bites of a pizza, eyes focused on the screen in front of her. The brothers were commenting at the movie, both pushing food down their throats. And Miyeon was just happy she’d survived the day.

When Minnie put a kiss on her cheek, owning a complaint from Mic and Mac, Miyeon smiled widely. 

How could she not have survived when Minnie was by her side?

*  
*  
*

“She’s downright crazy, Yuqi!” Shuhua shouted in the door opening. “You can’t go out with her!” 

“She’s not crazy.” Yuqi complained.

“You didn’t see her! She was going to kill him.”

“She was not going to kill him. She was just... jealous, probably.” 

Shuhua muttered something under her breath, before sighing loudly.

“Look, Shu.” Yuqi said from her desk. “I might actually like her, okay? And she likes me too.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” Shuhua said. “Or risk anything. We’ve only known her for a while. She doesn’t know the risks.”

“But I do, right? I’ll be fine. I promise.”

*


	10. Others’ sorrows dwarf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments, anything you want! i’m slowly entering this horrible world called WRITER’S BLOCK, so i could really use some encouragement right now. there’s a question at the end if you’re interested in answering.
> 
> WARNINGS: consumption of alcohol, fighting, use of triggering word (synonym for lesbian), slight homophobia, *slight* hinting of an eating disorder.

Minnie 2:1

*

“So... tell me darling, how are you now?”

The girl was seated by a small, round table, with a wall covered in fake plants behind her. In front of her was an elder lady, with wrinkles covering her face. She wore a red turtle neck as she munched on her lemon cake. 

She had big, sincere eyes with that glimmer in them. Minnie loved her eyes, trusted her eyes. 

She hadn’t ever regretted what she put her money on each month, even though her father continued asking where his money went if not on new, pretty clothes. 

The thai bit her lip slightly, before bringing up a sandwich to her face. She brought it to her lips, and took a bite. Not too big, but she swallowed it. She felt how it ran down her throat, and she didn’t stop it.

“I’m good. At least I’m trying to.” she said.

“And why is that?”

Minnie took another bite, and watched as the lady smiled at her. She smiled back, and swallowed the second bit.

“She needs me.”

*  
*  
*

”Minnie!” Miyeon shouted and ran into Minnie’s arm.

She pressed a hard kiss to Minnie’s lips, and pulled her in for a tight hug.

“Rough afternoon?” Minnie asked, rubbing her back.

Miyeon nodded rapidly while biting her lower lip.

“But,” she said and pressed their lips together again, “it’s better now.”

“Will you stop blinding us, please!” Soyeon shouted.

They were standing outside a house. It was one of those Minnie knew Soyeon hated the most. The enormous ones, with white walls and no homey paintings. 

But, they weren’t here to feel cozy. Minnie reminded them of that as she lifted the bag in her hands, making the bottles meet each other and give away excited sounds.

The girls smiled in response, before Soojin brought them to the house.

They didn’t need to ring the doorbell, before someone opened the door and stumbled out into the bushes.  
Inside, there were people on top of each other. Dancing, singing, jumping and too many making out to count. Several red cups were spread across the floor, and several passed-out people as well. 

It was clear no parents were home, and they weren’t coming back in a couple of days.

“Ready for your first high school party?” Minnie smirked at the younger two.

Shuhua gulped hardly, and clung to Soojin’s arm. Yuqi tried to hide how her eyebrows moved uncontrollably, but that girl was never known to be an actress.

“We’ll be fine.” Yuqi said in Chinese.

“No, I might just actually die.” Shuhua answered.

“You’ve got her.”

“Until that guy comes along.”

“P-“

“Stop fighting!” Minnie interrupted. “Let’s have fun.”

She started pulling Miyeon into the house, but the older girl stopped her.

“Everyone, here are the rules.” she said, gesturing with her hands. “One, if you want anything to drink, go to Minnie. Don’t take anything from anyone else. Two, when any of us are too drunk to walk, we’ll all head home. Three-“

“We’re not actually kids, you know.” Soyeon muttered.

“Three.” Miyeon warned biting her teeth together. “Be careful, okay? Teenage boys-“

“And girls.” Minnie added.

“-can be a little oblivious to what you actually want.”

“You don’t say.” Soojin said under her breath. 

Minnie caught it, and figured someone else must’ve as well. But none of them said anything. Why, none of them could ever tell.

“Four!” Soyeon added before they could walk in. “Don’t make out with anyone at all. Don’t touch anyone at all. Don’t dance with-“

“I think we get it, Soyeon.” Miyeon tapped her shoulder.

It was obvious that didn’t apply to all of them. It only applied to one of them, and that one person knew it as well. 

Minnie notice how Yuqi moved her head from left to right with a wide grin on her face.

“Are we allowed to enter now, mom?” Soojin asked.

Miyeon seemed to be considering the dancer’s question for a minute, before nodding.

Finally.

Minnie pulled Miyeon into the crowd in an instant. The bag hung closely to her side, as she pulled them towards a corridor that could lead to the kitchen.

Minnie was right. They ended up in the kitchen, where two made out on the sink, but they didn’t seem to care too much about the two new voices in the room.

“Are you ready?” Minnie asked, opening the bag.

“I’m ready.” Miyeon nodded, and Minnie carefully brought out a bottle.

She opened the cap slowly, and grabbed a red cup from the counter. Minnie filled the glass, and gave it to Miyeon. The older girl took a sip, as Minnie watched her closely for any change in her face. There was none, which caused Minnie to smile.

“Hui, your girlfriend’s here!”

“Grab her before she gets away!” 

“And she’s here with...”

Minnie heard several people make comments from the main room. Her hand tightened around her red cup, until Miyeon’s voice brought her back.

“I hate teenagers.” she said.

“As if you’re not one yourself.” Minnie smiled faintly.

“Pour some for the kids too.” Miyeon said and took a sip. “We know they’ll be here soon.”

“Give this one something to drink.” Yuqi, as if on cue, said as she walked in together with Shuhua who looked everything else than happy.

After them came Soyeon walking, bearing the same look as Shuhua.

Minnie instantly gave a cup to the both of them, and then one to Yuqi. Soyeon swallowed her drink immediately, and reached forward for the thai to pour more, while Shuhua slowly took a few careful sips, and Yuqi had seemed to neglect her drink completely.

“Let me guess,” Minnie said and filled Soyeon’s cup again, “she was pulled away by a certain boy.”

“She wasn’t just pulled away.” Soyeon swallowed her drink.

“She was stolen.” Shuhua muttered.

“Hui literally grabbed her arm and shoved her into the mess.” Yuqi said. “Like, he grabbed her arm without any of us realising until Soojin was gone. I don’t like him.”

“He’s a prick.” Soyeon said.

“Well, I’m glad you stayed in control.” Miyeon said to Soyeon.

Minnie noticed how the two younger looked at each other and squeezed their eyebrows a little, but then Miyeon took back their attention.

“But I’m wondering why you act all protective over her all of a sudden.” Miyeon’s forehead wrinkled. “Do you have anything to tell us?”

Minnie smirked as she saw the redness slowly growing up Shuhua’s neck, until it reached her face and stained her cheeks. She had opened and closed her mouth several times, before Yuqi ended the conversation.

“I think we better get to the other room.” Yuqi said and pulled Shuhua with her.

They disappeared into the the group of people, followed by the shortest shouting at them to wait for her.

Minnie turned back to Miyeon, who smirked and shook her head. They let out a chuckle as their stared at each other, and Minnie leaned in to press their lips together. The older welcomed her by putting her hand on Minnie’s cheek, before smiling against her lips.

They were interrupted by a high voice clearing its throat. Both girls turned their heads to the direction the noise was coming from.  
They were met with the eyes of the two who had previously been making out on the sink. Both of them had lipstick smeared across their face, one more than the other.

“Wanna join us?” the one with a little less lipstick asked with a stupid grin on his face.

“You sure your girlfriend wouldn’t mind?” Minnie decided to tease them.

She had no intentions to join them, of course. Not any other lips would be touching hers than Miyeon’s, and no other lips would be touching Miyeon than hers.

She watched the girl who was seated on the sink, with her legs spread around the guy. She turned another shade once Minnie had finished her sentence.

“Girlfriend? We’re just friends.” he said, causing the girl’s face to drop.

“Mhm.” Minnie answered while looking at the girl.

Miyeon started tugging loosely on Minnie’s shirt, and the thai didn’t need more than that to get the hint.

“I think we’ll leave you two alone.” Minnie said and couldn’t care less about the pair’s reaction.

She left her bag in a corner. She could just hope that it would be there once she got back to it. But right now, Miyeon was far more important.

Together they entered the room where the music was coming from. Minnie noticed even more people than before, and nowhere in there could she see her friends.  
it worried her, of course, but then she felt Miyeon’s arms place around her neck, and her muscle memory responded on its own.

They swayed to the music as Minnie’s hands squeezed Miyeon’s sides. The thai pulled them close together, making their entire bodies press and rub against each other.

Minnie watched Miyeon’s sweaty face following the music from side to side, with closed eyes and a mouth that moved together with the melody. For the first time in what felt like forever, Miyeon wore a genuine, bright, wide and loud smile.

It caused the younger to smile herself, and press the other even closer. Miyeon’s head tilted forward by Minnie’s doing. Their sweat smeared across each other as their foreheads pressed together, but Minnie couldn’t care less.

With only inches between their faces, they smiled and stared deeply into each other. Miyeon started grinding against Minnie, and her gaze shifted from a joyful yellow to a shining red. 

It didn’t even take a second before their lips pressed together in a hungry kiss. Minnie felt the redness slowly creeping up her throat, as she buried her tongue in Miyeon’s mouth.

Minnie’s hands brushed up and down Miyeon’s back, as if she would be able to grab more if she moved quickly enough.

After a minute or so, Minnie had lost time, Miyeon pulled away with a wide grin and heavy breath. Minnie, eager to get more, leaned in again to which Miyeon pulled her head to the side.

The sudden move made Minnie... stressed? Worried? Angry? She couldn’t place the feeling, but it wasn’t happy like she’d been feeling moments ago.

Miyeon placed her head on Minnie’s shoulder, and kept her close. Minnie stayed with her arms on Miyeon’s back, and as she shifted, she felt it. And she could place the feeling. She was disappointed, above all else. Not disappointed in Miyeon, but disappointed because she was left, well... in a rather sensitive and uncomfortable state.

But she didn’t want to awaken any of those negative feelings Miyeon had been fighting for months, years even. So she stayed quiet, and held Miyeon tightly to her body.

Their movements slowed down, as Miyeon relaxed more and more. Then their bodies swayed from side to side like they were one. And maybe they were, for that particular moment. 

When Minnie felt like there was no one else than Miyeon. It was just the two of them, together on a journey against everything else. Sure, their friends could visit them on the train. Give them some updates about the world they’re deciding to neglect, but at the end of the day, it was always just them two.  
Minnie pressed her lips against Miyeon’s head, and felt the girl reply with a kiss on her neck.

But, a moment can’t last forever.

Minnie felt a hand tapping on her shoulder, and her name being spoken by a male’s voice.

“Minnie?” he asked, and Miyeon’s head lifted from Minnie’s shoulder the second Minnie turned around.

“Yeah?” she said, before her eyes trailed up his perfect jawline, passed his cheekbones, and met his kind eyes. “Taejeon.”

“Hey!” he greeted happily and wrapped Minnie in his arms.

“Taejeon, this is Miyeon. Miyeon, this is Taejeon, him from the party.” Minnie gestured for the two who politely shook their hands.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” 

Minnie noticed how Miyeon twitched the slightest. Minnie probably made a mistake telling him one of those nights they texted while Miyeon was between outbursts.

“Thank you.” Miyeon timidly said.

“Your parents invited me for dinner this weekend, Minnie.” he said.

“I’m not surprised you knew before I did.” Minnie squeezed her lips together.

“It’ll be fine. We’ll do fine. They say all musicians can act, we’ll just have to put on a good show.”

Oh, Minnie knew how to act. Her entire life was a big act. 

“Well, I better get back to my friends. I’ll text you later, okay?” he said.

Minnie didn’t have the time to reply before he’d disappeared just as quickly as he appeared.

Miyeon stood in front of her, with eyebrows and nose squeezed. Her arms were crossed over her chest, causing Minnie to let out a nervous laughter.

“You told him about my dad?” she said between her teeth.

“Well, I needed to tell him why I couldn’t meet up with him all those times he asked.” Minnie said nervously with a faked smile.

Miyeon rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. Minnie noticed how she inhaled and opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off hands placing on her shoulders.

Miyeon turned around, while she skin the hands were squeezing instantly turned white. Over the korean’s shoulder, Minnie could see the short blonde with wide eyes and a jaw tightly pressed.

“Where is Soojin?” she said sharply.

She was having another episode. Minnie noticed how neither Yuqi nor Shuhua was behind her, which probably was the cause of the episode.

“You need to calm down.” Miyeon said, but Soyeon’s face just turned more and more red by the minute.

“No, I have to find her. I can’t find her. I have to find her!”

“Jeon Soyeon, you’re gonna calm down!” Miyeon said, voice louder than normal but the music was too high for anyone else to notice.

Soyeon bit down on her lip, and tried to fight Miyeon off her. But the older only pressed the small body against herself, and placed her arms around Soyeon’s head.

“You’re gonna calm down,” Miyeon said close to her ear, “while Minnie finds Soojin.”

Minnie took that as her cue. She hadn’t been to a party in this house before, so she had no idea where anything was. But, if Minnie knew Soojin right, she’d be right by Soyeon’s side on the dance floor. Well, she wasn’t by Soyeon’s side, meaning she wasn’t the one in charge of where she was. Minnie didn’t need much time to figure out who she was with, or where they were.

She found the stairs she figured the house must have, and quickly made her way up. There was a long hall, several doors on each side. Carefully, she opened them one by one. One of the rooms had a nursery in it, and another room was a bathroom. Then, there was a few more bedrooms, another bathroom, until there was just one room left. ‘Koda’s Room’ was written on the door in messy letters. 

Minnie quietly opened it, and was met with just the sight she expected. 

A guy was hoovering above a girl, eager in his moves. 

Minnie, who had no plan to watch her younger friend in an intimate situation like that, called out her name, regardless of the consequences.

“Soojin.” she said, making sure she was loud enough for the girl to hear.

Both teens shot up from the bed and stumbled to the side. Hui could barely meet Minnie’s eyes, while Soojin tried to fix her red lips.

“Oh, Minnie, hi.” Hui said and lowered his body a bit, and Minnie smiled weakly at him before staring at Soojin.

“Soyeon needs you. Right now.” Minnie said, and at that instant Soojin eyes shot up and she quickly walked behind Minnie who led the way.

Hui shouted weakly behind them, but none of the girls stopped.

“She’s having an episode? I thought she would be fine with Yuqi?” Soojin said rapidly.

“Seems like they left her.” Minnie answered. 

“We should tell them, then.” Soojin said. “If Yuqi is what we think she is then she needs to know, right?”

“Probably.” Minnie said as she showed Soojin down to their friend.

The house was big, but they were quick enough to get to the room within minutes. When they couldn’t find the two there, Minnie led them to the kitchen.

Seemed like her instincts were working good this day, because in the kitchen stood the oldest. She was hugging Soyeon against a wall, to prevent her from getting out of her hold.

Minnie stayed back while Soojin walked up to them and placed her hand on Soyeon’s shoulder. The smaller girl looked up from Miyeon’s chest, and her frown instantly fell as her face relaxed. The oldest let go of Soyeon, who stayed in place.

“I’m here.” Soojin said with a tiny smile.

The corners of the room’s youngest visitor’s mouth slowly shifted upwards, and the redness finally disappeared from her face.

Minnie noticed the bag left in the corner, and could already see a cap peeking through the hole. It took her no more than a minute to get it off and started to sip from the bottle.

“A drink, anyone?” she asked and offered the bottle.

Soojin, who surprisingly didn’t smell of any alcohol at all, grabbed the beverage and started drinking from it. She coughed slightly, but then brought it back to her lips.

“Hey!” came a loud voice and Minnie saw how Soojin’s lips tensed against the bottle.

They all turned around, and to no surprise saw the dancer walking into the kitchen and with a cup in his hand.

“How come you always get her?” he gestured for the girl’s friends. 

“Hui, please. Not now-“ Soojin tried while facing him.

“No, right now. I want to know why you always choose them before me.” he bit his lip.

Minnie was never good at reading boys. Her brothers always said what they were feeling, so she didn’t really have to master the art. But she could easily tell Hui was hurt, by the way his eyebrows twitched.

“I don’t choose them before you.” Soojin said.

“Yes you do. Whenever your stupid cousin or devil to best friend asks for you, you leave me behind.” he said.

Minnie was triggered by his words, but she chose to focus on Soyeon instead. Miyeon stood close by the blonde’s side, and Minnie moved to the other one.

“If they ask for me of course I’ll go to them.” Soojin said.

“Would you do that for me?”

“Hui, I’m literally at your place five days a week.” 

“Would you choose me before them? If both me and Soyeon needed you, who would you got to?”

“Don’t-“

“Answer me.” he took a step forward, while his hurt turned to another colour.

He clenched his fist the longer he had to wait for Soojin’s reply. Minnie could swear she saw her friend shake.

“Okay, enough.” Minnie stepped forward and loosely grabbed Soojin’s arm to give her comfort. “I think you should leave.”

“Shut up dyke!”

Minnie felt a burning pain on her cheek as she fell down to the side. Her head hit the ground, causing a bolting pain to join the burning one. Her eye teared up, not because the punch was too hard to handle but because his fingered entered her eye in the punch. She knew this would leave a red-eye for tomorrow.

The thai got back to her senses from all the screaming around her. Two were calling for Soyeon, those two soon multiplying.  
Her vision got less blurry, and she saw the guy tackled down by the blonde. She was sitting on top of him, punching him and scratching him. He was a lot stronger than her, causing his punches to make blood appear, while hers only made his skin pink. There were people screaming ‘fight, fight, fight’ and those who whispered about how ‘the maniac started yet another fight, and this time with her best friend’s boyfriend, I knew she had a crush on her’.  
Minnie wanted to shut them up, but she decided she didn’t have to cause more chaos. 

Instead, she started helping her friends pulling her away from him, while she fought to stay on top of him.  
Three girls against one, you would think that was an easy fight. Well, as they screamed and pulled on her, it seemed like Soyeon only grew stronger and heavier. 

“You’re just too stupid to see she doesn’t even like you!” Soyeon shouted between the punches.

Those words caused his hits to be even more forceful, and one of them caused Soyeon to fall back, right into her friend’s arms. 

Soojin was the one to embrace her this time, while Miyeon disappeared into the mass and Minnie waited for Hui’s back attack.

He got up with the help of his friends, and Minnie was sure he was going to throw himself onto Soyeon, but he just looked at them for a moment, before scoffing and spitting out blood to the ground.

“Come to my house tonight.” it wasn’t an offer, nor an invite, it was a threat.

Soojin took it with a quick nod, before turning back her attention to Soyeon who was breathing heavily in her arms.

Miyeon came back seconds later with the two youngest who apparently had tried to shut down the rumours between the students, not too much luck. 

“Hug her.” Miyeon whispered to Yuqi.

“But she’s-“

“Trust me. Just hug her.” Miyeon repeated.

Minnie noticed when Yuqi’s eyes drifted to Shuhua who shook her head from right to left, but also how the chinese slowly made her way towards the bloody girl.

“Hey there, fighter...” Yuqi awkwardly said as she got close enough.

Soyeon looked up from Soojin’s hug, and Minnie could swear she saw Soyeon’s eyes grow two sizes. 

The smallest korean’s breathing calmed, and even more so when Yuqi carefully opened her arms.

In an instant, Soyeon got out of Soojin’s hold and threw herself into Yuqi’s. Shuhua flinched, but Miyeon stopped her from interrupting by grabbing her hand. It didn’t come unnoticed to Minnie, of course.

Soyeon dug her head in Yuqi’s neck while squeezing them both tightly together.

“My Woogi.” she muttered under her breath, but they all heard it.

Minnie looked to Miyeon, and their eyes said the exact same thing. Soyeon found herself another Soojin.

The girls decided to end the night there, but Minnie still couldn’t get the thought out of her mind as she fell down onto her sheets.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> What does “Soyeon found herself another Soojin” mean?
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	11. My petty traumas still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m really thankful for all the support in the last chapter, it definitely made me more inspired! thank you everyone who took their time!
> 
> WARNINGS: hinting of abuse.
> 
> if you want to continue supporting my work, there’s always a question at the end of the chapter :) (no, it’s not passive aggressive i swear)

Shuhua 2:1

*

It had only been a couple of hours since Shuhua and Yuqi stumbled into the house with the help of their friends. Shuhua could’ve sworn her adoptive father watched as the girls giggled down the corridor. She was mentally preparing herself for the scolding they would get once they woke up.

Yuqi had spread herself out on her bed, causing Shuhua to get nothing but the corner. But she’d chosen to sleep there herself, so she only had herself to blame.

Her head was pounding like it did last time, but she had her glass of water beside her that eased the pain from time to time. She was thinking of just getting up an leave for her own bed, but then Yuqi shot up beside her with a loud gasp.

Shuhua instantly turned around, and saw a shaking Yuqi beside her. She had to hover in front of her to see the salty water running down her best friend’s cheeks.

In an instant, the taiwanese wrapped her arms around the older and let them both fall back down to a laying position. Yuqi’s head rested on Shuhua’s chest as the latter felt the tears drop down one after the other.

It was an awfully familiar feeling. Shuhua hated it. She hated seeing her strong and bright friend in this kind of pain, when she knew she could do absolutely nothing about it.

“I-I can’t...” she muttered between her tears.

“What?” Shuhua asked, squeezing her closer.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Yuqi’s voice was more hoarse than usual. “I can’t.”

“Can’t do what?”

“Go around everyday and act like I’m fine.” Yuqi said.

Shuhua noticed right away that the girl was mad. That’s the thing with Yuqi, when she gets emotional, all her emotions come to play. She never sticks to just crying, or just shouting. And this time, she furrowed her eyebrows through her tears as her hands clenched around Shuhua’s sleeve.

“I’m not fine, Shu. I have this pain in my head, constantly. And I have no appetite.” 

“I know.” Shuhua answered.

Because she did know. She’d noticed, and she’d been told multiple times. By Yuqi’s doctors, her parents, even by Yuqi herself when she muttered in her sleep. But never before had the chinese openly said it to Shuhua.

“You know?” Yuqi’s eyes suddenly opened as she shifted in the bed.

“Of course I know.” Shuhua smiled weakly. “We’ve been living together for the last years, we’re with each other every day. You thought I wouldn’t notice?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.” the older said.

“Well, I already worry about you everyday.” 

“I know.” Yuqi leaned back into her hold. “You shouldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Cause whatever you worry about will happen sooner or later. You’re worried for nothing.”

“Don’t say that, Qi.” Shuhua said as her face turned into a frown.

“It’s the truth. One day you’ll shout for me but I won’t wake up.”

“No. You’re gonna have to fight.”

“I was born this way, I can’t fight against it.”

Shuhua rapidly sat up, startling Yuqi. She sat down on top of the other girl, and placed her hands on her shoulders, pressing the girl against the mattress.

“Yes you can. You’ll have to.” Shuhua said and pressed her harder with each word. “You can’t die, cause then i’ll die.”

Both of their expressions were sharp and steady. They had a staring competition for multiple minutes, as Shuhua hovered above. Both eyes were intense, Yuqi’s still with tears waiting to spill out. But they never got to fall down Yuqi’s sides to meet the hair messy on the pillow. They retracted back into the cave they came from, as Yuqi silently agreed.

“Got it?” Shuhua asked for clarification.

“Got it.” Yuqi’s voice was broken, but there was a strong ground behind it.

The younger girl sighed and got off the other, to fall back down on the mattress and wrap the duvet around them. She saw how Yuqi dried off the left over tears with the sheets, before she turned around to her side. Shuhua followed her act, so that their faces were staring right into each other.

“Besides,” Shuhua said and looked her deep in her eyes, “you can’t die just when you’re about to get your first girlfriend ever.”

Yuqi chuckled and turner to her back. She couldn’t hide the blush that was sneaking up her neck, but the hands she’d placed on her cheeks were a wishful attempt.

“I don’t know about that.” Yuqi said.

“Well, I do. She scares the hell out of me and I’d much rather see Minnie having a crush on you, but I can see you like Soyeon.” Shuhua said.

“I don’t know...” Yuqi muttered. “Hey, why Minnie?”

“What?” Shuhua questioned.

“Why Minnie and not Miyeon?” Yuqi smirked and turned back to her side. “Do you have a crush on Miyeon too?”

Do I? Shuhua had to ask herself. Her feelings for Soojin were definitely there and thriving, but she couldn’t deny the tension she’d felt whenever her gaze met Miyeon’s.

“I do not.” Shuhua answered, she was unavailable anyways so the answer wouldn’t matter whatever she said.

“Even if she wasn’t dating Minnie?”

Ugh, why does this girl have a freepass to her brain? Not any thoughts could she keep to herself, as long as the chinese was with her.

“It doesn’t matter.” Shuhua answered. “My heart belongs to Soojin, anyways.”

“Why do you like her so much?” Yuqi said. “I mean, we don’t even know if you have a chance with her. She’s taken, and we don’t know for sure if she’s even attracted to girls.”

“She said she doesn’t care about who she marries.” Shuhua said.

“Yeah, the same Soojin who doesn’t care if her boyfriend punches two of her best friends, while screaming in their faces.”

The taiwanese frowned.

“Stop it.” she said. “We don’t know what she’s going through.”

“I’m just saying, maybe you’ve fallen for the wrong person?” Yuqi said. “She didn’t speak to us like at all the first month, she barely speaks to me now even. And she’s always buried in her phone. It feels like she doesn’t really care about us. Or anyone, for that matter.”

“She cares.” Shuhua protested. “Have you seen when she talks about her sister? Or when she comforts Soyeon?”

“You would be heartless if you didn’t care about your sick sister, or when your friend’s having a meltdown.” 

Shuhua bit the inside of her cheek, while squinting her eyes. She used two fingers to flicker Yuqi’s forehead, owning a complaint before she turned around to face the door.

“She cares.” Shuhua said silently.

*  
*  
*

“Isn’t there supposed to be an ‘x’ somewhere in there?” Yuqi asked, while looking through her notes.

They were standing by Shuhua’s locker, that served as a home for both of the girls books. Shuhua was trying to fit her backpack between every water bottle, old candy wrapper (that Miyeon or Minnie had given them) and multiple hoodies that weren’t their own. The taiwanese made a mental note to return the pink one to Minnie, and the yellow one to Soyeon before the term ended.

“Shu, where’s the ‘x’?” Yuqi shoved the pages up Shuhua’s face.

The younger scoffed before harshly bringing the book down.

“If you don’t know, why do you think I know?” Shuhua answered and shut the locker.

“Are you in some kind of mood?” Yuqi asked and raised an eyebrow.

“You literally kept me up all night after drinking, of course I’m in a mood.”

“Geez, calm down.” the chinese muttered.

After a minute or two of silence, it was robbed by four older students, whereas two squeezed them in a hug. 

Shuhua saw Soyeon’s arms wrapping around Yuqi’s waist from behind, and her chin falling down on the shoulder.

At the same time, Miyeon’s scent reached Shuhua’s nose as her arm wrapped around Shuhua’s shoulder. Soojin stood by the side, looking down into her phone like always, while Minnie, who had a red mark and swollen cheek as a result of yesterday’s fight, tried to get something out of her bag. Her eyebrows switched while her eyes moved from side to side, until her eyes lit up.

“Something sweet, cause you both look quite sour right now.” she said and reached a candy towards the both of them.

Yuqi grabbed hers, as Shuhua could hear a muffled ‘you’re supposed to multiply it’ from the girl on her back.

It was a hard candy, Shuhua realised when Minnie placed it in her hand. And it was pink, which always was the best flavour in sweets. Unless it was strawberry, of course. But she could smell the cherry, and her mouth started watering immediately. She tried tearing the paper off, but it was unusually hard. Not even her mouth could do it.

“Let me help you.” Miyeon said and grabbed the candy that now had saliva on parts of it.

Miyeon didn’t seem to mind as she, with her careful hands, ripped the paper off and placed it in Shuhua’s mouth. The younger felt her face heating up when Miyeon squeezed her cheek, and looked around to both Soojin and Minnie staring at her. She watched some kind of quiet debate between the two oldest, but decided that she was invading their privacy.

Once her eyes got back to Soojin, the girl was already back in the world of electronics. Instead, she switched her eyes to look at Yuqi. The girl was now nodding while Soyeon’s finger moved over the paper. 

When it came to maths, Shuhua felt useless. Not even the easiest equations could she solve correctly. Well, sometimes she was right until the halfway point, and sometimes her answer was correct but she used the wrong method. But most of the time, she had no idea what all the numbers and letters and dots and whatever else there was meant. She never even used her energy to try to understand. It wouldn’t work, anyways.

“Miyeon!” Soyeon called, voice high as usual.

“Yeah?” she answered, eyes leaving Shuhua to meet Soyeon’s.

“With this equation,” she motioned for Yuqi to reach the book forwards, “shouldn’t there be a plus? It doesn’t work without a plus.”

Shuhua looked between Soyeon and Miyeon, as both of them studied the page. Minnie joined them, and started moving her eyes over the page as well.

“The two negatives makes a positive.” Minnie casually said.

“But it doesn’t work. Look.” Yuqi pointed to her answer.

Soojin remained unbothered, swiping through her device. Shuhua swaddled out of Miyeon’s arm, to join the dancer.

“What’s that all about?” Soojin asked, without letting her eyes leave the screen.

“We’ve got a test, and Yuqi’s stressing out as usual.” Shuhua said, and placed her hand on Soojin’s arm.

The older flinched slightly, and squeezed her face for a millisecond, but preceded to act like nothing had happened.

“Are you okay?” Shuhua whispered.

Soojin simply nodded, without looking up at all. The younger noticed a faint red mark on her neck, faint because she’d tried to cover it up but it hadn’t worked all way. Well, that meant Hui wasn’t out of the picture, after all.

What made him so important for her to keep, anyways? Last night he’d hit two of her friends, one of them even bled because of it. But still, she chose to follow his command. Whatever is wrong with this girl’s brain, she never would understand. But all people had something pressing them down towards spikes and daggers. Soojin had her reasons, whatever they were.

“Ah!” Miyeon exclaimed. “When you take away the parentheses, the minus turns into a plus.”

“Ooooh...” Yuqi followed her. “Yeah... I knew that.”

“Thanks Miyeonie.” Soyeon said in the cutest voice she could manage, which normally meant quite robotic.

The bell rang, almost like it had waited for the girls to solve the problem.

“Shu, I’ll be in the practice room.” Soojin said, and Shuhua realised it was an invitation.

She also saw the looks the other four shared, before Yuqi pulled her away to hurry to the classroom.

Like if she was in a movie, she suddenly found herself placed on the desk, with a pen in her hand and a paper in front of her. It was filled with all kinds of characters, and Shuhua almost understood half of them. She hadn’t really taken her time to learn Korean used in math, since she was hopeless in maths anyways. She could follow most classes, until different formulas and numbers came up. There was also some particular teachers she had a hard time to follow, like their history teacher. He had a different dialect than the other people she heard on a daily basis. Even Yuqi had problems understanding him sometimes.

“You may start.” the teacher called.

Shuhua’s palms were already sweaty, and it only increased as the time went on. She started reading the first question, and got through it understanding what it asked. The problem was, she had no idea how to solve it. Even translated to Chinese, she wouldn’t understand a bit. Still, she scribbled down an answer that she already knew was wrong. But better write something than leave it blank, right? ...Right?

Same went on for most of the questions, except a few lucky ones that she actually tried with and got an answer that looked somewhat logical. Once she’d answered the last question, which she did with a simple number even though it stood in caps to write out an explanation, she placed her pen down. And she walked forward in the quiet classroom, owning confused faces from so many students that still were on the fourth question. The teacher’s face resembled the students, while she reached her hand forward to grab the test.

“Are you finished?” she asked quietly, and Shuhua answered with a nod. “Are you sure?”

Shuhua nodded once again and turned around to grab her bag from her desk. Yuqi, who was beside her, was deep into her calculations of the sixth question. Her head was almost buried in her desk, and Shuhua couldn’t help to discretely move her finger over the curly mass of hair.

The older shoved her away, before Shuhua left the suckers in the locked classroom. She strutted down the corridors towards the end of the school, where the gym was. 

The taiwanese had learned, that the school just a few years ago had renovated two of the locker rooms to practice rooms, with fundings from a certain leader in the dance groups. More specifically, from his rich - as many others in this town - father.

Shuhua had never been to the rooms before. They were restricted to anyone who wasn’t in the dance team, since they apparently needed an entire room all year around to perform a couple of dances each semester. 

The hallways from the gym lead directly to the room, where she could hear slow music being played on the speakers. She figured Soojin was the one in there, so she didn’t even bother to knock before she opened the heavy door. It squeaked lightly, but the sound was muffled by the slow melody.

As the taiwanese had thought, it was Soojin who swayed her body across the floor. Shuhua was immediately taken back by her movements.

They weren’t sharp and rapid like the team usually perform. They were slow, focused and mesmerising. She had a way of moving her body as if time had stopped and her movements were the only important thing. Soojin didn’t hold back on the way she sensually swayed her hips, or how she moved her hands all across her body. 

Shuhua would lie if she said her eyes didn’t go down to other parts of Soojin, than the back of her head.

The music quieted down, but Soojin continued moving rhythmically, like a way to get all her energy out. 

The younger saw how the sweat had started building up on her neck. She only wore a red tank top and a pair of black track pants that moved along with her legs.

If Shuhua squinted her eyes, she could swore she saw a blue mark on the girl’s arm. But, she couldn’t be sure as Soojin hadn’t stopped moving, even for a second.

It took a couple of more minutes of the girl’s sensible movements and Shuhua’s heart beating faster and faster, until the dancer fell down to the floor with a loud sigh. Even from behind her, Shuhua could see how her chest moved up and down rapidly, as her head tilted down. Soon enough, Soojin brought her hand up to her face, moved it over her eye, and let it fall down in her lap again. She sighed again.

Shuhua should probably have said something earlier, at least given her some kind of sign that she wasn’t alone anymore, but she’d been too glued to the dancing goddess in front of her for her brain to be able to work at all. It was even less workable than during the test she’d barely tried with earlier.

But now, as Soojin had collapsed on the floor, Shuhua realised she had to say something. She cleared her throat, which immediately startled the older girl and made her turn around.

“Hi.” Shuhua said, flustered because Soojin was.

“How much did you see?” the dancer asked and stood up from the floor.

She quickly brought up her hand to her face once again, and did the same movements as earlier. Now that Soojin was still, and turned her way, Shuhua could clearly see the blue on her arm. She noticed the same colour higher up on the other arm, and some purple lower down towards her wrist. 

”Not that much.” Shuhua answered, eyes glued to her arms.

Shuhua saw Soojin’s face drifting down, before she quickly walked to the side to grab her cardigan. She covered her hurt skin, and took a couple of sips from her bottle.

“You should’ve knocked.” the girl said afterwards still with a heavy breath.

“I’m sorry.” Shuhua answered. “But you’re really amazing.”

Soojin looked up at her as redness started covering her face.

“At dancing, I mean.” the younger cleared her throat. “And so much else too, of course.”

“Thanks, Shu.” the older answered.

When a silence had covered the room, Shuhua dared to walk forward, until she was only a couple of breaths away from the dancer.

“Why did you want me to come?” Shuhua asked, while fixing the buttons on the older’s cardigan. 

Soojin just shrugged as she let Shuhua do her work. A couple of seconds later, Shuhua looked up at her and smiled. The older smiled back, until her phone made a cry in her bag.

Shuhua stood still while Soojin walked back to her device.

“How did the test go?” Soojin asked, lifting up her phone and seeming to read a message or two.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Shuhua said and lowered her eyes.

Soojin left her phone and walked back to her. She brought a hand to the younger’s face, and squeezed her cheek lightly.

“It’s okay.” Soojin said. “Going to school everyday is good enough.”

It seemed like those words were taken from deep within Soojin, as her eyes became distant. But it lasted no more than a second, before Soojin squeezed her once again.

Shuhua let her face rest into Soojin’s hold. The older girl always had a calming effect on her. Shuhua wasn’t stupid. She knew how deeply in love she was. Or well... she was a bit stupid. Stupid for falling so quickly for someone she couldn’t have, someone who probably never would want her.

“Baby!” a loud voice filled the room.

A startled Shuhua moved to stand beside Soojin, and a startled Soojin quickly moved down her hand.

“Why aren’t you answering my texts?” he asked, moving closer to his girlfriend with forceful steps.

“I was dancing.” Soojin answered.

Shuhua noticed a slight wave in her voice, too unnoticeable to be a voice crack. 

“With her?” Hui asked, motioning to Shuhua as he stood closely in front of Soojin.

“She just came here.” 

His eyes squeezed a bit, before he grabbed Soojin’s waist and pulled her closer.

“Next time, I want you to answer me when I text you.” he said, looking right into her eyes.

Shuhua got urge to push him away. She was so close to using all energy she had to pull him away from her, but then her brain got to her. Pushing him away from Soojin, would only result in Shuhua either being questioned or punched down to the floor. Plus, Soojin was his girlfriend, not hers. And he was her boyfriend. In this situation, Shuhua was worthless to the dynamics.

“You should leave it unbuttoned. You look too uptight.” he said and persuaded to move his hands along her chest, not being particularly careful at all. “There we go.” he said once the top three buttons were opened.

Her preceded to brush his thumb over her chest, moving his gaze to Shuhua while doing so. The younger clenched her jaw as she saw his threatening eyes.

“All better.” he said and put on his charming smile.

Shuhua decided to follow him, and did the same. She lifted up the corners of her mouth, showed her teeth even, and allowed the glistening to enter her eyes. It almost turned genuine when his disappeared. 

“You’ll come over tonight.” he said, and turned his head back to Soojin while biting down on his teeth. “Right, baby?”

He tilted his head down, making their lips meet. What surprised Shuhua the most, was not the calm and carful way he moved his mouth on hers, but the way Soojin’s eyes didn’t close by instinct. She had to squeeze them shut, while she let herself being swallowed by him. And there was never that glimmer or those fireworks that should appear between a couple. The only thing close to it was the smug way Hui smiled once he pulled away.

“Right?” he repeated.

Soojin nodded, and failed to give him a genuine smile. At least it was a smile.

“Good girl.” he said and brushed his hand over her forehead. “I’ll make you feel good.”

The last sentence was said with his eyes looking to the side. 

There was one more kiss, until he left after squeezing one of Soojin’s upper arms. The girl whimpered quietly, coming unnoticed to her boyfriend, but not to Shuhua.

The door closed. Shuhua was always someone to act on instinct, so she wasn’t surprised when she found herself wrapping Soojin in her arms. She couldn’t tell whatever was going on with her, but she knew that if she was Soojin right now, a platonic hug would be all she’d wanted.

The older girl was frozen for a second, making Shuhua worried that maybe a hug was the least she wanted right now. But then, Soojin let her own arms wrap around the younger girl, and her head fall down on her shoulder. Shuhua moved her hand up and down Soojin’s back, and had no thoughts at all to let her out of her hold.

She squeezed her tighter, before she remembered the way she’d twitched before. Shuhua loosened her arms a bit, but not enough to signal for the girl to move away. But Soojin didn’t seem to be thinking that anyways, she she held her tighter and let her head travel closer to Shuhua’s neck.

“Were those marks his fault?” Shuhua asked.

“Huh?” Soojin’s voice was steady and soft, like it should be.

“Your arms.” Shuhua said.

“Shu...” Soojin complained quietly.

Shuhua decided that maybe the conversation was for another time, and decided to squeeze her just a little tighter.  
A minute or so passed - Shuhua wasn’t really keeping track of the time - but the older didn’t seem to have any plans of moving away at all. Her breath hit Shuhua’s neck so calmly, that the younger would think she was asleep if they weren’t standing up. 

Maybe Shuhua wasn’t that stupid after all.

*  
*  
*

After their lunch and many uneventful classes later, they gathered together outside the school, to wait for the oldest two. Yuqi was complaining about how she didn’t have time answer the last question on their math test, while Shuhua stayed quiet. 

“She should’ve given you more time.” Soyeon said.

“Right?” Yuqi answered loudly.

“You should’ve been quicker.” Soojin said, standing by Shuhua’s side.

“I didn’t wanna lend in questions I hadn’t even finished solving.” Yuqi protested.

“It’s not the teacher’s fault that you’re slow.”

“She can’t give her students hard tests and don’t give them enough time.” Soyeon said, by Yuqi’s side.

“Shuhua finished in time.” Soojin argued.

“We’re here!” Minnie announced loudly. 

“What are you fighting about this time?” Miyeon asked, and Shuhua could hear the mocking tone she had.

“We literally can’t leave you alone for a few minutes before one of you start fighting with the other.” Minnie said, as they all started walking down the parking lot.

“Shut up.” Yuqi said.

“Yeah, you’re the same way anyways.” Soyeon added.

“Yuqi, is this your little spokesperson?” Shuhua asked with a grin.

“Do not call me little.” Soyeon threatened and threw a fist her way, one she knew would miss of course. 

Soyeon never hits people she likes.

“Calm down kids.” Miyeon said. “Let’s leave the school grounds before someone gets hit. We don’t want to repeat what happened last year.”

“What happened last year?” Shuhua asked.

Minnie chuckled before answering.

“Soyeon started fighting with someone by the lockers, and we tried to get her away from him, but the principal thought we were all tackling him down.” Minnie said.

“We all got detention for a month.” Miyeon added. “I don’t think you can imagine how angry our parents were.”

“It was worth it.” Soyeon said.

“Who were you fighting?” Yuqi asked.

“Someone who’d been making out with Soojin just seconds earlier.” Minnie said.

“A stranger walked up to you and started kissing you?” Shuhua asked.

“Hui.” Soojin explained.

“Wait, why’d you hit him if it was Soojin’s boyfriend?” Yuqi asked. “A girlfriend and boyfriend do stuff like that, you know.”

“I didn’t like him. I don’t like him.” Soyeon shrugged.

“You don’t like many people, it seems.” Shuhua said.

“Nope. Be happy you’re one of those.”

“To Soyeon’s defence, none of us really like him.” Miyeon said. “He’s just too perfect.”

“He wasn’t perfect last night.” Minnie said angrily. “Do you see this cheek?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Min.” Miyeon said.

“No, you don’t seem to care at all.” Minnie stopped in her tracks, causing the rest of them to stop as well.

Minnie was facing all of them, with her eyebrows squeezed together. Shuhua noticed how Miyeon rolled her eyes.

“Of course I care.” Miyeon scoffed. “But it’s not like it hasn’t happened before.”

“But you still care about Soyeon every single time.” Minnie said.

“Don’t pull anyone else into this.” Miyeon said. “Look. It sucks that you got hurt, and Hui sucks for doing it to you. But you’re strong enough to handle a hit on your own.”

“A hit? Do you even have eyes?” she motioned for her cheek. “It’s burning right now.”

Miyeon’s eyes closed for a second as she sighed. She then opened her eyes, and walked towards Minnie with a smile on her face.

“I’ll blow on it, okay?”

Shuhua watched as Miyeon’s hand landed right below Minnie’s cheek, before she carefully tilted it to the side. She blew some air on it, before lightly pressing her lips against the skin to leave a chaste kiss. She then put her lips on Minnie’s, causing the younger girls to groan loudly as a complaint.

“I care.” a muffled sound could be heard through Yuqi’s (very loud) groan. “Are we okay?”

Minnie nodded and reached for Miyeon’s hand, but the older seemed not to notice it as she turned around instead.

“Let’s go.” she said to the group.

Since Miyeon’s car still was an unavailable option, they walked for a couple of minutes before reaching Minnie’s house.  
Yuqi and Shuhua had never been there before.  
It was for sure bigger than Soojin’s, but the colour was too clean and the grass too green for it to be a believable home. But, as the door opened, and the smell of food and sound of a guitar being played, Shuhua figured that someone lived there after all.

“You can leave your shoes anywhere.” Minnie said before shouting out in the house. “I’m home, and I’ve got company!”

The room they were standing in had a bouquet of dead flowers in the middle, and multiple piles of clothes covering the floor. Wether they were clean or not, Shuhua had no intentions to find out. 

“Is it Miyeon again?” a guy, much bigger than those at school, walked into the room.

He was shirtless, flashing his muscles for all girls in the room. If Shuhua wasn’t as gay, and in love, as she was, then she’d definitely blush right now.

“Oh, sorry.” he said, picking up a random shirt from the floor and putting it on.

“This is my stupid brother, Mac.” Minnie said, gesturing for the guy who now reached his hand towards the youngest two.

“Haven’t seen you two before.” he said. “Are you new friends?”

Yuqi nodded, Shuhua following her. 

“Great.” he said. “I’m growing tired of the other three.”

“Mac!” Minnie complained.

“Yeah, yeah. And that’s why you keep asking about them, like, everyday?” another guy, who looked exactly like the first guy, joined them in the room.

He must’ve been the one playing the guitar, as it currently was hung over his shoulder.

“Aw, you ask about us?” Soyeon said mockingly.

“Hi.” he gave Miyeon, Soojin and Soyeon a slightly awkward wave.

“No, he was lying.”

“Nice to meet you.” the second brother said to the youngest two in the room. “I’m Mic.”

“Could you stop flirting with the minors now, please.” Minnie said, pulling Mic away from the two.

“I’m just being polite. You should try it.” Mic answered back, before leaving the room after smiling apologetically at the younger girls, Mac following behind him.

“I didn’t know you had brothers.” Yuqi said, while Minnie showed them up the stairs.

“No, I don’t usually brag about them.” Minnie answered.

“We heard that!” two loud voices shouted in sync.

“I’m sure you can see why.”

“I like them.” Yuqi said. “They’re pretty good looking as well.”

“Ew.” Minnie said.

“Don’t go straight on me now.” Soyeon said while hitting Yuqi’s shoulder.

“Ouch! Soojin, help me out!”

“With what?”

“They’re hot, right?”

“Don’t take advantage of my attraction to guys, please.” Soojin said.

Once they reached the room, that was surprisingly very pink, Miyeon fell straight down on the bed. Pink bedsheets, of course. It seemed like the room hadn’t been renovated too much since Minnie was young, with outlines of stars still colouring the roof.

“Don’t say anything about it.” Minnie seemed to have been reading Shuhua’s thoughts, as she sat down on the bed beside Miyeon.

“Let’s start studying!” Miyeon said, shooting up, only to sit right down on the floor.

“Can’t we calm down for a minute?” Minnie asked.

“No.” Miyeon answered. “We’ve got a paper that’s due, and I’m sure all of you have stuff too.”

The next minutes were spent in silence. Soyeon had fell down on her back, throwing a rubber up and down in the air. Yuqi was scribbling several characters in her book, switching between Chinese and Korean several times. Some of the letters were even in the latin alphabet, but Shuhua didn’t really know how to read them.  
Miyeon was focused too, reading a book in which the only word Shuhua could read at the front was ‘nature’ so she figured it had something with that subject to do.  
Minnie, on the other hand, seemed just as unfocused as Shuhua was. But her eyes weren’t searching through the room. Maybe she’d already passed that stage. Instead, Minnie’s gaze was glued at Miyeon, specifically her neck. Her eyes were showing something, and really strongly too. But the youngest couldn’t exactly tell what it was. She figured it was something she would understand when she loved someone like Minnie loves Miyeon. Just a second later, Minnie’s face moved to the side, closer and closer to Miyeon’s neck, before the older moved away. She gave Minnie a death glare, causing the younger to squint her eyes.

“Geez, sorry.” Minnie muttered.

Moving on with her eyes, Shuhua noticed the girl she was deeply in love with. Soojin was focusing, it seemed like, until her phone buzzed several times. For some reason, Shuhua met Soyeon’s eyes. Then, the two of them, watched as the girl’s fingers moved rapidly across her screen.

“I need to get something to drink.” Soyeon said and got up. “Woogi, come with me.”

Yuqi’s head shot up, immediately following Soyeon out the door.

“I’ve gotta make a call.” Soojin said, and left the room as well.

And there Shuhua was, alone with the two lovers, who both had been hotheaded the last hours. 

“Why won’t you let me kiss you?” Minnie said, sounding like she was trying to be more quiet than her voice allowed her to.

“I don’t want you going crazy with my neck when we’re in front of our friends. Is that so weird?” Miyeon said, ignoring the fact that Shuhua was in the room as well.

Should she leave? She should probably leave.

“You haven’t let it stop us before.” Minnie said, biting down something, wether it was words or feelings Shuhua didn’t know.

“I just don’t feel like it.” Miyeon answered, having her eyes locked on her book.

“You never feel like it anymore.” Minnie muttered.

And that was definitely Shuhua’s cue to leave.  
Without making much sound, or bringing much attention to herself, Shuhua left the room.

“I literally just lost my dad. It’s not wired that I’m not in the mood, okay?” Shuhua could hear through the door.

Going down the corridor, she stopped when she heard a voice through another door.

“No, of course we’re not. No, no that’s not- No, please listen to me. I’ll come over. No, we’re studying right now. I’ll come over later. No, I can’t. That’s not what I said. Baby, please. An hour? No-“ she heard a muffled sigh. “Yeah, I’ll be there in thirty.”

Shuhua hurried back the corridor, placing herself outside the room the couple currently was fighting in.

Like she’d expected, Soojin got out of the room. She was taken a bit aback when she saw Shuhua waiting outside the room. 

“Are they fighting again?” Soojin asked, as she walked closer to Shuhua, to which Shuhua nodded.

Soojin opened the door harshly, startling both girls who had angry faces plastered on.

“Calm down, you old married couple.” Soojin said, walking in while being followed by the younger. “You’re making it weird.”

“I’m not making anything weird. Minnie started it.” Miyeon said.

“What’s it about this time?”

“Minnie’s mad cause I won’t have sex with her.” Miyeon muttered.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. You’re missing the point. Miyeon’s not interested in me anymore.” Minnie said.

“Oh, that’s not at all-“

“I should just go marrying some dude.” Minnie said. “He would want me, at least.”

“You’re not marrying anyone!” Miyeon shouted. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Min. I’m just not ready.”

“I get that you’re not ready to sleep with me, that’s not what I’m mad about.” Minnie said. “You don’t seem to want me in any other way.”

“That’s not true.” Miyeon said. “I love you.”

Shuhua watched as Minnie’s face softened. In a matter of second, she was smiling widely, leaning closer to Miyeon.

“I shouldn’t kiss you. That’s exactly what you don’t want.” Minnie said, nothing else than teasing in her tone.

“Oh, shut up.” Miyeon said and pressed their faces together.

Shuhua opened her mouth in confusion. They were fighting literally two seconds ago? How could it go from wanting each other dead to this? Ugh, Shuhua was certain she’ll never understand love.

Soojin chuckled lightly, bringing Shuhua’s attention to her. She was placing down her books in her bag, before bringing it over her shoulder.

“You’re leaving?” Miyeon asked with lipgloss covering the skin around her mouth.

“I made plans with Hui.” Soojin said.

“Are you home tonight?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You can sleep here then, Miyeonie.” Minnie snuggled to her side.

“I don’t know. I want to hang out with Yejin and the babies.” Miyeon said. “Did you know they’re almost a year old now?”

“I was there when they were born, Miyeon.” Soojin chuckled. “Yes, I do know.”

“It’s crazy. Time going by so fast.”

Yuqi and Soyeon joined them back in the room, both of them with a glass in their hands.

“You didn’t think of bringing us any?” Minnie asked.

“Go get it yourself.” Soyeon said.

“You’re leaving Soo?” Yuqi asked, noticing how the space beside her now was empty.

“Yeah.” Soojin answered. “But I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

Just like that, she left the room. Again, Soyeon and Shuhua met eyes, both grimacing with their faces before looking away.

“Whoa, what’s that on your face?” Yuqi asked. “You’ve got some kind of infection, Miyeon?”

“I think the infection is called Minnie.” Soyeon said, now having switched mood completely in only a second.

“Come on, let’s focus.” Miyeon said.

Soon enough, Soyeon was back to throwing her rubber, Yuqi had began scribbling and Miyeon was focused on her book. Even Minnie was trying, searching through the pages of a book that looked like Miyeon’s. Now, it was Shuhua alone against the studying freaks. And Soyeon, but that girl scared the hell out of her so she had no intentions to start doing anything with her. Instead, she acted like she was interested in whatever year someone named something on ‘M’ did something. Shuhua was lucky she was good at acting.

When she noticed something moving, she got more than happy. In her dream scenario Yuqi would’ve been the one to hold her company, but that girl was far too into historical people. The fact that it was Miyeon, wasn’t too bad either. She was closest to Miyeon between the three others anyways. 

“Come here, Shu.” Miyeon said in the sweetest voice she could manage.

Shuhua, being bored out of her mind, joined Miyeon on the bed. She was immediately squeezed tightly to Miyeon’s body. Somehow, they fit together. As Shuhua’s head laid on Miyeon’s chest, listening to the beats of her heart, she felt Miyeon’s mouth pressing against the top of her head several times. Shuhua didn’t fail to notice Minnie’s suspicions eyes every now and then, but she figured that was another discussion for the two of them. 

A hand was placed on her cheek, as Miyeon started massaging it. Without much else to do, Shuhua placed her arm across Miyeon’s belly, and felt her eyes close involuntarily with the calm gesture the older was doing.

“Your cheeks are so soft and squishy.” Miyeon said with a chuckle.

The sound of someone, most likely Minnie, clicking their tongue could be heard through the room. Miyeon didn’t seem to care too much, as she continued making Shuhua sleepy.

So sleepy, that Shuhua drifted off to sleep shortly. She only woke up hours later, still with her head on Miyeon, the older’s arms holding her safely, while poking at her.

“Wake up, baby.” Miyeon said lightly.

“‘Baby’?” Minnie questioned.

In Shuhua’s sleepy state, she didn’t notice Miyeon’s answer, if there was one. Instead, she was trying to bury her head deeper. Miyeon felt so incredibly warm.

“Okay, get up.” Minnie said, pulling her arm.

She’d probably pressed her last button.

“Sorry.” Shuhua muttered, pulling herself up.

“Aw, you’re so cute.” Minnie’s mood switched instantly as she looked Shuhua directly in her eyes. “I can’t be mad at you when you look like this.”

Shuhua normally hated how puffy her face were when she’d slept, but Yuqi had tried to convince her that it wasn’t ugly at all. Seemed like Minnie agreed with Yuqi. Maybe she was a bit cute.

“Let’s go home, you big baby.” Yuqi said. “Before Minnie destroys something.”

“Hey!” Minnie complained. 

Shuhua’s newfound pillow ended up not joining the others on their walk home, but that was probably for the better considering the tension the couple had that day.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> What’s your favourite relationship/friendship in the story so far?
> 
> thanks to everyone for reading!


	12. These bones are mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all your support! i’m working on getting up the chapters as quickly as possible, but i’m still fighting against writer’s block so you may have to have a little patience. also, this is kinda like a filler chapter and i could’ve worked so much harder on it but i had a very small amount of inspiration.
> 
> WARNING: tiny mention of drugs (really really minimal, i promise)
> 
> if you want to continue supporting my work, and inspire me to write more chapters, there’s a question at the end of the answer. it’d be fun to hear your thoughts.

Miyeon 2:1

*

Miyeon hadn’t planned to stay the night. The reason, was something she’d decided to hide deep within herself. You are what you portray yourself as, right? The Korean knew exactly what she didn’t want people to see her as, so she decided to keep it hidden.

Therefore, she found herself waking up tucked into Minnie’s sheets, embraced by Minnie’s arms. She snuggled a little closer, comforted herself with the warm skin of her girlfriend’s soft neck. She smelled like lavender, she always did. Miyeon knew for a fact that it was her shampoo’s deed. The korean breathed in a long while, letting her nostrils flicker against the skin. She knew she loved the girl, after all.

Minnie giggled and shifted the tiniest bit away from Miyeon. 

“It tickles.” Minnie’s hoarse voice said.

The older decided to give her a light kiss instead, keeping her eyes closed as it still was early in the morning. She could fall back to sleep, she would’ve, but then Minnie lowered herself on the bed, slid down her body and ended up just beside her.

Minnie leaned in, and pressed a kiss on Miyeon’s cheek. She softly pressed the face closer to herself, and started planting pecks all over. Knowing Miyeon, she was most likely too tired to answer. But Minnie having been in this exact situation before, knew that the older would be whining if she didn’t receive a fair amount of morning kisses. And Minnie would too, if she didn’t get to give them away.

“Say you love me.” Minnie said between two kisses on Miyeon’s nose bridge.

“I love you.” the older girl muttered, almost seeming distant but she’s just woken up, Minnie couldn’t blame her.

A content smile coloured Minnie’s face. She snuggled closer to Miyeon’s face and pressed their cheeks together.

”How much do you love me?” Minnie asked, rubbing her cheek up and down.

“As much as you love me.” Miyeon answered, as if she’d answered the question multiple times before, which she also had.

“That’s impossible.” Minnie said happily. “Why do you love me?”

“Minnie...” the older decided to start complaining as Minnie’s questions didn’t seem to disappear.

“Miyeon...” Minnie whined in the same way.

Miyeon grunted, sighed once or twice, before sitting up in the bed and turning her head towards her girlfriend. Minnie’s eyes were big as a wolf’s, expectant as a puppy’s. She placed her hands on Miyeon’s arm, while anticipating what she would say.

“I love you, because-“ Miyeon said, almost whispering.

Her voice was so light, so calm. Yet, there was the tiny splitters of waves in her throat.

Just as Miyeon opened her mouth, she shot out of bed and was out the door within seconds.

“Miyeon!” Minnie screamed after her. “Babe...”

Her question was left unanswered.  
Miyeon got herself ready, and Minnie got herself ready.  
Miyeon saw Minnie grabbing the hairbrush on her night stand, as she entered the room again. The younger lowered her eyebrows, even scoffed a few times, and looked at Miyeon who was mindlessly looking through her bag.

“Have you seen my chapstick?” Miyeon asked, without lifting her gaze.

Even though Minnie was mad at her, she was also madly in love with her. And for Minnie, a part of it meant to help her out and take care of her. If it meant comforting her, or just finding some makeup for her, she’d never be able to avoid doing it. Maybe Miyeon used it against her sometimes, but she would never admit that.

“Mint or cherry?” Minnie asked, having a clue where both of them were.

“Cherry.”

The Thai opened the drawer beside her, and was met with so many different objects. Some of them were everyday stuff, like tissues or the empty bottle of hand lotion. But then there were the more mature, more ‘PG’ stuff that no one besides Miyeon and herself knew she owned. In between the mess of things, she saw the pink tube with a berry on the front.

“Here you go.” Minnie tossed it to her.

Miyeon knew she waited for some kind of apology from the older when she looked up, but none came. Minnie was naturally emotional and easily sulky, and it didn’t help with all the events of yesterday and the day before.

“Thank you.” Miyeon answered, grabbing it and placing some on her lips. “Hurry up, we have to leave soon.”

“Is that all?” Minnie asked, now standing up straight and staring at her with her eyes piercing into her.

Miyeon, who had been with Minnie for over two years now, was no stranger to her glaring. Maybe Miyeon knew exactly what’s she’d done wrong this time, or maybe she didn’t. Either way, she lowered the cherry stick down before smacking her lips once or twice. She put her hair behind her ears, took up her bag and walked towards the door.

“Hurry up.” she said before leaving.

*  
*  
*

“May I use the bathroom, sir?” Minnie’s hand raised in the air as she used her most charming smile.

Miyeon had her head buried in her book, focused on the text they’d been given. Minnie, of course, hadn’t been focusing at all. Maybe on the glass window on the door, but definitely not on the facts they were to learn.

The older girl looked around in the classroom, and realised that it wasn’t only her who’d reacted. Jin in the back, as well as a few in the front, and some guys beside Minnie, were all looking between the student and the teacher.

“Yes, you may.” he answered, and smiled just in the same way at her.

Miyeon scoffed in her head as Minnie happily strutted out. She could already hear Soyeon talking when the door opened.

“She’s not coming back, is she?” the teacher asked.

Some students chuckled, but most ignored. Miyeon was one of those who ignored him. He was one of those young teachers all girls fell for, all except those who didn’t fall for men at all. Miyeon was an exception, of course. She couldn’t say she never had thought of him outside the classroom before, but not since Minnie entered her heart. Now, she considered herself immune to his charms. To anyone’s charms, really. 

“Miss Cho, could you please go fetch your friend for me?” he asked, a kid in the back made a whistling sound.

“I’m sorry Mr, but she wouldn’t come back even if I tried.” Miyeon answered.

“You could always pull her back by her panties.” a guy snickered together with his friends.

“Shut up Jackson, we all know you just wanna sleep with them.” another student said.

“Enough, everyone. Get your heads back into the book.” the teacher quieted the classroom. 

Miyeon had the belief her brain was more mature than anyone else her age, and this situation only proved that more.

Lucky for her, she didn’t have to spend more time with her children to classmates, as the bell welcomed them out to freedom. Soojin was already waiting outside her classroom, with two bickering kids behind her. 

“Where’s Soyeon?” Miyeon asked as she walked up to the three, but she already had a good guess.

“Got kicked out. I’m thinking she has something to do with the lack of your other half too.” Soojin answered.

They started walking towards the doors of the high school. Soojin and Miyeon in the front, the kids probably somewhere after them.

“Charmed her way out.” Miyeon snorted.

“And you’re annoyed?”

“Of course I’m annoyed.” Miyeon said. “If I’m supposed to be with her when we’re like old, she needs to be out of high school. I can’t pay for her and... yeah, whatever. She has to graduate.”

“Supposed to?” Soojin raised her eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound very promising.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” the oldest cousin said.

“Okay.” 

“It’s just-“

“I didn’t ask.”

“she’s acting weird.” Miyeon said. “Likes she’s unsure of our relationship. And that makes me unsure.”

“I think you’re making stuff up, Miyeonie.” 

“But you saw what happened yesterday.”

“I don’t think she’s getting tired of you cause you’re not having sex.” Soojin raised her other eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t Hui be?”

The younger paused for a second. 

“You can’t compare Minnie to him. It’s not the same.” Soojin said after clearing her throat.

“What is it then?”

The younger sighed.

“Just try to show her that you still want to be with her.”

The instant they opened the doors, a familiar scent entered Miyeon’s nose. It smelled like rotten lungs, a hospital bed. A coffin.

She looked to the side, and the sight didn’t surprise her at all. Minnie had a cigarette squeezed between her fingers, as smoke fled out her mouth, and Soyeon watched her tentatively.

Miyeon walked up to her. Soojin flopped down on her stone, Shuhua stood by her side, still having an argument with her sister.

The oldest glared at her girlfriend, who raised her eyebrow and took another inhale.

“Not like that.” she could hear Soojin muttering behind her.

“Nicha Yontararak, what do you think you’re doing?” Miyeon crossed her arms.

“Smoking?” the other asked, wrinkling her forehead.

“You quit.”

“I did.”

“Then why is there a cigarette in your hand?” Miyeon tried to grab it from her, but Minnie instantly pulled it away. “How many more do you have on you?”

She neared Minnie even more, and forcefully searched through the pockets of her hoodie. After harshly turning her around, she checked both her back pockets. Yet, she couldn’t find anything. With a strong frown on her face, Minnie turned back around.

Miyeon bit down on her teeth and pressed the younger against the wall.

“Where are they?” she hit Minnie’s chest once. “Where are you keeping them?”

“I don’t have more.” Minnie said, voice a bit shaky.

“You’re lying!” Miyeon shouted, and hit her once again.

“Miyeon, you should probably-“ Soojin’s light voice started saying.

“I asked you where they are!” Minnie took another hit to her chest, and another one after that.

“I said that I don’t have any so stop punching me!”

The control Miyeon thought she had over her body, was completely gone. She couldn’t control her arms meeting Minnie over and over again, just like she couldn’t control whatever words were leaving her mouth.

Because she couldn’t control it, she couldn’t stop. She wasn’t even sure she could control her thoughts, as they all muttered the same words over and over again.

It wasn’t until she felt a slap on her cheek, that she got out of it. The world seemed to stop for a second, then two small arms wrapped around her and a head pressed into her side.

“It’s okay.” a high voice whispered. “We’re all here.”

Miyeon noticed how both hers, and Soyeon’s breathing was rapid. The younger’s arms held her tight, and clung onto her shirt.

“She’s not here.” Soyeon said.

“What’s going on out here?” a loud voice shouted.

The oldest of the six looked up, to see that there were so many more than the six of them there. Several students had gathered around them. Every single person faced the entrance of the school, more specifically the man in a blue costume and white beard at the top of the stairs.

Then, all faces turned to Miyeon. Without having much of a choice, the korean opened her mouth.

“It was just a little fight between friends, but we’re okay now.” Minnie managed to say before her.

Miyeon watched as the man looked between them, and as he rolled his eyes. He brought up his hand to fix his tie.

“No smoking on school grounds.” he said, eyeing the view of the parking lot.

“Yes, sir.” Minnie said, as if she’d been training to be a military student.

“Everyone, leave. Next class should start soon.” he said, before he went inside again.

Soyeon, who’d let her hands leave Miyeon, reached into her pocket. She placed something in the older’s hand, with a guilty smile on her face.  
Miyeon looked down at her hand, where a small, white box was placed. She opened it and saw fifteen white and brown sticks, only one was missing. 

“It’s mine.” Soyeon said calmly. “But I don’t need it. Throw it away.”

Miyeon’s head hung down to the ground. She hoped the students around them had left. The girl bit her lip as she lifted up her face. Her eyes met Minnie, who was looking straight down at the ground. Her hands had fallen to her sides, and by her foot laid the still smoking cigarette.

“I’m sorry.” Miyeon whispered.

Minnie’s head lifted up. Her eyes pierced into Miyeon. Her nostrils flickered.

“I know.” Minnie muttered.

The older girl brought her occupied hand forward to the girl who studied it for a second. She grabbed it. No matter how much it hurt Miyeon, she didn’t say anything. She didn’t even show a single face.  
Then, Minnie bent down, and walked over to the trash can with the pack and the single cigarette. Miyeon’s heart made a slight jump.

The thai stood still for a moment, before making her way inside again. The others followed closely behind her.

*  
*  
*

During lunch, Miyeon noticed how Minnie’s head hung down once again. They hadn’t said a single word to each other. It was the older’s responsibility, she knew that. Not because she was older, but because she was the one to blame. 

“Will there be a single day when you guys don’t cause any trouble?” Yuqi asked as she sat down.

“Too soon.” Soyeon muttered.

“Sorry.”

Miyeon tried to push the mush of food down her throat. The big lump of guilt made it hard, but she still managed. She noticed that Minnie’s plate was just as full as it was before.

“You should eat something.” Miyeon said carefully while clenching her jaw as to keep control of her words.

Minnie turned her face to the side.

“It’ll make you happy.” Shuhua said. “Food makes you happy.”

Miyeon smiled a little to herself by the support she got. She saw something creeping up Minnie’s face as well.

“Maybe not this crap,” Miyeon said, “but it’ll at least make your belly happy.”

“Plus, if you eat enough it might make you high.” Yuqi added.

“What?” Shuhua questioned.

“Because of the chilli pepper.” 

“That can’t be true.” Soyeon said.

“No, I swear!”

As the others gibbered once again, Miyeon turned her full attention to Minnie. She was slowly raising the food to her mouth, and carefully swallowing it. Miyeon smiled inwardly.

“Do you... do you maybe wanna hang out later?” Miyeon asked quietly.

“We’re cleaning the house.” Minnie answered just as quietly, without looking up. “My parents are coming.”

“Oh.” Miyeon answered. “How about tomorrow, or this weekend?”

“I don’t know Miyeon.” Minnie looked up finally. “There’s a lot going on and...”

She paused for a second. Her eyes said so much. Miyeon would normally be able to read all of it, but now they were screaming in a foreign language.

“I need to be alone.” Minnie said.

She rapidly stood up from her seat, grabbed her tray and hurried away from them.

The older threw her face in her hands, and muttered some words no one else could hear.

“She hates me.” she looked up at Soojin.

“There’s no way she hates you.” Soojin answered. “Just give her some space for today. She’ll probably be over it by tomorrow.”

Miyeon knew she wouldn’t.

*  
*  
*

“You miss him, I can see that.” Yejin said.

Miyeon was laying across the younger’s bed. Soojin sat beside her younger sister, and Yejin had just lowered her book.

“What?” Miyeon asked.

“Your dad.”

Of course Miyeon knew who she was talking about. But just why she brought him up, Miyeon couldn’t understand. The girl already had ten weeks to get over him, and she thought she’d done a good job. She preferred not to think about it at all. It worked.

“Of course I miss him. He was my dad.” saying the word again felt sour in Miyeon’s mouth.

“I don’t miss my dad.” the younger said and flipped through the pages again.

“Yejin-“ Soojin complained.

“I don’t remember him.” Yejin said. “Maybe if I remembered him... How was he like?”

“Is, Yejin. How is he like.” Miyeon corrected, he was still alive as far as they knew.

“He’s... kind.” Soojin answered. “He doesn’t care about grades or ask about stuff that makes me uncomfortable... and he loves us a lot.” 

“He’s also very funny.” Miyeon added.

Yejin wrinkled her forehead for a millisecond.

“I wanna see him.” she decided.

“I don’t know-“ 

“Please?” “

Soojin’s eyes squeezed together tighter than before. She roamed her eyes from side to side. Miyeon decided to help her oldest cousin out.

“You can barely get out of bed, little cousin.”

“Later then. Promise me I’ll see him later?” 

A bold request, considering they had no clue whatsoever what would happen tomorrow. But this little girl was always optimistic. Miyeon figured she had to be, otherwise she’d have no reason to keep fighting at all.

“I promise.” Soojin said clearly uncertain, along with the buzzing from her phone.

It didn’t take another second until she was out the room.

“It’s so clear.” the younger said.

“What is?” 

“She doesn’t love him.” 

Yejin said it like it was nothing new, causing Miyeon to furrow her brows.

“How’d you know?” she asked.

“When she looks at us... she always smiles a bit. Even when she’s mad at me, or when she’s had a bad day. She always smiles a little. But, when it’s him... she’s always frowning.” 

Miyeon hadn’t considered that fact. She’d just assumed Soojin loved him, because they’d been together for so long and there seemed to be no signs of them breaking up even once. But now that she heard it, she found that maybe there was some truth in her cousin’s words.

“You’re a little love expert, aren’t you?” Miyeon said with a grin.

“Of course, I know everything.”

“Everything?” 

“Mhm.” 

“What do you know?” Miyeon challenged.

“I know Soyeon has a crush on Woogi, but Woogi doesn’t know how to feel.” the younger rabbled with her eyes in her book. “And i know you and Minnie are completely in love.”

So they were that obvious?

“Stop saying nonsense-“ Miyeon said as if it would make it less suspicious.

“Miyeon and Minnie sitting in a tree,” Yejin teased, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“Shh!” the older brought a finger to her lips. “Your parents can’t know.”

“Why?”

How does she explain to a twelve year old that some people want her dead because she likes someone of the same gender? How can she ruin Yejin’s belief that love is the greatest thing in life? Well, she couldn’t.

“It’s complicated.” Miyeon decided to say.

“Like Hazel and Augustus?” Yejin innocently asked and showed the front of her book.

“What?” 

“They’re in love, and Augustus helps her see the world, but she’s sick.” Yejin said. “They know their love can’t be forever, cause she’ll die.” 

“That sounds awful.”

“It’s beautiful. You punks don’t get it.” Yejin snorted.

“Hey! Don’t call your older cousin punk!” Miyeon hit her arm lightly. 

Well, stupid choice. The only thing it did, other than causing a complaint from her cousin, was being her back to earlier in the day. Maybe their love wouldn’t last forever either. Her lips instantly fell, and Yejin must’ve noticed.

“You’re not like Hazel and Augustus.” she said.

“You sure?” Miyeon asked.

“Yeah. Cause you and Minnie will be together until you’re old and gray and all wrinkly and blue.” 

“Again, that sounds awful.” Miyeon said, but had now a small smile on her lips.

“No, it’s love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> why do think soyeon comforted miyeon the way she did?
> 
> thank you so much for reading!


	13. When they creak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the continuous support! it’s really warming my heart.
> 
> WARNING: strong abuse, blood, homophobia.
> 
> question at the end of the chapter, as usual.

Soyeon 2:1

*

Soyeon’s ears were growing more and more tired of whatever mess she was trying to write. It was getting so repetitive, so bad. She really did have to ask her to help her soon, otherwise she’d thrown away this one too.

A bang on the door caused her headphones to fall off and her body to stiffen.

“Your mother wants to talk to you.” said the soulless voice.

Soyeon knew it would happen sooner or later, since she sneaked into the house with a bleeding lip. But that didn’t mean it didn’t make her blood stop flowing, as her heart went and hid deep within her and her brain painted itself in a military green colour.

The small girl’s feet moved slowly up the stairs, and up the second set of stairs. She carefully, with a shaky hand, knocked on the door, and waited for her cue to open it.

On her makeup table sat her mom. She was brushing her hair, the same strand of black hair over and over again. Her long nails slid along with her hands. 

As usual, the blinds forbid any light to meet her pale face, making her shine in the corner.

“Mother?” Soyeon said quietly.

So much for being her intimidating self that she portrays at school.

“Ah, Soyeon dear.” her mother said with a raspy voice in her white gown. “Come closer.”

Soyeon noticed how her dad lingered outside the door, before he shut it behind her.  
The girl slowly walked up to her mom, and grabbed the brush she was giving. She started slowly, carefully, moving it over the silken hair.

“I heard you got in a fight with Lee Hoe-taek.” her voice was higher than normal.

Soyeon’s body exploded with heat for a second, before it made a full turn and instead started making her shiver.

Her mom turned her head around. Her black eyes pierced into Soyeon’s. There was no glimmering of anything, they were completely plain.

“Why did you fight with your friend’s boyfriend?” Boyoung asked.

She grabbed the hairbrush and placed it down on the table, before standing up to hover over Soyeon.

“He hit Minnie.” Soyeon said quietly.

“Mhm.” Boyoung said. “You know I don’t like it when you lie to me.”

She walked closer to Soyeon, and pulled the arm of her sweater up.

“Or have you forgotten?”

The daughter looked down at her arm, which was painted in several white lines. She’d been better lately, which could be interpreted by looking at the scarred arm. No line was red, or even close to it. Some of them had even started becoming one with her untouched skin.

“I’m not lying, mother.” Soyeon said, tilting her head down to the floor.

“Are you sure of that?”

“Yes, mother.”

The older woman sighed and turned her back to her. She slowly walked back to the table, and opened the first drawer. Soyeon’s ears started ringing immediately, her legs screamed at her to run away. But she stayed put.

“I’ve tried so hard with you.” Boyoung said. “Yet, you choose this unnatural way to live.”

It’s not a choice, Soyeon wanted to say. But her mouth stayed shut.

It’s not unnatural, Soyeon wanted to say. But her mouth stayed shut.

“Do you have a clue of how much shame you put on this family?” she asked. “Do you know how many of my friends that ask me questions about you? What am I supposed to answer them when they see you staring at their daughters?”

“I’m sorry.” was all she managed to get out.

“I bet you are.” Boyoung snorted. “Do you know how much pain you’ve put us through?”

Soyeon tried to keep her breath steady when she felt her mom walk up to her. She felt the hard grip on her arm, and instantly felt the blade landing on her skin.

“You don’t know, Soyeon.” she said. “You will never know.”

The older woman pulled her hand to the side. Soyeon whimpered and tried to swallow whatever words were creeping up her throat. 

“You’re filthy.” she said and swayed her hand back. “You will forget about Seo Soojin. You will forget about every other girl your brain is imagining.”

The blood dripped down her arm. As new marks were made.

“You will stop seeing her.”

The last movement were slower than the others. It didn’t just end as quickly as it started. Her mother made sure to do it calmly, steadily, causing Soyeon to cry out in pain.

“Or I will drive them away myself.” she let go of Soyeon’s arm. “Clean that up.” she motioned for the pile on the floor.

Soyeon’s head was spinning. She had to fight for her eyes to stay open. With effort, she sat down on the floor. Soyeon lifted up the hoodie, causing electricity to flow from her arm to her head. While clenching her jaw, she swayed the clothing over the tiles. Her breathing was rapid as she tried to handle the pain without any complaints.

“Come here, darling.” the older lady said.

The younger looked up to see her on her chair once again, but this time turned towards her with open arms.

Soyeon stood up with shaking legs, and placed herself in her mother’s lap. Boyoung carefully wrapped a bandage around her arm, and made sure to kiss her forehead. 

“I love you.” she said, pressing her head into the back of Soyeon’s head.

How could she? If she truly loved her, she wouldn’t have done that. Right?

She felt the urge in her body to do something to her mom, whatever that would hurt her.

“I love you too, mommy.” Soyeon said in the same voice she used when she was younger.

Boyoung stayed frozen for a second. Then, she unwrapped her arms from Soyeon, to let her get out of there. The daughter grabbed her hoodie and hurried out.

She saw her father in the corner of her eye. He was resting her back against the bathroom door, but he never said a word. 

*  
*  
*

Yuqi greeted her with a hug on the parking lot when she arrived. She would be lying if she claimed her arm never made a cry. They smiled at each other before Yuqi intertwined their arms.

“You’re never late. Why are you late today?” she asked.

Soyeon just shrugged.

At least she had Woogi now.

Soojin smiled at her for a millisecond, but buried her head in her phone then again. Soyeon noticed how Shuhua sneakily tried to watch the conversation she was having on the phone. She even saw when the younger girl rolled her eyes.

The two oldest were both looking down, except Miyeon who occasionally lifted her eyes. One of those times, she noticed Soyeon and immediately greeted her.

“Hello!” she said with a wide smile. “Let’s get inside.”

Minnie shook her head. Soyeon now realised the wrinkles on her forehead, how her eyes almost fell down to her mouth.

“What’s up with those two?” she whispered.

“I don’t think they made up since yesterday.” Yuqi whispered back.

“I’m not deaf.” Minnie mouthed.

The girls’ attitude stayed until lunch. Miyeon was silently shoving food into her mouth, but Minnie ate nothing at all.

”We need our parents together.” Soyeon said. “You can’t break up.”

“We’re not broken up.” Minnie said between her teeth.

“You’re not together either.”

“Just mind your own business, Soyeon.” Miyeon muttered.

Soyeon frowned.

“No, cause you’re my friends and I’m supposed to help you.”

“You can’t help with stuff between us.” Miyeon stated.

“Of course I can.” Soyeon argued.

“No, you can’t.”

“I can.”

“Soyeon just quit it.” Soojin said.

Soyeon felt a hand place on her shoulder, while it carefully rubbed her up and down. The irritation Soyeon barely had noticed was growing, was now disappearing with every rub. 

“What’s that on your arm?” she heard Miyeon say.

Soyeon tensed immediately. She’d hid it with a black hoodie, hoping that no one would be able to notice it. And no matter how much stinging she’d felt throughout the day, she never made a single sign. How could they have figured out?

“Nothing.” Soojin answered rapidly.

Soyeon noticed that the attention was on her best friend, not on herself. She looked at Soojin, who was growing smaller and smaller every second. The blonde’s eyes drifted down to the arm she was trying to cover with her sleeve.

“It’s a bruise.” Shuhua said, causing the rest to look between her and Soojin.

The glare Soojin gave Shuhua came unnoticed to none of them. 

“There’s multiple, all over her arms.” Shuhua added.

“Soojin-“

“Was it Hui?” Soyeon asked.

The blood started rushing up to her head again. She clenched her jaw and made fists out of her hands. The motion in her arm caused the wounds to send electricity up her body, causing her to whine.

“Let’s not talk about it here.” Soojin said quietly and kept her head down.

“So it was.” Soyeon muttered. “I’m gonna kill him!”

She shot up from her seat, and started roaming her eyes through the cafeteria. The team weren’t at their usual spot. Soyeon was just going to get away from her seat when she felt hands on each side of her. Both of them pulled her down again. Yuqi’s hand stayed in a tight grip around her healthy arm, and Soojin had just let go of her shoulder.

“Not in the cafeteria, please.” Yuqi begged.

“Are you okay, Soo?” Minnie asked.

“Stop making a big deal out of it.” the girl shifted in her seat.

“It is a big deal. It’s a huge deal.” Minnie said.

“He’s abusing you.” Miyeon stated.

“He’s not.”

“How do you explain that then?” Yuqi asked.

Soojin shifted once again. Soyeon saw how she bit her lip and took a deep breath.

“Just... don’t worry about it.” she mouthed. 

“We cannot not worry about it.” Miyeon said.

“How long has he been doing it?” Soyeon said between her teeth.

“Don’t worry a-“

“How long, JinJin?” Shuhua asked, arching her eyebrows.

“It was the first time.” Soojin answered quietly. “I’m okay, guys. Let’s not make it bigger than it is.”

“You have to break up with him.” Yuqi said. “He’s controlling and possessive and abusive.”

“Shut up.” Soojin complained. “I do whatever I want.”

“You don’t even love him.” Shuhua complained.

“What do you know?” the older scoffed.

“She’s right. Even Yejin knows it.” Miyeon added with a slightly scolding voice.

“She’s a kid.”

“So are you.”

Soojin scoffed before placing both her hands on the table. She lifted herself up, and grabbed her tray. 

“Stop acting like you know everything.” she shot out between her teeth.

Without as much as a glare, she was out the cafeteria with quick steps. The girls were left in silence. A couple of eyes were looking their way, but not unusually many.

“What do we do?” Shuhua broke the silence.

“We can’t do anything.” Miyeon said.

“But we have to do something.” Soyeon argued. “We can’t just let her live like that.”

“Right.” Yuqi agreed.

“Guys, it’s her choice.” Minnie said. “We can’t force her to break up with him.”

“But she doesn’t want to be with him.” Shuhua said. “I’ve seen how she acts with him. She’s not in love at all.”

“I know, Shu.” Miyeon reached out to grip her shoulder. “But she must have a reason to stay with him. Okay? Let’s let her figure everything out on her own. She’s Soojin, after all. She’s smart.”

“Maybe he makes her stay?” Yuqi questioned. “He’s definitely in love with her, right? Maybe he knows that she’ll leave so he makes it impossible for her to leave?”

“Let’s stop coming up with theories. When Soojin needs help, she’ll tell us.” Miyeon ended the argument.

When Soyeon was going to open her mouth again, Minnie shushed her immediately. For the first time of the day, Minnie and Miyeon looked at each other and nodded weakly. Yuqi and Shuhua studied each other as well, probably having a conversation through the air, like the older two. 

Soyeon’s person had left Soyeon alone. That meant she was alone as well. Maybe she’d run away to the practice room, or hid in a toilet stall. Or maybe... maybe Soojin was taken away from Soyeon, like she said she would do. 

The blonde’s breath turned heavy. Then, it became rapid. Air seemed to leave her lungs quicker than she filled them. It caused head to immediately turn into a mess.

“Woogi.” she whined and leaned to the side.

The younger girl wrapped an arm around her, while she snuggled into her neck. Maybe she couldn’t keep everything under control, but at least she had Yuqi by her side now. 

*  
*  
*

“Jin-ah, let’s get to class already.” Soyeon mouthed into the cranny of the door. “You’ve been here for hours.”

“Just leave.” the girl said back.

“I’m not leaving.” Soyeon protested. “Look, I know you hate when we try to dig into your personal life, but we’re just worried.”

Soojin stayed quiet on the other side.

“I promise I won’t bring it up if you come out. Just... let’s skip last class and wait for the others, okay? We could hang out at Minnie’s house or something.”

The door clicked open. Soyeon moved back a bit, as Soojin’s tired face exited the stall. Her eyes were only halfway open, and her mouth tilted down more than usual. Her makeup wasn’t smudged a bit, of course. The older was not one to ever cry. 

Soyeon was lucky she always could tell what Soojin was feeling. She guessed her many years of experience made that possible. 

How Soojin’s brown orbs shined almost black, showed that she was upset. The way her face was slightly redder than normal, meant she was embarrassed. And how she bit her front teeth together, was a sign that she was irritated. 

”I’m sowwy.” Soyeon said in the most childish voice she could manage, as she lowered her face, pouted her lips and made her eyes bigger than usual.

Soojin looked at her for a second or two, before rolling her eyes. 

“Whatever. Let’s go.” she said and walked out the door.

Soyeon’s lips lifted to a smile as she hurried behind her. She intertwined their arms, careful not to harm neither of them, and played with her fingers.

“You’re still my favourite.” Soyeon snickered.

Soojin continued walking down the hall without any change on her face, but Soyeon knew her words had hit her heart just like she wanted to.

“You shouldn’t have favourites.” Soojin said.

“Maybe not, but I can’t control my heart.” Soyeon teased.

“You’ve turned into another Shuhua.” Soojin scoffed.

“How do you know she doesn’t take after me?”

Soyeon smiled wide, showing her teeth as her eyes turned into crescents. The older looked at her up and down, before rolling her eyes. A sign for Soyeon that the conversation ended there.

The younger was happy with her accomplishment, as the others couldn’t get her out during the entire lunch. Even if Soyeon had been trying for a long time, longer than she even could recall, she still got her best friend with her at the end.

And she didn’t let her eyes leave her during the entire time they waited for the rest of the group. She said a couple of joked, that she laughed at more herself than Soojin. 

“I think she’s really falling for me.” Soyeon said as she played with her earphones, as she remembered the struggle she’d been having for the last months, and looked to Soojin on her stone. “Hey, you don’t want to help me with a song right?”

Soojin looked up at her before raising one of her eyebrows. ‘Really?’ Soyeon could hear Soojin question in her brain. But it wasn’t in the inviting and sweet voice she used from time to time, it was the voice she used when someone had agitated her. 

“Didn’t think so.” Soyeon muttered.

A minute or so later, they were joined by the rest. Immediately the quiet, one sided conversation Soyeon had been having, turned into a straight up mess. Five voices, all louder than they probably should, saying stuff they shouldn’t say on school grounds while surrounded by students that already gave them enough attention. 

“When’s the date you’ve been talking about?” Miyeon asked suddenly. 

She stood in a new spot, beside Shuhua and Soojin. 

“Saturday.” Soyeon answered, without blushing one bit.

The younger, whoever, desperately tried to hide the redness flowing up her neck and slowly covering her cheek and ears.

“What are you planning on doing?”

“It’s a secret.” Soyeon smiled with a side of her mouth.

“Well, be safe.” Minnie decided to tease them.

“Minnie!” Miyeon complained.

“Shut up!” Yuqi shouted, now red all over her face.

Soyeon giggled to herself, but stopped as she saw Yuqi’s glare.

“How come I’m always the one getting teased about intimacy?” Soyeon decided to say instead. “Soojin’s making love to her boyfriend everyday by you never tease her about it.”

She didn’t miss the glare Soojin gave her, or how both Minnie’s eyes narrowed.

“Just the fact that you said ‘making love’ says it all.” she teased.

“Oh I’m sorry, is it not in your vocabulary?” Soyeon glared at her. “You see, when two people love each other-“ 

“Are you trying to teach me about sex?” she chuckled. “Okay, let’s see what you have.”

Soyeon was caught off guard. Of course she knew... how it went down. But she wasn’t exactly comfortable with the talking about the subject in front of the girl she was in love with. 

“I- uh...” Soyeon stuttered, now matching the colour of Soojin’s famous lipstick.

“Nothing? No, that’s what i thought.” Minnie snickered.

Soyeon narrowed her gaze. If eyes could kill, Minnie would be on the ground right now. And the younger knew of her scary glare, so when Minnie only smiled wider, it irritated Soyeon more than anything. 

“I could be so mean to you right now.” she grunted. “I hate that I don’t hate you.”

“Love you too, inexperienced virgin.” Minnie chuckled.

“Okay, at least tease these two as well.” Soyeon complained and motioned for the younger two.

“Yuqi’s not a virgin.” Shuhua brushed of her lips.

All faces went to Yuqi in an instant. Soyeon would lie if her feelings didn’t her infiltrated by something she didn’t want to admit.

“Don’t tell me Lucas-“ Miyeon put a hand over her mouth.

“Ew, no!” Yuqi answered quickly.

Well, that made those weird feelings vanish. 

“She doesn’t even qualify as a virgin.” Shuhua said with a wide smile. “Yuqi is completely untou-“

“Shush!” the chinese warned. “As if you’re any better...” she muttered.

“I’m at least one step ahead of you.”

“I don’t think i want to know what that is about.” Miyeon motioned with her hand in the air. “Please, let’s change subject before someone starts an argument about what the best position is.”

They all fell silent for moment. But there was still awkward, but also teasing smiles on almost every face.

“So...” Yuqi said suddenly.

The attention went to her immediately, as she cleared her throat. Her grin grew wider, as she turned her head to Minnie.

“What is the best position?”

“Mi-“

“Don’t.” Miyeon warned.

“-ssionary.” Minnie glared at her as she finished.

Miyeon scoffed as she shook her head.

“Boring.” Soyeon said.

“Even i know what that is.” Yuqi teased.

“It’s not boring... it’s nice.” Minnie said.

Miyeon rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. It probably wasn’t her intention to gain the attention from all girls, but she did. Soyeon looked at Minnie, who was glaring even more than before. 

“Please, no more details about your sex life.” Shuhua complained, but they all knew it was a subtle way to get off the subject before Minnie was tackled down to the ground in the non-romantic way.

“I have to go.” Soojin stood up suddenly.

The girls looked around at each other. Out of all of them, Soyeon felt Shuhua’s eyes the most. Maybe it was because they resembled the same change of colour and deepness as Soyeon’s eyes, or just because they lingered longer on each other.

“Where are you going?” Miyeon decided to be their spokesperson.

“To Hui.” Soojin said quickly.

”Are you sure?”

There was a minute of Soojin’s silence. The other stayed quiet as well, they didn’t want to trigger her like they’d done before that day.  
Then, Soojin placed her bag over her shoulder and started walking away from them.

“Bye.” she said over her shoulder.

A second later, Shuhua ran after her. There was a complaint form Yuqi, but nothing held the younger back.

The girls watched as Shuhua wrapped her arms around Soojin from behind, startling the older girl. The younger’s head pressed against her back, as her mouth moved to say stuff that was inaudible to the four. 

“She likes her, right?” Miyeon asked, eyes locked on the two in front of them.

Yuqi sighed.

“She likes her disgustingly much.” she then answered. “She’s completely in love.”

“Did you know they kissed?” Minnie asked.

“What?” Yuqi questioned, along with Soyeon.

“During our first sleep over. You kids were too drunk to remember.” the thai chuckled. “We dared them too, and Shuhua leaned in in a heartbeat.”

“They don’t know?” Yuqi asked.

“Unless they’ve kept it hidden, no, they don’t know.”

The youngest among them was already walking back when they dropped the subject had blended into the air. She was walking back alone. Soojin took quick steps towards a car door further away on the parking lot.

Shuhua’s head hung down towards the ground as she took slow steps. For the first time in her entire life, Soyeon grew a negative feeling towards Soojin. It wasn’t hate, it could never be hate, not when she was Soe Soojin. But it was stronger than what she felt when she wanted to win an argument against her. Had this little taiwanese brainwashed her in some way? All she wanted to do was bring Shuhua into her arms, while screaming at Soojin until she had nothing to say anymore.

“Let’s go home, Romeo.” Yuqi said and put an arm around Shuhua’s shoulders.

They disappeared down the parking lot after a ‘goodbye’ to everyone.

“Do you guys wanna hang out?” Soyeon asked, in hopes of not having to spend the afternoon at home.

“I’m sorry, Soyeon. I think I want to be alone today.” Miyeon said.

She gave the younger a quick hug, but left before things got too awkward between her and her girlfriend.

“Then it’s just the two of us.” Soyeon smiled lightly at Minnie.

“I can’t, my parents are coming today.” Minnie said. “We could walk home together though?”

“It’s okay. I’ll head to the park then.” Soyeon said.

The older looked at her with squeezed eyes. She pouted slightly before biting her lip.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Soyeon nodded quickly, but the girl didn’t seem convinced at all.

“It’s been a shitty day, that’s all.” the korean said with a little smile.

Minnie hugged her in a way that only Minnie could hug. It wasn’t anything new that the thai loved any kind of skinship, wether it was a squeeze of the hand or a kiss (only from Miyeon, of course). And everyone loved to give her the hugs because she made each person feel warm and welcomed. Her arms were always warm, and her skin always soft. If Soyeon wasn’t as biased as she was, she would admit that Minnie’s hugs were the best. 

“I’ll see you soon.” Minnie said as she pulled away.

And with that, Soyeon was left alone. She spent the afternoon in the park. She sat on a swing, worked a bit on a song or two, and made clear of all her thousand thoughts.  
And in the evening, she slowly made her way home. Dinner at her place was never something they ate as a family anyways. Once it was late enough, Soyeon sneaked in by the basement door. She quietly hurried to her room, made sure to pass the kitchen to grab some food before, but then hid away with the key turned.

She texted Yuqi. Apparently Shuhua, who rarely showed many feelings for anyone other than Yuqi, had been begging Soojin to stay with her entire heart. And when she hadn’t succeeded, she was destroyed, of course. Yuqi spent the afternoon watching Shuhua’s favourite drama, only ending up complaining to Soyeon about how much homework she didn’t do.

Then she texted Soojin, to make sure she still was alive. Of course she was, Soojin had answered. She kept her responses short to all of Soyeon’s questions, but she answered at least.

At the end of the day, she still had them both. 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> Now that Soyeon’s home life finally is revealed, was it like you expected?
> 
> there’s still a lot of stuff within this story that will be revealed, so stay tuned until my next update. i’m gonna try to update more frequently, but we’ll see how that’ll go.
> 
> thank you so much for reading!


	14. When they moan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the support! i’m writing more easily again, which makes me very relieved. it’s always nice to see a comment, as they are my way to get the motivation. so please, leave one if you have time. there’s always a question at the end of the chapter. :)
> 
> WARNINGS: mention of abuse, death and desease.

*

Soyeon’s hands trembled as she walked up to the door. She’d hung out with Yuqi alone before, but never like this. Not on an actual date.

It wouldn’t be one of those classy and uptight ones, where the captain of the soccer team takes out the lead cheerleader to a fancy restaurant. Or one of those where the nerd brings the popular student to a picnic date.  
No, this was one in Soyeon’s style. No expensive dresses, and no homemade food.

“Why’d you bring that?” Yuqi asked the second she opened the door.

She gestured towards the keyboard hanging on Soyeon’s back. Yuqi thought she looked adorable, as it almost was the size of her.  
As she was questioning the younger, she made sure to make her eyebrows furrowed and squeeze her eyes, an attempt to look somewhat intimidating. 

“Hi Woogi.” the older said instead of answering, and fell into her arms.

The jean jacket she had on, and the instrument on her back, made the hug a bit awkward, as Yuqi found nowhere to place her arms and Soyeon’s didn’t reach long enough. But after a second, the older pulled away with a wide grin.

“Bring your guitar, please.” she said, in the happiest of voices.

She was grinning widely, as Yuqi turned around to walk upstairs. Through the hallway, she could see the chinese mom by her computer, her eyes locket on the screen. Soyeon guessed she was working, like she always was. A minute later, her husband came up to her and gave her a quick back hug, before he noticed Soyeon waiting by the door.

“Hey there.” he said through the hall and waved. 

With his kind eyes, he made his way over to the door.

“Good morning, Soyeon.” the chinese’s father smiled.

“Good morning.” she answered politely.

“How are you today?”

“I’m good, you?” 

“I’m very well, thank you.” his accent was strong, but he still made the most effort to make himself understood through it. “I heard you two are going out today?”

“Yeah. On a date.” Soyeon smiled.

“Ah.” he smiled back at her. “What are you planning to do?”

“It’s a secret.”

Soyeon saw Yuqi’s shadow in the hallway upstairs. She leaned towards the older man, and gestured for him to get closer with his ear.

She preceded to whisper the answer, causing the man to smile widely. 

“Ah.” he exclaimed. “It sounds like a good plan.”

“What are you whispering about?” Yuqi asked as she got down to the door.

“Nothing.” the father said and gave a not-so-discreet wink to Soyeon.

“Mhm.” Yuqi mouthed as she put on her shoes.

“Is Shuhua awake?” he switched to Chinese.

“No, she’s still sleeping. But I think she’s hanging out with Soojin and Miyeon later today.”

“How is her little sister now? Yujin?”

“Yejin.” Yuqi stood up from the ground and pulled her jacket over her shoulders with help from Soyeon. “She’s not getting better, but not not worse either. Not right now at least.”

“That’s good.” the father muttered. “Remember to be careful, Yuqi.”

Soyeon caught the difference in Yuqi’s name in Korean and Chinese. She liked her Chinese name a lot, but both syllables were new to her. She wasn’t sure she would be able to pronounce it correctly.

“I know dad.”

“Don’t have her home too late.” he switched back to the other language.

“I won’t.” Soyeon smiled.

“Let’s go.” Yuqi grabbed her arm.

“Have fun girls.” he closed the door behind them.

The breeze outside was starting to get colder. With a month until Christmas break, the leaves had started falling from the trees as the flowers stopped blooming long ago.

All the kids that were playing outside the houses were dressed in jackets and hats, and the parents were taking away the summer activities on the lawns. Multiple trampolines were being tossed into the garages.

Yuqi remembered the trampoline they had in Taiwan. It wasn’t the biggest, but it was Yuqi’s pride at her school. She managed to gain her best friend ever, now sister, from that trampoline. She just had to be forever grateful to it.  
But they threw it away when she’d fallen off one time, and immediately was sent to the hospital. They found no wound that later could cause an infection, luckily. They never bought a new one after that, no matter how much Yuqi begged for one.

“Where are we going?” Yuqi asked, breaking the silence that had been floating around them.

“You’ll see.” Soyeon smiled. “Yuqi?”

She tried in the language she’d heard before, but she couldn’t recall if she said it right.

“Huh?” the younger said and turned to her.

“Yuqi?” she repeated.

“Yeah?”

“Is that right?”

“Uh-huh.”

Soyeon made a little giggle, one Yuqi never had heard from her before. The older girl probably didn’t intend to do it, as she reddened immediately while Yuqi only could grin while watching her. 

“I prefer Woogi though.” Yuqi said. 

“Really?” she caught the older’s attention immediately.

“Yeah.” she said. “It’s cute when you say it.”

“You think so?”

Soyeon grabbed Yuqi’s hand. She giggled again as she pulled the younger closer to herself. With a squeeze, she made them both stop in their tracks. Soyeon stood up on her toes, and leaned in to Yuqi’s cheek with her lips, before quickly pulling back again.

The two of them turned red, as they continued walking hand in hand. 

“I don’t like most parts of this town”. Soyeon said as they walked up a road. “Everyone always acts like everything is perfect. It’s cold, and so empty but still packed with rich assholes.”

Yuqi’s breathing was heavy. She couldn’t say that she wasn’t actually allowed to do anything that could make it harder for her to breathe. It was only a short bit left, anyways.

“And they all hate the smallest abnormality. Do you know what the teachers said when I coloured my hair? They weren’t exactly happy.”

The younger noticed a smile spreading on Soyeon’s lips, before she turned around to face Yuqi. She grabbed both her hands, and pulled her up the last bit of the road, until they were at the top of the hill.

In front of them, the road kept going forwards. It was the only way out of the pit where they lived. A single road, that led to a completely different life. Soyeon had thought more than once to follow it, but she’d always been pulled back.

“But I like it here.” Soyeon said.

She gestured to the side of her, where the hill was cut off. If they were to take a few too many steps forwards, they would both fall to their deaths. 

Looking over the edge, Yuqi could see their entire town. She could see the school in one corner, and the group’s houses all on a line in front of it. The centrum was on the other side of the town. She could see the little blobs that were people, and the bigger blobs that were cars. Underneath them, was the buss station. Yuqi had heard Soojin used it the most between the six, but she’d never been told why. There were small apartment buildings around the buss station, and a few smaller shops. If she looked up a bit, she could see the river running down from the forrest surrounding the town. 

It was a beautiful place to live. With all the greenery and the lack of crimes. But, there were so many lies in every single one of the buildings. And those lies, those covered the town in a grey shadow. Maybe it wasn’t so beautiful.

“You get a view of everything.” Soyeon said. “And it all becomes so small, so worthless.”

Yuqi sat down on the cold grass, and kept her eyes on the view in front of her.

“It’s a reminder that,” the older said and sat down beside her, as she placed the keyboard in front of her, “we’ve never really mattered, anyways.”

The younger listened closely to the words, before she placed her own instrument down on the ground and turned to the older.

“You always talk like you’re quoting a song.”

“Do I?”

“I can’t decide if you sound like a genius or just cheesy.” Yuqi said, causing the older to chuckle.

“I’ll decide for you then. I’m a genius.” she smirked.

“You’re starting to sound like me.” Yuqi pointed out. “There’s only so much room for self confidence in this town.”

“Well, they say that you become more and more like someone when you like them.”

The younger hit her shoulder while moving her head from side to side with a wide grin on her face. 

“Do you think you’re becoming more like me?”

“Soyeon-“

“Don’t answer that.” Soyeon smiled. “I guess we’ll notice when you punch someone.”

Yuqi chuckled again.

“Do you want to hear something?”

The younger nodded as she saw the younger starting to trace her fingers over the piano. A quiet melody started playing, and was soon matched with Soyeon’s voice. 

*  
*  
*

Minnie made sure the makeup around her eyes covered the darkness. She perfected her hair into a ponytail, and laid a necklace on her chest and a couple of rings around her fingers. Minnie wanted at least one tattoo on her hand, but she knew her parents never would allow that. Maybe she could get one when she’d ran away in the future. If running away still was in the plans.

Running away was something she would do for Miyeon. For them to be able to be together. But now, the relationship was a cloudy day. Neither Minnie nor Miyeon liked cloudy days. But it was the older’s fault. At least that’s what Minnie told herself.

Because Miyeon wasn’t interested in Minnie anymore, Minnie didn’t want to push their relationship in any direction, and therefore just staying away became the obvious option. That’s why she ignored all the times her phone vibrated on her nightstand.

A white blouse, and a pair of tight jeans were what her mother had placed on her bed as the outfit for today. She had no choice but to wear it. 

She was immediately handed an apron as she entered the kitchen. Mic continued to ask if he could help with anything, but their mother only smiled and complimented him for being such a great son. Minnie was instantly put into work. She fried the eggs without as much as a thank you. Not even when they sat down at the table, did she get any praising. She felt sorry for her mom for having had to live like this for as long as she’d been married to her dad.

“Nicha,” her father’s loud voice gained her attention, “we’ve invited your boyfriend for dinner.”

Minnie almost choked on her drink, until she remembered Taejeon.

“That’s nice.” she said with a forced smile.

“He said you’ve talked quite a bit while we were gone?” her mother smiled.

“Uh, yes.” Minnie answered. “We’ve mostly texted. We both have so much going on at school.”

“Do you like him, honey?”

To hide the amount of time it took to answer the question, Minnie took a sip of her beverage and cleared her throat.

“He’s kind.” Minnie answered.

“That’s good.” the older woman smiled.

“It should be time for you two to officially come out with your relationship soon.” her father swallowed his coffee.

“I think we’ve decided to take it slow.” Minnie lied.

“Take it slow?”

“Um, I mean... he said he wanted to focus on his schoolwork and on his own family, before we focus too much on each other.” she lied again, but this one her father believed as he nodded.

“A woman should always listen to her man.” her mother said. “We’ve raised you right, honey.”

Yeah, right.

“Mic, Mac, have you found anyone yet?”

Mac chuckled softly, before it disappeared under his father’s scolding eyes.

“We’re still working on it, mother.” Mic answered.

“If you don’t find anyone soon we will have to send you off to the military. My brother already has an open spot for one of you. Mac, you could use some discipline.” he said it between his teeth.

“We’re looking hard.” Mac answered instead.

“Maybe we should bring you two home with us.”

“We can’t just leave Nicha alone here.” the mother said sweetly with a wrinkled forehead.

“She has a boyfriend now. And she has those friends. Miyeon and the others.”

“I think both Mac and I would be more comfortable if we were to stay with Nicha here.” Mic said.

“We’ll bring one of you at a time. Mic, you’re coming with us when we fly back.”

“But father-“

“End of discussion.” he clarified as he stood up from the table.

The other four were all quietly eating up their lunch, until the mother laid a hand on top of Mic’s.

“You’ll like it in Thailand, and I’ll help you find someone pretty.” she tried to reassure him.

Mic nodded before looking back at his siblings. How would the two of them make it without him? Minnie wondered too. Well, they would find out soon enough.

*  
*  
*

Miyeon frowned as she placed her phone down for what felt like the hundredth time. She grunted as she fell back on the bed.

How could Minnie just ignore her from nowhere? She’d just lost her dad, and now she was loosing her girlfriend too?

Miyeon groaned again, which finally gained the attention of the younger two.

“What?” Shuhua asked from Soojin’s side.

“Minnie hates me.”

“I’ve already told you she doesn’t hate you.” Soojin said with a roll of her eyes.

The youngest girl currently had her head pressed down on her chest, but she wasn’t anything near to how heavy Hui was. And Shuhua’s hands weren’t trying to touch every part of her body they could reach, Shuhua’s hands stayed on her side without squeezing anything.

“She’s not answering my texts.”

“Maybe she’s busy. Her parents are home, right?” Shuhua said. “She’s always busy with those... men.”

”What men?” Miyeon shot up from the bed.

In reality, there was a very minimal chance Shuhua knew more about what Minnie was up to than Miyeon did. And an even smaller chance Minnie was doing anything with men. Except Taejeon, but he was safe anyways.  
But in the state Miyeon currently was in, anything could trigger her.

“Suitors! That’s the word I was trying to find. Those suitors.” Shuhua exclaimed.

“She’s already found one, Shu.” Soojin said.

“Really?” the youngest asked. “I’m sorry M-“

“Minnie says he’s gay.” Miyeon added.

“What? That won’t work?”

“Minnie’s gay too. It wouldn’t have worked anyways.”

Miyeon brought a pillow up to cover her face with, that she later chose to scream into.

“Why do I love her? She’s so complicated.”

“You’re not exactly a walk on feathers either.” the dancer chuckled.

“Why does everything have to be so complicated?” Miyeon screamed once again, until she felt her entire face heating up.

“Shut up before mom runs in here.” Soojin scolded, making Miyeon stop.

“I wonder what Yuqi’s doing right now.” Shuhua said, to change subject.

“I’m sure your other half can survive a day without you.” Miyeon said. “At least act like you like us as much as you like her.”

“They’re probably having fun, Shu.” Soojin said while scolding Miyeon with her eyes. “You don’t have to worry. Soyeon likes her too much to do anything Yuqi doesn’t want to do.”

Shuhua smiled as Soojin pulled her closer.

“Does Yuqi like Soyeon like that?” Miyeon asked.

“I don’t know. She’s interested, at least.” Shuhua answered. “But I’m not sure she’s in love with her yet.”

“Soyeon’s got her heart set on Yuqi.” Miyeon said.

“I can see that.”

“How does it feel not to be the one anymore, Soo?” Miyeon asked with a grin.

“Shut up.” Soojin said quietly.

“She was in love with you?” Shuhua asked and lifted her head to look at her face.

“Let’s talk about something else.” Soojin said and squeezed her eyebrows together. 

*  
*  
*

“I thought you said you’ve played since you were three.” Soyeon chuckled as she watched Yuqi struggle with a G-chord.

“I’m just a bit rusty.” Yuqi brushed her off and continued to find the right chord.

If Yuqi actually had been playing since she was three, continued to be unknown to Soyeon. But as she played, the fact wouldn’t surprise the older girl. And after a couple of seconds of strumming, she began to hum out a melody, that she later covered with words. Soyeon figured she’d made them up on the spot, as they didn’t exactly make perfect sense. 

It still was beautiful to Soyeon. She’d never heard Yuqi sing seriously before, but her voice was so husky, and so attractive. If Soyeon wasn’t already in love with her, she most definitely was now.

And when Yuqi was finished, she looked at Soyeon expectantly, while the older girl stayed adoring her every move. Without even noticing what she was doing, Soyeon placed a hand on Yuqi’s leg and another one on her cheek.

She leaned in, and closed her eyes as she did so. She could feel her heavy breath bounce back on her from Yuqi’s skin. Soyeon had to hold back her smile to keep her mouth in a pout as she touch the younger with them.

The older felt the softness, but not softness of lips. She felt the same skin she’d felt before, the skin of her cheek.

Feeling the redness creep up her neck again, Soyeon pulled away. She instantly took away both hands from Yuqi, and buried her own head in them.

“Sorry.” she muttered from them.

Then, she felt a hand on her arm, which she brushed off.

“Soyeon.” Yuqi said and chuckled.

“Stop it.” the older said.

“Look at me.” 

Soyeon lifted her head up reluctantly, and met Yuqi’s puppy orbs. Her eyes looked just as kind as her dad’s did. 

“You don’t have to say sorry.”

“Well, you clearly didn’t want to.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to.” Yuqi said. “I’m just... I’m not really allowed to kiss.”

“Oh.”

“It’s too risky.”

“I understand.” Soyeon said. “Can I... can I still hold your hand?”

Yuqi reached out her hand with a chuckle and placed it in Soyeon’s. She squeezed it before moving closer, and placed her head on the older’s shoulder.

They stayed quiet for a minute, just enjoying the view.

“The first time I kissed someone-“

“Lucas.” Soyeon muttered.

“Yeah, him.” Yuqi chuckled and squeezed her hand. “He’s got the same diagnosis as I do. We met through it, actually. Well, when we kisses for the first time, we both ended up at the hospital. He got out before me, once he’d been there for a couple of days. I stayed for three weeks.”

Soyeon turned her head to the side, and pressed her mouth against Yuqi’s forehead before the younger continued.

“They put me on some medication. I couldn’t even walk for a couple of days. So, since then, my parents have forbidden me from kissing. Or anything too intimate. And I know I have to listen to them, they’re the ones who pay the bills anyways.”

“So you won’t kiss anyone in your entire life? Out of all people who could’ve gotten to steal your only kiss, it was a boy?” Soyeon tried to lighten up the mood, and she succeeded as Yuqi chuckled.

“I’m sorry. I would’ve waited for you if I knew.” she smiled.

“Would you?”

“I think so.”

Soyeon kissed her forehead again, and pulled her just a little closer.

“I’ll probably die before twenty-five anyways. I won’t have to endure an entire lifetime.”

“Will you?”

“I’ve got to catch something they can’t treat in that time, don’t you think?” Yuqi lifted up her head to look at her.

“I don’t want that.” Soyeon said. “You don’t deserve that.”

Yuqi placed back her head on her shoulder.

“We all get stuff we don’t deserve.”

Soyeon couldn’t agree more.

*  
*  
*

“Welcome, Taejeon.” Minnie’s mother said and embraced him.

The entire house was lit up with multiple candles, even in the bathroom. And her mom had worked all day to make it the best dinner they ever would have, for a guy Minnie never even would marry.

“Thank you Mrs. Yontararak.” he said politely.

“Ah, call me Mali.” she said.

The boy continued down the line to the brothers, where a handshake was required, and then the same with the father of the family.

“You have a firm grip, son.” the man said.

“Thank you.” Taejeon said before turning his full attention to Minnie.

They were lucky the two of them were planners, otherwise the girl would most definitely flinch as he leaned in to press his lips on her cheek while having his hand on her lower back.

“Shall we get seated?” Mali asked with a soft voice.

It was an understatement to say that her mother was a good chef, she was truly amazing when it came to cooking. Over twenty years of it surely showed results. Minnie, on the other hand, was not that experienced. She barely cooked, Mic was the family’s chef once their parents were gone. But usually they just got delivery. And tonight, Mali made Minnie cook an entire dish all by herself. ‘A future wife has to cook for her future husband’ she’d said.

“What is this called?” Taejeon asked and gestured towards a green dish with his chopsticks.

“Pak Boong.” the mother said, not holding back her accent one bit.

“Morning glory.” Minnie translated.

“It’s fantastic!” Taejeon exclaimed and grabbed some more.

“Thank you.” Mali said with her cheeks flushed.

“Taejeon.” the father called.

“Yes sir?”

“I heard you two are taking it slow?”

“Yes. I want to focus on my schoolwork and my own family, and Nicha is very understanding of my decision.” he said, smiling at Minnie as he did so.

Even this, they’ve talked about over text.

“Mhm. Do you plan on continuing studying after high school?”

“Yes, of course. I plan on getting a degree in law, actually.” he said, causing the older man’s eyebrows to furrow. “But if we decide to take the next step earlier than planned, I can always take over my father’s firm.”

The father hummed in satisfaction.

“He sells cars, am I right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Is it going well for him?”

“Yes, I believe so.” Taejeon answered. “He just sealed a deal with another firm up in Seoul.”

“That sounds good, son.” the man answered. “Having a steady future is important, isn’t that right Nicha?”

“Of course.” Minnie answered with a nod.

“You will be a good man, Teajeon. I’m sure you will make my daughter very happy.”

“I hope I will.” another smile was shared between the youngest two.

They sure were good actors.

“I’ve prepared the guest room for you.” Mali said.

“Oh, you didn’t have to-“

“You shouldn’t be out on the streets this late. It’s better if you sleep here.” the Yontararak father said.

If this was some way for them to make Minnie and Taejeon take the next step, they were surely wrong as not even the first step ever would be taken.

*  
*  
*

Miyeon had almost ruined her phone with the amount of texts she’d sent during the day. 

“Ugh, I hate love!” she shouted and threw her phone to the ground.

“Be quiet, please.” Soojin hushed her from the carpet.

She was playing a card game with Shuhua, but the oldest was too frustrated to join them.

“I need to go over there.” Miyeon said a bit more quietly.

“At least wait until tomorrow morning.” Shuhua said as her mind was focused on the game.

“What if she’s silently broken up with me?” Miyeon question and fell down on the bed. “Teens do that, you know. The first day, you’re completely in love, and the next day they throw you down a cliff.”

“Minnie’s mature enough to speak with you first.” Soojin muttered.

“If Hui ignored you, what would you have done?”

“I’d thought he was dead.” the dancer answered.

“Are you saying Minnie’s dead?” Miyeon rapidly sat up from the bed.

“No, I’m saying Hui never would ignore me.” Soojin said. “Speaking of, I think I need to leave now.”

“We’re not even finished?” Shuhua asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Let’s say you won.” Soojin said as she stood up. “Come on, I’ll walk you home Shu.”

The wind was cold and wild outside. Shuhua thought she would fly away, and grabbed Soojin’s hand. Or maybe it was just and excuse. It was definitely an excuse. But the older didn’t reject her.

“I wonder if Soyeon kissed her.” Soojin spoke her thoughts out loud.

“I hope not.” Shuhua mouthed. “Yuqi can’t kiss, she’ll get sick.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She did when she kissed Lucas.”

“Maybe that was a one-time-thing?”

“We’re not taking risks.” Shuhua said firmly.

Soojin’s grip on the younger’s hand hardened. Why, Shuhua didn’t know, but she squeezed the older back and gave her a soft smile.

“She’s lucky to have you, ShuShu.” the older said.

Shuhua blushed at her comment, and decided to return the kindness.

“Soyeon’s lucky she has you too.” the Taiwanese said.

Soojin just nodded before pulling them both forward quicker. Shuhua couldn’t keep herself from thinking that she was hurrying because of Hui.

“You shouldn’t see him.” she decided to try.

“Shu-“

“He’s not good.” Shuhua said. “You don’t know what he’s gonna do.”

“I don’t want to talk about this, please.” Soojin said quietly. “I know him, okay?”

“But he’s abused you before, nothing stops him from doing it again.” 

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“You have to break up with him.”

“I can’t, okay?” Soojin talked with the loudest voice Shuhua had ever heard her use.

And her movements got more sharp as well as they made their way down the street.

“Why can’t you?” Shuhua asked.

“It’s complicated.” Soojin answered sharply.

“Why is it-“

“Forget I said anything.” the older girl cut her off. “I said I don’t want to talk about it so stop bringing it up.”

The next five minutes were quiet, until they got to Shuhua’s house and the older gave her a quick ‘goodbye’-hug before watching the younger get in her house.

She quickly pulled up her phone when she’d seen the door close, and pressed the most recent contact in her phone. The other line answered quickly.

“Hey. Can I come over?” Soojin asked, and her boyfriend happily answered her.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> Who do you hate the most, Minnie’s dad, Soyeon’s mom or Hui?
> 
> thank you for reading!


	15. When they whine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the support on my last chapter! i really love reading and answering to your comments! i’m not lying when i say it’s the best part of my day. well, that and all the content we’re getting :)
> 
> WARNINGS: mention of death and suicide, usage of mature language, blood.
> 
> this will be my last update before the comeback, so please make sure to stream and do everything you can to make it as successful as it can be. our girls are amazing, they deserve that!

*

Miyeon was sure she’d sent at least fifty text to her girlfriend, or whatever they were now. She hadn’t gotten a single reply.

She rolled over in bed and bit her teeth together as she thought about the girl on the other end. Miyeon thought they were too old for these childish stuff now. Sure, every relationship is unsteady at times, but after two years they should’ve grown out of all the push-and-pull they keep doing. 

The girl grunted once, twice, before she heard a shout from the other room. It was follow with a cough, and then another shout for her name.

Hurriedly, Miyeon got up from the bed, and almost fell as she ran down the hall to her younger cousin’s room. She opened the door and didn’t mind as it bounced against the wall. 

“What is it? Are you okay?” she put a hand on Yejin’s forehead while her eyes searched her face.

“Could you get me my book?” Yejin asked innocently and pointed at her dresser.

Miyeon blinked once, before following the direction of her finger with her eyes.

“That’s it?” the older asked.

“Mhm.” Yejin nodded.

“I thought you were dying.” Miyeon sighed and grabbed the book. “Don’t do that. My heart almost left my chest.”

“I’m sorry, but it was an emergency. I’m almost finished with it.” Yejin said and instantly opened it as Miyeon had placed it in her lap.

“You shouldn’t strain your voice like that.” the older cousin said before leaving the room.

“I’m sorry Miyeonie.” she could hear being said absentmindedly behind her.

Miyeon sighed again before walking back to her phone on her nightstand. Well, Soojin’s nightstand. The nightstand Miyeon was supposed to be using was in a plain room downstairs, but that was too far away from everyone, Miyeon thought. Now, she’d grown used to staying in her cousin’s bed, and the younger hadn’t complained once.

The phone suddenly buzzed, causing Miyeon to immediately look at it. Soyeon. As much as she loved the younger girl, she was hoping for another name to pop up. 

The happy tone on Soyeon’s texts didn’t get her in a better mood. She wished it would, especially when she read that they shared multiple kisses, even if it wasn’t on the mouth. But hearing about someone else’s love life sliding down a mountain of rose pedals, while hers was climbing up the stony part of the same hill, didn’t bring her the warmest feeling.

She tapped a quick reply, before switching to the other contact. Swiping up in their conversation, she chuckled with one raised eyebrow as she read the last text from her girlfriend. ‘Let’s talk about this tomorrow. I’m tired.’ Miyeon read. Tomorrow, huh? Well that was already a couple of days ago. 

Miyeon stared at the chat for a couple of more minutes, but when none of her messages were even read, she placed her phone on the bed and threw on her clothes.  
If Minnie was going to play this childish game, Miyeon was going to act like the adult she soon was and put everything straight. 

*  
*  
*

“You’re phone’s been buzzing like crazy all night.” Taejeon said behind her.

She was standing on the patio with a blanket covering her shoulders. It was starting to become too cold to be out without a heavy jacket, causing Minnie to shiver when the wind hit her face. 

“Did you hear all the way to the guest room?” Minnie asked, turning his direction.

“Yeah.” he stood beside her. “Someone really wanted to get a hold of you, huh?”

“Miyeon.” Minnie muttered quietly.

“Ah.” he mouthed. 

Minnie would’ve hated anyone’s company right now, but for some reason, she didn’t mind Taejeon taking in the morning air with her.

“I couldn’t sleep all night.” the girl said.

“Because of the texts?”

“Because of the entire thing.” Minnie sighed. “We’ve not been doing the best lately.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” he put a hand on Minnie’s shoulder.

She turned to him and gave him a faint smile. He smiled back at her, before his eyes drifted off to over her shoulder.

“Isn’t that her?”

Minnie turned her head immediately, and widened her eyes at the sight of her girlfriend hurriedly walking towards them. Her steps were strong and heavy. Minnie mentally prepared herself for whatever she was going to get thrown at her, wether it was words or fists.

“Why the fuck are you not answering my texts?” Miyeon’s voice came out louder than it ever had been, and as sharp as a newly bought knife.

Well, so much for being mature as Miyeon had planned.

“Miyeon, please calm down.” Minnie tried and made her way down the stairs. “My parents are right inside.”

“Is he the reason you haven’t been answering?” Miyeon pointed to the guy who took a few steps back on the patio.

Minnie grabbed her girlfriend’s shoulders, but to no avail as her arms instantly were thrown off.

“You can’t fuck me so you go around fucking him instead?” she screamed right at Minnie’s face.

The younger girl could feel the angry breath hitting her face, before the words entered her ears. The moment she understood what had left the older’s mouth, she placed a hand over her mouth and looked around to make sure no one could’ve heard her.

Miyeon’s eyes alone could’ve cut her body into pieces as she struggled out of Minnie’s hold.

“Do not touch me!” she screamed.

The Thai took a few steps back as she raised her arms to the hight of her belly.

“You’re not gonna say anything? Huh?” Miyeon asked, now a bit quieter but with just the same coldness.

“I didn’t sleep with him.” Minnie said quietly.

“Nah, I’m very gay.” the guy in question said behind them, owning a glare from both girls.

He excused himself and quickly walked inside.

“I’m not desperate enough for sex to sleep around with people, you know.” Minnie’s own voice came out sharp and powerful, but she was a lot more aware of the people sleeping in the houses around them.

“Why did you ignore me?” Miyeon’s eyebrows were squeezed, her voice not much louder than a whisper, and she couldn’t hide the pout.

Her arms fell down to the sides as she searched through Minnie’s eyes. The younger couldn’t bring herself to look when Miyeon looked so small, so vulnerable, and when she knew that she was a part of the reason why. Minnie looked down at the ground, and quietly said her reply.

“You don’t seem to be too interested in me these days.” she said between her teeth.

“Are you kidding me?” Miyeon raised her voice again, causing Minnie to raise her head. “You’re playing the victim now? My dad literally died three months ago!”

“Yeah, you like to bring that up.” Minnie said just as loud. “It’s funny how you always use it as an excuse but you never try to move on from it!”

Miyeon bit her lower lip, and narrowed her eyes. Minnie answered by narrowing her own eyes.

“What is all this fuss?” a man with a faint accent said loudly behind Minnie’s head.

It was Mr. Yontararak on the patio, with crossed arms and an angry frown on his face. His wife was right behind him, with her hands down to her sides as her eyes grew several sized with every second.

“You’re waking up the entire neighbourhood!” he scolded.

“She was just leaving.” Minnie said and turned back to Miyeon.

They started at each other for another couple of seconds, before Miyeon chuckled and lowered her head.

“Have a nice day, Nicha.” the older said, as she made sure to put emphasis on the name.

She bowed to the parents, before hurrying away the same way she came from. 

Minnie bit down the lump in her throat, and felt her face burning up as she turned back to her parents. 

“What were you thinking?” her father said in their first language before flicking the back of her head.

Well, she deserved that.

*  
*  
*

Shuhua played on her phone as Yuqi did the same on her guitar. The younger didn’t miss all the giggles and sighs Yuqi let out, but she decided to ignore them. She’d already heard about the date in smallest detail, she didn’t need to hear it again. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw how the older lifted up her phone from her table on instantly smiled. Her fingers then moved over the screen.

Shuhua wasn’t the biggest fan of what was going on between the two. But it seemed like Yuqi definitely was, so there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. She just had to accept it, but she promised herself to watch Soyeon carefully.

“I think I’m actually falling in love.” Yuqi said, and turned to Shuhua who sat on the bed.

“I can see that.” Shuhua answered.

“She’s just so cute.” the younger saw how Yuqi’s eyes turned into the shape of hearts. “Did I tell you about her voice?”

“Several times.”

“It’s so good. It sounds like she’s practiced so much. And she’s so good at rapping, too.” Yuqi said and smiled widely. “She asked me to help her with her playlist.”

“You said that.”

“What if I actually like her?” she fell back on her chair with a deep sigh.

“I don’t think it’s ’what if’.” Shuhua said and stood up. “I think you can be very sure of it.”

“Really?” Yuqi looked at her while smiling brightly.

“Have you seen your smile?” Shuhua chuckled.

Yuqi rolled her eyes before noticing that Shuhua was walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Just on a walk.” Shuhua answered.

“Okay. Make sure to be home for dinner.”

*  
*  
*

“Dinner’s ready!” the familiar scream filled the house.

Miyeon, who had been burying herself in Soojin’s covers, with earphones plugged in and the music Minnie loved in her ears. Her cousin had been beside her, swiping through her phone, casually given her a back hug.  
But now, the both of them stood up. They walked to the younger cousin’s room, and helped her up and then down the stairs.

They settled her by the table, and sat down on their respective chairs. Miyeon had learned the family’s routines quickly, as they were very much alike the ones she grew up with. She guess their grandma raised their moms that way.

Everything always had to be so normal. Nothing was wrong with this family, no one were to think about the sick daughter. Or the daughter who’d rather be with her dad, if he weren’t in prison. Not even the parents who looked like they never slept. Or the cousin who’d moved in because her dad committed suicide.  
If they even mentioned the aunt who’d abandoned them four years ago, or the husband who grew a certain plant in their basement, or the wife who decided it would be a good business, if they even mentioned them, well that would be a one-way-ticked out of the family.

In this family, everything was perfectly normal.

Miyeon smiled towards her aunt as she was given her bowl of rice. Soojin smiled as well, and Yejin smiled. The new husband smiled, and the mother sat down by the babies.

“How was your day?” the woman asked openly, shoving some rice into her mouth while turning to the twin boy and giving him some pork.

Miyeon would much rather not think about her day. Started with a frustrated sigh, continued to her heart skipping too many beats, and then there was the fight with her girlfriend, and the hours of small punches to her pillow.

“Miyeon, honey. Are you feeling well?”

She must’ve been the opposite of discreet with her feelings about today. It was probably the angry eyes that gave it away.

“I’m not, actually.” she answered, shocking the people around the table. “Could I maybe step out for a couple of minutes? I just have to clear my head.”

“Of course.” her aunt said with a slight frown.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Soojin asked and prepared herself to stand up.

“No, it’s fine.” Miyeon said while raising up herself. “I’ll just go out for a couple of minutes.”

She continued to the door. Her consciousness must’ve left her body, because she suddenly found herself fully clothed in a heavy jacket with her favourite shoes. She was standing in the park, with her hand in the form of a fist.

It was already dark outside, but the sun left them quickly this time of the year. 

Miyeon felt pinching in her hand, and her first reflex was of course to look at it. She gasped once she found it covered in blood, her knuckles split open. Now that she watched it, it started pounding badly. She hug it tightly to her body, while eyeing the bloody tree in front of her.

The girl fell down to the group, holding her arm while blowing at it. This would definitely leave scars. And the way it hurt, feeling like her entire arm could fall off any second, caused tears to fill up in her eyes. She quickly dismissed them, and instead decided to focus on her surroundings, to make sure no one came to find her.

Well, she wasn’t very pleased when she saw a figure walking towards her. Even less when she made out the face, to be someone she knew well. 

“Miyeon?” she said.

The girl just nodded before standing up.

“Why are you here?” Shuhua asked. “Why are you all bloody? Are you okay?”

The younger girl immediately walked closer to examine the hand.

“I think I’m a bit hurt.” Miyeon answered.

“A bit? Come on, we have to get this checked.” Shuhua said and grabbed her other hand.

She started leading them towards the centre of the town, where everything important was.

“Where are we going?” the older girl asked between the quick steps.

“The hospital.” Shuhua answered.

Miyeon didn’t like the hospital. Last time she was there, she was looking her blue father in his dead eyes. But for some reason, she didn’t stop the younger girl. Maybe her unconsciousness, the same one that had hurt her, also decided that getting the wounds fixed would be the smartest. It’d certainly give less questions.

*  
*  
*

The liquid the doctor put on her wounds made her flinch right away. She squeezed her eyes together while she bit back on her tongue.

“How did this happen?” the middle-aged-man asked.

“I...” how does she explain this when she doesn’t know herself? “I fought with a tree.”

Well, that was her own conclusion.

“Jeez, what did the tree do to you?” Shuhua joked from over her shoulder, causing both Miyeon and the doctor to chuckle. 

“How is Miss Yuqi?” the doctor asked, focused on the hand.

Did they come here a lot?

“Like usual.” Shuhua answered. “But she was just on a date, and she literally can’t shut up about it.”

“Was she now?” the man asked.

Of course they came here a lot. Once a mouth is she remembered what Yuqi had said earlier correctly.

“With our friend, Soyeon.” Shuhua explained.

“What a lucky boy.”

Miyeon gave him a thin smile, while Shuhua answered with a laugh.

“Yeah, he sure is.” the youngest said.

“I won’t give you any stitches, but I will wrap it up for you. Wait here as I get the bandage.” he excused himself and left the room.

Miyeon looked at the wounds on her hand. They were deep, red and the area around was slowly turning blue. These were those kinds of wounds that took forever to heal, with lots of scratching cracks and smelly pus.

“Don’t worry.” Shuhua said. “I’m sure the tree is having it worse.”

The oldest chuckled once again. Shuhua always knew how to brighten up the mood.

“Why were you attacking it?”

“I don’t know.” Miyeon looked down at her lap. “I was gonna take a walk, and then my hand was bleeding.”

“Oh.” Shuhua said, as if it wasn’t a big deal at all.

“I fought with Minnie earlier today. Like, really bad.” Miyeon said. “I think the tree became my punching bag.”

“Hm.” the younger said. “That used to happen to me.”

“You used to punch trees?” Miyeon turned around for the first time since they entered the room.

“I used to black out and find myself somewhere random, bleeding somewhere.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.” Shuhua said. “I’ve got multiple scars on my legs from it. I think unconscious me liked climbing a lot, but I wasn’t too good at it.”

“That sounds dangerous.” Miyeon furrowed her eyebrows.

“It probably was.” Shuhua agreed.

“How did you get rid of it?”

“I moved on from the grief.” she said before the door opened.

The doctor entered with a bandage, that he quickly wrapped around Miyeon’s hand. When he was done, and Miyeon had answered all those questions about her health, if it had happened before and if she was sure it wasn’t her partner’s fault, he reached a teddy bear to her. It looked like one of those in Yuqi’s room, but hers was blue.

She smiled as she grabbed it.

“Don’t fight with poor trees again, okay?” the doctor said and waved them off with a smile.

“I won’t. Thank you, sir.” Miyeon waved back with her new toy.

Her and Shuhua made their way out of the building, and back to the park where they’d met earlier. The younger made Miyeon apologies to the tree, and hug it multiple times, before she walked them further up the road. 

“How did you overcome the grief?” Miyeon asked, her arms in Shuhua’s while playing with Mr. Bluie.

“It took time.” Shuhua said. “I couldn’t sit in cars, so I started getting comfortable in Yuqi’s- my dad’s car. And then we took everything step by step.”

“How long did it take?”

“Well, I’m not completely fine even now.” the younger girl said. “I just learned to say dad without stuttering. M-mom is still hard, p-p-parents even worse.”

“I haven’t noticed you did that.”

“Everything got so much easier after we went on a drive for the first time.” Shuhua continued. “Yuqi held my hand the entire time. Dad played a bunch of songs from different musicals. We even stopped for ice cream.”

Miyeon held her a bit tighter.

“Maybe we should start with something like that for you too?”

“What could that be?”

“Maybe go back to your house?” the younger dared to say.

The Korean stiffened immediately. She felt the cold blood fall down to her toes, but she nodded. 

“Maybe.” she said, and started leading the way herself.

She hadn’t walked down the road in three months. Miyeon almost forgot how the smaller houses looked when she saw the big, white ones everyday. Her street was like Yuqi and Shuhua’s, if you put a black and white filter over it. The grass wasn’t as green as on the other fronts of the house in front of her. There was an expensive, black car in front of it, and multiple newspapers by the door. 

The key was still in the same pot outside the door. Of course it was, there was no drunk dad who could place it somewhere else anymore. No high mom who decided that hiding it from her family would be fun. 

Miyeon used the key to unlock the door, and was instantly met with the smell of dirt. She reached to her side to turn on the light, but their electricity was off of course. She figured the smell came from the pipes, as the water probably was turned off as well.

Shuhua carefully walked behind her. 

They made their way in to the living room. Miyeon’s eyes instantly glued to the couch she’d always found her dad at. But he wasn’t there. Someone must’ve decided to clean the house, as all the bottles and the bowl of cereal were nowhere to be seen. With slow steps, the two walked to the first room.

“Is this your room?” Shuhua asked.

Miyeon nodded.

The younger turned on the flashlight on her phone, and trailed it along the walls. There were pictures hung up on them. Several were when she looked younger, but Minnie was in them. Shuhua figured they were from their first year. She stopped by a picture of a much younger Miyeon, beside a much younger Soojin. They looked at least seven years younger. There was a baby trying to enter the picture in one corner, but Shuhua’s eyes were focused on the little figure under Soojin’s arm. She had black hair that almost covered her face, and adoring eyes as she looked Soojin’s way.

Shuhua continued to a second picture, that displayed several people. She was able to find Miyeon and Soojin, and the baby from the earlier picture, but there was also a few grownups. Two men, who held their arms around two women who looked freakily much alike. And on a chair beside them sat an older woman.

“That’s the Chos.” Miyeon said. “Well, Chos and Soes.”

“You look like a happy family.” Shuhua said.

“We were. Once.”

Shuhua noticed how Miyeon dug through a few drawers, before she began to exit the room. The younger followed her, until they stopped in front of a wooden door. 

Miyeon hugged the doorknob in her hand, and gently moved it to the side. The door clicked, and she carefully pushed it open. A tear slid down her face as she looked inside the room. She remembered the image of her dad’s crooked neck, and his panicked eyes staring into nothing. The doctor’s said he couldn’t have been hanging there for a long time.

“Are you okay, Miyeonie?” Shuhua asked and squeezed her shoulder.

The older placed the bear against her chest, let a single tear fall down, before she began nodding slowly. 

“Let’s go home, Shu.” she said in a quiet whisper.

Taking a hold of Miyeon’s hand, she led them out the house. The owner of the house made sure to lock up, and leave the key in the right spot. She brought up the car keys from her pocket, startling the younger when the car blinked.

“I’ll drive you home.” the Korean smiled faintly.

She sat down in her seat. Miyeon didn’t know you could miss a car, but she certainly had missed hers. There was just something how the seat perfectly fit her body, and how it was filled with so many happy memories. She’d driven it for over a year now, but it still felt the same as the first time she sat down in it.

Miyeon turned on the radio, looking to her side to see if Shuhua enjoyed the music. When the younger started humming along, the older put her foot on the pedal and they drove off.

Shuhua gave her a hug before she left to go home, and Miyeon waited with turning the car around until she saw an (angry) Yuqi opening the door for the youngest.

Then, Miyeon passed the huge house Soyeon currently was in, and the family friendly one she was supposed to be in. She stopped in front of a white villa, one that she knew in and out. 

How she got in without anyone waking up, was a secret she’d keep to herself. The adrenaline ran through her veins as she sneaked passed the door the parents were behind, and she didn’t let out a single breath until she’d closed the door to the pink room.

Maybe it was freaky. Sneaking into someone’s house in the middle of the night, even if it was your girlfriend or not, was not something you were supposed to do. But Miyeon had to. This was her home.

She quickly pulled off all her clothes except for her underwear, and sneaked under the covers. Minnie was sleeping deeply. Her breath was heavy and her eyes moved rapidly in her sockets. The moonlight that got in between the blinds made her face glimmer. She was so beautiful.

Miyeon squeezed herself a little closer, burying her face in Minnie’s side. She then felt an arm wrapping around her, and she smiled widely to herself.

“I love you.” the older whispered.

It took the younger a while to react. Miyeon was sure she’d just moved her arm in her sleep, but then her mouth opened.

“I’m still mad at you.” Minnie’s raspy voice said.

“I know, and I’m sorry.” Miyeon whispered and placed a kiss on the other’s chest.

She wrapped her arm around Minnie, and snuggled even closer to her.

“Miyeonie.”

“Yes?” Miyeon answered with a honey-dripping voice.

“What happened to your hand?”

“I punched a tree.”

“Why did you punch a tree?”

“I blacked out.”

Minnie had to fight for her eyes to open, but eventually they did. She looked down at the smaller figure in her arms, and pulled her up to be able to see her face.

Miyeon’s eyes were a bit swollen, but she was smiling widely. She lifted up an eyebrow as she looked back at Minnie.

“Why did you black out?” the younger asked and brought her hand to Miyeon’s cheek.

The older instantly snuggled into it.

“It’s a part of the grief.” Miyeon said. “I think I thought I was fine, but I wasn’t.”

“Is that why you’ve been distancing yourself from me?” Minnie asked, while squeezing the skin in her hand.

“I didn’t realise I was doing that.” Miyeon said. “I’m sorry.”

She leaned down and pressed her lips against Minnie’s in a chaste kiss.

“But I understand now what you mean. I thought it was about sex all this time, but you meant emotionally.” Miyeon stated the facts that Minnie had figured out as well. “I’m sorry for making you believe I didn’t want you anymore. I’ll always want you, I promise.”

“You shouldn’t say such a promise.” Minnie teased. “What if I become really ugly when I grow old?”

“Someone wise told me we’ll be together until we’re all wrinkly, and I choose to believe her.” Miyeon pecked her lips.

“I don’t want us to be wrinkly. That sounds awful.” the younger pouted.

“No, it’s love.” Miyeon quoted her younger cousin. 

She leaned in once again, and let Minnie taste her lips in a kiss they hadn’t shared for days. The thai carefully sucked and bit the lower lip, a habit Miyeon loved.

“We should sleep.” Minnie said and pulled away.

Miyeon settled herself back on Minnie’s chest, trailing pictures with her fingers.

“I’m sorry too, Miyeon. I’m sorry for ignoring you and being a bitch to you when you still were grieving.” Minnie mouthed after some time.

“You weren’t a bitch.” Miyeon reassured. “I was the one who punched you. If anyone is a bitch, then it’s me.”

“Miyeon you barely hit me.” Minnie chuckled. “You were touching me like a dog touches his owner when he wants food.”

Minnie continued to resemble what she described on Miyeon’s arm.

“You couldn’t hurt a fly, even if you tried.” the younger said and left a kiss on her head. “Hey, about the grief. What will you do about it?” 

“Shuhua said to take it bit by bit.” Miyeon said. 

“Maybe you should talk to someone.” Minnie let out. “Like, a professional.” 

“A therapist? How would I afford a therapist?” 

“I’ve got one, she’s not too expensive.” the younger said, knowing she would get questions. 

“What?” Miyeon asked. “You go to a therapist?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why?”

Minnie wondered if she should tell the truth, which only would add to Miyeon’s worries. Maybe it was better for another time. 

“Sometimes you just have to talk about stuff.” Minnie chose to say, which wasn’t a lie in any way. 

“I guess.” the older agreed. “I could try it out.” 

Minnie pulled her closer to herself. 

“I’m happy you’re willing to try.” she said with a grin. “Oh, remember that you have to leave early tomorrow, before my parents wake up.”

“Shh.” Miyeon struggled a second to find the younger’s face, as she’d closed her eyes, but when she did she placed a finger in front of her lips. “Let me enjoy this first.”

Minnie smiled before kissing the finger and lowering it with her own hand. 

“I love you too.” she said before trying to her back to sleep.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> Whose side were you on? Minnie’s or Miyeon’s? 
> 
> thank you so much for reading! now, let’s go cheer for our girls!


	16. There’s only one thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry for taking so long, but i’ve been busy with the comeback and work. sooo... what did you think about the comeback? awesome, right? is dahlia our second gay anthem after oh my god?
> 
> WARNINGS: mention of abuse, drugs and (slight) smut.

*

”I don’t understand why you’re making a fight out of this. Yejin told me herself that she wants to come.” Soojin said, standing in the doorway to her mother’s bedroom.

On the bed, with crossed legs and her phone in her hand, sat her mother and sipped on her coffee. The house was cold from the December weather that now had hit the town.

“We’re not fighting, Soojin.” the mother said, keeping her eyes on her phone.

“Well, I am!” Soojin said and crossed her arms on her chest. 

Her mother stayed quiet after the statement. She had, much like her daughter, a habit of swaying her fingers over her phone, almost uncontrollably. 

The younger felt the heat bubbling up in her body, but she kept it restrained with a deep sigh. She bit her lip once, before letting her arms fall to her sides.

“Please, just let her see him once.” Soojin pleaded. “I promised she would.”

”She’ll get to see him when she’s old enough to decide for herself.” the older woman muttered, still eyeing her screen.

“She has decided for herself!”

Soojin was close to ripping all of her hair out by now. But still, she kept herself contained. Once again, she sighed. She took a step inside her room, and a few more before she sat down on the bed.

The dancer calmly lowered the older’s phone. For the first time in years, Soojin decided to talk to her mother while looking in her eyes. 

If Soojin hadn’t kept her gaze at the ground for so many years, maybe she’d be able to see how her moms crescents had turned into empty globes. How the spark that once shined in them, had hid away somewhere deep in there. Soojin thought they resembled her own a lot, more than she’d ever reflected on before.

With a hand carefully placed on her mother’s hand, the daughter spoke up carefully.

“Please, mom.” she said. “I made a promise to her.”

The older woman stared at her daughter. She’d forgotten how her touch felt, what she smelled like, how her eyes looked. Well, at least she thought she’d forgotten. But right now, everything came back to her. Every cry and every laughter. Every tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, and every wound from playing outside with friends. Every dance she’d watched her daughter perform, even if the younger didn’t know that her mother was there. Every tear she’d shed because of it, and every single regret that had washed over her over the last years.

She’d been a bad mother to her oldest daughter, that wasn’t anything new. But she could be a good one for her younger children, that she knew.

The older woman squeezed her daughter’s hand, seeing a faint smile on the younger’s lip. At least she thought it was a smile. The first she’d seen on her in years.

“I’m sorry, Soojin.” the mother said, causing whatever Soojin’s lips were forming to disappear. “But I’m not letting my sick daughter see a mad man in a prison.”

Soojin took her hand away in an instant, and startled her mother when she stood up rapidly. 

“I hope you understand my reasoning, sweetie.” the older woman tried to say with her own crooked smile.

The younger had to bite her jaw together in order to keep all her ugly words in. She had to clench her fists to hold them by her sides.

She stood still for a second, letting her eyes pierce into her mother, while she screamed in her head. The older woman simply smiled, curving her lips barely enough to be seen, but Soojin saw.

Soojin breathed in deeply a few to many times, before hurrying out of the room. She heard her name being called behind her, but she refused to turn around. The chances she’d tried to give her mother in the past, opening up a small part of her heart which she only did to one other person, were always failed in one way or another. This wasn’t any different.

The dancer fell down on her bed. If Miyeon was home, she’d noticed how squeezed Soojin’s eyebrows were and how she was glowing red. How her teeth scraped against each other as she tried to keep her sanity within herself. 

Her phone made a buzz from beside her, and she swore in her head. She couldn’t take more triggers now, especially not her boyfriend. She was sure her blood would leave her body if she got more frustrated.

But she also knew that she had to answer. She’d rather see her blood spilled on the floor than take whatever consequences he would give her. 

She brought the phone over her head, but was surprised when she didn’t see an ocean of question marks and heart emojis. There was a question mark, but not after a message written in caps, or one with a word that was misspelled in the panic of the situation. There was just one sentence, followed by a question mark.

‘hey, how are you?’ was the single sentence she read. She hadn’t gotten one of those in so long, that she never even minded the lack of caps. She barely knew what she was supposed to answer. Was it just a polite greeting? Or was she genuinely wondering?

Soojin ended up answering the question with a positive word, before shooting it right back at the owner. 

This was the first time she’d ever texted Shuhua. Not ever before had the name been on her screen. 

A smile spread on her lips. Soojin could feel the warmth fill up her face. She felt the movement in her belly, and she decided to once in her life be bold.

*  
*  
*

“What are you up to? I miss you baby.”

“I’m watching a movie with Yejin.”

“Can I come?”

“She’s not feeling too well.”

“But baby I miss you. I’ll pick you up.”

“I’m busy with Yejin.”

“She’s old enough to take care of herself.”

“She’s sick.”

“We’ve all been sick.”

Soojin bit down on her teeth again. She knew she’d have to sooner or later. Her fingers tapped on her screen a few times, before she erased everything and put her phone down in her pocket.

In front of her, sat Shuhua with a stick as she was drawing in the sand. Soojin wondered if she’d gotten bored when the older brought up her phone, and just when the younger became quiet.

The sandbox was on the verge of not being big enough to fit the two of them, and Soojin tried her best not to think about all the sand she’d have to clean off her clothes later. 

She watched the stick the younger was holding. How she drew stars, only to wipe them away and redo them. Her hand was lazily gripping the stick. With her legs crossed, and an elbow placed on one of her knees to hold up her head with her free hand, she kept her eyes down on the sand.

Soojin didn’t know she was this good at boring people. But the younger’s mouth was hanging down, and her lips slightly parted to give out a sigh every now and again. Soojin was sure the younger would leave soon.

Why did she ever ask her to meet up? To bore the crap out of her? To ignore her and text her boyfriend?

“I think I should go home.” the younger said, and threw away the stick to the side. 

She was slowly raising up, brushing away the sand as she did so. She wasn’t even looking at Soojin before she muttered a ‘goodbye’ and turned around.

Then, the younger stopped in her tracks. It wasn’t until she’d turned around that Soojin noticed herself standing as well, with a hand carefully placed around Shuhua’s wrist.

Shuhua looked between their hands, and Soojin’s face.

“Stay, please.” the older whispered. 

The Taiwanese stared at her while biting her bottom lip. As those black orbs pierced into her own, she felt those sparkles in her tummy again. She’d felt those a lot lately. 

Soojin thought it was because she grew more and more scared by each day. More and more stuck. But she should feel happy. She’s taking care of those she loves the most. She shouldn’t feel wrong, when all she’s doing is for the best. 

“Okay.” Shuhua answered after blinking.

The older smiled slightly before letting go of the arm. She was surprised when she felt fingers intertwining with her own. They were warm, unlike her cold ones. Then she felt a squeeze, and an arm pulling her.

Her legs obeyed and followed the shorter body wherever she was going.

“I hope it starts snowing soon.” Shuhua said, looking up at the sky while nestling deeper into her jacket.

“It’s only the beginning of December, Shu.” Soojin said, and looked up as well. 

“Still. It feels cold enough.” she muttered.

The kept walking across the grass outside the park, and continued down the road. 

Shuhua didn’t have a particular destination in mind, she just wanted to keep the older from her phone. She knew exactly what Soojin was doing on the device, and although she didn’t know just what the older felt, she did know how she would’ve felt. And just in case Soojin felt that way, Shuhua wanted to keep her away from it.

“How long have you lived in this town?” Soojin asked after some time.

“About one and a half years, I think.” Shuhua said. “We lived in Seoul before, cause my m-mom’s job is there.”

“So you went to middle school here?”

“No. We were homeschooled since we moved to Korea.” Shuhua made a turn, causing Soojin to turn as well. “Yuqi had forgotten most of the language and I knew none at all, so we had school in Chinese and studied Korean at the same time.”

“You’re very good.” Soojin smiled.

“I-I don’t know.” the older didn’t fail to notice how her cheeks became redder. “Yuqi’s better, but I’m learning.”

“You’ve improved so much since we first met you.”

Shuhua’s blush only grew bigger. But at the same time, she remembered one of her first meetings with the older girls. She was trying not to bubble over with emotions in a stall in the restroom, while the two older came in. She recognised the voices immediately. Soyeon’s louder, sharper one and Soojin’s soft and light one. It didn’t seem like they had any plans to leave soon, so Shuhua just had to stay put in her stall.  
She remembered some talk about the boy that had kissed Soojin in the cafeteria the day prior, and Soyeon saying something about a song. Then, she heard something that really interested her. Soojin was meeting her dad, who didn’t know about her mother’s new babies.

Shuhua had been thinking about that since. It meant she didn’t meet her father too often, and that he wasn’t really a part of the family. Then, she remembered the talk they had on their first sleepover. Soojin said it was her parents fault Miyeon’s mom disappeared, and that her mom had given Miyeon’s mom some kind of drug. 

Was it rude to ask?

“JinJin...” Shuhua said carefully, looking at the street ahead of her.

“Hm?”

“What happened between your parents and your aunt?”

Now, Soojin wasn’t expecting that. How did the younger even know about that?  
It wasn’t exactly something Soojin liked to talk about. Not that there were a lot of personal stuff she liked to bring up, but this could be considered one of the most personal parts of her life.

There was only one person she’d told verbally, and only one other person outside her family that knew. It was a part of the Seo’s history that disappeared with the name, tucked away somewhere in a prison cell.

“You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.” Shuhua answered, as she released Soojin taking a long time.

“My dad came from a poor family.” Soojin took a deep breath and said. “My grandma and grandpa only lived on whatever they could grow in their garden, and they had three children to feed. One of them passed when my dad was... thirteen, I think. He was sick or something, I don’t really remember. And then his sister committed suicide when my dad was seventeen. They say it was because she had some mental issues, but I swear it was my grand parents’ faults. Well, since she’d been the one to make money for them, they had only my dad to rely on. So he tried getting jobs and stuff, but only managed to gain a couple of coins a day. Then, he found a plant in the garden, that he thought was pretty enough to sell for a good price. So he presented it on a market, and immediately got high bids for it. He continued selling it, and only realised years later that he was selling drugs. By then he was already wealthy enough to move out from his parents’ house, so he moved here and met my mom.”

Shuhua listened carefully to Soojin’s story. She swore this was the same amount of words as the amount the older had said the last year.

“He continued growing in their - our - basement, and my mom didn’t mind as it made her able to raise two daughters and buy them lots of clothes and go to fancy parties and all that stupid stuff.” Soojin said between her teeth. “When I was seven, and Miyeon was eight, we found my aunt laying in the garden, undressed with red eyes and a roll in her hand. It didn’t happen only once. Then, when Miyeon was thirteen or fourteen and I was twelve, we found her out in the cold, just laying on the ground. She was blue, with snow covering her everywhere. We screamed for my mom, and they called the ambulance. They obviously found the drugs in her system, and my dad stepped up to keep my mom safe. He was sentenced to prison just around the time my aunt ran away without a single word to anyone. So now, he’s serving time, Miyeon’s mom is gone and her dad is dead. And my mom,” she paused to chuckle sourly, “my mom’s living her best life with a new family.”

She finished the story with another chuckle, before rolling her eyes so many times that it started hurting behind them. 

Shuhua stayed quiet. She had no idea what to say. Of every practices she’d had in front of the mirror, this wasn’t even close to any of them. 

Soojin felt a pull on her hand, turned her face to look at the younger. Shuhua held out her arms, inviting Soojin with only a smile and another tug. 

The older didn’t feel like she actually needed it, but she still obeyed and wrapped her arms around Shuhua. She was used to the ways her hugs made her feel now, but it still made her feel at ease every time. So she pulled away, not even a minute later.

The smile on Shuhua’s lips was small, but still very much there. And her eyes were comforting. Soojin hated the way she made her feel. 

“So you visit your dad in prison?” Shuhua asked carefully, before grabbing the hand again and pulling them further down the street.

“Yeah.” Soojin muttered. “My mom hates it but... she chose her life and I’m choosing mine.”

“So you choose your dad over your mom?”

“I don’t know.” she sighed. “I’d rather not choose either, but my mom took everything. My dad needs someone too. At least he cares about me.”

“Soojin, your mom cares.” Shuhua squeezed her eyes together.

“I don’t think so.”

“She didn’t want you to go to Hui.” the younger remembered the night they left the house together.

“Whatever.” the older muttered.

Shuhua felt her patience with the older run away, but she managed to chase it back. At least for a little while longer.

“Don’t be so hard on her.” the Taiwanese said.

“I’m not being ‘hard on her’.” Soojin said between her teeth.

Shuhua sighed.

“She’s still your mom, you know.”

“I’d rather not have any of them.” the older muttered.

She knew it was stupid said the second the words left her mouth, as the person beside her had lost both of her parents. But she’d already said them, and there was no way to get them back now.

“Don’t say that.” Shuhua looked down.

“Sorry.” Soojin decided to stay quiet in order not to say anything as stupid again.

“I don’t get it.” Shuhua then said, looking back up at her, startling Soojin by the way her voice grew louder. “I don’t get you. You look so sad and bored all the time, and you obviously hate your life. But you don’t do anything about it.”

Soojin felt attacked immediately. She retracted her hand from Shuhua, and stopped to look at her.

“There’s not exactly anything I can do.” the older said while furrowing. “Unless you know a way to get someone out of prison?”

“You could start with breaking up with your asshole to boyfriend.” the younger said, and crossed her arms.

“Can we just stop talking about Hui?” Soojin brought a hand to her forehead. “Why is everyone bringing him up all the time? If you hate him so much, just let him be.”

“We bring it up cause we see what he’s doing to you.” Shuhua protested. 

“He’s not doing anything to me!”

“He’s clearly abusive!” Soojin’s raise of voice caused Shuhua’s to do the same.

“He’s not...” the older’s voice damped down immediately in the sentence she wasn’t able to finish.

Instead, her head fell and she felt small under the younger’s gaze. Then a hand placed on her cheek. It was more gentle, so much sweeter than the earlier touches she’d gotten on her face. She just wanted to bury herself into it, but her mind screamed for her to get as far away as she could. For the first time in too many years, she refused to listen to it.

“I won’t tell you what to do, JinJin.” Shuhua said, quiet enough to be a whisper. “Just know that we’re here if you need our help. I’m here.”

Soojin nodded slowly. All she wanted, was to bury herself in whatever cave Shuhua was creating around her. She wanted to hide away in the comfy warmth. To disappear into this feeling.

Maybe, maybe she could do that. Sometime. Later.

*  
*  
*

Yuqi watched as Soyeon’s eyes moved over the screen. She nodded from time to time as she listened to the melody. What the younger loved the most, was when Soyeon’s lips spread into a smile. Her eyes glistered in a way Yuqi hadn’t seen outside of this studio. 

This was the most beautiful Soyeon had ever been. Yuqi felt the bubbling in her belly that only had been growing bigger. She waited for the day when she’d feel like she was boiling, but they had time. Right now she was just happy for the feelings she was getting as she watched Soyeon.

How she nodded and swayed her head. How her focused eyes burnt of creativity.  
How her lips moved with the words.

Her mind stayed on the lips. They looked so soft, so inviting. All she wanted was to feel them against her own, but she couldn’t. She’d never hated her illness more.

“What are you staring at?” Yuqi was pulled out of her trance as the older spoke to her.

“You.” she was quick to answer. “I wanna kiss you so bad.”

Her outspokenness surprised the both of them. Yuqi felt her cheeks heat, even more so when the older stood up. And she couldn’t even describe how much they burnt when Soyeon sat down on her legs. It didn’t help that the chair forced the older to sit down with one leg on each side of Yuqi.

The younger had for sure never felt like this before, but there was something in the back of her mind that knew exactly what this was, although she didn’t want to admit it to herself. 

Soyeon stared right into her eyes, making a sigh escape Yuqi without doing anything else. The younger girl reddened up even more, while Soyeon only smirked. Then she closed her eyes, as she leaned into the younger face. She placed her lips on Yuqi’s nose, the second one on her cheek.

The chinese didn’t know what to do with her hands, but guessed placing them on Soyeon’s waist was the safest bet. Maybe not, as Soyeon jumped immediately by her touch. Yuqi took them away, flustered as she did so. But the older smiled at her, before bringing them back with her own hands. She squeezed Yuqi’s hands, making them squeezed Soyeon’s clothed skin. 

The older thought it was adorable how Yuqi blushed with every single move.

Her hands moved to the younger’s face, cupping her cheeks as she continued the trip with her lips. 

Yuqi melted every time that soft mouth touched her. She wanted to turn her head just the slightest bit, so their lips would meet.

Soyeon’s hands traveled down to her shoulders, as her mouth started trailing kissing down over her jawbone to her neck. And the light touches turned into something heavier, something slightly harder. 

She closed her eyes, to let herself focus on nothing more than the way Soyeon’s lips felt. She felt her skin being squeezed between those lips, and she tilted her head to give the other more place to play with. The older left a trail of wetness after her when she moved to new spots, but Yuqi didn’t mind at all. She couldn’t even focus on that.

Yuqi whimpered and pulled Soyeon closer. She started playing with her hands along her sides, as the older continued with her neck. Her breath slowed down to a degree that she wondered when the exhales would stop. 

Soyeon moved her head up Yuqi’s neck, to the tip of ear. The Korean decided to tug on it lightly with her teeth.

Yuqi moaned, and she immediately regretted everything she’d ever done in her entire life.

“Sensitive ears, noted.” Soyeon smirked against her skin.

“Shut up.” she breathed out.

Soyeon kissed her another few times, before moving away, causing Yuqi to whine quietly. The older pressed their foreheads together, and smiled when Yuqi opened her eyes. 

They were so playful, like a little puppy’s. But still, there was that one thing that Soyeon felt too much of herself right now.

“You’re so cute.” the older said, causing the other to roll her eyes.

Soyeon brought her lips as close to Yuqi’s ones as she could, just beside one corner, before leaving her lap. Yuqi tried to hold her down, but the older just chuckled before getting away.

The next couple of minutes as Soyeon worked on preparing the track Yuqi would be using her vocals for, the younger girl kept herself even closer. She often dug her head into Soyeon’s neck, just to smell her. 

Yuqi wasn’t sure why she did it, it just felt right. It felt right when she placed a hand on Soyeon’s thigh and kept it there. And when she pressed her own cheek against Soyeon’s, even though the older complained from time to time because she apparently was a distraction.

“Okay, I think for this part-“

Soyeon’s sentence was cut short with a knock on the door. Yuqi noticed how the girl froze immediately.

“Soyeon, who do you have in there?” and emotionless voice said.

The older girl’s shoulders fell down as she let out her breath.

“No one, dad.” Soyeon said, which surprised Yuqi. “I’m speaking on the phone.”

“With whom?” the voice said again, sounding like everything it once contained was completely washed out.

“Soojin.”

Soyeon knew she would get in trouble for that, but any punishment was worth keeping Yuqi away from all of it.

They waited a few seconds before the man muttered something, and walked away.

Yuqi then moved her head to Soyeon’s direction, and she furrowed her eyebrows.

“I haven’t told them about you.” the older answered.

“Are they homophobic?” Yuqi questioned, she’d heard there was a lot of that in this town.

“Yes.” Soyeon answered, as she figured it wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the entire truth.

Yuqi nodded, before bringing her hand to Soyeon’s cheek and squeezing it. The older smiled, and continued fixing the last parts of the track.

*  
*  
*

“I promise you’re the only person on earth that eats ice cream in the middle of winter.” Miyeon stated as Minnie brought a scoop of ‘strawberry cheesecake’ into her mouth.

Miyeon herself brought the straw of her cup of coffee to her mouth.

“Oh I know you want it.” Minnie teased with the spoon from her chair. 

“No, I’d rather not freeze to death.”

The younger smirked and brought a big scoop into her mouth, humming in delight afterwards. Her eyes turned into crescents and her lips grew wide. 

“You’re so annoying.” Miyeon rolled her eyes.

“But you love me.” Minnie’s voice turned sweet in a matter of seconds.

“I do.” Miyeon said, and smiled. 

The cafe was luckily not too busy, as Miyeon felt the urge to kiss her girlfriend. She leaned forward and pouted her lips. Minnie followed her and let their lips meet for a quick second, before pulling away to look around them. There was no one looking at them, so she turned back to her girlfriend with a wide smile. 

“That’s some good ice cream.” Miyeon said and licked her lips, causing Minnie to do the same with her own.

The younger took another few spoonfuls of her ice cream, while Miyeon just watched her devour the sweetness. Minnie kept a smile on her face as she swallowed her last bite. 

The korean had the straw between her teeth, biting down on it occasionally before sucking up some beverage. 

When Minnie was done with her dessert, she reached for a trashcan close to her, before getting up and putting her coat back over her shoulders. She offered a hand to Miyeon, who grabbed it and got up as well. 

Miyeon gestured for Minnie to fix the zipper on her jacket, which the younger did with a roll of her eyes. She gave Miyeon a kiss on her nose before pulling it up the last bit. Then, Miyeon reached her hat towards the younger.

“Help me.” Miyeon said with pleading eyes.

Minnie, once again, rolled her eyes but still grabbed it obediently. She carefully put it on her girlfriend’s head, and watched as the other smiled happily. 

“Having a kid with you is gonna be like raising two kids.” Minnie said before grabbing Miyeon’s free hand and pulling them outside.

“Says the girl who had pink ice cream with crackers and sprinkles in the middle of winter.” Miyeon chuckled, until she really understood what the other had said.

It seemed like Minnie hadn’t catches her sentence yet, as she looked at Miyeon with a frown and slightly opened mouth, while the older squealed and pulled her arm several time.

“What?” the younger asked.

“You said ‘is’!” Miyeon said a little too loudly as they made their way out of the centrum. “Not would, is!”

“Oh.” Minnie caught herself. “Wasn’t that kinda like our plan? To get out of here and then have bunch of kids and then grow old together?”

“Sure, but we never talked about kids.” the older teased and hit Minnie’s shoulder. “I thought you hated kids?”

“I don’t hate them, I just don’t feel any connection to them.” Minnie answered. “But I mean, if you want them then...”

“You’re such a softie.”

“You’re realising that now?”

Minnie reached out to pull Miyeon’s hat over her eyes, to which the older complained with a whine, before hitting Minnie’s shoulder again.

”How’s the therapy going, by the way?” the younger brought up, pulling the older closer to her.

“It’s going good.” Miyeon answered with a smile.

“I’m so proud of you.” Minnie said and kissed her cheek.

The older chuckled before continuing.

“I’m gonna have to ask my grandma for money soon though, I barely have any savings left.” she said.

“I could pay for you.” the other offered. “My money is your money.”

“No, you have to save up.”

“Save up?”

Miyeon pulled on her arm to enter the park, which they did and sat down on two swings.

“You have to have money to get us out of here.” the older stated.

“True.” Minnie agreed. “Where do you wanna go then?”

“To Seoul.” Miyeon answered quickly.

“Seoul? You know that’s really expensive, right?”

“I wanna go to Seoul University.”

“Okay.” Minnie nodded. “Maybe we’ll have to get jobs then.”

Miyeon continued sipping her coffee on the swing, while Minnie watched her from the side.

“What do you wanna study in Seoul?”

“Art, I think.” Miyeon answered.

“Of course you do.” Minnie chuckled. “Don’t you want to be an art teacher?”

“Maybe.” she sipped once more. “What about you? You could study, like... music or english or mathematics!”

“I don’t know, Miyeonie.” Minnie answered. “We’ll see.”

The younger girl had never been too excited to talk about college. Every time the subject was brought up, Minnie brushed it away by saying stuff like ’I don’t know’ and ‘we’ll see’. Miyeon knew she had time to convince the girl, but they still needed high grades this term to get into the same university, and it didn’t look too bright right now. 

They stayed on the swings before a family with kids entered the grounds. Both smiled politely before leaving the toys for the kids, while they started making their way back as the cold got to them.

“I think I want to visit his grave.” Miyeon said out of nowhere.

Out of nowhere to Minnie, but it was something Miyeon had held in the back of her mind since they talked about kids.

“Okay.” Minnie answered and turned around. “Let’s do that then.”

“Not today.” Miyeon turned her back around. “But sometime later. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay. We’ll do it when you’re ready.” the younger nodded and kissed her cheek.

Then Miyeon felt buzzing in her pocket, and instantly brought up the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” Minnie watched as Miyeon smiled. “Oh, hi.”

The younger got curious to who it was, but the older answered her immediately by mouthing the name.

“No, we’re in the centrum.” Miyeon said. “Uh... In like ten? Yeah, if you’re sure you want to. Okay. Bye.”

“What did she want?” Minnie asked and grabbed the hand that had been occupied with the phone.

“Just a ride.” Miyeon answered.

*  
*  
*

“You’re gonna have to start paying us soon.” Minnie said and looked back at the passenger seat.

“Us?” one of Miyeon’s eyebrows arched up. “I’m the only one who drives her.”

“We literally just talked about this!” Minnie complained. “My money is your money, then your money is my money too.”

Soojin tried to block out the quarrel in the front seat by answering Soyeon’s many texts. The fact that the younger had texted her in the first place, was interesting to say the least. She only texted on rare occasions, but usually called if it was important. Well, this time she’d sent multiple short messages, all in caps. Apparently there was something that happened with Yuqi earlier, that was so important that Soyeon had to make Soojin’s phone crash multiple times. In the end, she decided to answer all the texts when the younger was done writing them, so she put down her phone.

They were already at the house by then, and Miyeon stopped the car to let Soojin get out. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to follow us home?” the oldest cousin turned around to look at the younger.

“We could watch a movie or something.” Minnie added, turning around as well.

Soojin knew exactly what they were doing, but she knew what she was doing as well. She continued getting out.

“Do you want me to pick you up later?” Miyeon asked.

“I’ll text you.” Soojin answered and shut the car door behind her.

She rang the doorbell, and heard Miyeon drive away. Within seconds, the door opened and she was wrapped in two strong arms. Soojin placed her own on the boy’s back, but made no effort to hold him.

He pulled away to greet her with a kiss, before welcoming her into his home where she’d been too many times to count. She knew exactly where to put her shoes and hang her jacket, but he still made an effort to explain to her where they were supposed to be, before grabbing the jacked from Soojin to hang it up himself.

“Let’s go up to my room.” he said and started pulling her towards the stairs.

“Can’t we do something else today?” Soojin asked.

She never felt like spending time in bed with him, of course she never felt like it. But she still agreed to it and did it, but today, she wanted to erase every moment she’d had today, every feeling. She knew he most likely wouldn’t be able to change anything inside her, but it wasn’t her own eyes that mattered anyways.

“Like what?” he asked, pulling Soojin into a hug again.

She was small against him, even though he wasn’t much taller than her. But his Shoulders were broad and his arms long, and he always leaned back a bit so that he would be able to look down to Soojin, instead of just face to face.

“I don’t know.” she answered.

He gave her one of those smiles that made her feel like she was a little girl who just wrote her first word, with several misspellings and grammatical errors. 

“Let’s just go up then.” he said and grabbed her hand.

“No.” Soojin’s small voice said.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to.” easy excuse, but stupid because now she’d have to explain herself.

“Okay.” he said, but furrowed his eyebrows. “I won’t fight you on that but... why don’t you want to? You’ve never said no before.”

He reached out both his hands and placed them around Soojin’s, before kissing them and looking pleadingly at his girlfriend. 

“It’s not because of that Shuhua girl right?”

“What? No.” Soojin was quick to answer, and it didn’t help that she nearly choked on the words as she was taken aback.

“Well, she’s always clinging onto you and stuff.” he stated with a chuckle. “She definitely has a crush on you.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Yeah, she does.” he smiled before pulling her into a tight hug again. “But you’re mine, right?”

Soojin’s eyes were locked at the ground. She was too focused on what he said earlier. Why did Shuhua even come up in a conversation? Why did he think Soojin likes her?

“Soojin?”

The female dancer was brought out from her mind, to Hui whose black eyes slowly were turning even more black.  
She did the only thing she could do, and leaned in for his lips. They were chapped, and he was eager to put his tongue into Soojin’s mouth. 

“Let’s just go up.” Soojin said after pulling away, making him smile widely.

*  
*  
*

The two lovebirds had met in High School. He was a year older than her, and the captain of the dance team. Every single freshman longed for his black eyes and his defined jaw. Not to speak about the abs that hid underneath his t-shirt.  
Plus, he didn’t come from this little town, meaning the girls hadn’t seen him in his awkward stage, that many argued never happened to Lee Hoe-taek.

Soojin was just a simple girl, who enjoyed to dance and hung after her cousin everyday. With her cousin came Minnie, the thai everyone stayed away from because she smoked outside the building and turned precious, perfect Miyeon into a lesbian.  
Also by their side, was Soyeon. Soojin’s longtime best friend. They met in kindergarten, probably even before that considering the size of the town, and they were inseparable ever since. Soojin didn’t care about Soyeon’s special behaviour, she didn’t have the right to. Instead, she stayed by her side, wiped off blood from her shin and cleaned up wounds on her hands, while the other girl’s reputation grew even worse than Minnie’s.

Soon, they were one of the most talked about groups at the school, if you counted out the dance team. The team, containing three guys and five girls, strolled around the halls in their blue tracksuits as if they owned the place, which they did. Everyone looked up to them, even the teachers and the principal. They’re what brought the school it’s pride.

It didn’t come to anyone’s surprise when the two groups were rumoured to hate each other, rumours the charming members of the dance team instantly shut down, while the four girls only stayed to themselves by their table in the cafeteria. 

Well, Hui wanted to prove a point. He wanted to show how much he didn’t hate the strange group of different people, and therefore walked up to them with confidence in his heals.

“Hey.” he said politely.

Soojin kept her head down, looking up at Soyeon from time to time, as she heard the oldest two in the group converse with the dancer.

Then, he did the worst thing possible. He decided to be polite, and shake each of their hands. Soojin tried not to look at him as he shook her hand, but their eyes locked for a brief moment, and it was enough for her to see the spark in his eyes.

Soyeon quickly interrupted by bringing her own hand to Soojin’s arm, making Hui pull away and wave the group goodbye.

A month later, Soojin and Soyeon found themselves at a party that Minnie had sneaked them into. No freshmen were actually allowed, but the older thought they deserved to start partying too. 

Soyeon stayed by her side, holding onto her arm as they walked through the mass.  
In all honesty, Soojin wasn’t surprised at all when the one and only Hui stood in front of her. He did seem surprised though, before he offered a cup to Soojin, which Soyeon quickly grabbed from her. He placed another cup in Soojin’s hand, and made their glasses meet before winking with an eye and swallowing it down.

Sometime during the night, he managed to get her number. Soyeon eyed her of course, but Soojin ignored it for now.

Just a week later, Hui met her up by her locker, when Soyeon wasn’t actually there. He said it was to give her an invitation to try out for the team, and she wanted to decline before he kept talking about all the statistics. She pretended to be interested, and seemed to fool him as he moved closer to her.

The fact that they were in the middle of the school, didn’t seem to bother him at all. Neither that this was far away from the perfect moment, or that Soojin’s nervous trembling instantly gave away that she’d never done this before.

But then, he pressed his lips against her. Then he pressed her against the lockers, and dived deep into her mouth. From all she’d seen on TV, she expected so much more. But he seemed somewhat experienced, so it probably wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.

It didn’t last long until Hui was down at the ground, Soyeon hovering above him. Soojin was quick to pull her friend back. She whispered some words into the younger’s ear, before she nodded and joined the two oldest by the side. Students had started forming circles around them, all eyes glued to them as Soojin helped him up. He smiled when their hands met, and told her that he wouldn’t let go now that he had her. It was a stupid joke, of course.

Soyeon wasn’t too happy when Soojin and Hui had their first date, but Soojin made sure to remind Soyeon of how special she was. (“You’re still my best friend.” “Am I your favourite?” “We shouldn’t have favourites.” “That’s a yes then.”). And the most important thing she told her friend, was that she was right there beside her, even if she had a boyfriend. Maybe even closer, now that she had a boyfriend.

One date turned into several, and before they knew it, weeks of being together turned into months.  
Around the fifth month was when Soojin first learned of his possessive nature.

She’d noticed him texting her often, asking where she was, who she was with and what she was doing. But she’d always thought that was just meant to be caring.

Then, one day they had a date in the only mall that existed in this town.  
Soojin was sitting outside a shop, regaining some strength as Hui looked inside a store. A boy, around the same age as herself, was seated right beside her. 

He startled her when he tapped her shoulder, and shoved his phone in front of her face. He didn’t get the chance to say anything, before Soojin was pulled away by her boyfriend who instantly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to himself. The other guy backed away immediately, and Hui held a tight grip on Soojin’s arm the rest of the visit.

He then brought the two of them back to his house, and made Soojin repeat time after time how much she belonged to him and no one else, as he pounded into her.

The way she viewed the texts became different after that day. But still, they stayed together and became one of the most stable couples at the school. Everyone wanted to be them, or have them. 

When Soojin’s second year came around, they were still labelled as a couple. She stayed many days at his house, and he spent many hours playing with her body. She never said no to anything, and often found herself encouraging him. So how would she know that she hated what he was doing to her?

Soojin could take Hui’s possessiveness, and his constant bulge in his pants, she’d learnt to live along with the two aspects. But then, a certain party happened.

He had once again pulled her aside to devour her mouth, and whatever else part he could get to in ten minutes. But then one of Soojin’s friends interrupted them, and took the girl away. 

Hui got mad, but mostly hurt. And when he saw the group that was the direct source for his sad feelings, especially the one person who always had been against him, he couldn’t stay as the polite boy anymore. It was probably mostly because of the alcohol, but he still thought of himself as a hero.

That night, he made sure to claim Soojin back as his own with several rounds. He held her upper arms hardly, before pressing her down onto him and making her repeat his words as he moaned. She tried to sneak away in the middle of the night, which didn’t come unnoticed to Hui. He firmly grabbed her wrist, and pulled her back into his hold. He kissed her shoulders as she repeated what he wanted to hear.

In the morning, he noticed the bruises on her arms, and instantly said how sorry he was and how he never would be that rough again. He was just worried that Soojin would leave him, he wanted to please her so she would stay. 

Soojin had to try hard to keep her stone face as he said that, but she managed to. She was a performer, after all. 

A few days later, and he hadn’t caused anymore bruises. Soojin was grateful, mostly because she didn’t have to hide them from anyone. Since she had to stay with him no matter what, she was hoping it would be easier to keep a good picture in the future, as Hui had stained their past in black inc.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> If you could take away every single problem and hardship from one character in this fic, who would it be?
> 
> thank you for reading! look out for the next chapter!


	17. I can claim, these bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the support! i wanted to update a little earlier for you guys, so i worked on this chapter all day. i hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> WARNINGS: abuse, usage of alcohol, homophobia.

*

“Woogi.” Yejin spoke her name. “Woogi!”

“Yeah, sorry?” the older girl snapped out of her deep thoughts. 

All she’d been able to think about all day while hanging out with Yejin, was how soft Soyeon’s lips were against her skin. All she wanted was to fall into her arms. Be under her gaze, at least.  
She really liked the younger girl a lot, but maybe, maybe she liked Soyeon’s hold a bit more.

“What are you thinking about?” the younger asked with a grin.

“Huh?”

“Did Soyeon ask you to be her girlfriend?”

Yuqi blinked once, shook her head in a rapid motion and lowered both eyebrows.

“Why would you think that?” she asked in a much higher voice than she’d intended.

“Because you’re smiling like crazy.”

Yuqi first now noticed how widely she’d had her mouth. With two one finger in each corner, she brought them down, only for them to return to their earlier position.  
She looked over to the younger, who only grinned wider now, showing the white teeth on her pale face. 

“How’d you know?” she asked and fell back against the wall. 

“I’m a love expert, or something like that.” Yejin chuckled. 

Yuqi joined her laughter with a flushed face.

“So, have you kissed yet?” the younger turned to face Yuqi, who only turned redder.

Yuqi was reminded about the events that happened yesterday, and found herself smiling that wide, so-in-love smile that she’d never worn on her face before. Maybe she really was in love with her?

“Something like that.” she then answered, flying away with her mind as she did so.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Yejin muttered. 

She noticed once again that Yuqi was completely gone in her mind. Her arms were hugging Yejin’s favourite plushie, and her head was shot back against the wall. She smiled widely, with her eyes almost fully closed. The younger decided to be annoying.

“Ugh!” she said loudly and hit her arm. “You’re worse than Miyeon!”

“Ouch!” the older complained. “That was just a pure insult!”

Yuqi hit Yejin back while the younger laughed.

“Besides, you should get used to it.” Yuqi stated. “You’re sister has been dating someone for an eternity. How long has it been, anyways?”

“Soojin’s not like you.” Yejin said back teasingly. “They’ve been together for over a year now.”

“A year? That long?”

“You didn’t know?”

“I know you better than I know Soojin.” Yuqi stated and placed back the toy on the bed.

“Get to know her then.” Yejin smiled. “She’s really annoying but she’s kind. And she cooks the best food.”

“She cooks?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, Shuhua will love that.” Yuqi said, without actually thinking about what she’d said.

She first noticed, when Yejin lifted her eyebrows, as her eyes grew.

“Does Shuhua like Soojin?” she whispered, giggling as she did so.

“Maybe a little bit.” Yuqi whispered back.

“She should date her then.” Yejin answered. “Soojin deserves someone who makes her smile like you and Miyeon.”

“We don’t even know if she likes girls.” the older pointed out.

“I do though. I’m her little sister, I know everything.” Yejin smiled. “She kissed- a girl... when they were younger.”

“That doesn’t have to mean anything though.”

“They were in love.” the younger girl said with some kind of smile.

Whether it was happy or not, Yuqi couldn’t tell. The little girl was always smiling in one way or another, Yuqi wasn’t the best at reading it yet.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“I’m a love expert, of course I’m sure.” she answered with a cocky smile.

Now that, Yuqi could read. A cocky smile was always a cocky smile, no matter who it was plastered on.

“Yuqi,” a quiet voice came from outside the door, “we should get going now.”

Soojin was peeking her head through the crack. Yuqi hoped she hadn’t heard what they were talking about, but the dirty look she shot at her sister told her otherwise.  
Luckily, the older didn’t bring it up, and Yuqi had no thoughts to.

She was happy the walk to the stranger’s house wasn’t too long, cause she felt like a third wheel the entire way. Shuhua had her hand around Soojin’s, like usual. She brought up a subject, which Soojin barely whispered an answer to. Yuqi decided to stay out, figured she could be quiet for once in her life in order to help her best friend, now adopted sister.

Once she laid her eyes on the last three, her cheeks couldn’t help but to blush. Specifically when she felt Soyeon’s eyes right back on her. The events of yesterday came rushing back into her mind again, she could feel Soyeon on her neck.

She would lie if she said she didn’t feel a bit disappointed when Soyeon’s eyes traveled from her, to the dancer on her side. They had that quiet conversation again, moving their eyebrows and eyes in a language Yuqi couldn’t understand. But she did know another one of those languages, because she had her own with Shuhua. So she could tell when Soyeon was using it with Soojin, or when Minnie and Miyeon were communicating. Her parents had it too, but she was too used to it now that she almost understood everything. 

Her disappointment disappeared when she felt and arm around her own, Soyeon’s arm. She smiled, as she was pulled towards the door.

“Okay kids, rules.” Miyeon said before opening the door.

“Yeah yeah.” Soyeon rolled her eyes.

“Don’t take alcohol from anyone, come to you when we’re too drunk.” the five younger said with the least amount of energy in their voices that they could manage.

“What? Someone has to be responsible, right?” Miyeon asked while squeezing her eyebrows.

“Right.” Minnie said before kissing her cheek, causing the other four to groan. “Let’s go in.” she said while rolling her eyes at the other girls.

Like the other party Shuhua had been to, this house was big and all white furniture. Big windows, an open space, and glass doors leading backyard with a swimming pool. Sadly, it was covered in some kind of blue thing so Shuhua couldn’t actually see the pool, but knowing it was there was enough to make her conclude that this was another one of those grossly rich families.

She held onto Soojin’s arm as they made their way through the crowd, to get to somewhere where they wouldn’t die from getting squeezed between people they barely knew.

Shuhua noticed a certain guy at the end of the room, surrounded by all his friends as he tried to take down a beer in one go. The liquid ran all over his shin, but he kept drinking.  
That resulted in him not seeing his girlfriend, and Soojin hopefully not noticing him either. If she had noticed him, she had no desire to go to him as she continued pulling Shuhua with her.

They didn’t stop until they stood behind a pool table, where some guys were playing loudly. Their girlfriends waited by their sides, sipping a red cup either with bored faces, or too immersed in the game to notice the two girls behind them.

“Isn’t it now you two should start making out against the wall?” Yuqi joked with a grin on her face.

Shuhua sent her a dirty look, which immediately made the older girl apologise by lifting up both hands, as to protect herself.

“Please take her somewhere else, Soyeon.” Shuhua said.

“Whoa, dirty.” Minnie smirked.

She started handing out whatever drinks her brother had put in her bag, happy that she managed to save a beer for herself. Miyeon declined the bag when it got to her, making Minnie frown.

“You’re not drinking?” Minnie asked.

“Not today.” Miyeon answered.

“Can we go now, mom?” Yuqi asked, putting emphasis on the last word before she took a sip of her suju.

“Yeah, yeah.” the oldest girl waved them off, and the four younger left them.

“Do you want me to stay sober too?” Minnie asked.

“What? No!” Miyeon said and grabbed her upper arm. “I don’t want to take away your fun!”

She pecked the younger’s lips, before grabbing her hand.

“Come on, dance with me!” she said happily, but was instantly pulled back by Minnie.

“Let’s stay here for a little while.” she put her hands on Miyeon’s hips, and put her against the wall.

Despite Minnie’s dominance, Miyeon was the first to lean in. She put her hands around Minnie’s neck and pulled her even closer as the younger deepened the kiss with the help of her tongue. 

Minnie’s hand started rising up Miyeon’s body, until it rested underneath her chest. If it was a month ago, her hand wouldn’t have gotten to travel that far, but now it was right there and Miyeon didn’t feel any need to pull away.  
Minnie noticed it too, and started smiling into the kiss, which caused Miyeon to do the same until they broke it. 

The thai lifted her hand to her girlfriend’s chin, and placed a last kiss before taking her hands.

“Did you wanna dance?”

They passed Soojin and Shuhua on their way to the dance floor. Miyeon wondered how Shuhua was able to get her there, but those thoughts quickly went away when Minnie started dancing against her.

Soojin smiled as she saw her cousin loosen up. Specifically as she saw Minnie’s hands, that she’d held still since more than three months ago, roam around her body. She didn’t want to stare, of course, but she was too happy for her cousin’s slow healing not to smile at the two.

Then her attention turned back to Shuhua who was dancing freely in front of her. Her eyes were shut as she moved, not at all in sync with the music, like no one was watching her.

Soojin couldn’t hold herself from giggling as she watched the younger. She grabbed Shuhua’s shoulders, and had to hold her down so she would stop jumping widely. 

The Taiwanese stopped after a short while, and looked questionably at Soojin who only pulled her closer.

She started swaying her body in the rhythm of the melody that played from the speakers. Shuhua joined her after a second, and mimicked her movements. Her body pressed even closer to the younger, feeling some parts of her against herself. 

Maybe Soojin would’ve freaked out if the stayed like that for longer, but she was pulled away into a tight grip and lips pressed against her own.

It didn’t take a second for her to recognise the strong cologne. Or the way the big hands moved over her like it was his property. He moaned into the kiss when he pressed in his tongue, he tasted of strong alcohol. 

When she managed to pull away, as he had to catch his breath, she instantly turned around and noticed Shuhua being gone. 

*  
*  
*

Soyeon had noticed that Yuqi was a social butterfly during the class they had together. So it didn’t surprise her at all when she talked to almost everyone she found like they’d been friends for forever.

The fact that she had the school’s maniac right behind her didn’t seem to matter to Yuqi, as she introduced the smaller girl to every single one of the faces. They usually smiled faintly her way, or did nothing at all, but Soyeon didn’t mind. Soyeon had her people with her, she didn’t need any fake friends.

As she sipped the suju her and Yuqi were sharing, having an arm wrapped protectively around Yuqi’s arm, she noticed a little someone by the fridge in the kitchen.

And it wasn’t just anyone. Her hair was pitch black and her skin pale as snow. But what really caught Soyeon’s attention was how the sides of her mouth were hanging down, and her eyes had a gloss that made it look like she was on the verge of tears. 

Soyeon pulled on Yuqi’s arm, gaining her attention, before gesturing for Shuhua in the kitchen. 

The younger girl excused herself, before pulling herself and Soyeon through the crown to the kitchen. 

“What’s up, Romeo?” Yuqi placed an arm around Shuhua’s shoulders. “Lost your Juliet?”

Shuhua did nothing at all, but Yuqi still nodded.

“I’ll go find her and put some sense into her head.” Yuqi said and rolled up her sleeves dramatically with a frown she figured Shuhua would laugh at.

And she wasn’t wrong, as Shuhua giggled slightly. Soyeon watched it all happen like she was an alien who didn’t know a thing or two about feelings.  
No, she wasn’t the best. She either loved madly, or didn’t really care at all. In some cases she also despised.  
But she was at least old enough to understand an interaction driven by feelings when she saw one. Not this one, apparently.

“I’ll find her and get her away from that jerk.” Yuqi said before patting Shuhua’s head.

“Yuqi-“

“Shush.” the chinese said. “I won’t see you like this without doing anything about it.”

“But she doesn’t know.” Shuhua said and looked down.

“And I’m not gonna tell her. I’m just gonna take her away from her abusive and possessive boyfriend.” Yuqi said, and then turned to Soyeon. “Make sure she doesn’t start crying in front of anyone. She hates that.”

“Wha-“ Soyeon wasn’t able to finish her sentence before Yuqi walked away. 

It didn’t even take a second before all thoughts popped up into Soyeon’s head. She hated how easily it went from zero to a hundred. And she hated how she had no clue how to calm herself without the help of someone else. 

She felt her eye twitch, but then she noticed Shuhua keeping her head down. Soyeon moved into Shuhua’s arms, mostly for her own sake (and whoever she would decide to lack out on tonight) but she figured it would help Shuhua as well. She squeezed her eyes shut, before burying herself on Shuhua’s chest. The younger got startled as Soyeon squeezed her as tightly as she could, but then she put her arms around the older. 

Shuhua wasn’t too attentive during the episodes she’d watched, but there was one thing she did remember. She pressed her palm against the older’s back, and spoke the words she’d heard Minnie use before.

“She’s not here.” she whispered. 

What those words meant, she didn’t know. But they impacted her a lot, it seemed like. 

“She’s not here.” Shuhua repeated.

*  
*  
*

“There you are!” Yuqi said a little too loudly. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Soojin turned her head around to see Yuqi walking through the back doors. Her steps were rapid and a little wiggly, but it wasn’t too bad.

The older brushed away the tear that almost escaped earlier.

Then she realised both her and Yuqi were outside, with no Soyeon.

“Where’s Soyeon?” she asked.

“Inside.” she sat down on the bench Soojin was sitting on.

“She doesn’t do well alone.” Soojin said and stood up, but was immediately pulled down by Yuqi’s hand.

“We have to talk.” the younger said firmly.

If it was any other sentence, Soojin would’ve stood up and walked right into the house. But that one sentence just had the biggest affect on anyone who heard it, including Soojin.

“Is something wrong? Is Soyeon okay? Shuhua?” she asked.

“Soyeon’s okay.” Yuqi answered. “But Shuhua was on the verge of crying.”

“Why?”

“Hui.” Yuqi said carefully. 

“I’ve already talked about him with her-“

“Shuhua says I’m not the best at these kinds of conversations but...” she started, “since she got upset I won’t just wait around for it to pass.” 

”What do you mean?” Soojin asked while squeezing her eyebrows.

“You have to break up with Hui.” she said.

Soojin looked from her down to the ground, and played with the nail polish on her finger.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes.” Soojin nodded and said in a weak voice. “It’s just... not that easy.”

“Why?” the younger asked.

“It just isn’t.”

Yuqi bit her lip, and lowered her head in order to meet Soojin’s eyes. 

“If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for us.” she said. “For me, and Shuhua. Minnie and Miyeon. For your best friend.”

Soojin wanted to tell Yuqi how she only had one side of the story, but she couldn’t. Maybe she already was doing it for her best friend? But she couldn’t tell Yuqi that.

“If you’re not gonna break up with him, then you have to stop seeing Shu. You’re giving her false expectations.” the younger of the two stated.

“I’m not giving her any expectations.”

“You are.” there was something building up in Yuqi’s voice, and Soojin definitely noticed it. “She’s gonna... she’s gonna think you like her, if you continue.”

“But I do like her.” Soojin stated, finally looking up.

“No. Like her, like her.”

“Oh.” and she looked right back down again with a blush. “I’m not trying to make her feel that way.”

“Yeah, I figured that.” Yuqi said. “But you’re gonna have to stop anyways. With all the handholding and the hugs and whatever you two whisper about. You’re just gonna break her heart.”

Soojin but her lip. She definitely didn’t want to break Shuhua’s little heart, but she definitely couldn’t stay away from her either.

“You know, I always act like I’m okay.” Yuqi said, which caught Soojin’s attention. “And I’m starting to slowly convince myself... But I can live with that.”

Although the younger had no clue what Soojin really was feeling, she dug through all of the covers she’d put on herself with that. Soojin was also acting like she was fine. She had convinced herself for so long, that she barely was connected to the part that was there before. But could she really live with that, like Yuqi could?

“We care about you, SooSoo.” Yuqi put a hand on her shoulder. “We don’t want you to get hurt.”

The older girl smiled vaguely. 

“But Shuhua is my best friend. My sister. And I’ll choose her above anyone.” the younger took away her hand. “And I’m not gonna see you hurt her every time you leave to go to Hui.”

Soojin nodded. 

“I’m sure you don’t want to her to get hurt either?”

She shook her head. 

“Do whatever you want, but if it in some way hurts my sister, then I won’t support you.”

“I get it.” Soojin opened her mouth for the first time in awhile. “You’re a good sister.”

Yuqi chuckled. She was relieved that the heavy subject was left behind. 

“Yeah,” she chuckled another time, “I’m trying to win a prize, actually.”

“Something tells me not to believe you.” Soojin joined her chuckle.

“What? It’s the truth!” she protested.

It first now faced Soojin that this was their first real conversation with each other. And the younger girl was really entertaining. Soyeon for sure made a good choice. Soojin definitely approved her choice of girlfriend... or whatever the two were now.

Now that she thought of Soyeon, she remembered how they’d left her alone. Her eyes opened widely immediately, before she heard the sound behind her.

“Hey, you two!” Soyeon shouted. “Are you bonding without me?”

She squeezed herself down right in between the two with a traumatic wiggle of her end. 

“Are you okay?” Soojin asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Soyeon smiled. “Shuhua helped me... and I was also kinda standing in the window the last ten minutes.”

Although Yuqi didn’t quite understand, she still giggled as the other two did. Then, Soojin stood up.

“Well, I’m gonna be right inside.” she said and Soyeon nodded. “Thank you for the chat, Yuqi.”

She left the two alone.

“What were you two talking about?” she asked with a smirk and placed her arm around Yuqi’s waist, causing the taller to blush.

“Secrets.” Yuqi smirked.

“Oh really?” Soyeon said while squeezing the younger’s sides. “Are you sure about that?”

She leaned in to Yuqi’s neck, like she’d done yesterday, but she barely managed to get some skin between her lips before Yuqi pulled away.

“Don’t do that... here.”

“Why not?” the older pouted as they both sat down.

“Because...” Yuqi seemed to think for a minute, before a red colour started covering her ears, “it makes me feel stuff.”

Soyeon smirked even wider, before placing a hand on Yuqi’s leg and pressing them two closer together.

“Good stuff?” Soyeon raised an eyebrow.

“I think so.” she answered with a blush.

The older brought her hand to Yuqi’s cheek, to make the younger turn her head towards her. Then she started brushing her thumb over the skin, while Yuqi kept her eyes away from her, as the redness only grew more and more.

“I feel stuff too.” Soyeon said quietly. “Whenever I’m close to you, my entire body feels warmer and my heart leaps with joy.”

Yuqi chuckled before punching the older’s shoulder loosely.

“You’re talking in song lyrics again.”

“It’s true!” the older protested. “I really do feel warmer.”

The younger finally looked up at her.

“And my heart starts to hurt. Like, really badly. Like it’s gonna jump out of my chest. And I have to remind my body not to tense up, otherwise it feels like all the blood I have slowly is spilling out of me. And my breathing gets harder, heavier.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy.”

“It’s all in a good way!” Soyeon grabbed into her hands instead. “My heart hurts in a good way. And I just want to be closer to you, all the time. I want to protect you and make sure you’re okay.”

Yuqi had to fight back the tear that wanted to escape her eye as she heard those words. She could count on her fingers how many people had cared about her that deeply in her life, those fingers only being three. But now there was a fourth finger, that belonged to the one and only Jeon Soyeon. The small girl who right now was sitting in front of her with a warm smile and too many stars in her eyes to count. Her hands were gripping tightly onto Yuqi, like she was scared the younger would be taken away. 

Yuqi adored the older girl. If she was truly in love or not, she couldn’t tell yet. But they had time, so it didn’t matter.

All she knew, was that she wanted to protect the smaller girl too. And make sure she was okay. Yuqi wanted to hold her in her arms, or be wrapped in her arms. Feel her kisses all over her neck, her teeth lightly nibbling on her ear. And she wanted those two lips placed on hers. 

She wanted it so badly, and had been wanting it since it almost happened on their first date, that she could do almost anything just to feel them for a second. And they just looked so... perfect.

“I can see you staring.” Soyeon lifted her face with her hand. “Don’t you even think about it.”

Yuqi groaned, but deep in her mind she thanked the girl for being considerate, or whatever she should call it. For making sure she didn’t die?

Instead, the older put her lips on Yuqi’s cheek once, bearing a content smile afterwards.  
She placed her head on Yuqi’s shoulder, and took a tight grip of her hand as she played with her fingers.  
They were so small, yet bigger than her own. They were only hers to hold.

“Do you ever wanna, like, run away?” the younger asked quietly, mind somewhere far away. “Somewhere warm and cozy. Where you can just be yourself and do whatever you want, without having to worry about anything.”

“Somewhere where we can kiss, you mean?” Soyeon chuckled. 

“I mean, that would be a plus.” Yuqi tried to sound as confident as she could, but her voice still shot up in an unexpected voice crack.

The older giggled before kissing Yuqi’s knuckles.

“I’ve thought about running away.” she then said, making the younger look at her.

“Because of your parents? Cause they’re homophobic and you’re most definitely gay? Hopefully.”

“I’m most definitely gay, yes.” Soyeon chuckled again. 

She loved how the chinese girl could make her happy anytime, even when the current subject of speech was what she loathed the most.

“I’ve wanted to run away so many times, but there’s always stuff that pulls me back.” 

The feeling of having to protect the two she held closest to her heart, but she would never admit that to Yuqi so early on.

“What’s pulling you back?” the younger asked. “I’m not telling you to run away! It would suck if my girlfriend disappeared just when I got one.”

“Girlfriend?” Soyeon smirked.

“Oh, are we not-“ Yuqi turned red again. “I thought we were- since you kissed me- I mean I want to, if you want to. But you don’t have to, of course. I thought-“

“Calm down.” she smiled and shifted closer. “I’m totally your girlfriend.”

They both smiled at each other, before Yuqi’s eyes drifted down to her lips again.

“You know, this would be the perfect time for a kiss.” she said quietly.

“Nope, that’s not gonna happen.” Soyeon said and shifted away.

“Please?” Yuqi begged with her hands pressed together. “It doesn’t even have to be a long one, just a little peck.”

“What if I’m sick, Woogi?” the older argued, while the younger just got closer.

“Then I’ll look forward to spending a couple of days with my hospital buddies.” she said, placing a hand around Soyeon’s back.

“I won’t risk it.” the Korean said but couldn’t keep her eyes off the lips Yuqi had parted.

“Please? A little one?” she whispered and got even closer, close enough for Soyeon to feel her breath on her lips.

Her mind told her to back away, or push Yuqi away. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she was the one that made Yuqi sick. But refusing a kiss from her, when both of them so desperately wanted to, and the younger not seeming to care what would happen to her, was even more painful for her heart than she’d imagined. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Song Yuqi.” Soyeon said before leaning in.

The second their lips met, Yuqi felt an exited shock through her body. If her hands weren’t already placed on Soyeon’s back, she would’ve had no idea where to put them. But the older seemed more sure, as both her hands placed on Yuqi’s cheeks. 

The quick peck Yuqi said it would be, was nothing near it. Although Yuqi wasn’t entirely sure if she was doing it right, neither was Soyeon, her lips moved around Soyeon’s. She didn’t even want to think about how red she was right now, but she could feel her cheeks burning.

If this was a movie, there’d be so many fireworks right now, and then the credits would roll before they moved away. But this wasn’t a movie, so Yuqi had to pull away to get some air.

And she did so, feeling a string of saliva between their lips that she couldn’t bare to think about right now. She wanted to hold the other close, making sure she wouldn’t run away now, so she placed their foreheads together and held her back hardly, as both of their chests moved up and down in a rapid movement.

If Yuqi was red, she wasn’t alone. The girl in front of her looked just as flushed, with lazy eyes that wouldn’t leave Yuqi’s lips. Soyeon believed she already was addicted. Now that she’d gotten a taste, she only wanted more.

“You said it correctly.” Yuqi whispered between panting.

“Huh?” Soyeon asked and looked up into her eyes.

“My name, you said it correctly.” she whispered again, before moving in again.

Their kiss the first time was sweeter. This one was looser, because now they were starting to get to know each other’s lips.  
After a minute of two of moving their heads from side to side, letting their lips away over each other, Yuqi felt something warm pressing against her teeth.

Now, Yuqi wasn’t inexperienced enough to not know what it was. Maybe she hadn’t actually felt it before, but she wasn’t uncultured. She’d seen movies and she’d read books, she knew what it was.

So she opened her mouth, and instantly felt the heat enter. At first, none of them seemed to have an idea what to do with it. Yuqi stayed still, waited for Soyeon to do something, while Soyeon tried to find the right movements. After awhile, she figured out how to move her tongue around Yuqi’s, making the younger answer with the same movements. 

The younger figured she was a low tolerance for whatever included Soyeon’s lips and touch, as she let out a deep sigh, luckily not with any sound this time. But the older still caught it, pulling away with a smirk as Yuqi’s cheeks burned.

“Are you feeling ‘good stuff’ now?” Soyeon grinned, keeping her lips only moments away from Yuqi’s.

The younger could do nothing else but nod, before pressing herself against Soyeon again.

*  
*  
*

When Yuqi was passed out on the couch for having played a few too many rounds of beer pong with the friends they didn’t know she had, as well as Soyeon who won like she did with everything else she tried, and Soojin had made an effort to ignore her boyfriend all night to stay by Shuhua’s side, and Minnie was clinging onto her for dear life as she whined about something Miyeon couldn’t hear, the oldest decided it was time to head home. 

Shuhua wasn’t the best at drinking, or she was the best depending on how you see it, but she was just a little wiggly. She could talk normally, and wasn’t complaining about the pain she felt in her head. Unlike Soojin, who went from laughs as she entertained herself to cries as her head hurt more than she’d planned.  
So Shuhua tried to hold her up, as Miyeon used all power she had to get her girlfriend into the car. All meanwhile Yuqi and Soyeon talked loudly about an artist no one knew really existed. But he must’ve been good, considering how Yuqi jumped up and down while screaming his name, and Soyeon just couldn’t shut up about it.

“No, don’t let go.” Minnie managed to slur out.

“We’re just driving home. I’ll be right beside you all the way there, I promise.” Miyeon said as she tried to fight off Minnie’s arms from herself. “Let me go now and I’ll give you a big, sloppy kiss when we get home.”

Minnie tried to form a smirk on her face as she pulled away. Miyeon put the seatbelt around her, before helping Shuhua with Soojin. The older passed out the second she was placed on the backseat, and then there were only the two excited puppies left.

Who knew the ones that would be hardest to get down, were the two who actually could stand up without any help? 

What made it harder, where the fact that they refused to be separated, so Shuhua had to push them in from one side, before squeezing herself in. Miyeon laughed from the front seat as she saw the struggles in the back, before she heard a whine from her girlfriend that she immediately shut down by giving up one of her hands. 

Luckily, getting them all out was so much easier then getting them in. Soyeon and Yuqi basically sprinted out towards a road sign by Minnie’s house that they thought looked funny, crushing Shuhua as they did so. 

“Wake up, JinJin.” Shuhua said while caressing her cheek carefully. “Wake up so you can go in and sleep.”

“Yuqi! Not so close to the road!” Miyeon shouted.

“You promised me a kiss.” Minnie pouted and crossed her arms. 

“Yes, and you will get it the second we step through the doors.” Miyeon said. “Help Shu with Soojin, then I’ll give it to you.”

“Fine.” Minnie pouted before joining Shuhua by the car door.

She did help, and quite quickly, as she slapped Soojin’s face until the other woke up with complaints. 

“Yuqi, get off of there!” Miyeon screamed and instantly ran towards the sign Yuqi was trying to climb, while Soyeon clapped at her. “You get off right now!”

The younger girl climbed down and laughed together with Soyeon. Miyeon placed her arms around them, and started dragging them to the house. 

“Jeon Soyeon.” they heard behind them. 

“Father?” Soyeon said and seemed to sober up immediately, just like Yuqi.

“Your mother sent me for you.” he said with barely open eyes. “She told you not to meet these... people.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Soyeon said quickly. “I will come with you right away.”

“Soyeon-“ Yuqi protested.

“Have a nice night.” Soyeon said before getting herself out from Miyeon’s hold, and sitting down in the car. 

Her dad simply nodded before getting in himself and driving away. 

“Her dad looked soulless.” Yuqi said, before getting pulled by Miyeon in the direction of the house again.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he is.”

*  
*  
*

“What did I tell you, Soyeon?” she heard the movement of the blade scraping against the wood. “Answer your mother.”

“Not to hang out with them.” she said, having her head down at the ground as she felt those very familiar shivers again.

“Yet, what did you do?” the blade for closer to her.

“I hung out with them.” Soyeon answered.

“You met Soojin.” the mother stated. “What did I say I would do if you met her?”

A cold hand gripped her arm and started pulling up the fabric. 

“That you would take her away.” the younger answered as the blade met her arm.

“I’ve almost done it before. I won’t shy out to do it again.”

Soyeon didn’t doubt that for a second.

“Now, tell me what you are.” she swayed the blade over Soyeon’s arm.

The younger flinched and closed her eyes. She felt electricity from her arm up to her back and then down to her arm again. And it wasn’t anywhere near the good kind. She saw the blood dripping down at the floor.

“Answer me.” her mother moved the blade a second time. 

“Filthy.” she said with a big lump in her throat.

“Say that again?” she swayed the blade a third time, and back again as a fourth.

“I’m filthy.” Soyeon answered. 

She could feel the soul her friends had brought back for her earlier tonight, completely disappearing. Her lip shook as she tried to bite it still, while her arm trembled in the monster’s hand.

“That’s right.” she said. “Why are you filthy?”

“Because I-“

“Louder!” Soyeon felt the blade meet and slaughter her skin another time. 

“Because I look at girls.” a tear escaped her eye.

The blood met the floor over and over again, but Boyoung seemed to have no plans to stop. 

“You don’t just look at them, do you?” she asked, holding the blade close to the skin.

“I think about girls.” and the blade moved slower and deeper inside her arm, causing Soyeon to whimper while trying to pull herself away. 

She could feel her energy disappearing with every drop.

“I believe there’s something you’re not telling me, daughter.” the mother stated. “What do you do with your girls?”

“I don’t do anything.” she answered truthfully, feeling another sway slowly moving in her arm.

“I don’t like it when you lie.”

“I’m not lying!” Soyeon cried out. “I don’t do anything to any girl!”

The mother dropped the blade to the ground and caught her crying daughter in her arms. 

“Shh, darling.” she whispered and patted her head. “You won’t have to live with the pull anymore.”

Soyeon wanted to fight her mother off, but her arm had lost too much for her to be able to. And it hurt worse than she’d ever felt before. 

“Your father found a facility for people like you.” she whispered. “They will fix you. I promise, my daughter. I love you.”

Soyeon’s cries didn’t quiet down, until she lost her consciousness.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> Do you think Soyeon’s mom really does love her?
> 
> thank you so much for reading!


	18. Are mine, I tell you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy the chapter! don’t forget to stream and vote so we can get our goal of eight wins! there’s information all over twitter.
> 
> WARNINGS: disease, strong language.

*

Shuhua and Yuqi were running down the street of the youngest’s home country. The scent of noodle soup and hot pot infiltrated their nostrils. The older girl was panting, but the two kept running with big smiles on their faces. If they hurried home fast enough, Yuqi’s dad would give them ice cream.

Shuhua dreamt of their childhood memories, but soon realised that she’d woken up as she was aware of her real surroundings. But she could still hear Yuqi panting next to her.

She figured she still was in her dream somehow, and decided to try to drift off completely. That was until she felt rapid taps on her arm.  
Shuhua opened her eyes, to see Yuqi with bloodshot eyes. The veins on her neck were entirely visible, and she’d started turning red in her entire face.  
Her chest slowly moved up and down as she tried to get air into her lungs.

Of course, Shuhua was immediately alarmed. She quickly pulled the pillow from under her head, and placed it under Yuqi’s head. Then, she ripped away the pillow the girl beside her was using, causing a grunt but she honestly couldn’t care less right now. Shuhua put it under Yuqi’s legs, getting her into just the position she’d been told about since she was nine.

“Control your breathing, Qi.” she said in their mother tongue. 

She moved her thumb over the girl’s temple, but it wasn’t working.

“What’s happening?” she heard behind her in a raspy, but sweet voice.

“She... She can’t breathe.” Shuhua tried to say as calmly as she could, but she couldn’t hide how her voice trembled. “Wake Miyeon up, we need to go to the hospital.”

Soojin nodded and quickly rose from her mattress, before getting over to the bed.

“Try to breathe with me.” Shuhua said before taking long, calm breaths, that Yuqi couldn’t follow no matter how much she tried.

“Wake up!” Soojin said repeatedly while shaking the body wrapped in Minnie’s arms.

The thai woke up before Miyeon, as the older was impossible to wake. Her eyes slowly flickered open and her head slowly lifted from the pillow.

“What’s up?” Minnie asked groggily.

“Something’s wrong with Yuqi!” Soojin said and kept shaking Miyeon.

The girl finally woke up with a growl. She was supposed to shout an angry comment, before she opened her eyes entirely and saw the state of panic in the room. Minnie was trying to lift Yuqi up with the help of Shuhua, while Soojin ruffled through Miyeon’s bag by her side.

“Wha-“ she was about to say before Soojin held up the car keys in front of her face.

“Hospital. Now.” she said, causing Miyeon to nod before grabbing them and then getting right up. 

Minnie almost fell with the shaking Yuqi in her arms as she ran down the stairs. She didn’t bother to grab her shoes or a jacket before running out the door Shuhua opened for her, and screaming at Miyeon to unlock the car. Soojin came running with several jackets and a couple of shoes, and Miyeon with the last few before they all settled into the car. 

“Step on the gas!” Minnie screamed.

“I am!” Miyeon screamed back.

“Just drive!” Soojin shouted from the backseat.

Shuhua helped Yuqi stable her elbows on her knees, before she whispered short sentences in chinese. Yuqi wheezed in the little amount of air she was able to get, as she felt her head pulse more and more. She knew it wouldn’t be long until she knocked out.

“Focus on your breathing.” she heard from beside her.

“Does she need anything? Should I open the window? Does she want her jacket? Water?” Soojin asked from her side, while Minnie peeked back over and over again, and Miyeon stepped as hardly on the pedal as she could.

“No!” Shuhua screamed before taking a deep breath. “She won’t get better if you freak out. Just stay calm, please.”

Soojin nodded before pressing herself back in her seat. She still kept her eyes on the younger two.  
Soojin had never had to handle an attack like this with Yejin. If she got one, Soojin wasn’t ever allowed near her as her mother handled everything. Usually, she just woke up to her mom placing the two babies in her bed, before running out the house. The conclusion was always that there’d been an emergency, and Yejin was going to get another round of drugs put into her body.

“She’s out.” Shuhua informed before pulling Yuqi into her hold.

“Hurry up!” Minnie screamed.

When they got there, all four of them screamed as they entered through the doors. Yuqi was once again in Minnie’s hold, despite all of the others probably were stronger than her. But none of their brains worked correctly with all the stress. 

The staff immediately came with a stretcher, one of them approaching the group of three girls while another one comforted Shuhua with a hand on her shoulder, before bringing her along with the unconscious girl. 

Miyeon, Minnie and Soojin watched them as they hurried down the hall, before the young man in front of them cleared his throat.

He had a sweet smile on his face. Not too broad, but not too bland to be considered fake.

“Your friend will be just fine.” he said. “What is the patient’s name?”

“Song Yuqi.” Minnie answered.

“Ah, Miss Song.” he flipped to a page in his booklet. “Then I’ll take the other young girl for her sister? Shuhua?”

“That’s right.” the thai said.

“Okay.” he scribbled something down. “Do you know what the cause is?”

“She just woke up like that.” Soojin answered.

“Does she have anything in her system? Drugs? Nicotine?”

“Alcohol.” Minnie answered.

“Could you tell me what she drank?”

“Suju... and a couple of beers, I think.” the pink haired girl fiddled with her hands.

“Thank you very much, Miss.” he smiled at them and motioned for the benches. “You could sit down and wait right here. Do you want me to get you some blankets?”

Soojin realised that all she was wearing were a pair of shorts and a tank top. And while the older two at least had clothes that covered their entire legs, none of them were really dressed for the winter weather outside.

“No, thank you.” Miyeon answered him. “We have jackets out in the car.”

He nodded at them, and started walking off before he turned around.

“How old are you girls?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Seventeen, seventeen and sixteen.” Miyeon answered and gestures for each girl.

“You’re far too young for this.” he muttered before walking off.

*  
*  
*

Soyeon’s head spun like never before as she woke up in her soft sheets. She felt her arm pulsing under the bloody bandage. 

The girl groaned before rolling to the side to grab her phone. Wrong choice.  
Her arm sent a chock up her entire body as it moved, causing Soyeon to whimper immediately. 

But the constant buzzing of her device still made her try again, and quickly grabbing her phone with her unwounded arm, before rolling back into a safe position for her other arm. 

She bit the inside of her cheek hardly, to take away some of the pain from her wounds. It didn’t help a lot.

As she opened her phone, it was full with text messages, most of them from Soojin. She shot up the second she read the texts, and immediately called the number. 

It didn’t even take a second for Soojin to pick up.

“Is she okay?” she asked as she heard the breathing on the other side.

“Soyeon-“ Soojin started saying but then the device was taken away from her ear. 

“No!” the girl shouted and stood up. “No!”

“What did I tell you about talking to her?” her mother squeezed her eyelids down. 

Soyeon used both of her arms, and all the power she had in her legs to jump up and grab the phone her mother held over her head, with her other hand on her hip.

“Please!” the daughter pleaded as she jumped. “I have to speak to her!”

“You don’t have to speak to anyone.” Boyoung answered and held Soyeon down with a hand.

“My... friend is at the hospital!” she argued, but to no avail. 

She felt the energy she’d regained during the night slowly disappearing as her head started pounding even harder. Her cuts ached on her arm.

“Please, mother. I have to go see her.” she tried pleading once again, with a broken voice this time.

”You are not going anywhere.” she growled. “You’re not going near those people. Understood?”

She neared up to Soyeon’s face as she said the last word. Soyeon could feel her morning breath on her face.

“I will make sure you never see them again.” she said between her teeth.

The daughter’s eyes immediately grew multiple sizes, her lip began to shake and her her breathing got heavier. She had to fight back the need to destroy something, whatever she could find. It was dangerous, because the thing she wanted to destroy the most was the one thing she couldn’t touch. 

“Jeon Soyeon, get into my room.” she heard from the hallway in that empty voice.

Soyeon’s head was already hurting. Her arm was already bleeding. Her tears were already coming. But she obeyed her mother, and quietly made her way to the cold, dark room where nothing other than nightmares lived.

*  
*  
*

“She’s not answering.” Soojin said as she pressed the number over and over.

“She didn’t answer me either.” Minnie said.

Soojin frowned her eyebrows in the waiting room. She had her own jacket around her shoulders, and Shuhua’s over her legs. Miyeon sat beside her, with her head resting on her shoulder, while Minnie continued walking back and forth in the room. 

None of them knew how many hours they’d spent waiting for updates, for anything. 

Miyeon was almost falling asleep, when the glass doors opened and a young girl in her pyjamas trekked out into the waiting room.

“How is she?” Soojin shot up immediately, scaring Miyeon who then looked at Shuhua with big eyes, all while Minnie hurried over to her to pat her back.

Shuhua sat down on a chair next to Soojin, causing the dancer to sit down as well. She put a hand on Shuhua’s back, before the younger spoke.

“She’s woken up but she’s connected to a ventilator.” her voice said quietly.

“A what?” Minnie asked.

“A thing that helps her breathe.”

Soojin had a vague memory of something made of plastic hugging her sister’s face before, and she remembered her mom telling her that the machine the mask came from was like her lungs, but on the outside.

“Those masks?” she asked.

“Yeah.” 

She was surprised that Shuhua understood her immediately.

“And they’re taking her in for a few more tests, but they haven’t found anything new since the last times she was here.” the youngest let her head hang while she rubbed her red eyes.

“What have they found before?” Miyeon asked.

Shuhua sighed and rubbed her eyes some more. Soojin thought she was crying, as she’d buried her head in her hands, so she rubbed circles on her back. But then the young girl looked up, with big marks under her eyes. She even yawned before she answered in a broken voice.

“She-“ Shuhua started saying but was immediately cut off.

“Shuhua!” a man’s voice shouted from the entrance.

All their eyes landed on the middle aged man and woman hurrying towards them. Mr. and Mrs. Song immediately hugged Shuhua, before the man walked over to the disc. 

Mrs. Song said something to Shuhua, which Miyeon and Soojin couldn’t understand. From the broken Chinese Minnie knew, she figured out that they were talking about Yuqi and the doctor. She also heard Shuhua mention a party, so she inwardly prepared herself for the scolding she would get for bringing alcohol to a sick girl.  
Oh, how stupid she felt. She was truly an idiot. But she was even worse. She may be the reason to why Yuqi’s connected to a ‘vetilitator’ or whatever it was. 

Mrs. Song turned her head to the oldest girls, but Minnie could hear no angry words coming out of her mouth. Instead, she heard a ‘thank you’.

“She wants to thank you for your help.” Shuhua translated for the two who couldn’t understand.

“Don’t thank us.” Minnie managed to get through with her accent. “We are happy... to help.”

The older woman smiled as she heard her own language coming from Minnie’s lips.

“Thank you.” she repeated and reached out to hold all their hands before she continued. “You should go home and get some rest. We’ll take over from here.”

Minnie only managed to understand a few words, but given the context, she understood what she meant. She nodded, before translating for her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s cousin. They both nodded as well, before each of them took a turn to hug Shuhua.  
Soojin hugged her the longest, but none of them would mention it. 

With heavy steps, they walked to the car. Soojin fell back into her seat immediately, while Miyeon sighed before starting the car.

The dancer looked through her phone for a text from Soyeon, but there weren’t any. She had several calls and texts, all from the same person. But it wasn’t her best friend, so she decided to ignore them.

“Is it today I’m driving you and Yejin?” Miyeon asked.

The atmosphere in the car was quiet, like it was one of their morning drives, but those when Minnie wasn’t there to liven them up. 

“Yeah.” Soojin said.

It wasn’t the best time, she was aware of that. But she wasn’t expecting the events of that day when she booked the meeting a week ago. And now that her mom and stepdad both were out for the first time since the party at the Jeons’, it was the perfect timing so she just couldn’t cancel it. Not to talk about how disappointed Yejin would be. No, she had to go today.

“Where do you want me to drive you, Min?” the oldest’s attention turned to her girlfriend.

“Wherever you go.” she absentmindedly answered while almost falling asleep against the window.

Soojin could gag another day over how sickly cute those were. Right now, she was too focused on contacting Soyeon. 

*  
*  
*

“Be careful with the steps.” Soojin reminded as she held Yejin’s arm.

“Calm down. I got this.” Yejin smiled while continuing taking the steps down the stairs.

“Everyone won’t fit in the car.” Miyeon stated from behind, while her and Minnie helped carrying down both one-years-olds.

“We’ll just take the mini van.” the dancer answered while helping her sister down the last few steps.

Apparently a family with four-now five-kids needed a mini van to get by. As well as a five-seated luxury car.

Soon enough, they got into the car. After a fight with the baby boy, who didn’t want the seatbelt around him. Eventually he gave in, when Soojin placed her phone in front of him.  
They just had to endure hearing the same song on a loop for the entire drive there.

Yejin argued that she should be allowed to sit in the front seat, because she never gets to do it otherwise. Minnie, who was too hungover to care, didn’t protest as she climbed into the very back of the car to hopefully get a nap.

Soojin seated herself in the middle seat, between the two babies.

”What should I say when we see him?” Yejin smiled widely from the front seat.

“I don’t know. Hi?” Soojin, who wasn’t feeling the best from the alcohol consumption last night, answered in a lazy tone.

Yejin eyed her before grunting.

“Miyeonie?” she turned her attention to her cousin instead.

“Yeah?”

“How long have you and Minnie been together?” she asked.

“Why do you always wanna talk about others love life?” Miyeon chuckled, the younger only shrugged. “Two years and two months.”

“Three months.” Minnie said from the back.

“Two months.”

“Three!”

“Minnie, we started dating in October.” Miyeon argued.

“No, I asked you out in the beginning of September.”

“We weren’t together when you first asked me out.”

“But she asked how long we’ve been dating. We’ve been dating since our first date.” Minnie stated.

“She asked how long we’ve been together. As in official.” 

“When did you become official?” the younger cousin asked.

Minnie let out a one syllable laugh, loud enough to startle Yejin. Miyeon rolled her eyes before she began to fiddle with her hands on the steering wheel.

“What?” Yejin looked between the backseat and Miyeon.

“Do you know about sex, Yejin?” Minnie snickered.

“Shut up.” Miyeon warned between her teeth.

“Of course.” the younger said proudly. “I’ve read about it in ‘The fault in our stars’.”

“Then you must be an expert.” Minnie smirked.

Yejin smiled while nodding rapidly. She was apparently an expert at everything.

“Was it quiet, like Hazel and Augustus?”

If Miyeon’s face hadn’t turned red earlier, it definitely had now. But Minnie just continued to giggle in the backseat, and the dancer remained quiet. 

“Let’s not talk about this, please.” Miyeon said, voice cracking in the middle.

“Nah, I wouldn’t say she’s very quiet.” Minnie ignored what Miyeon had said completely.

“Stop it!” the oldest girl tried. “I don’t have to hear the sex life of two fictional characters, and I really don’t want to talk about my own. Soojin, please stop your sister.”

“No. I’m enjoying it.” she said quietly.

“In the book-“

“Oh my god.” Miyeon said under her breath.

“-Hazel thinks that the sex itself isn’t anything special. What’s special is that it’s the longest they’ve spent not talking.”

“What does that mean?”

“That they love each other.”

“They love each other because neither of them are screamers?” Minnie chuckled.

“Could you please shut up back there?” Miyeon eyed her through the mirror.

The thai stared right back at her, but instead of rolling her eyes like Miyeon thought she would do, she winked while biting her lower lip. Miyeon knew this was just to tease her now. How the girl could go from nearly dead, to whatever this was, Miyeon didn’t know.

“No.” Yejin said while pointing her finger at Minnie. “They love each other because they can spend time together without even talking.”

“Oh.” Minnie said and Miyeon smiled as she got embarrassed, but that soon disappeared when the thai turned on her teasing manners again. “You must not really love me then, Miyeon. Cause you’re never quiet when we do it.”

“I definitely don’t when you keep acting like this.” she teased back, but couldn’t hide her irritation nor her embarrassment.

Soojin had shut off her ears a while back by now. A tendency she liked quite a lot, at times.

“How was your first time like?” the youngest asked innocently. “Hazel said it wasn’t like she thought. You know, no fireworks and stuff.”

“I’m not gonna talk about sex with all my cousins in the car!” Miyeon protested.

“I’ll do the talking, babe.” she winked once again before she answered in her deepest voice.

Miyeon looked at her through the mirror, and saw how she smirked. She shifted her eyes to the oldest cousin, who was blank faced.

“Soojin.” Miyeon begged.

“She’s a teen soon.” Soojin said shortly after. “She needs to hear this stuff.”

Miyeon spent the rest of the ride trying to put an imaginary bubble around herself while the rest of the car talked back and forth about anything and everything. She hated it, but at least it got their mind of where they were earlier this day, and where they were heading. Maybe she’d have to thank Minnie for being very open about their personal lives. 

Of course she never said anything too personal, she didn’t want to be killed. She kept it to a degree that still would make Miyeon uncomfortable, but not so that she would get mad. She knew how to play the game right, and maybe, just maybe, she would be rewarded later.

Once they’d stopped in the parking lot, and Soojin had made her way out to help her sister out, and the two started walking into the building, Miyeon turned around with a glare on her face.

“Calling my twelve-years-old cousin a sex expert and then talk about our sex with her?” she said quickly in a high-pitched voice. “Seriously?”

“What?” the younger said and raised up both her arms. “I’m bonding with the family. It’ll be my family too one day, you know.”

She winked in the same way she’d done too many times to count already.

“Not if you keep doing that.” Miyeon argued and crossed her arms.

Minnie wouldn’t want to admit that her eyes shifted down to where her arms were. A little above where her arms were. And she wouldn’t want to agree how Miyeon caught her and raised an eyebrow, or how she felt herself weaken immediately.

“Get back here so I can devour you.” she said quietly.

“You’re gross.” Miyeon rolled her eyes. “And there’s kids in the car.”

“But I can do it at home later?” Minnie’s wishful eyes shifted up to Miyeon’s playful ones.

“If you ask nicely.” she teased.

She really had to be serious, cause another thing Minnie wouldn’t admit, was that she nearly suffocated from not having gotten to release her lust in so many months.

*  
*  
*

”Alright.” the woman said and passed the papers back to Soojin. “Down the hall and door number seven. It’s nice to see you again, Miss Seo.”

She smiled at the sisters, before continuing to do her work on the computer.

Soojin grabbed Yejin’s hand, even though the younger protested. She looked around with curious eyes, peeped through the windows on the doors, and studied the guards outside. Then, they got to room number seven.

When the older knocked on the door before grabbing the handle, Yejin immediately hid behind her. All her cockiness disappeared in a matter of second, as she clung on to her older sister with her hands on Soojin’s waist. 

“Soojin!” the younger girl could hear a man say, before he let out a gasp. 

She peeked out from behind Soojin, to see a man in orange clothes with a happy smile on his face. His teeth were white and his eyes were bright. He had a few wrinkles and a scar or too, and he was pale as well. But he looked kind, and familiar.

He crouched down, and held a welcoming hand forward. 

“Do you remember your old man?” he asked as he chuckled.

Yejin looked up at Soojin, who nodded for her to go forward, so Yejin walked up to him and grabbed his hand. Her father hugged hers together with his own, and a smile spread across her face at the recognisable touch.  
He opened his arms, and Yejin immediately buried herself in them. He soon lifted her up, and wrapped Soojin under his other arm.

The oldest girl wondered why her dad didn’t comment on the fabric that wrapped Yejin’s head, or how she was much smaller and paler than other girls her age. But she decided not to bring it up, Soojin wasn’t the best with those kinds of talks anyways. 

“Let’s sit down.” he said and pulled the extra chair in the room to Yejin. “There is so much I want to ask you about.”

*  
*  
*

The girls all got home to the big family-house hours later. Yejin couldn’t stop talking the entire ride, while the two babies had started getting grumpy from spending too much time still in their seats, and Soojin smiled bigger than she’d done in a long time.  
Miyeon’s entire heart felt warm when she looked at her two happy cousins. A meeting with their dad had never gone this well before.

Then she remembered that Minnie was in the backseat. She’d grown quiet a time ago, but when Miyeon looked back at her she saw the thai looking outside the window with a wide smile. Miyeon smiled as well, as she remembered the reason to her smile. 

Luckily, the parents wouldn’t be home until the middle of the night, and it was still afternoon. 

Minnie stayed right by her side the minute they got out of the car, like she was scared Miyeon would run away. 

The older decided to tease the younger, to get back for what she did in the car. Therefore, she took her time to help Soojin entertain the youngest two so that there wouldn’t be a crying party, and she decided to spend an hour playing a game with Yejin. 

Then, she walked into the room she hadn’t spent even one night in. The covers were neatly done by herself, and the closet was filled with her clothes. There were a couple of boxes in one corner, but she hadn’t ever thought of unpacking them. 

She wasn’t at all surprised when her girlfriend was right behind her as she entered the room. It was like she had her under a spell.

Miyeon turned around to face Minnie, and made sure to bare a slight grin, with a lustful gaze, as she reached to her side to close the door. Miyeon could feel Minnie’s breath against her lips, and she saw how the girl slowly was leaning in, she she decided to back away. 

“I’ve gotta start unpacking these now.” the older girl said and walked towards the boxes. “Will you help me?”

She looked back at Minnie who was frowning by the door. She slowly walked closer until she stood right in front of the older girl, again, with their lips only inches apart.

“You’re teasing me.” the thai whispered.

“No. Why would you think that?” Miyeon whispered back.

She saw the other leaning forwards again, so she immediately moved to the side with a smirk.

“I think we should start with the books.” Miyeon said and opened the closest box. 

She could hear Minnie’s sigh behind her, making her chuckle immediately. She decided it was better she stopped teasing now before the younger got even more sulky.

Miyeon turned around, and stared at the frowning Minnie with cat-like eyes. Without breaking eye contact, she pulled her shirt over her head. She smirked as Minnie looked down at her chest, and she could feel the eyes following her when she passed the girl and sat down on the bed.

The thai’s eyes were still on her, but they weren’t moving any closer. Miyeon got a little self conscious, but she wouldn’t let that stop her act.

“Oh, come on.” she said. “You don’t want it now?”

Minnie bit her lower lip before answering.

“Of course I do.” she said, holding out the last vowel.

“Then, come here.” Miyeon patted on the bed.

Minnie sat down beside her as the older girl looked ready for whatever the other would do to her. The younger looked at her suspiciously as she leaned further and further in. They didn’t break eye contact for a second, until their lips touched.

The thai immediately put a hand behind Miyeon’s head so that she couldn’t sneak away this time, and Miyeon didn’t mind at all. 

In less than a minute, Minnie had pulled her tongue forwards, right into Miyeon who gladly accepted it. She leaned them both down on the bed, and climbed on top of her. They only broke apart when the younger reached to take of her own shirt, but then she hovered above Miyeon again and pressed their lips together.

Their tongues played together like they’d done so many times before, but this felt hungrier than any of those times. 

Miyeon knew Minnie had waited for her for so long, that she barely had any will to do any foreplay.

Minnie’s lips quickly moved down to Miyeon’s neck. She kissed and sucked on the skin, and almost moaned herself as she did so. Not because of the movements, although those for sure made her thirst for even more, but because of the sounds her girlfriend was producing underneath her. It was a melody to her ears, and she just craved for more. 

She started reaching to the the clasps on her back as she kept kissing the skin she had in front of her. Just when she was about to unclasp it, Miyeon spoke in a voice that wasn’t near the one she’d just used.

“Did you hear anything?” she asked and lifted her head from the mattress to look at the door.

“No.” Minnie said, but it sounded more like a whine than anything else, and lowered her head to place her forehead against Miyeon’s chest.

“Listen.” the older said.

What they could hear was a guy talking in a loud voice. It wasn’t the man who lived here, he wouldn’t be home in a while. It didn’t even take a moment until Miyeon knew who it was. 

She pushed Minnie off her, to which the younger groaned, and pulled the shirt back over her head.

“You’ve got to be kidding m-“ Minnie started to whine but was shushed by the other.

Miyeon opened the door and started sneaking out, Minnie following her while putting on her own shirt. 

The voice grew louder, and Miyeon was right. It was Hui.

“Why won’t you let me come in, then?” his voice was louder than it should be, and a lot stronger.

“It’s been a bad day for all of us, we just have to-“

“You’ve got someone up there, huh?” he said.

“No, of course I don’t.” Soojin protested. 

“Who’s there? Who are you sleeping with?”

“No one!” her voice came out desperate.

Miyeon noticed how Minnie was getting ready to walk down, towards the couple by the door. She grabbed her arm and carefully whispered to her. 

“Don’t get in between them.”

“Answer me!” he started to shout.

“I am!” she protested. “There’s no one there!”

“Then why haven’t you been answering me all day? Is it because of Shuhua? I saw you at the party.” he growled between his teeth.

“We’re just friends.” 

“Friends?” his voice came out muffled with occasional sniffs, was he crying? “Friends don’t grind against each other, Soojin.”

“Please just...” Soojin started saying before sighing. “Let’s just go to your house and discuss this there.”

“I don’t want to discuss this!” he raised his voice again. “I want you to explain what the fuck is going on between us. Do you even love me anymore?”

It was quiet for a while before more sniffs could be heard before a thud agains the wall. And then another one and another one.

Minnie looked over at Miyeon who nodded, and the thai was quickly down the stairs.

Soojin was left untouched by the front door, but the wall for sure had a couple of wounds.

“You’re a slut!” he screamed in her direction while tears streamed out his eyes, even some snore from his nose.

Soojin had her shoulders raised, while her head hung. Her arms were hugging herself. She looked smaller, more vulnerable than she’d ever done before. 

Minnie walked to stand right in front of her, which caught the attention of the boy. His eyes squeezed and he looked like he would attack Minnie any minute, but then his eyes lightened when he realised who it was.

“You should go.” Minnie said firmly.

“We’re just talking.” he said.

“You don’t seem to be in a very stable state right now. I don’t want you anywhere near Soojin.” she continued. 

“I’m just-“ he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Just let me talk to her.”

“I want you to leave.”

“Let her come with me then.” he said and started entering the house to grab Soojin’s arm, but Minnie quickly pushed him back. “Come on, baby.” he said and looked over Minnie.

Miyeon had placed herself right beside her cousin, who didn’t move at all. She didn’t look up, she didn’t even seem to breathe. 

“Baby, come with me before I get mad.” he said. “I love you, baby. Come on.”

She still didn’t move.

“It’s best if you leave before I get mad.” Minnie emphasised the ‘I’.

He seemed to bite down on his jaw, before he punched the wall again. Minnie flinched, but she didn’t move away. Hui groaned, almost screamed, as he turned around. His steps were heavy and rapid. He kicked a tree and their mailbox before getting into his car. More shouts and could be heard from the vehicle, but Minnie chose to close the door to keep them away.

When she turned around, Miyeon had wrapped Soojin in her arms. The younger girl still just stood there, without moving a muscle. The older cousin whispered into her ear while brushing her hand over her back. 

Minnie joined the hug, and immediately felt the youngest shake. Her breathing was uneven and rapid, and it wouldn’t calm down all night.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> what are your hopes for the upcoming chapters?
> 
> ok so i was writing some *smut* before i started working on the last scene of the chapter, so the last scene wasn’t actually supposed to be like that, i guess i was just in that mindset. it was supposed to be more soojin-centred, but i think it worked out anyways.
> 
> also,  
> the laws of when you can visit a prison alone, usually says that you have to be of legal age. in most countries that means between 18-25. well, in this story soojin is still a minor, but in order for the storyline to work i changed the law to 16. soojin is a legal guardian then, so she can bring yejin along (as long as she brings an id/birth certificate, which i also read was a law). i don’t want to give you any information that could be wrong, therefore i’m clarifying this now.


	19. They are mine and kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i made all of you a bit more depressed with the last chapter... it won’t be much better after you’ve read this one, i’m sorry. well... enjoy.
> 
> WARNINGS: disease, mention of death, string language.

*

Shuhua’s head was hanging as she tried to hold her body up. By her side was her dad’s body, equally out as her own. 

The hospital bed in front of them was corrupted by a sleeping Yuqi. There was some plastic hugging her face, and tubes going down her throat. She was dressed in a hospital gown that looked like you just as well could’ve used it to write or draw on.

“You should go home and get some rest, sweetie.” her dad said.

He had big circles around his eyes, matching Shuhua’s ones. But his smile was still warm, as he lead the taiwanese out the door.

Shuhua didn’t want to leave, but she couldn’t argue that she needed some fresh air. And she also knew that her dad wouldn’t be very pleased if she came stumbling back into the room after half an hour, so she chose to walk home.

Maybe she could grab a snack, at least. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep until Yuqi was home with her.

As she walked towards her house, she figured, she didn’t actually have to go to an empty kitchen. One press, and she could spend some time in someone’s embrace. Well, specifically embracing them. Shuhua’d take that before being alone any day.

Although she couldn’t express it in the way she would’ve been able to just a few days ago, she was overly happy when the other end answered her text message within a minute. As happy as she could be.

Instead of stopping by her house, she passed by Soyeon’s house-where a man was having a smoke on the porch, she figured it was Soyeon’s dad, so she waved, he didn’t wave back-and continued until she was in front of the white house’s front door.

Before she even caught herself knocking, the door flew open and two fumbling girls were pushed out. 

“We just want to help!” Miyeon argued.

“Then let me be alo-“ Soojin said before she noticed Shuhua on her property.

Their eyes glued to each other, until both the older followed Soojin’s gaze. Shuhua caught both of them smirking, before Minnie cleared her throat.

“Oh, I see.” she said. “I guess we’ll be off then.”

Miyeon turned back around and raised an eyebrow in Soojin’s direction, causing the dancer to roll her eyes.

“We were going to the cemetery today anyways, right Miyeonie?”

“Right.” the older answered.

She squeezed Shuhua’s cheek, making the younger groan, before following her girlfriend to the car. 

Their attention soon turned back to each other, to which they smiled before Soojin initiated a hug. She held out both her arms, and Shuhua quickly stepped forward so they wrapped around herself, while putting hers on the older’s back.

Soojin let go after a minute, but Shuhua wished they’d stayed like that for longer.

“How’s Yuqi?” the older asked as she welcomed Shuhua in.

The younger put her shoes aside and hung her jacket on the hanger. 

“She’s tired but...” she said meanwhile. “She’s not getting worse.”

“That’s good, at least.” Soojin commented. 

Shuhua waited for Soojin’s command when she was done undressing, but the older just waited with her hands together and a face redder than normal. Shuhua thought she looked adorable, but she couldn’t say that.

“Do you... Uh, do you want something to eat?” she offered and started walking towards the kitchen, to which Shuhua followed. “I made some seaweed soup for Yejin earlier, if that will do? I could cook some rice and some eggs if you want.”

“Seaweed soup sounds great.” Shuhua said.

The older motioned for her to sit down by the table, while she fumbled around the kitchen. She pulled out a bowl, before pouring some liquid into it and reheated it in the microwave.  
Shuhua watched while Soojin walked around the kitchen like she was a natural. Her hands worked quickly when she chopped the vegetables, that Shuhua didn’t ask for but wouldn’t say no to, and she knew exactly where everything was placed. It didn’t take her more than ten minutes, before she placed a plate with different vegetables, a bowl with rice and the soup in front of Shuhua.

“Thank you.” the younger said and grabbed the sticks Soojin was holding out for her.

The older grabbed a bowl herself, and sat down across from Shuhua. Shuhua didn’t waste a second and instantly brought the soup up to her lips. She thought she was sent to heaven right when she tasted it, but she figured heaven didn’t have Seo Soojin’s seaweed soup.

“It’s so good.” she said between her sips.

The older chuckled before putting some lettuce in her mouth.

“How did you learn to cook like this?”

“My... my dad.” she said as Shuhua looked up at her. “He used to help my grandma cook.” 

“He must’ve been good then.” the younger slurped once more, before grabbing some rice and putting it into her mouth. 

“He was amazing.” Soojin chuckled. 

The Korean watched as Shuhua pressed whatever she could grab into her mouth. It was like she was on autopilot, not even having to think before she grabbed some cucumber with her chopsticks and shrewd it quickly in her mouth. She took another sip of the soup, but she was already on to the rice when she hadn’t even swallowed yet, causing some liquid to drip down the corner of her lip.

Without thinking too much about it, Soojin grabbed a napkin and moved in to wipe the younger’s mouth. It wasn’t until she felt the plump, separated lips under her finger that she realised what she was doing. 

Shuhua had stopped eating as well, as she just looked at the girl in front of her. Soojin did what anyone else in her position would’ve done, she retracted. She quickly cleared her throat before putting some more lettuce in her mouth. 

The younger soon continued with her meal, but she couldn’t keep herself from looking up at Soojin every now and again to remember what just had happened.

“So, um...” the older cleared her throat a second time. “So, what’s wrong with Yuqi? I-I mean, why is she... like that? Like, sick, I mean.”

“She was born like that.” Shuhua answered like it was nothing while stuffing rice in her mouth.

“No, I mean... why is she sick now?”

“Oh...” the younger placed down her chopsticks for the first time since she got them. “Ehm... well...”

Soojin figured it was one of the deeper subject, so she was just about to stop the girl from answering, when the younger spoke up clearly.

“Like a week after school started, Yuqi had an appointment with her doctor.” she started. “It’s not unusual or anything. She does them every month to get her shots and just to make sure everything’s fine. Um, so... everything wasn’t fine this time.”

Soojin for the urge to grab the younger’s hand, but she stopped herself from doing so.

”They found abscesses in her lungs and stomach.”

Now, that wasn’t something she’d ever heard when someone talked about Yejin before.

“And that is?” she asked quietly.

“Like...” Shuhua frowned and bit her lower lip. “Lumps?”

“Boils?” Soojin tried.

“Yeah, those.” the younger answered.

“How bad is it?”

“Well, they’re not dangerous until they pop. Then they’ll give her blood poisoning, and she’ll die.” the last part came out almost inaudible for Soojin.

“What can they do about it?”

“Either, put her on even more medication, but she’ll die in just a few years.” the younger paused.

“Or?” Soojin asked.

“They have her go through a bone marrow transplant.”

Soojin knew very well what those were like. Yejin had gotten those more than once in the past, and it always seemed just as bad. Those were probably one of the worst procedures the dancer could think of, but she wasn’t a doctor, so how would she know? Either way, she knew what it meant for Yuqi and the entire family.

“What does your parents say?” she asked.

“The bone marrow transplant, of course. But we’ll have to take loans and... find a match. And it’s a pretty hard procedure. She went through it once when she was, like, three or something, but it was really hard on the entire family.” Soojin didn’t doubt that at all.

All they had was hope. Hope that they will get the loans. Hope that they will find a match before it’s too late. Hope that Yuqi will survive the operation and everything that happens after, if it were to happen. Hope that it would cure her.

”She’ll be okay, Shu.” Soojin said, she shared a bit of that hope.

The younger only nodded and kept her head down. To get her mind of something else, Soojin spoke the first thing on her mind.

“I saw my dad yesterday.”

“You visited him?” Shuhua looked up, now with a much easier expression.

She grabbed her chopsticks again, and Soojin smiled as she continued eating.

“Yeah. Me and Yejin.” the older said. 

“How was it?”

Shuhua kept on eating, but made sure to look up at the older as she talked. Soojin wondered how one person could make her belly feel this uncomfortable.

“It was good. For real.” she declared.

“I’m so happy for you.” the younger genuinely said, and Soojin felt it right into the her stomach.

“Then... Hui came here.” her own smile disappeared, although she didn’t intend for it to. “And he nearly destroyed our wall.”

Shuhua looked up from the meal, and lifted an eyebrow as she did so.

“He was mad.” Soojin stated and picked up a chopped cucumber. “He thought I was with someone.”

“Oh.” the younger said before taking a sip, keeping her eyes on Soojin.

“He thought... I was with you.”

“With me?” Shuhua stopped.

“He saw us at the party and made his own conclusion, I guess.” 

The younger only nodded, before drinking the last of her soup. She brought it down to the table, and pushed it away from herself to show that she was done, an habit she’d never grown out of. Soojin chuckled as she saw her childish behaviour, and ripped another tissue out before giving it to Shuhua who dried the corners of her mouth.

“Shu.” she said before she could catch herself.

“Yeah?”

Soojin watched as Shuhua struggled to get some seaweed off her face, so naturally, she leaned closer to help her.

“I don’t...” she said while focusing on getting it off the lip. “I don’t feel anything... when I’m with him.”

“I know.” the younger said, but it came out muffled as she had to keep her mouth open.

“You do?” Soojin questioned and stopped her movements as she looked up at Shuhua.

“I saw you.” the younger said, and Soojin didn’t need more explanation than that. 

She bit her lip, making it nothing but a slim string of red lipstick on her face.  
Suddenly, she became aware of just how close she was to Shuhua’s face. How she could smell the food the younger just had eaten, how she saw every pore and imperfect on the younger’s face. How one of her eyebrows were a bit higher on her face than the other one, and how one cheek was more plump. How her lips were open, and how she stared right back at Soojin.

The older had wished for her fight or flight instincts to kick in now, but she’d already destroyed them. There was nothing in her entire body that told her to back away, and it seemed like nothing in Shuhua’s did either. 

That awful feeling in her stomach only grew, and it told her to go forward. Oh, how her brain fought against it, but whatever grew in her belly was by far bigger than her brain. 

She leaned closer, until she could feel her nose brush over Shuhua’s.

“Jin-“ the younger said, but she didn’t get to finish.

Soojin quickly pressed her lips against Shuhua’s ones. Her brain was screaming for her to stop, but her belly was dancing with happiness. Even her heard pumped harder, as she felt the softness against her.

They were so much sweeter than Hui’s had ever been. And Soojin didn’t even hate these kinds of kisses, not even when they came from him.  
But when they came from Shuhua, she felt like she could disappear into them. Turn to dust and be swept away with the wind. Or by a broom, for all that she cared.

Shuhua was just about to get out of her shock-like state, and actually enjoy the feeling. Or freak out and pull away. Whatever she was going to do, she was going to do it consciously. She did like the girl, and this was one thing she’d been wanting to do since the beginning, after all.  
But as she regained control over her senses, the older pulled away. 

Soojin’s face was burning red. She didn’t even dare to look. Now she definitely wanted to be dust. And it didn’t help when Shuhua opened her mouth to speak.

“Did you feel anything?” she could feel the younger’s breath on her lips.

First now, did her brain start claiming back it’s power. Her belly felt like it turned itself inside out, her blood started flowing the opposite direction, and her heart stopped pounding. She felt a lump climb further and further up her throat, as her limbs gave in.

“Get out of here.” she whispered.

“What?” the younger asked.

“Leave.” she said firmly.

“But-“

“I told you to leave!” she shouted, and the girl disappeared not even seconds later.

Shuhua hurried down the corridor, and rand out the door. She didn’t even bother to put on her jacket.

She could feel the tears wanting to escape her, but she was not about to let that happen.

She had other stuff to worry about, besides a stupid kiss that probably didn’t mean anything to one part although it meant everything to Shuhua and felt like all she’d ever imagined with rainbows and soft cloud and cotton candy and raspberry lipgloss that actually just was red lipstick and tasted a bit like when you tried to eat those coca-cola lip balms-

... and no stupid crush-who couldn’t even decide herself what she felt-was going to destroy Shuhua’s composure that she’d kept for so long.

*  
*  
*

“You know I was kidding when I said that, right?” Minnie said, standing behind Miyeon as the older opened the gates to the cemetery.

Minnie believed their town had exactly one of everything. One mall, one library, one buss station, one cemetery. She was sure that the dead bodies had to start getting buried in the tree-covered mountains surrounding them soon, there wasn’t possibly much more space after so many years of so many deaths. 

“We don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to.” Minnie said and walked closer to Miyeon’s side before she grabbed her arm.

“I want to.” Miyeon said.

The thai eyed the stones surrounding them. On each of them was one or multiple names, followed by the year they were born and the year they died. Some of the stones had been there for over a hundred years, which made Minnie question how long this town that only housed people who could buy at least one lamborghini, really had been here. 

“You’re not scared, are you?” Miyeon asked with a grin.

“No.” Minnie said. “It’s just weird. It feels like I’m crushing someone’s bones right now.”

Miyeon only chuckled before she continued down the path. 

The graveyard was bigger than she’d expected, but soon enough, there was a newly placed stone with the name ‘Cho’ on it. Miyeon regretted that she hadn’t brought any flowers when she saw how colourful the graves around her were, and the one in front of her was plain.

It was like she remembered from the funeral, without all the flowers and fake tears. 

Miyeon stared down at it, but she didn’t feel any of those sour feelings she thought she’d feel. She didn’t feel like throwing up, or throwing a tantrum. She just felt like staying quiet. Soon enough, some memories jumped back into her mind. From the first time she gave a self portrait to her dad, to when he let her practice on his guitar. Although most of her happy memories were clogged or pushed away, there were still a few she could pull out at times.  
She smiled as those relived in her mind.

Minnie watched while her girlfriend smiled and chuckled. Her eyes were glossy, but she was smiling too widely for the tears to escape. The thai pulled herself a little closer to Miyeon, and placed her chin on Miyeon’s shoulder as she held her in a back hug. The older responded by grabbing the hands that were resting on her lower belly.

“Hi dad.” she spoke, feeling a bit uneasy as it was her first time ever to try to communicate with someone who wouldn’t answer her. “I know we didn’t have the best ending, and I know our relationship never was the same after mom left, but I still loved you, even though I was the worst at saying it. And I don’t blame you for what you did, even though I’ll find it hard to forgive you. I guess some lives just aren’t worth living, huh? You lost your person, I get why you did what you did.”

Minnie squeezed Miyeon tighter as she listened to her words.

“This one here,” Miyeon continued, “she is my person. I always hoped you’d get to meet her, but it never worked out. But she’s gonna stay around for a good while, so you’ll get to see her whenever you visit me.”

“Aw, stop with the cheesiness or you’re actually gonna make me cry.” Minnie interrupted, to which Miyeon giggled.

“She’s really weird and annoying, but I love her.” the older said, before turning her head to Minnie. “Say something.”

“Uhm... hey Mr. Miyeon’s dad.” Minnie started. “I don’t know if you were one of those dads who befriended their daughters partners, or if you were one of those who threatened with a bat in closet, but... I promise I’ll take good care of your daughter for you. And I’ll never let her get a really ugly hairstyle or wear too exposing clothes.”

Miyeon pinched her arm when she’d stopped talking.  
They stayed quiet for a couple of more minutes, before the older sighed.

“Enough now, dad.” she said in a sweet voice. “Enough now.”

She turned around to kiss Minnie’s temple, which the younger smiled into immediately. Miyeon kept her face close to the other’s skin.

“Let’s go home.” she whispered. 

*  
*  
*

Soojin let her head hang in her hands. She hadn’t moved from the table. She just couldn’t bare to stand up. The dancer was too scared of what she would do if she left the table, so she didn’t. 

She’d tried to text Soyeon several times, but she got no reply. She could only think of two reasons; one being the girl was locked in her studio, and the second one was that her mom had taken away her phone, again. Soojin’s throat felt dry when she thought of the latter, especially when she knew there was nothing she could do about it.

“Jin-ah.”

Soojin turned her head to her little sister who was resting against the wall.

“What are you doing down here?” the older sister said and immediately stood up.

She brought her hands to Yejin’s sides and started walking them both up the stairs.

“I’m feeling better. It’s not spinning as much.” she tried to argue.

“We had you up all day yesterday, so you have to rest.” 

They entered the bedroom, and Yejin groaned as Soojin put her down. 

“I just came down to check on you.” the younger said. 

“Why did you do that?” Soojin fixed her covers.

“Cause I heard you shout earlier.”

Soojin froze. She looked up at Yejin, who looked right back at her.

“Was it Hui?” the younger asked.

“Why would you-“

“I heard him yesterday.” she said. “I don’t like it when he calls you stuff like that.”

The dancer’s head fell, like it had done too much recently. She nodded, but wouldn’t lift her gaze.

She didn’t need another person telling her to break up with him. She’d heard Miyeon and Minnie say it, she’d heard Shuhua say it. Even Yuqi had told her. And maybe now was a good time to listen.

Soyeon wouldn’t say no, Soojin knew that. But could she really do something as long as Soyeon is locked in her house?

“He wasn’t here today.” 

“Who did you scream at then?” the younger asked. 

The older bit the inside of her cheek. She furrowed her eyebrows before answering the younger.

“Yejin, I kissed someone.” she didn’t know if she admitted to her sister or herself. “Someone who wasn’t Hui. A girl.”

“Well... do you like her?”

“Yejin-“ she started.

“Did you feel any butterflies?” 

The butterflies had become such a distant thing that Soojin didn’t know what they felt like anymore. She often found herself doubting that they even existed at all. But she did feel something in her belly, and it was there each time she found herself close to the taiwanese. She just had to decide if it was a good feeling or not.

“Maybe you should take a chance, like Hazel and Augustus did.” Soojin chuckled as her sister seemed to live in the world sculpted by the author. “It’s not always perfect, but at least you’re alive. Augustus always wanted to make the best out of that.” 

Whatever ‘chance’ Yejin was talking about, was not the chance Soojin was imagining. Their views on everything were just too different for them to be thinking the same thing. But the words came from her sister, and maybe they were just those words Soojin needed to hear.

“Nerd.” she decided to say and hit Yejin’s shoulder loosely.

*  
*  
*

“I really hope Shu can get some sense into her.” Miyeon commented as they drove passed the house. “There’s gotta be something between them, right?”

Minnie shook her head.

“I don’t know, Miyeonie.” she said. “Do you remember the beginning of the semester when you asked me what we should do about Soyeon and Yuqi?”

The older looked to the side and raised an eyebrow.

“No?”

“Well, you did and I told you that we should let them be.” Minnie said. “And I stand by that.”

The older rolled her eyes.

“We had the hottest make out ever the same day.” she smirked and placed a hand on Miyeon’s thigh. 

“Oh, did we?” the Korean said, using her teasing voice.

“Yeah.” Minnie said while creeping her hand up higher and higher. 

Luckily, the drive between Minnie’s and Soojin’s houses wasn’t long at all. There was only so much teasing Minnie could do before acting on her senses.

“And you promised me we would continue later that night.” 

“I don’t remember that.” Miyeon stopped the car on the road outside the driveway.

“There’s nothing to remember.” the thai said, eyeing the leg she was squeezing. “You didn’t keep that promise.”

“That doesn’t sound like me.”

“Oh really?” Minnie started leaning in. “Cause I think that sounds very much like you.”

They shared a quick peck, before Miyeon pulled away and hurried out of the car. 

“Let’s get inside.” the older said.

Minnie followed her right behind, but stopped her before she could get on the porch. The younger pouted with her well-known puppy eyes, as she stared at Miyeon.

“Do you not want me?” how Minnie managed to ask something like that so innocently, Miyeon would never understand.

She grabbed Minnie’s hand, put it on her lower back, before pulling it further down. She squeezed her hand, making Minnie squeeze her own hand, which instantly brought a smile to the younger’s face.

“I want you.” Miyeon’s gaze darkened. “But I’m not about to do it in my car.”

Minnie hurriedly pushed Miyeon towards and through the door. She was ready to put her against the wall, but then she heard footsteps coming towards them.

“I had a hunch you’d be here today.” Mac said and approached them with a white box that he opened when he got close enough. “I bought you pizza.”

Minnie knew her brother only wanted company now that his twin was taken away from him, but right now she couldn’t have disliked him more.

*  
*  
*

“And then she kissed me!” Shuhua said a little too loudly. “Like? How was I supposed to react?”

She was lucky no one in that hospital talked her first language, except the girl who was half-sleeping in front of her.

“She has a boyfriend and she probably doesn’t even like me!” she continued. “How can someone be that mean? Just play with my heart like that? Uh, I hate her!”

Shuhua rarely got mad, but when she did, she got really mad.

“And now she’s probably running right back to her boyfriend to make out with him just to clean me off her lips!”

She ended her rant with a final groan, before sitting down on the chair again. Shuhua could almost hear Yuqi say ‘I’m glad you got that out of your system’, so she chuckled and squeezed her arm.

“Thanks.” she said. 

She noticed the many marks on Yuqi’s arm, that were the results of the many shots they’d given her. She didn’t even want to think about how many chemicals Yuqi had in her body right now.

“God.” Shuhua said. “You’re so fucking stupid.”

“You are.” she could hear being muttered, but it wasn’t only in her head this time. 

Shuhua smiled before grabbing Yuqi’s hand, and squeezing it tightly in her own.

“At least we got to kiss them, right?” the younger said.

Shuhua heard Yuqi’s voice brag about how good of a kiss it was, causing her to laugh once more.

*  
*  
*

Soojin walked with heavy steps, probably heavier than she’d ever used before. She’d been walking for some time now, but she was finally on the right road.

The streetlights had started to light up around her and the chilly weather almost made her want to turn around, but she couldn’t now. She was determined, for the first time in so long. 

She hurried to the big, modern house and knocked on the door. She had to knock several times until a tired man opened it.

“Yes?” he said, voice robbed of all emotions.

“Can I see Soyeon?” Soojin asked.

“I don’t think that will be possible.” he said and slammed the door.

Soojin stayed behind the door and continued knocking over and over again, until the man opened it a second time.

“I just have to see her for a minute.” the dancer said.

“Soyeon is not available.” 

“Who is it?” Soojin heard from inside the house.

Great, just great.

“That friend.” was all he said before leaving her at the door.

Soon enough, that scarily tall and slim woman stood right in front of her with a blank grin plastered on her face.

“Seo Soojin, it has been a while.” she said and placed her palms together. “What brings you here?”

“Let me see Soyeon.” she clenched her jaw.

“Ah, no can do.” she grinned. “You see, we sent Soyeon away just minutes ago.”

“Away where?” Soojin frowned.

“You haven’t heard the name.” her voice was hoarse and awful. “But maybe you will in the future, right?”

The younger could already feel all her red emotions bubble up inside her.

“What do you mean?”

“They treat people like you there.” her eyes flashed of green. “They fight all the evil spirits right out of you.”

“I’m... I have a boyfriend.” Soojin argued.

“So I heard.” 

All the younger girl wanted to do, was shove her shoe down the monster’s throat and watched as she choked to death.  
But, a woman like this wasn’t worth a lifetime in prison, so she did the best she could.

“I fucking hate you, you bitch!” she screamed, and watched to spit right in that ugly face of hers but she was too startled when she felt a body hand grab her arm.

“Careful with your words, little girl.” she warned between her big, ugly teeth.

Soojin tried to pull her arm back, but was stopped by the evil woman.

“Let me go!” she screamed, and just like that, the woman let go.

Soojin almost fell back with all the force she used, but she managed to catch herself.

The last thing she saw was the monster’s grinning face before she turned around and quickly walked off.

The chance she took, was definitely not the one Yejin thought of. But it was a good one.

And it made her realise; if it didn’t matter anyways, then why would she have to suffer through it anymore?

She didn’t even have to think twice before she found herself outside the door to the big mansion. She’d already knocked, it seamed, because the door shot open to her boyfriend’s startled face.

“Soojin?” he frowned.

She quickly had to calm down her raging emotions. She did not want to make anything worse.

“We have to talk.” the girl said, before pulling him out onto the patio and closing the door behind him.

“I don’t like that sentence.” he tried to joke, but Soojin’s face was stone cold. “So... what do you want to talk about?”

He brought a hand up to the back of his neck while smiling awkwardly.

“I kissed Shuhua.” Soojin deadpanned, making her boyfriend’s face fall. “Just earlier today.”

He brought a hand to his face and started brushing his fingers over his eyes.

“Why did you do that?” he asked quietly between his teeth.

“I don’t know.” Soojin answered. “I don’t know why I did that.”

He put both his hands on the railing in front of them and looked out at the street. 

“Did you... did you like it?” he lowered his head.

“I don’t know.” Soojin repeated. “But... I realised something.”

He looked at her.

“I’m being an asshole to you.” she said.

“What? No, I’m the one-“ he started but was quickly cut off.

“We’ve been dating for over a year and I know that you love me.” the girl brought a hand to his chin. “I know you really, really love me. But I... I can’t return those feelings.”

She took away her hand and prepared herself for the storm that was to come, but not even a single wind hit her. Instead, her boyfriend sniffled while turning back to the road.

“I do love you.” he said. “I guess I just wanted you to love me so much, that I convinced myself you did. But you don’t.”

“I don’t.” Soojin joined his hands. “I’ve been playing with your emotions for far too long now.”

“I’ve not been very good either.”

“We were a fucked up couple.” both of them chuckled. 

Then, he turned towards her and held out his hand. He had a faint smile on his face, but his eyes were full of tears. Soojin grabbed his hand, to which he placed his other one over it. 

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through, I really am.” he said. “And I hope that we can stay as... I hope you don’t hate me.”

“You’re the one who should hate me.” the girl argued.

“I think we already went over the fact that I love you.” he reassured. “I was a dick to you and all of your friends, but I still loved you through all of it.”

“Maybe we would’ve worked out, if the circumstances were different.” Soojin smiled.

“Maybe.” he smiled back.

Both of their eyes soon squeezed together as the corners of their lips raised even more.

“Probably not”. Hui chuckled.

“Definitely not”. Soojin agreed.

*  
*  
*

“Soojin?” Miyeon said from the bed.

Her shirt was off, her jeans halfway pulled down, and beside her was a whining Minnie.

Minnie was sure she would start crying any second.

“Of course I’ll come.” Miyeon said into her phone.

“The world officially hates me.” Minnie muttered and dug her head in the mattress.

The older hit her side, making the younger whine.

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, then.” Miyeon said. “Yeah. Bye bye.”

The older sat up and quickly pulled up her jeans.

“It was Soojin.” Miyeon said as she pulled the shirt over her head. “She just broke up with Hui so she needs some company.”

“Of course she does.” Minnie muttered agitatedly.

“Oh, shut up.” Miyeon complained. “My cousin just broke up with her possessive boyfriend and all you can think about it sex!”

Minnie quickly shot up and placed both hands on Miyeon’s shoulders.

“No.” she was fast to speaks. “Babe, I didn’t mean it like that.”

She fixed the older’s wrinkly shirt for her.

“Please, go to Soojin.” she said. “She needs you.”

The older girl shook her head slowly.

“And call me if you need anything, okay?” Minnie said before pushing Miyeon out her bedroom door. “I love you.”

The thai waited for Miyeon to respond, and the older fought with herself inwardly if she should or shouldn’t. Her beating heart soon won, so she pressed her lips against Minnie’s in a last kiss, before hurrying to comfort her cousin.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> Who was the worst partner, Soojin or Hui?
> 
> i’ve done a lot of research on the disease so don’t worry about me not knowing what i’m talking about hahah. if you want to read for yourself, just say so and i’ll send you links. i’ve read most of it in my own language tho, and i’ve followed a specific patient’s journey and mimicked it in the story, and that patent is also from my country and speaks my language. but i can gladly send you those links i’ve used in english :)


	20. To abandon no thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapter is named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter today to prepare you for what’s to come later this week. 
> 
> i will do a sequel to WEFA, that i will be posting as soon as i’m done with the storyline etc.
> 
> WARNINGS: homophobia, hinting of abuse.

Soyeon 3:1

*

Soyeon believed there was something wrong in her mother’s head. Besides the fact that she acted so strongly on her beliefs that her daughter had no plans to ever see her again, she also wasn’t as clever as one would think.

She’d put her daughter on a bus and told her at what stop to get off, and that there would be a woman who’d meet her there and take her to a facility. But she’d given Soyeon no reason to do what she said. And a bus went to ways.

The girl smiled faintly in victory as she got off the bus in her town, and stood still a minute just to take in the air.

Then, she started walking towards her neighbourhood. She figured she couldn’t take the normal way, so she smiled as she passed Minnie’s house. The lights were still on. 

She knocked loosely, and instantly smiled as the thai opened the door.

Minnie’s hair was messy and her face drowsy, but she still smiled.

“Soyeon.” she said.

She reached out her arms and wrapped the smaller figure in them. Soyeon felt how tense the older girl was, and hugged her back just a little tighter because of it.

“Are you okay?” she asked against Minnie’s chest.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Minnie was quick to answer. “Why are you here?”

She didn’t pull away, so Soyeon didn’t either.

“I just... I wanted to say hi.” the smaller girl said. “But I have to get going now.”

Soyeon pulled away. Minnie’s face had turned into a frown. She eyed Soyeon up and down, before touching her shoulder.

“You’re not gonna do anything stupid, right?” Minnie asked.

Soyeon just smiled before squeezing the hand on her shoulder and bringing Minnie into another hug.

“Is Miyeon here? I’d like to say hi to her too.” 

“No, she’s with Soojin.” Minnie pulled away again. “She broke up with Hui earlier today.”

“She did?”

“Yeah.”

Well, that was for the better anyways. Hui didn’t seem to matter anymore.

“Well, I’m gonna go now.” Soyeon announced.

“Okay.” Minnie answered. “Goodnight, weirdo.”

She placed her hand on Soyeon’s head and started rubbing her hair, until the younger complained and backed away. Minnie closed the door behind her, and Soyeon continued down the street.

Just a few steps in front of her, was a certain korean with long, brown hair.

“Miyeon!” Soyeon called out.

“Hey!” Miyeon shouted back. “You can’t just not answer your phone like that! Soojin has been worrying sick about you!”

Somehow, Soyeon didn’t even mind the older’s scolding right now. She could just smile at her protectiveness. Over Soojin, and over Soyeon.

So she crashed herself against the older’s body when they got close enough, which startled the older.

“What is this?” Miyeon questioned but embraced her back. “You never hug me”.

“I just wanted to say hi.” she whispered.

“Okay...” Miyeon was not convinced. “Hi, then.”

“Hi.” 

Soyeon closed her eyes, just to take in the warm hold. She couldn’t remember the last time she hugged Miyeon just for the sake of hugging her. But she liked it. Miyeon didn’t just look like a princess, she smelled like one too.

“Are you okay?” she heard the older ask in her softest voice.

“I am now.” Soyeon answered, but she had to dismiss the grossed-out-feeling that came with it.

It was true, after all.

After another minute, Soyeon took a step back from the hug.

“I think Minnie is sulking.” she informed the older.

“Of course she is.” Miyeon rolled her eyes. “I should go to her.”

Soyeon nodded, and the older walked away.

The korean continued down the street, and rang the doorbell as she stepped in front of the house. She knocked once as well, as she was worried the doorbell didn’t work. 

Then, Mrs Seo, or whatever her name was now, opened the door. She had a bottle in her hand, and a tired look on her face.

“Ah, Soyeon.” she said. “Are you here for Soojin?”

“Yes.” Soyeon nodded.

The woman opened the door wider for Soyeon to step in, which she did. She started taking off her shoes and putting away her jacket.

“She’s a bit sad right now, I think.” the mother said. “Miyeon tried to cheer her up but I think it would be good if you tried as well.”

Soyeon nodded before dismissing herself and walking up the stairs. She couldn’t help but to peek into Yejin’s room on the way, and felt a relief when she saw the young girl sleeping peacefully. 

She continued to the closed door, and didn’t even think to knock before she barged in.

“Hello.” she said and flopped down beside Soojin on the bed.

The older turned instantly, and had a glare on her face. It wasn’t anything Soyeon didn’t expect.

“Where have you been?” she asked sharply. “I thought your mom did something.”

“She kinda did, but I’m fine now.” Soyeon answered and snuggled in under the covers.

“What did she do?” Soojin said, her eyes drifting down to Soyeon’s covered arms. “Let me see your arms.”

“It’s nothing-“

“Soyeon.” she warned. 

Soyeon bit the inside of her cheek before rolling up the sleeve to her healthy arm. Soojin glared at her, causing her to pull up the other one. 

Now that she looked at the wounds, she realised how badly they were itching. Her new ones were red and irritated, her old ones almost disappeared behind them. There were bruising around some of them, and it had started smelling.

“Oh my god.” Soojin said and eyed the arm.

Despite looking like she was sleeping just minutes ago, the older girl got out of her bed, left the room, only to come back with a metallic box.

She put some paper in her hand, which she covered with a white liquid she’d taken out of the box. Soojin started dabbing it over the arm, while Soyeon winced in pain.

“I thought me being with Hui helped.” the older muttered.

“It did, until it didn’t.” Soyeon said.

“I hate your mom.” Soojin muttered. “She’s not even qualified to be called your mom. She’s just a monster.”

Soyeon sat still as Soojin made her magic. The stinging feeling was slowly starting to ease down.

“I even screamed at her yesterday.”

“You did what?” the younger raised an eyebrow.

“I screamed at her, cause she wouldn’t let me see you.” Soojin answered. “She said they’d sent you away to one of those ‘anti-gay-camps’.”

“They wanted to.” Soyeon’s arm shook, but it wasn’t in her control. “They placed me on a bus and expected me to follow along with their plan.”

Soojin laughed at their stupidity.

“Hey, how’s Woogi?” she suddenly remembered and tensed up.

Soojin, who knew her better then anyone else, calmed her by looking into her eyes. She saw that the older was telling her to calm down, so she did, the best she could.

“She’s okay.” the dancer looked back down. “She’ll go through a procedure in the future but she’ll be okay.”

Soyeon sighed and looked down.

“It’s my fault she’s at the hospital.” she muttered.

“Huh?”

Soyeon looked back up at Soojin.

“I kissed her, and now she’s sick.” 

“She’s been sick for months.” the older shook her head. “She’s had boils in her lungs since a while back, and they’ve all known it.”

“But I’m what triggered it now.” 

Soojin started wrapping a bandage around the arm. The sudden attention the wounds got caused them to start spitting blood again, but the dancer quickly stopped it. 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it.” Soojin said calmly. “You didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do.”

The older pulled down the arm of Soyeon’s hoodie, and put the bloody paper to the side before making herself comfortable on the bed. Soyeon moved a little closer to rest her head on Soojin’s shoulder.

“Are you mad?” she asked carefully.

“Mad?”

“Because I kissed someone else?”

Soojin chuckled a syllable, before reaching after Soyeon’s hand. Soyeon didn’t particularly like that it was so much smaller than anyone else’s. Maybe even Yejin had bigger hands than her. But Soojin had always liked them. And that’s what mattered to Soyeon.

“Of course I’m not mad.” she answered. “I’ve seen you with her. You like her.”

“I like her a lot.” Soyeon smiled as she saw the chinese in front of her. 

“She’s the only girl you’ve kissed after me. You have to like her a lot or I’ll be offended.” Soojin teased. 

They smiled together before Soyeon squeezed her hand.

“Do you want to run away, SooSoo?” she asked.

“Run away? Where?” Soojin sat up straight to look at Soyeon.

“I don’t know.” the younger answered. “Just somewhere else.”

She watched as Soojin squeezed her eyebrows together. She bit her lower lip, and let her eyes move from side to side in the room. Then, she licked her lip and looked right back into Soyeon’s eyes.

“So? What do you say?”

*  
*  
*

The nine-years-old entered her classroom with shaky legs. She didn’t expect someone to be in there. She definitely didn’t expect someone like Seo Soojin to be in there.

She didn’t know her name yet, of course. She could only sit at her desk and try to figure it out.

The other girl had long hair, and adorable, round cheeks. Her eyes were shaped like a cat’s, and they glowed with the sun in them. 

Soyeon thought her lungs were taken away from her when she saw the girl.

A couple of days went by, until Soyeon dared to sit down next to the girl. She didn’t look up once, not even when Soyeon tried to be as discreet as she possibly could while dropping her pen.

Another few days went by, until the teacher handed the other girl a bunch of white papers.

“Miss Seo, help me hand them out, will you?” she asked.

Soyeon saw the other move for the first time. She even walked prettily. 

Apparently, the teacher had given another bunch to another student, so Soyeon never got the opportunity to look into the pretty girl’s eyes.

She did, however, get that chance a week later. The teacher told them to do a collage on the subject ‘seasons’ and paired them all up with the person they say next to.

Soyeon used all her effort to get the other’s attention, and it worked when she ripped a bit of the paper.

The other glared at her before taping it back together. But Soyeon couldn’t help but smile.

A couple of months later, and Soyeon had learned her name. Soojin. They’d started playing together on each break, and walking home together everyday after school. They lived close to each other, so it came naturally.

Soyeon learned that Soojin was awfully quiet. Soyeon was also awfully quiet, but not around Soojin. She had so many things she wanted to say to the slightly older girl, that she could keep talking for hours without interruption.

One day, the younger girl decided that it would be fun to bring Soojin home to her and show off her parent’s mansion. So she did.

Soyeon’s mother was sunbathing by her new swimming pool, drinking a beverage her husband so kindly had made for her. It was just as sour as she liked it. 

Her eyes were closed under the sunglasses, as she made sure her body flowered with the sunshine.

The little girls were playing on green lawn. They jumped and they laughed. The smaller girl had bent down to pick a flower from the ground. It was a red kind, but she didn’t know what it was called.

Its pedals were soft and colourful, as she brushed her hand on it. It was beautiful.  
And a beautiful flower needed a beautiful owner.

Soojin had seated down by a bush, and had started braiding her hair. Her small hands moved softly over the brown straws. She had to squint her eyes so that the sun wouldn’t blind her, but its comfy warmth hit her face.

Down by her side sat Soyeon. She was clumsy, compared to the other ones lightness. She flopped down, made a couple of leaves fly away as she did so.

The older turned her head to look at the younger, and smiled immediately as she saw her red cheeks. Her eyes drifted down to the little flower she held tightly between her fingers.

“It’s for you...” the younger said, lifting it up slightly.

The older smiled, and took the flower in her own hand. She placed it in her hair, and kept her face aimed at her friend.

“You’re pretty.” the younger dared to say, voice shaky.

But Soojin just smiled brightly, before bringing her hand up to the younger’s cheek. With a breath on her lips, she leaned forward. Their lips met for a short moment. A moment short enough to cause a single sparkle, that lingered in the air around them.

Their eyes stayed at each other. Soojin’s smile had turned into a blush, while Soyeon’s blush had turned into a smile.

If they knew, they would’ve let the moment last forever. Stayed by the bush, close together, with nothing between them but a hint of air. But they didn’t know.

“Jeon Soyeon!” the monster screamed behind them.

The young girls were soon pulled up by their hair. Both screamed in pain as they tried to grip their hair.

“Mommy!” the youngest girl screamed.

They were pulled into the house, and upstairs to the dark bedroom. She slammed her daughter down on the bed, and held a hard grip on the other girl.

Soojin’s eyes were big and her lips shivering.

“What do you think you’re doing to my daughter?” she shouted in a voice Soojin only could describe as a siren. 

It was followed with events Soyeon never wanted to think back at again, but she had several scars on her arms to remind her. But she was happy, because Soojin was left untouched, other than the hair-pulling.

Soyeon got multiple more scars as the years went by, but the worst was the mental pain. The worst about it all, was that her mother threatened to hurt Soojin if they continued meeting each other.

Little twelve-years-old Soyeon didn’t know why her mom acted like she did. And she didn’t know why she reacted like she did.

One day after a particularly bad session, Soojin was late to school. Soyeon looked out the window over and over, but she couldn’t see the older girl.

She felt unwell, so she excused herself to go to the bathroom, but she couldn’t even get there before her heart started pumping rapidly and her legs felt like they would give in. Her eyes went black and she thought she was going to fall down to the floor, until two arms grabbed her and held her up.

Soyeon knew it was Soojin even without looking. The tears started spilling down her face, to meet the older’s cardigan.

“I thought...” Soyeon sniffed. “I thought my mom hurt you.”

Soojin shushed her as she drew circles on her back.

“It’s okay.” she whispered. “Your mom’s not here.”

“Don’t leave me.” the younger girl said between her tears.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Soojin kissed her temple. “I’m right here.”

Another few years went by, and Soojin held her promise. None of the girls knew when or why their love for each other shifted from romantic to something else. Soyeon still imagined Soojin’s lips from time to time, but she never claimed them again. And she caught the older girl staring at her when they were hanging out, before Soyeon looked up at her and she quickly looked away.

It didn’t matter, because they still had each other.

Even when they started high school, and Soyeon was introduced to Minnie, Soojin’s cousin’s girlfriend, who she got off with immediately, her number one spot was still reserved for the young dancer. 

Then, Soojin and Soyeon met Hui. He had his eyes on her from the first moment, and Soyeon could only glare at him.

It didn’t take long until he claimed the lips that were hers, so she punched him down to the ground. She loved the power she got with just a few hits.

She got scolded by Miyeon and Minnie, but she got the most scolded by Soojin. Not in that usual ‘complain until the other shuts up’-way, but Soyeon felt the scolds by the way Soojin was looking at her.

“If you’re gonna scream at me then just do it instead of glaring at me.” she said.

“I’m not gonna scream at you.” Soojin said. “I’ve got an idea.”

“What?”

And just like that, Soojin made herself a boyfriend. They spent most weekends, most nights together from the start. And Soyeon couldn’t bare with the thought of him on her, but she couldn’t do anything about it. 

Hui seemed like a nice guy. He had good grades, helped other students with their homework and always offered the teacher to hand out important papers and make sure that every single one was returned in time. And he was the leader of the dance team, and dance was Soojin’s absolute favourite thing. They really couldn’t find a better boyfriend for Soojin, than Hui.

Until, his texts got a few too many and a little too aggressive. So when he started trying to control Soojin, and the girl usually went along with it, Soyeon asked if it really was worth it, and Soojin nodded in an instant.

At least Soyeon’s arms were safe.

But Hui being Hui, and Soyeon being Soyeon, she couldn’t just look at his face and act like she didn’t want to throw him down a dumpster. She never did throw him down a dumpster, but she had her fair share of physical fights with him.

But just like Soojin always was at the top of Soyeon’s list, she knew she was at the top of Soojin’s. She never doubted her best friend a single second.

*  
*  
*

The smell of hospitals weren’t Soyeon’s favourite. No, she hadn’t been to one a lot of times, but a hospital always smelled like a hospital. Rubber and plastic.  
And she liked it even less when her girlfriend was in one of the beds.

She quietly opened the door, to two sleeping sisters.  
Shuhua sat in a chair and had her head resting against the wall. It amazed Soyeon how the youngest could sleep like that. But her attention wasn’t mostly on Shuhua, not when she saw Yuqi’s slow breathing from the white sheets. 

She tiptoed over to the bed, and grabbed the younger’s hand. Yuqi didn’t look pale nor uneasy. She just looked peaceful.

Her eyelids laid comfortably, and her lips were parted. The mask Soojin said she’d have was off, which Soyeon took as a good sign. 

She brought her hand to Yuqi’s baby hairs over her forehead. The younger shifted a little, making Soyeon think those comfortable eyelids would open, but they didn’t.

Soyeon pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, and stayed as closely to her face as she could. She rested her own forehead on the side of Yuqi’s head and softly inhaled the scent of her hair. She still smelled like Yuqi, despite having been here for days.

“I’m gonna go away, Woogi.” she whispered. “Somewhere warm, like we talked about.” 

Soyeon closed her eyes, and lifted up her hand to rest on Yuqi’s cheek.

“If I have nothing for her to take, she’ll stop bothering us, right?” her voice was soft, so soft that it almost broke.

The korean lifted her head when she heard something rustle. She looked to the side, to see that the jacket Shuhua had around her had fallen to the ground. 

With quiet steps, Soyeon walked to the other side of the bed, and placed back the jacket on the younger girl’s shoulders. Her eyes lingered on Shuhua’s face and she smiled.

“I know you’ll take good care of her.” Soyeon began to whisper. “Give her hugs and kisses from me... Maybe hugs are enough.”

The oldest turned around to the bed. She could’ve sworn Yuqi’s head was in the other direction before, but maybe it was just her mind playing with her.

She put her own hand on top of Yuqi’s and squeezed it as she lowered her head again.

“I’ll miss you.” she whispered and kissed Yuqi’s temple. “But I hope I never see you again.”

After one last, long inhale, she lifted herself and told herself that she wouldn’t take a second glance.  
Well, she made it to the door. But her heart wanted her to turn around and lay down beside her and never leave, but her brain told her to run as far and as quickly as she could. They came to an agreement, which was to look at Yuqi for one last time.

So she turned around, and took in the beauty and cuteness that was Song Yuqi. Her eyes shifted to the window, where small, white flakes fell down against the night sky. 

“Look Woogi.” she said. “It’s snowing.” 

The girl in the hospital bed opened her eyes, and looked out the window. It was snowing.  
But Soyeon never saw her moving.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> What’s been your favourite relationship/friendship to follow during the story?
> 
> like i said in the beginning notes, i will be doing a sequel, you’re not getting rid of my angst this easily.  
> but to do that, i just need a yes or a no. it has to do with mimin’s storyline. so just put a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ in the comments, and you’ll help me with the storyline.


	21. That makes this pulse, no one but me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if, for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Best friends Yeh Shuhua and Song Yuqi start high school. Hopefully, this time they’ll get something out of being outsiders.
> 
> Chapters are named after Cindy Williams Gutiérrez’s poem “The small claim of bones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: disease, smut, homophobia.
> 
> steamy scene coming through ;)
> 
> there will be a sequel! more information at the end!

*

“So? What do you say?” Soyeon asked with a smile.

Soojin considered it, really considered it, for a minute. But she couldn’t. No matter how much she loved Soyeon, there was so much she would leave behind.

“You know I can’t.” she said. “I’ve got Yejin and my dad and...”

“Shuhua”.

Soojin looked back at Soyeon with sad eyes, but the other just gave her a one-sided-smile and a nod, before falling down against her chest. Soojin held her tightly.

“When everything falls apart, I will still be yours.” she quoted.

She remembered the lyrics, from the first song on the playlist Soyeon gave her many years ago now. It was a beautiful song, and every single word was true.

Soyeon smiled and squeezed her a little tighter.

“Don’t go Soyeon.” Soojin said.

She knew she was selfish with her wish. She knew Soyeon wouldn’t benefit from it in any way. But she just couldn’t let her go. She lived for Soyeon, after all.

The song writer kissed her forehead, before she felt herself disappeared into her unconsciousness. 

When she woke up the next morning, she already knew Soyeon would be gone. 

But she got up, as usual. Got dressed, as usual. Painted her lips in red, as usual. Before exiting the house.

Her legs were already shaking when she walked down the street, but it was like she was working on autopilot. She couldn’t stop, neither did she want to.

It wasn’t until she was outside the house that she got back to her senses. But she still knocked, and watched as the young taiwanese opened the door.

She’d just woken up, Soojin could see on her puffy face. She looked cute.

*  
*  
*

When Minnie woke up, she couldn’t feel her arm. It was obtained, stolen, by a certain korean she happened to love. 

She remembered how she’d fallen asleep sulking, alone in her bed. How Miyeon got here, she’d never know. But now that she was here, Minnie was glad she knew how to sneak in.

Since she couldn’t move her arm, that wasn’t hers anymore, she moved closer instead. She intertwined their legs by putting Miyeon’s between her own, and placed her free arm over the girl’s belly, as she buried her head in the older’s mass of hair.

After a while, when Minnie got bored, she started drawing circles in the older’s belly. Then she started shaking the other body, until she started lightly hitting it. Not enough to hurt, of course.

Miyeon could sleep through an earthquake, so Minnie wasn’t surprised when she didn’t wake up. Instead, she brought her hand up to the older’s face and started outlining her beautiful features. 

She was so perfect, and Minnie was so jealous of everything she was. Her personality, her looks. But she was reassured when she remembered that everyone was jealous of her, because she had all of that. 

After several minutes of drawing on the older’s face, she started to move, to get away from Minnie’s fingers.

“You’re awake!” the younger squealed and held her tight.

“Too loud.” Miyeon muttered.

“Sorry.” Minnie whispered and started plastering kisses along her neck. 

The younger carefully moved up to kiss her face. She placed light kisses all along her forehead, over her nose and to her cheeks. The older had yet to open her eyes, but Minnie knew she wasn’t a morning person so that would have to take its time.

The thai fought for her arm back, which she got when Miyeon quickly lifted her head, and she felt the blood starting to flow again. 

After some waiting, she was able to balance her body on it as she hovered above Miyeon. She just stared down without moving at all.

“You’re so beautiful that I think I’m gonna cry.” she said.

The older smiled before pouting her lips, to which Minnie got the message and leaned down to press their lips together. It was just lazy kisses, and Miyeon barely kissed her back, but she enjoyed them anyways. It was still her girlfriend’s lips pressed between her own.

Soon enough, Miyeon’s lips started moving against Minnie’s. The younger smiled before pressing her tongue forward, to which the older pulled away.

“I’m gonna go shower.” she said.

Now she just wanted Minnie to suffer.

The younger’s mouth fell. But Miyeon kept a smirk on her lips when she opened her eyes. She looked to the side, where Minnie was completely frozen with a frown. The older chuckled before standing up. 

She started walking towards the bathroom, before she turned around and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you gonna join me?”

Minnie’s eyes grew.

“Me?” she asked.

“Who else?”

Minnie was quick to stand up. So much quicker than she ever was to anything else. She almost fell as she tangled herself out of the covers, and then followed Miyeon like an obedient puppy.

The older grabbed both their toothbrushes, and gave Minnie hers. 

“I’m not gonna share morning breaths with you.” Miyeon said, and put toothpaste on their brushes.

After two minutes, or a lot less but that’s besides the point, Miyeon turned to Minnie, who waited for whatever her command was.

“Don’t be scared.” the korean said and took a step closer. “Just touch me.”

“Are you sure you’re ready?” the younger asked.

Miyeon pulled her in for a deep kiss, before smiling.

“I’m ready.” she said. 

“You’re not gonna make me stop now, are you?” Minnie questioned, just to be sure.

“No.” Miyeon placed her hand on Minnie’s cheek. “I’m all yours.”

The younger smiled before pulling Miyeon towards herself. She caught her lips again, and smiled when they danced with each other. Minnie decided to try with her tongue again, and this time, Miyeon opened up her cave to let her in. Their softness met each other, and the older let out a muffled sound of pleasure.

Minnie smiled, before softly pushing her towards the sink. Miyeon’s hands found their way to the younger’s neck, while Minnie started playing with the hem of the older’s tank top. 

They broke apart so Minnie could lift the clothing up. Miyeon, who’d been so confident before, was blushing under Minnie’s gaze. But the younger just smiled at her, before taking her lips again.

Minnie’s hands gripped Miyeon’s sides, as she lowered herself to her knees. She kissed every part of the Korean’s front that she could reach, before leaving a little mark on her lower belly. Minnie knew Miyeon would scold her for it later, but she couldn’t really care right now.

She listened to Miyeon’s quiet sighs as she started pulling down the pyjama pants that originally were Minnie’s, and Miyeon blushed once again as every piece of fabric had left her body. 

The younger was quick to reassure her with kisses, before she undressed herself, and quickly pressed their bodies together in a passionate kiss.

Miyeon wasn’t sure if it was because she too felt self aware under her girlfriend’s gaze, or if it just was because of pure desire. But she couldn’t complain when she had Minnie’s skin all over her.

Soon, the younger started pulling them to the shower. She didn’t break the kiss all way there, not even when she put on the water. 

Minnie’s hands started roaming around her back, so Miyeon knew it was time for her to grab onto something. Anything. The closest was the crane, which she grabbed in a hard grip. 

The younger’s lips left hers as they found their way back to Miyeon’s neck. Not even a second later she lowered them down to Miyeon’s chest, and started trailing kisses there too. The older moaned, and Minnie smiled before she grabbed the soap on her side.

She swayed her soapy hands over Miyeon’s arms, her neck, down the her chest. She stayed at the chest a little longer than any other part, before continuing down to her stomach, to her hips and further down to her legs. The older moaned again when Minnie touched the insides of her thighs.  
Then she was turned around, and touched from the back of her neck, over her back and her bum, to the back of her legs. Minnie left a trail of kisses on her way up. 

The thai put more soap in her hands, and Miyeon could only watch with her heavy breathing when those hands moved all over the body they belonged to. 

They kissed again, and several more times after that, before they got out of the steaminess that was behind the shower curtain. 

Minnie used a blue towel to dry her girlfriend everywhere. Everywhere. Miyeon had almost started whining by now. Somewhere between the older’s moans, Minnie had managed to dry herself as well.

It barely even startled Miyeon when she fell down on the soft covers, as Minnie seated herself right above her. She could feel their bodies against each other, and started moving immediately. 

Minnie helped the pressure that had been created. She let her hand do its job, while her mouth did it’s own. And her ears took in every sound Miyeon was making, before her brain stored them in the back of her mind.

Then, the sweetest of sounds came. Minnie didn’t even want to muffle it with her mouth. She let it spread out raw in the room.

Miyeon panted loudly underneath Minnie, with her mouth halfway open and her eyes closed. She smiled when she felt Minnie squeeze closer to her body and hold her in a warm embrace.

It was definitely worth waiting four months, Miyeon thought. Minnie had the exact same thought, while she pulled the older even closer while waiting for her to calm down, so they could do the same over again.

“Well, that shower was pointless.” Miyeon said after a couple of minutes.

“It was hot though.” Minnie said into her neck. “Wanna do it again?”

“You’re too horny for your own good.” Miyeon commented with a chuckle, but she’d let Minnie do it to her over and over again.

*  
*  
*

Shuhua’s arm interlocked with Soojin’s, as they made their way into the hospital room. The older had squeezed herself close to Shuhua’s side, as she held a hard grip on her arm.

“Hey!” Yuqi screamed with a frown. “You left me alone all morning to be with her?”

Shuhua was happy her best friend was back to her old ways, even though that meant getting tinnitus about a hundred times a day.

“No, I was gonna eat and then she just came over.” the younger argued.

Behind them came the second pair, that, alike Soojin and Shuhua, also were clinging onto each other.

“Wait, is this how it’s gonna be now?” Yuqi asked, making them all furrow their eyebrows. “Me being a fifth wheel every time we hang out until Soyeon comes back?”

It seemed like the three other girls reacted to the first part of the sentence, as Shuhua rolled her eyes and the oldest couple laughed, but Soojin reacted to the last part.

And Yuqi must’ve seen the way Soojin’s face turned uneasy upon hearing the sentence.

“She’s not coming back, is she?” the chinese asked.

Miyeon and Minnie had seated themselves on chairs against the window, and Shuhua was making her way to the chair right by Yuqi’s side. Soojin walked towards the bed, and stood still without speaking at all.

”The thing with Soyeon,” Minnie started saying, “is that you never really know what she’ll do. She could fly to Europe, or just hide in the janitor’s closet.”

The older two made their way to the bed as well, and sat down by her feet. Minnie rested her back against the edge of the bed, and Miyeon seated herself in Minnie’s lap to let her side press against the younger’s front. Minnie brought her arms around Miyeon’s waist, and pecked her neck with a soft kiss.

Soojin motioned for Yuqi to scoot over, which the younger did. The dancer laid down beside her, and looked up at the railing.

“Don’t cuddle without me!” Shuhua protested, and climbed in on Yuqi’s other side.

She put her arm around her best friend, and snuggled into her neck, something the girls rarely did.

“I don’t think five girls should be in one bed.” Yuqi commented.

“You’ve obviously never had a fivesome before.” Minnie snickered, followed by Shuhua who did the same.

Miyeon hit Minnie’s arm and gave her a warning look, to which the younger mouthed an apology.

“Why did she run away?” Yuqi decided to ignore Minnie’s comment. ”Because of home?”

Minnie shrugged.

“She never really told us how it was at home.” she said.

“I’ve known her since I was ten but I don’t know anything about how it’s like for her at home.” Miyeon added.

“She told me that her parents are homophobic.” Yuqi frowned.

Shuhua noticed Soojin’s quietness. Although that wasn’t very unusual, it was unusual that she didn’t say a word when they spoke about the person she undoubtedly knew the best.

“JinJin?” she called out.

Soojin wondered if she should tell everything. Soyeon was never one to lie, but she had a lot of secrets. Soojin shared most of them, but there were even a few she couldn’t know. And although she was open about there being something she couldn’t say, she never told anyone what she held secret. No matter how desperate the people around her became.  
So if Soyeon never told them about her family, she didn’t want them to know.

“She ran away because she had to.” Soojin decided to say.

Well, it wasn’t a lie.

“Was it because of me?” the chinese asked with her head turned to Soojin.

The older turned her own head, looking back into Yuqi’s eyes. The younger’s eyes were deep and darker than normal.

“She said she doesn’t want to see me again.”

“It’s not because of you.” Soojin reassured. “She likes you a lot, that’s the problem.”

“How can that be a problem?”

“It’s...” she wondered again if she should tell, but she couldn’t. “She’ll come back one day, okay? And then she’ll explain everything to you.”

The dancer and the girl who was left behind met eyes for a minute. Soojin wondered if Yuqi believed what she’d told her, or if she thought they were nothing but hopeful wishes. Maybe they were hopeful wishes, or just simple lies. Even if Yuqi wouldn’t believe what she’d said, she wanted to believe it herself, because Soyeon didn’t only leave Yuqi behind.

Then, the chinese turned her head back, and closed her eyes.

“What if,” she sighed before continuing, “for one minute, we could just lay here without thinking about all the shit going on around us.”

Soojin turned her own head back, and closed her eyes. She felt a body laying down on top of her, with arms on her side and the other sneaked away somewhere else. Miyeon grunted as she was pushed down, and muttered a quick apology to Soojin, but didn’t move away after. On Soojin’s side, she heard Shuhua complain loudly, to which Minnie complained right back at her, before she felt movements in the mattress and figured Minnie had plopped down on Shuhua. 

“Let’s do that.” the thai said. “For one minute”

And they stayed like that, for more than one minute. Miyeon couldn’t recall when she dozed off, but she figured it was somewhere between Minnie’s jokes and Yuqi’s snoring.

She only woke up when a train crashed into the room. Well, to her, it felt like a train.  
In reality, it was the three non-koreans screaming at each other over a card game.

“But I placed the seven first!” Shuhua argued.

“No, that was me! That was my card!” the undoubtedly loudest of the three screamed.

“Just stop fighting already so I can play!” the thai joined.

How they managed to play, on a bed with five girls, and Miyeon in the middle of it, she didn’t know.  
But she decided to groan, as a way to tell them to shut up. Well, it didn’t work. Instead of a peaceful room, she heard screams in a language she didn’t understand, and a pair of lips pressed on her cheeks, before more complaints but in Korean.

“You can’t wait five minutes to do that?” the chinese question.

Miyeon opened her eyes just for the sake at glaring at the two irritating kids. They looked at Miyeon, before looking at each other, and breaking down into laughter.  
The older rolled her eyes, before seeing Minnie’s hand rise, which was followed by two slapping sounds, and two separate whines from two separate girls. The oldest smiled to herself. 

Soojin hadn’t made a single sound the entire time, so Miyeon looked up to check if she even was awake.  
Her cousin was awake, and smiling widely. Soojin’s eyes were glued to the youngest, glimmering and screaming out tenderness. She wasn’t even taken out of her trance when Miyeon stared at her, so the older decided to let her live in her imaginary world.

“You cheated!” Miyeon was however taken out of her trance by her girlfriend’s loud shout.

“I did not!” 

“You did!” Shuhua took Minnie’s side.

“You’re my best friend, not hers!” 

“But I’m right!”

“Shut up.” Miyeon complained. “Since I’m the oldest, I decide that Yuqi cheated-“

“But-“

“Quiet!” she warned and bit down on her jaw. “And I decided that you never, ever get to play this game with me in the room, again.”

The whole room fell silent, for a minute before the shouts continued. 

Miyeon rolled her eyes back, and tried to bury her head in Soojin, to keep the noise out.

The dancer didn’t know how the time had passed so quickly, but soon she received a text from her mother asking if her and Miyeon were eating dinner at home, so she looked out the window to see it already being dark.

“Miyeon.” Soojin called out. 

Her body was almost numb from having another one on top of her since early in the morning, but she enjoyed the closeness, for once in too long.

The older looked up at her.

“Are you eating at home?”

“No.” Minnie said, holding out the vowel and reaching for Miyeon’s hand. “Come home with me.”

Miyeon placed a hand on her cheek, and brushed over it with her thumb.

“We can hang out tomorrow.” she said before pulling her in for a kiss.

“Get out of my bed before you do that.” Yuqi started punching them away, and soon all girls were up.

The oldest couple left the room, to do god knows what in Miyeon’s car before Soojin got there.  
And when Soojin was about to leave, Shuhua was pushed forward by her sister.

“Go do your love confession out in the hallway, I don’t need more love to be jealous of today.” she said, smirking while doing so.

Shuhua eyed her, before leading Soojin out. She closed the door behind her, and both girls stopped outside it. The older looked everywhere else than at Shuhua, until they both spoke.

“Shuhua-“

“Soojin-“

They chuckled.

“You first.” Soojin said.

“Well, uh-“ Shuhua said as redness grew on her face. “I was just going to say that... I’m gonna focus on my family right now. You know, with everything going and...”

The taiwanese was going to focus on her family, because there was a lot going on and they did need each other right now, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t make time for Soojin. 

“But-“

“I get it.” the older cut her off. “Yuqi needs you right now... and your parents.”

“Yeah, but-“

“We wouldn’t work out anyways.” Shuhua’s face fell. “I just broke up with someone and you... We need some time for ourselves, right? To figure stuff out?”

Whatever Soojin thought Shuhua needed to figure out was clear as day.

“But-“

“Don’t worry about it.” she smiled, but Shuhua couldn’t manage to return it. “We’re too different. And we’ll still be friends and all that...”

The younger couldn’t bring herself to say anything. The pain she felt in her chest made her think she would fall apart any minute, and end up in one of the beds, like Yuqi. 

“Well, I’ll see you.” was all Soojin said before walking away.

Not a hug, a pat, or anything. A rejection, and nothing else.

Shuhua rarely cried. This was one of those rare times. As she couldn’t stay in the hallway when she cried, because she wanted the least amount of people seeing her, she turned back and went into the room. 

“How’d it go, Romeo?” Yuqi asked with a smirk.

It quickly disappeared when she saw the tears running down her best friend’s cheeks. Shuhua slowly came walking towards her, before laying down beside her in the bed, between Yuqi’s arms.

The older hushed her, as she buried her head into Yuqi’s neck. She sniffled while the salty water entered her mouth as well as spread across the older’s skin.

“It’s okay, Shu.” Yuqi whispered. “It’s okay.”

And there they laid, two broken girls in one hospital bed. The evening was grey outside the window.  
Yuqi wondered where Soyeon was, what she was doing, if she was okay. If she missed her.  
She would never get an answer to any of those questions.

*  
*  
*

“I’ll text you when we’re home.” Miyeon said while Minnie opened the door.

“You could always come here later.” she said and turned her head. “Mac won’t mind.”

She leaned in for a kiss. And one more. And a last one.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.” Miyeon said against her lips.

Minnie stole another kiss, before turning her head to the backseat.

“Goodnight, SooSoo.” she said.

Soojin, who’d been staring out the window the entire way, gave her a quick, twisted smile before looking back out the window.

Miyeon and Minnie gave each other a knowing glance, before the thai pulled the other in for a kiss one last time.

“Love you.” Minnie whispered.

“Love you too.” Miyeon said back.

She pecked her, before leaving and closing the door behind her. Minnie watched as the black car drove away, before she unlocked the door and entered her house.

She could swear the flowers in the middle of the room were yellow and dead this morning, but now they were bright red and healthy. Maybe Mac bought new ones, although that was nothing like him at all.

Then, she saw the shoes. Brown costume shoes and black heals. Unless Mac had a date he hadn’t told about, with two people, then there were only two people those shoes could belong to.

And when she heard the footsteps behind her, she knew for sure Mac hadn’t brought home two rich potential partners.

“Nicha.” she heard behind her, and felt shivers up her spine.

“Father.” Minnie turned around and greeted with the best smile she could form.

Then, she remembered what she was wearing. A hoodie that was too big for her figure, and a pair of loose jeans. Not anything like her mother dressed her, like her parents thought she dressed.

“I didn’t know you’d be home today.” she said.

“I can see that.” he glared down at her. “There’s something for you in the kitchen.”

He then walked off, and Minnie knew she had to follow immediately, so she did.

She did not expect Mac keeping his head down on the counter chair, nor Taejeon giving her a week smile from the kitchen table. But the least she was expecting, was her mother crying by the sink, while aggressively wiping a tissue under her eyes.

“What is this?” Minnie asked and looked around at them.

“Your mother and I landed at midnight, and were home early in the morning.” Mr Yontararak said.

Something in Minnie already knew what was coming, but she didn’t want to admit it.

“I must’ve been sleeping then.” she said and let out a fake laugh.

“Yes, that’s what we thought. But we heard noises coming from your room.”

Oh god.

“We thought Taejeon was here with you, but after a quick phone call he informed us that he never spends the night in your bed.”

Minnie wanted to disappear. No, she wanted to die.

“Your mother got worried, so she went up to check on you. Not in a million years did she expect to see a woman in your bed.”

“We were just-“

“Let me rephrase.” he cleared his throat and took a step closer to his daughter, while her mother let out a loud cry from her side. “Your mother did not expect to see you kissing the woman in your bed.”

Minnie felt the huge lump in her throat, and bit her lower lip to keep her tears in.

“Does Taejeon know about this woman in your bed?” her father asked.

The daughter didn’t even have to look at the guy to know that he was begging her not to out him.

“No.” Minnie wasn’t a monster.

“Does your brother know about her?”

“No.” she could rather call herself a saint.

“Do you know how much of a disgrace you are to this family?” he used a louder voice.

Minnie bit her lower lip harder.

“I won’t make this young man suffer through a marriage with someone like you.” he said between his teeth. “We will find you a wealthy man in Thailand, that won’t need more of you than your womb.”

“Father-“ Minnie looked up.

“I don’t want to hear your voice.” he said firmly.

“Please.” she begged, with a tear leaving her eye.

“Give me your phone.” he reached for her hand where she unfortunately had kept her device, making him able to take it away before Minnie even reacted.

He brought it up to his face, and lifted an eyebrow.

“Miyeon.” he muttered. “I see...”

“Please, father.” Minnie tried again. “I love her.”

“I don’t care.” he muttered. “Do you see what you’re doing to your mother? To your brother? Your boyfriend?”

She couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

“Our plane leaves tomorrow morning.” Minnie’s eyes opened to big orbs. “Don’t try anything. I’ll keep my eyes on you all night.”

“Let me say goodbye, please.” she tried.

“You won’t get to lay your eyes on her ever again.”

The girl fell down to the floor. She didn’t care about the words her father screamed at her. All she could think about was her girlfriend, her world, her Miyeon who waited for her reply, but never would get one. 

On the phone the man almost destroyed in his hands, was one message from one person. It read:

“Change of plans. I miss you. Come over.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huge thank you to everyone who’ve read, left kudos and commented on my story! i cried when i read the comments on the last chapter (i literally cried? i never cry? yes i’m a soojin).  
> anyways, i’m really thankful for all the support i’ve gotten! thank you!
> 
> for those who can’t get enough of my angst, there will be a sequel to WEFA, that will be posted in the upcoming days/weeks. it will be posted in the same series, which is called “They don’t make glass-slippers”. just to clarify, it will contain all ships (in some way or another). i think i caused some confusion in the last chapter. it is not only mimin.
> 
> if anyone feels like following me on twitter, i recently made one: @elisaandpeggy (yes, it’s a musical reference).
> 
> thank you again! i hope i’ll see you in the sequel! there’s much more to come!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave questions, thoughts and whatever you want in the comments! They inspire me to write more!


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